a sorcerer that dislikes magic.

It uses a stick

... pic related?
Elderly lady fighter with something along the lines of gauntlets of ogre power or a belt of giant strength.

>>5693736
>half-drow thief raised by kenders

>>5693736
> need of a fun character concept for a 2E DnD melee character

Look no further than your own picture.

Barbarian Matron.
Play a 72 year old Barbarian woman.

>>5693752
Battle Granny?

>>5693755
I know >: (

>a half-drow thief raised by kenders

Play a Paladin. Crack this fucktard over the back of the head with a short, heavy stick whenever he steals anything.

>>5693764
With extra feats in Combat Knitting.

>>5693762
oh, make wisdom your dump stat too.

Play her as forgetful and absent minded in anything but battle, but prone to incidents of weird wisdom.

Not sure what the AD&D2e rules for aging are, but even with a wis dump stat, you should get a +2 or so bonus due to age.

Try to get that strength to 16ish though, as I'm sure it takes a -2 or more hit to age.

Also, a high con is recommended, to increase your resistance and make you a hearty old battleaxe.

Keep em coming :D

Make sure you describe her s wearing all the stereotypical fantasy armor (chainlink thong/bra, etc)

>>5693807
no, fuck you, battle granny.

>>5693736

>half-drow thief raised by kenders

Dude, seriously, not to be an ass, but find another group.

I'm the last person that would discourage anyone from playing oldschool AD&D (my hatred of 3e/4e know no limit), but any DM that permits that is just going to suck, hard.

Give meetup.com a try maybe - it's for getting together irl with people for activities, there's a ton of RPG stuff and I found a great 1e/2e group and was playing in a week.

Battle Granny has 10 children who all grew up to be warlords, chieftains and leaders of tribes. They have been raised to know no fear, except fear of Battle Granny.

>>5693924
Battlegranny wants one last grand adventure, and to die on the field of battle.
As her companions, it will be their responsibility to bring her weapon back to her tribe, and share the tale of her death at the ritual pyre where they will burn her remains (if you manage to save them) or her collection of personal effects her family doesn't need.

Every night she will regail her companions with tales of her children and grandchildren, stories of her large extended family and the greatness of her people.

>>5693890
> not to be an ass, but find another group
Trust me, the thought has passed my mind. I didn't even know what a kender was when he first mentioned it, but the half-drow was enough to send my red-lights off. Odds are he'll be Chaotic Neutral, as well. The thing is that they're all people I've known for a few years and this is a consistent way to hang out with 'em. I'm sure most fa/tg/uys have had to deal with this shit before, so I won't go into anything beyond that. Thanks, though :)

>>5693924


Battle Granny once caught one of her grandchildren trying to steal from the cookie jar. She broke both his arms and threw him off a cliff. She then told him to climb back up within an hour if he wanted a cookie.

That was the best tasting cookie he ever had.

>>5693977

>all people I've known for a few years and this is a consistent way to hang out with 'em

I'm the guy you responded to. I know that situation all too well. Best wishes to you!

Maybe you could work your way into the DM spot and lay down the law, if you're a DM inclined type...

Nanny Ogg with a sword? Fuck year!

>>5694011

BATTLEGRANNY NEEDS STATS

>>5693924
except Gregor damn it boy why couldn't you be more like you're brother Neil.HE took a level in Clerc but still managed to wield a battle axe properly!

>>5694035

Gregor is a wizard. He's the shame of the family.

>>5694048
She still loves him, though. Everytime they meet, though, she tries to gently coerce him into picking up a battleaxe.

"Dearie, your wrists are just perfect for a short-handled doubleaxe... here, I just happened to have one, why don't you try it out on the goblins in the woods over there?".

Hey guys, guess who's on the quadratic side of the linear-quadratic leveling system?

Oh, right, right. "Me mighty wizard, make you asshats go foosh."

Now pass the goddamn turkey.

>>5694048
worse yet he has a ridiculously huge build even his brother Pat manages to duel-wield broadswords and his spindly little thing that barely comes up to his shoulders

Lawful Neutral Ex-Barbarian Fighter Battle Granny. Turned Lawful when she became a mommy.
Does not tolerate ill behaviour. Tries to raise everyone properly.
YOU BETTER WEAR THAT GODDAMN JACKET WHEN YOU GO OUT!

>>5693984
When Battlegranny was young, she had to walk 25 miles in sub zero weather, knee deep in snow, BOTH WAYS to hunt.

This was because a lich had laid siege to their village, intending to use their sacred mountain as his new base of operations.

His dark magics twisted the land, and sent sleet and hail the size of gnomes to crush their homes and batter their bodies.

Battlegranny was part of a party of 4 brave berserkers led by their Shaman-king to face the evil undead creature.
The shaman held off the creature's magical assaults, and the three brave warriors bound it with enchanted chains, then cut away at the abomination, reducing it to a torso and skull.

They then sealed the lich in a magical box, and the shaman king gave his live performing a ritual of summoning to hold him.

If the box it opening, it will destroy the lich, but without a phylactery, they dare not risk destroying him yet.

Battlegranny still searches for the elusive artifact to this day.

>>5694076
Thanks Nana, but I keep telling you I don't NEED an axe to-

Oh for gods' sakes, if it'll make you happy, sur-

Ow. OW! Okay, okay! I'll rein in the language!

>>5694101
Hey, your brothers don't go prancin' about in pretty dresses.

>>5694137
>If the box it opening
HURP DERP
Brain must be malfunctioning.
should be
>if the box is opened

>>5694179
that was by far not your only mistake, but I should talk

>>5694162
For the last time, it's ARCANE RAIMENT! See these symbols? They DO shit! But only if they go allll the way around me. Yeah, it looks like a dress, but while I'm wearing it if I tell a demon to jump it'll ask "when can I come down?"

>>5694199
FOR THE LAST TIME
IT IS A DRESS
IT WON'T STOP AN ARROW, LET ALONE A SWORD
YOU WANT TO BE A LITTLE GIRL

Ok, Battle Granny needs stats. And maybe a drawfaggin'.

IT DOESN'T NEED TO STOP ARROWS! I ALREADY HAVE A SPELL FOR THAT!

Oh for - ZA WARUDO!

*wedgie*

>>5694242
STANDARD ISSUE IMPERIAL GUARD BALLS OF STEEL
WHERE IS YOUR MAGICAL DRESS NOW?
*cunt-punt*

>>5694199
Oh well excuuuse me princes maybe you can introduce us to sum of your demon girlfriends sometimes, they sound like they'd be a bunch of fun!

your al fagets

OP, I hope you're taking notes.

>>5693736
Battle Granny is your clear and only option.

Write ALL of this down OP, it's your new characters back story. Hell, if I ever play DnD I might even try this.

who was the father anyway? Or is he still around? Did he maybe get sucked into one o'them damn portals again. Gods damnit thats the 9th time! Chosen One my arse ! I bet es leering at them succubi right this instant , could ne'er quit the habit no matter if aberration or elven skank e'd still be eyes wide a staring in the middle a battle I mean really...*sigh* I miss the geezer something terrible

rolled 23 = 23

Battlegranny's has six living children.

The first is Tarth of the Seven Clubs, so called for his propensity for striking his enemy with clubs so hard, they shatter on impact.
His current record is breaking 7 clubs in one battle.

The second is Neil, the Gentle Axe, so who studied to become cleric and returned home a might warrior and healer. He is well known and beloved by the locals.

The third is Gregor, the black sheep of the family. Blessed with both brains and brawn, Battlegranny had high hopes for him, until a party of adventurers swayed him away from home with tales of magic and sorcery, and great cities of learned scholars who work to fight with their minds. The temptation was too great, and he is studying to become a great wizard. In his new home, he is known as Grand Gregor, a mountain of a man with a sharp intellect and kind heart, at home is his name is "poor Gregor".

Bump because BATTLE GRANNY

How much of this are you going to use OP?

>>5694922
Every. last. bit.

Comba/tg/ranny is being compiled; will add to 1d4chan wiki once we're done making her more epic :D

>>Comba/tg/ranny

God damnit, lost the faggotry. We don't have to work /tg/ into every fucking thing we touch.

>>5695230

Yeah, her name is BATTLE GRANNY. Actually, does she have a real name? Hilda? Elsa?

>>5695267
Beatrice.

>>5695285
Formerly Beatrice of the Skulls.

>>5694661

I take this to mean the other four died in battle?

.....I'm not sure if she should have a daughter or not.

>>5695326

She probably should have a daughter. I imagine said daughter would be a hardass Paladin.

>>5695326
She should have at least one.

Also, she should have many names (or titles?).

>>5695345
>>Also, she should have many names (or titles?).
Skullminatrix the Demolishinator was her first adventuring name, discarded soon after leaving puberty.

>>5695382

That was when she was still in her rebellious, wearing-black-facepaint-and-writing-bad-poetry-in-her-journal phase. Embarassing woodcuts of her in impractical chainmail bikinis still circulate the realm.

>>5695428
Afterward she spent a few years with a rich nobleman as the Barbarianess of The High City.

>>5695465

After that, she ran for Queen of the Plains Tribes. Obviously, the title was decided with a battle to the death, and she triumphed over her main competitor, Chaotic Evil brute Hangra the Bonecrusher. The plains tribes were much relieved.

>>5695326
the other THREE, you mean?
No, I didn't write them out, figured I'd give someone else the chance.
BUT, since everyone on /tg/ is too busy fellating themselves to 40k, furry porn, and unrelated shit threads, here goes:

4th offspring:
Jaana, the Woodkind
Jaana had always had a close connection with nature and the forest, and it was no surprise to her mother when she told Jaana that she would be joining a group of druids their village traded with occasionally. She often visits the village, and keeps a watchful eye on the area, maintaining an unseen balance. Today, she might be with the kobolds, helping them recover from a raid by a nearby barbarian village, tomorrow she may be a bear, fighting off an orc scouting party to keep them from finding the same barbarian village.

5th offsping:
Hilde, the Stout
A finer daughter one could never ask for, she has almost as many stories and songs attached to her as her mother. Rumors say that she was the product of Battlegranny's adventures to the dwarven kingdoms, but Battlegranny only laughs, dismissing any quesions with a wave of her hand.
Whatever the truth, Hilde can best the men of the village in love, battle, or brew.

6th:
Simth, the Lucky
A half elf boy, eldest of her brood, smith is undeniably half elf, skinnier and more agile than his brothers and sisters, but toned and strong from decades of hard labor and fighting around the world.
No shame is found in this boy, he traveled the world for 35 years, in a never ending quest to become "the strongest".

So, of the last three still-alive kids, one is a badass paladin chick, and Pat who is tiny and duel-wields broadswords.

>>5695326
Dandy "Dandruff" the smallest was teased relentlessly by the younger brothers when she was small, though the older ones spoiled her just as much. She since shaved her head and earned quite the reputation as a marksman earning the title "Falconfrock" Shes one of the only siblings that still respects Gregor anything but grudgingly.
Also Pat still treats her like shit but that mostly because his afraid of what'll happen to him now that his seen his little sister bite out an orc's tongue

>>5695702
hmm, forgot the paladin chick.

Maybe her grandchildren?
She IS 72.
At least 3 of her children should have had some kids, I think.

>>5695664

Earlier anon named ten children.

As they are all warriors, it is not unlikely that four have managed to die.

>>5695731

I liked the story about cookie-stealing grandkid.

One of her grand-daughters needs to be a high priestess of the tribes, in direct command of the sentinels and night watches, whom she assists in their vigils with holy magic; when it's warfare time, she provides protection to the cadre of berserkers in lieu of armor.

>>5695777
Margo
Tarth's eldest
Uncle Neil's fan

Neil had a son but he died by his side he didn't really get over that though having lost two brothers in a similar fashion. He hasn't had any more children bt treated Margo as a surrogate sometimes.

>>5695731
You know even ten children doesn't seem like enough for Battle Granny, I'm imagining her going into battle with a huge axe in one hand and a tiny baby in the other (possibly nursing).

She should have like 12 or 14.

Olev and Fergus are the brothers that died, Olev was the oldest so he was the only one who ever really traveled with battle granny, fell in the final battle against a demon incursion was named after one of her grandparents. Fergus never quite made it to adulthood was struck down in his youth by a foolish run in with some bandits, this upset granny quite a deal more.

>>5695910
Naturally we're talking BOYS, still a standard for warlord status though battle granny is an antithesis if ever there was one

>>5694011
A mixture of Nanny Ogg and Cohen's mum, with the AGE of Cohen's mum. To illustrate how badass she is, just read this.

One time, when Death came to collect Battle Granny from her bed, she grabbed her battle axe, split his scythe and used the remains of the hilt to spank him untiol his bones rattled. Afther that, she told him to sod off and come back when she fell in battle. He complied, but only because she also made clear that her afterlife would be spent spanking him if she died in bed.

DWARF FIGHTER/BATTLERAGER KIT.

DO IT.

>>5695949
you're ignoring that fact that having a child generally incapacitates one for 1-2 years, even if you shuffle the responsibility of raising them onto the village to go adventuring.

Battlegranny is 72.
The probably lost her ability to reproduce at 55-60.
Assuming she had her first child at around 22, 10 children means she spends about 20 years raising them all, leaving only 20 years for adventuring and building her rep.

>>5695998

Not if she was raising them AND adventuring it up at the same time.

Pat "the Rat" though not to his face took to combat as enthusiastically as he took to roguery and drink, he is well renowned for his compulsive gambling as well as his bloodthirst, the second youngest was surprisingly a sickly youth. Granny still suspects she might have put something extra in the concoction to fix that, but oh she loves him still

>>5695998
She was known as Battle Mum during her time. Unfair method, using her infant offspring as a shield against paladins, then splitting their skulls.

>>5695998

She's a barbarian woman.

She probably had her first kid around 16 or 17.

>>5696072
13 or 14.

>>5696053

Her kids could split skulls before they could walk.

.....Well, help watch Mama's back, anyway.

>>5695998
...more like 15

>>5696088
Her offspring had to learn to parry with a dagger first, to serve as a shield.

Timeline required here
general badassery
1st son Olev
banish Lich
goth phase
high city phase
2nd son Tarth
3rd son Neil
Great Plain Queen
4th son Fergus
5th son Gregor
1st Daughter Jaana
Dwarven mines
2nd Daughter Hilda
6th? Son Smith
7th? Son Pat
3rd daughter Dandy

>>5696300
>5th Son Gregor
Olev dies
>1st Daughter Jaana
>Dwarven mines
Fergus dies

We need to give her some more titles and cool adventures.

This idea is now stolen. No hard feelings, gents.

>>5696493
Take it. If we cared for credit, we'd all be tripfags.

maybe unlike the average happy-go-lucky adventure ass she didn't have a self-fulfilling prophecy to follow so she followed her own destiny offed a couple of messianic figures on both sides of the alignment spectrum and bid adieu to life as a clan leader midway through in order to find some ancient artifacts and slay some new evils till she got bored and decided to settle down again,
>>5695768
Jaana's kid, a ranger, currently engaged in rotting out eldrich abomination
His name is Clad

>>5696300
Smith was closer to firstborn.

He's half elf, he's the eldest, although he doesn't look it.

There are constant rumors that she is the avatar of any number of wargods.

Granny needs to have a cat.

>>5696706
2nd Son Tarth
High city
3rd Son Smith
4th bump one for Neil
5th Fergus
6th Gregor
7th ???
8th Patfit!

>>5696943
Screw that, she has a panther.
I'm just wondering wether it should be an old panther who lost a few teeth or something.

>>5697075
That sort of depends on where she grew up, or where she's adventured too.

>>5697075
Greebo eats panthers for breakfast.

>>5697075
Ocelot is the beloved pet of all granny's grandkids shes a wee bit past her prime for adventuran however.
Shes had cubs, one of thems with Clad and the other two with Jaana.

She has a cat. He is a cat elemental. He is the purest form of cat possible. Undiluted 100% cat.

>>5697139
I think you meant to say "one of them *is* with Clad [snip]"
Because man what the hell.

>>5697149
Yup, Greebo.

>>5697003

Lars"Crusher""The Fat"suffers slightly less under obesity than he does under gullibility, which is to say a great deal. Prone to hijinks in the company of his younger brother his nonetheless earned himself a reputation for an astonishingly even temperament and an even more amazing iron grip. known to have bull rushed a dragon barehanded and LIVE

>>5697149
This.

.>>5697149
An elemental plane of cats?

Someone needs to stat battlegranny.
Maybe frenzied berserker?

>>5697106
And then he was undone by a tiny white kitten.

Battle Granny needs the most vicious kitten of her old cat with her.

>>5697194
Greeboe the Bloody Furious.

>>5697343
It's for a 2E game.

Hey OP, what level are you starting at?

>>5697363
OPs long gone from what I can tell,
anyway i sorta wanna run a family reunion campaign...

>>5697426
Oh, yeah. Probably. Totally not paying attention to time stamps.

>>5697334
Yes, Elemental Plane of Cats. It is 2nd edition after all.

>>5697363
OP is probably LONG gone, we need to stat Battlegranny for 3.5 and 4E also, so everyone can use her.

we'll use adventure logs of people playing her in the 1d4chan article as "tales of past exploits".

Bump

This is what I imagine Gran Battle looked like in her younger days.

http://dragon-kun6.livejournal.com/170874.html

didn't take long for some livejournal faggot to steal this.

>>5699048
oh wow.

>So, me and two members of my RP group were chatting about character ideas when we started talking about playing certian types of classes.
>Somehow, we came up with the best idea for a RP character ever. We affectionately call her Battle Granny.

what a faggot, taking credit for this shit instead of saying "oh, I saw it somewhere and it seemed cool."

Good thing this thread is on suptg.

>>5699117
temptation to casually post this fact on /b/ rising.

>>5699136
If you do, give us a link!

>>5699048

Saw that, debated calling him on it. Didn't.

>>5699048
AND IT'S A FUCKING FURRY
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

pic related.

>>5699190
AND A HUGE FUCKING WEEABOO

GOD DAMNIT

FUCK THIS SHIT
POSTING ON /b/
>>>/b/157477812

....And they're not even good.

>>5699227
Honestly I doubt /b/ will do anything/notice.

>>5693890
Meetup kind of sucks, dependent on the area you live in . I managed to find a game in my area, but only after the DM e-mailed me directly after the D&D group collapsed inward on itself. Not surprising, since it was composed of maybe three high-level 3.5 groups and I was originally looking for a Dark Heresy or WoD group to begin with, but on the bright side I have taken a liking to 4e. Never really did like 3.5 to begin with.

DEAR GOD THIS GUY IS A GIGANTIC FAGGOT
I GET STUPIDER WITH EACH MOMENT JUST LOOKING FOR HIS TERRIBLE "ART"

>>5699227
And it's 404'ed.

>>5699305
wow, /b/ mods are indeed fags.

whatever, I posted a comment on hsi think linking to our archive that predates his post by several hours

not to mention that he copied everything verbatim, not even fixing spelling errors.

>>5699333

He took out all the Discworld references.

What do you neckbeards think, should we raid?

How in hell was this guy locted so quickly?

>>5699370

We're /tg/, were better than that. We should take him out behind some shed somewhere and beat the everliving fuck out of him.

lets make an example of this one

>>5699426
Locator guy here, I got home from work, and in order to try and find the thread again, I put "battlegranny" in google.

His site was the FIRST FUCKING LINK.

Put the boots to him, medium-style.

>>5699498
>put the boots to him, medieval style

I can get behind this.

>>5699515

You mean those things that slowly crush the delicate bones in your feet?

>>5699524
Kinda like that, but more of a full-body thing.

>>5699524
I was thinking more along the lines of a swift kick to the junk, delivered by 15th century steel sabatons.

>>5699564
pic related.

>>5699564

That works, too.

So we're just going to talk about this and not actually do anything?

>>5699596
Are you telling me you actually expected /tg/ to Get Shit Done?

I'm not going to do anything. I'm too lazy. Ask someone else.

>>5699596
story of /tg/'s life, right?
talk big on the internet, whimper and whine, accomplish nothing that requires us to leave our comfort zones.

same old, same old.

>>5699596
we have left comments

what do you suggest?

>>5699628
Yeah, but this guy stole something of ours? Fucking hell teegee am I disappoint.

>>5699641
spam /b/?
He's a furry weeaboo cancerkiddy who fills his LJ with memes and steals shit from 4chan.

They should be all over that.

It's not as if there's a million people watching him.

It's not the only thing he's stolen from /tg/ either, see e.g. http://dragon-kun6.livejournal.com/169178.html

>>5699691

Oh for fuck's sake.

Name: dragon_kun6
Birthdate: 1985-04-15
Location: Palm City, Florida, United States

Contact:
szczepans@adelphia.net

Hi, I'M Dragon-kun, and I'm an alcoholic.
I live in east bumble-fuck Florida.
To say the least I am the king of nerds, if not than I'm the QUEEN of nerds... Wait, that doesn't sound right. Let's just say I'm into just about anything nerdy. I'm also partially crazy... Yes, I'll be the first to admit that I’m far more broken than you’re average dude.

>>5699596
How about we get his LJ canned for stealing things?

Or whatever it is. I'm sure there's a report function.

A giant Dwarf.

You heard me right goddammit. A GIANT DWARF. He'd be slightly bigger than a standard human but would be endowed with all normal dwarf traits. Also make him a monk so you can run really fast and hit things with your mighty giant fists. Also name him Mithralbeard Mcplatefist.

>>5699769
Read the thread first.

guys realy, you need 2 stop picking on dragon-kun so much.

i meen, yeah, he miht not be a realy good artits or anithing, but he;s improvign all the time and can make soem prettie cool stuff. i think u should give him another cance.

>>5699725
http://www.livejournal.com/abuse/report.bml

Report for copyright violation.
Point them to the suptg archive of this thread.

>>5699622
I'm more than willing to assist in kicking the ever loving fuck out of this bastard.

Swashbuckler with talking penis a la Vampire Hunter D

>>5699882

READ THE THREAD

Guy's ex-girlfriend (?): http://phoenix-chan54.livejournal.com/ (reference: http://www.neopoet.com/node/21878)

Her dA page: http://phoenix-chan54.deviantart.com/

Stealfag's dA page: http://dragon-kun15.deviantart.com/ (his name is James Szczepanski)

He's deleted the post.

>>5700020
YES TG WELL DONE. NOW SPAM THE OTHER ONE TILL HE TAKES IT DOWN.

http://dragon-kun6.livejournal.com/171198.html

Posted an apology. I've shown him what I think of that.

>>5693736

God dammit you're all idiots.

Does anyone remember where this pic came from? The "There's a Kobold in my Kitchen" thread...

fuck

>>5700120
I do indeed remember it. Twas a good lol and a half.

>>5700120
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5595062/

Battle Granny. It's already been done.

Haha, I just realized he no longer has the McKay avatar after I told him not to bring David Hewlett into his fail.

>>5700150
But not as fluffed-out/turned-awesome/Nanny-Ogg-with-a-sword as this version.

Battle Granny's first husband, Hector, had, after fathering a couple of kids, turned to the dark side and in time became the world's most powerful and feared lich.

Hector now currently controls the secretive and dreaded nation of Modrassa, very similar in geography to modern day Romania. It has an undead fueled economy and is the 6th greatest in the world.

Even though it's been over 50 years since they've met face to face, and the fact that Hector maintains the image of a ruthless and cruel dark overlord, he still penpals regularly with Battle Granny and reminisces fondly on their brief years together.

Have we archived this yet?

>>5700496
sup/tg/ says yes

>>5695345
Ok sticking to the name Beatrice.
Titles: the dragonhunter, the fleshbiter, the bonecrusher, the skullbreaker, and/or the doombringer, doeas /tg/ like?

If she's such an old badass, why is she starting at lvl 1?
Because, she used to be 11th or 12th level or so, but since she has alzheimers or something she loses exp when she's not adventuring.
"Sonny, I've forgotten more about adventuring than you'll ever know"
(disregard this if you're starting at some higher lvl obviously)

>>5703392
Granny herself sets the emphasis on BEAT.

In the same way that women have to get the men to go and crush the spider for them, Battle Granny always froze up and had to get Hector to tear the limbs off of Kenders.