I like it, I guess.

My name is James and-

What? No, not that James, though I am a bit of a wanderer myself.

Perhaps I should clarify, my name is James the Tale-weaver, and I am a bard by trade. Lately, due to my expensive tastes, and a rather amazing lack of patronage (honestly, you burn down ONE tavern...) I have become, for lack of a better term, an adventurer.

Now I know what you're thinking, 'A bard? What in the bloody hell do you do? Walk into a dungeon and sing at people?'

Short answer? Yes.

Complete answer? Yes, but not without a bunch of mean, violent people who run much slower than me.

Call me a coward? You earn the right to do that when you can look a dragon in the eye and manage not to piss yourself.

>>7388101
Yes, that's right, I said dragon.

I have indeed slain such a mighty beast.

Well, maybe just helped a bit... But I was there at the slaying, and I contributed to the effort.

For a glass of wine, I shall tell you the tale in full.

You doubt? How about a friendly wager then? If I don't entertain, I'll buy a round!

(a cheer!)

But should you enjoy my tale, you'll pick up my tab AND pay for aforementioned round. Fair enough? Then shake.

Very good then, let us begin.

>>7388154
Now I assume you heard the tale of that red dragon up North, bothering the lovely town of New Hamp-shire? I thought you did. A red dragon, by the name or Korialstraz, big as castle, and older than the mountains in which he laired.

Now, he had begun to hassle the town demanding tribute, one virgin and 15 cattle a month.

Now they town sent a mighty paladin, Sebastian Dawnforged to slay the beast.

Two days later, the dragon returned.

He told the people that he preferred his virgins female, and a bit less feisty.

And that he was waiting for the cattle.

>>7388230
Now when we arrived in town, a local rancher told us that he hated the tribute, that it was driving him out of business. Now, I had an eye on his daughter (for some reason, the natural beauty of a country girl, with their nativity... it makes de-flowering all the sweeter.

Talking around the rest of my merry band wasn't too difficult. I should probably tell you of my companions, not because they are significant, I merely wish to give you a more complete picture of the buffoonery I was forced to deal with.

The first was a Paladin. First time I saw him, a theif was tring to bribe him into letting him go. At this point, the paladin looked him in the eye and told him in a level voice 'If you are not a friend of justice... THEN YOU ARE MY ENEMY!'

At this point the cut-purse was kicked in the face so hard I'm rather surprised he only went through two walls.

The barbarian I traveled with.. No, I'm not being rude, HE bloody well called himself that. It's how he was introduced. Anyway, he was called Akron Rage-Hammer (couldn't tell you why, he refused to wield anything but that Greataxe. He also refused to wear pants), and he was famous for his ability to, in his own words: Crush the puny man-things that dare stand between Akron and his fun. His fun being women, booze and monsters, of course.

I really only liked him around for two reasons: first, he could bench-press a bloody horse, and secondly I could out run him with a broken leg.

>>7388416
The other two were a cleric (he called himself a 'favored soul' of Pelor, personally I think was indeed a bit 'special'), and a sorceress. She was one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, and damn near the only one I couldn't seduce.

Anyway, They were easily talking into dragon-hunting, and swiftly we went forth into the mountains. I tried to do my best to lighten the burden upon my soul, going into the depths of the earth to kill an ancient beast, but my party flat refused strip poker, and insisted that I carry my own share of the gear.

The heartless slave-drivers. I'm surprised that paladin didn't fall.

In any case, I was sent ahead to scout for the Dragon. I walked along, quiet as a mouse, desperately trying to remember every bit of lore I've ever heard about red dragons. I remembered two things:

1: That they have piles of gold so large, you could make two life sized statues of them.

2: Roughly 80% of that gold came from adventurers failing to kill them.

All too soon, I smelled sulfur in the air. Rounding a corner, I saw the beast we were sent to kill.

>>7388577
Now, I know you have all heard a great many tales about dealing with dragons, both slaying and stealing. Both swaying and seducing. But there is a simple fact no-one ever thinks about.

One that confronts you headlong, and stares you in the eye. That all the tales simple fail to impress upon you, yet is so simple, so obvious, that when you are confronted by it... Your mind can't focus on ANYTHING else.

You ready?

Dragons? ARE FUCKING HUGE.

>>7388621
Now, my party had been following me, about 30 feet behind so they noticed that I stopped, stared, and very calmly pissed myself.

They gathered around that entrance, looking with me.

In hush tones we began to discuss they situation:

Me: That is a huge fucking dragon.

Paladin: I'll go up the middle, Akron will take the right..

Me: That is a shit balls huge fucking dragon.

Paladin: ... sorceress, you get up on that ledge and support us, with the bard. Chosen of Pelor, follow me.

I hesitated. The dragon, as I noted before, was not small. The sorceress (Karen was her name, in case you were curious) told me to come along.

I told her, that quite frankly, that I was beginning to wonder whether the gold was worth it.

She smiled and told me that if we survived, she'd give me a kiss.

I asked her where she intended to kiss me.

She slapped me and we got into position.

The Paladin yelled a challenge to the great Wyrm, and ran to meet him, the barbarian worked himself into a battle frenzy, leaving great gashes and wounds as he fought.

Karen called thunder down, to aid the fight (Reflecting back, how the hell did she do that in a cave?) and the Cleric used his shield spells and his healing arts to keep our two meatshield up and fighting.

Me? I shot my crossbow in the general direction of the dragon and called as little attention to myself as possible.

>>7388799
That didn't work as well as I planned. I was on my last quiver of bolts and pulled out a rather nasty one, acid and poison. I shot it, and fate took it somewhere I never meant it to go.

Into the dragon's left eye.

This made the dragon very angry, and very focused.

He chose to focus on, and expend his rage to me. Not that I could blame him, putting an acid spitting arrow into my cornea would have perturbed me as well.

Now, two things went in my favor, the first being that he apperently forgot for a moment that he could breath fire, and the second was that there was a fissure behind me, about a foot wide and almost ten feet deep.

I ran back there, barely making it past the crack when his rotten breath wetted the back of my neck.

Since I was...occupied... in the back of the cave..... in the fetal position... screaming like a little girl... I missed the heroic end of that fight, the barbarian kicked the Beast in the face. In the eye in fact.

Turns out a bolt hemorrhaging acid isn't the best thing for the dragon's grey matter, and he died in short order. I'm currently looking for something to invest my money in, before I retire for good.

You owe these fine people a round.

What? You don't believe me? That's the four of them sitting at the other end of the bar. They wouldn't let me tell the story if I didn't tell it right.

To be fair, a fellow can forget a lot in three years.

this was a good tale dear chap

>>7389119
Why thank you.

Anyone else care to tell one while I enjoy my wine?

>>7389164
I'm just waiting for the second part of the Examples of Play you had going. That was good stuff.

>>7389251
Yeah....

I kind got drunk and came back to sobriety to find out I had partially re-written that.

It's now no-longer pure examples of play, and was (based off my notes i found) rapidly turning into an interesting three way cross between a romance novel, urban arcana, and something to do with 'extra-planer possession'.

Yeah, I don't even know what the fuck.

I can still post it, if you want.

also, either this thread or the other story WOULD have been posted earlier, but I was hit by an IP range ban about a week ago, and it just expired.

Couldn't even appeal the fucker, because it was less than 7 days.

>>7389375
You're asking a fa/tg/uy if he wants storytime (not to mention storytime that's already proven entertaining).

HELL YES I WANT STORYTIME.

>>7389403
Ok... but this was supposed to be an In character story-time thing.

I can't really TELL that story from a character perspective.

I really only had the one story, really.

I'll tell you what, someone else comes in here and posts a story like i did, I'll make a thread for that shit.

>>7389418
The thread's direction has changed. Threads do that. It's the way of 4chan.

Screw the initial idea, let's have some storytime.

Good thread.

>>7389434
Ok, this is the new version...

'm now using a normal writing style, with examples of play style back-and-forth mixed in.

The following group consists of:

Chris, the Game master

Dave, playing the Human Paladin Kayo Lightbearer

Sara, Dave's GF, playing the Elf Sorceress Seline

Mike, playing the eccentric Human Bard Ellias Stormchild

John, playing the Dwarf Fighter Ulric Dawnforged

JB (jail bait, real name Keira), Chris' little sister, playing the Halfling Rogue Silinda Whisperfoot

(char and real names are provided to know the difference between IC and OOC)

I hope you enjoy my horrible Writing.

>>7389476
The first thing Dave noticed when he woke up was Sara's body pressed against him. The second thing was that he had morning wood so bad it hurt.

Well maybe... He thought, his hand sliding down her stomach, but his thoughts were interrupted by her PAINFUL grip on lil' Dave. A firm no established, he got up to take a shower and prepare for work. He spent the next ten minutes in a bit of a tired haze jerking off the faucet before he realized nothing was happening.

“Not the best start to a day” He noted, seeing he was running a bit late.

He kissed Sara goodbye, jumped in his new-ish Audi, and went to work. He smiled as he lay the top down, appreciating (as he did every morning) that being a used car salesman had it's perks.

>>7389483
Mike took a minute to tune his Guitar before he started playing for his two hour gig at Java the Hut, a local nerd Cafe. He wouldn't call himself unhappy, just... Unfulfilled. He's written 3 books that haven't sold, he was making a halfway decent living as a musician, supplemented by working at a book store. He was always told he had so much talent, and was irritated that he never really got anywhere with it.

He noticed everyone was looking at him as he finished tuning, and a slow smile crept along his face. He didn't do it for fame, he did it because he loved the music.

Besides, tonight was game night, and Chris was GM again. He forced his daily bout with his inner emo out of mind and began to play.

>>7389487
John looked at the clock above the door.

Tic-tock.

He had sent Sara home, and Steve would take over for lockup in about 2 hours.

Tic-tock.

There were no customers in the store.

Tic-tock.

His music player was dead.

Tic-tock.

He had already read most of the good books over the last 6 months.

Tic-tock.

This was going to be a long two hours.

>>7389487
(I would like to point out that Java the Hut is a real place, if you're curious. I think it's in Texas)

Sara rode her bike back to her and Dave's apartment. She changed out of her work clothes, and put on a more comfortable jeans and sweater. Her cell-phone rang, and she saw Dave on the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey, I'm gonna be a bit late.”

“Busy doing your secretary?”

“On game night? With Chris? She can damn well entertain herself.”

“So if it's not infidelity....”

“Car trouble, Audi's burning a bit rich. I'm gonna have my brother swap out the bad part real quick.”

“You know what's wrong?”

“Yeah, my air sensor's been on the fritz for a while now. Finally fucked up all the way. He's already got a spare from earlier, so it should only take about 20 minutes to get it all fixed.”

“All right, just hurry up.”

She hung up the phone. Knowing his brother, Dave was going to take the better part of an hour.

Continue. This thread is going to be deserving archival.

Also I'm still laughing from the jerking off the faucet bit. Something I've noticed about your writing though, is that you consistently need to run it through a grammar check.

>>7389508
Most of my writing is typed up in open office, i catch MOST of the mistakes when editing. (keyword is most, as anyone who remembers the rouge/rogue debacle can remember)

Little errors in the text? That shows you that that shit's fresh.

>>7389506

Kiara sat on her bed reading.

'A gun shot echoed through the alley' She read to herself 'Like a ghost with no-one to haunt. It ended the same way it began, as all thing do. A gunshot in a dark alley, rain washing the blood off their hands, off the ground.'

She sighed and put down the book, hearing her brother call her from downstairs. She didn't know why Mike's books didn't sell, they were a lot better than the other shit that was normally stocked.

She stepped into the kitchen, and saw that most of the group was already there.

>>7389508
Also, Dave is based off someone I know in real life, and the 'jerking off the faucet' bit came strait from him.

>>7389524

Just prior to her entrance Chris tried to talk Mike out of his latest 'thing'. It was almost like he was incapable of rolling a strait character, he always had something that was just a little off the norm. Something 'special' (though to be fair, he wasn't doing to be a dick or be 'special' he just had an interesting idea he needed to run by the GM first). Guitars however, was where the line was going to be drawn.

Chris: No man, you can't have a Guitar. It's not historically accurate.

Mike: Neither are Dragons and Elves, and it's not like a Guitar is SO much harder to make than a lute.

Chris: Dude, No. I'm the GM, I have to deal with you loonies, I set the rules.

Mike: I'll pay double standard in gold, just for RP purposes.

Chris: We both bloody well know that RP purposes means “I'm gonna play and sing Johnny Cash at the table”.

Mike: I can sing AND play Guitar rather well, your point seems odd.

Chris: It derails the game faster than Dave's in character lecture about the joys of masturbation. But I'll tell you what, you promise not to meta-game AT ALL, you can have a Guitar.

>>7389534

Mike: And my man Johnny?

Chris: Fine, but you can only use songs that might fit.

Mike: Fair enough. by the way, why do you always slip into a British accent when you get irritated?

Chris: Couldn't tell ya, I'm from North Jersey.

(Dave and Sara enter the kitchen)

Dave: Sorry I'm late guys, car trouble.

Chris: What kind of trouble?

Dave: Car needed gas, had to go to the station.

Chris: and that took you an hour?

Silence.

>>7389538

Chris: *sigh* Very well, Sara I assume you're late because you made the mistake of believing Dave's a dependable ride?

Sara: Got it in one.

Chris: So where's John?

Dave: Called me on the way here, said he was held up at work. He'll be here before too long.

Chris: Ah well, when our fifth member arrives, the game will begin.

Mike: Fifth?

Chris: I figured no-one here would roll a rogue, so I invited my sister.

Dave: JB's Gonna play with us? Awesome. I wish John was here, we would totally bro-fist.

Sara: Why are you so exited?

Dave: Girl's got skills, and she thinks about problems in ways we never would.

Mike: Her name's JB?

Chris: *frustrated sigh* Her names Keira.

Dave: and she's total jail bait.

Mike: Ah. I assume double no touch due to GM rage and jail time?

Chris: YES.

>>7389546

Dave: If I weren't committed, I'd give her a maybe.

Sara: So I'm the only thing preventing statutory rape?

Dave: Sometimes jail is worth it.

(JB walks in)

JB: Hey, it's cool with you guys if I play right?

Dave: Cool with me.

Mike: Do I get a say in this?

Dave: Only if you agree with me.

Mike: and if I don't?

Dave: then you can shut your bitch ass up.

Chris: I already know what John's playing, so pass your sheets forward, we can get this game up fast when he gets here.

Mike: Ok then.

(everyone passes sheets in)

>>7389552
Chris: Sara, you're good... Mike, you have two 18s two 16s and two 14s.

Mike: Honest to God, I rolled those fair.

Chris: Hmm, no obvious twinking, I'll let the stats slide.... Sis, you're cool.... Dave, I think you made a mistake here.

Dave: Where?

Chris: Well, several places. First off it says you're a Lawful Good Paladin, and everything else on the sheet corresponds to that.

Dave: Your point?

Chris: You're playing a lawful good Paladin?

Dave: MmmHmm.

Chris: Last week, I watched you make change in a Salvation Army donation bucket.

Mike: He stole 20 bucks out of my wallet because he needed gas.

Sara: He tells me to go down on him and never returns the favor.

JB: He tries to seduce me every time we see each other, even though I'm 4 years younger than him.

Sara: Well, that should stop.

Dave: Ever hear of a threesome?

Chris: You see, this is what I'm talking about here You're CE.

>>7389558

Dave: don't you ALWAYS stress the difference between in and out of character?

Chris: Fine, but if you fuck up....

Dave: You can just make me fall.

Chris: Fair enough.

(John enters)

John Sorry I'm late guys.

Chris: Don't worry about it. Now go ahead around the table and introduce yourselves.

Dave: Well. I'm Dave, grand pimpmeister of....

Chris: In Character.

Dave: Oh, In that case.....

Kayo: My name is Kayo Lightbearer, human Paladin of Heironeous.

John: Wait, He's playing a...

Chris: Yeah, we've been over this. Mike?

>>7389561

Ellias: I am Ellias Stormchild, CG Human Bard.

Chris: Sis?

Silinda: I am Silinda Whisperfoot, CN Halfling Rogue.

Chris: John?

Ulric: I am Ulric Dawnforged, LN Dwarven Fighter

Chris: and Sara will bring this to a close.

Seline: I am Seline, NG Elven sorceress.

Chris: Excellent Now...

GM: You find yourselves in the village of Fallcrest...

Dave: It's adventure time Bitches!

Chris: Trying to get an adventure out here man.

Dave: sorry.

GM: It is raining in Fallcrest, a deep heavy rain, that has gone on for far too long. That is what the spring is like here, this deep in the wild Northlands. One by one, you all find yourselves at the local Inn, the The Bear Claw. Actions? I'll give you a minute before the plot walks through the door.

Dave: Are we traveling together at this point?

GM: your calls, really.

JB: I think it would make sense for me and Mike's char...

Mike: Ellias.

JB: Right, Ellias. But I can't really see why we would be traveling with either Kayo or Ulric. Seline could go either way.

Dave: Like a Bisexual.

(Sara slaps him)

>>7389566

Dave: Worth it.

Mike: I like how you remembered all of THEIR names, but not that of the guy you're traveling with.

JB: Clearly I just see you as a hot piece of ass and a meal-ticket.

Chris: I am not comfortable with the direction this conversation is headed.

JB: It makes sense in character, I'm CN. He has 18 CHA, and most Inns let Bards stay for free, as long as they're willing to sing or spin tales.

Mike: This makes a scary amount of sense.

GM: Lets get back to the bar, what's going on?

Ellias: I'm on stage singing for my supper, while my partner steals shit from people in the crowd, now that they are distracted.

JB: I'm not sure if I should be angry or not.

Mike: Manipulation can go both ways, my dear. Besides, I wouldn't let you pay your way just as a bed-warmer.

JB: Fair enough.

Kayo: Take a hot meal by the fire, saying a quick prayer of thanks for my continued health and good fortune.

Chris:...

Dave: What?

Chris: Nothing, just I expected you to have a harder time with the whole Holy Warrior thing.

>>7389164
Aye, I got one.

'Twas some time ago when I was banished from my mountainhome. Why is another story, let's just say some o tha nobles of that land weren't terribly good at satifying their womenfolk.

I took up a job as a mercenary to keep beer in my mug, and my very first job was from the church of one of your human gods. I forget which one, he had the lightning bolts and whatnot. Anyway, me an a bunch of other poor bastards get paid our silver and follow this party of adventurers into a crypt, somethin about an evil zombie or somethin killing the peasants.

I just gripped my hammer tight and did as I was told. Took 2 days to reach the crypt or whatever it was.

Anyway, one of these bastards that hired us, the one from the church, tells us cronies to go in before they did. Brave buncha fuckers they were. So we did. Sure enough we're up to our necks in zombies, which is a bad place to be up to in zombies.

The adventurers don't come to help, so eventually it's just me and 3 other people, an ugly lookin grey skinned tall bastard, a halfling, and someone who I had assumed up until this point to be a wizard.

Eventually we hammer and stab our way through the undead enough that the "heroes" decide it's safe to come down, the cleric, the one who hired us, raises his hands in the air and prays to hit god, and wouldn't you know it, light falls down from heaven and destroys the undead.

So, me and the other survivors start taking stock of ourselves and the wounded. Everyone is accounted for, except for the "wizard" I mentioned earlier. We found only his robes, with a pile of ash under them.

Scary part about that is I spent 2 days sharin a tent with him on the way to that foul place.

>>7389572

Seline: I stand near the bar, sipping my wine, and enjoying the ambiance.

Ulric: I also take a meal by the fire, with a hearty bit of Mead.

GM: Alright, you spend some time enjoying the evening, and after a while you begin to hear a commotion outside.

John: Uh-oh.

Dave: Yeah?

Mike: Plot inbound.

Sara: *gasp* Oh no!

JB: Quickly, bar the door! Before...

GM: A man dressed as one of the town guard, bursts through the door, drenched with sweat and flecked with blood.

JB: We were too late.

Mike: The plot is here, and we can never go back to a quiet evening.

Kayo: Speak your trouble man, and be swift.

GM: The guard stammers for a moment and suddenly finds his tongue. 'Goblins, goblins are attacking, a whole damn Clan. I was sent to see if there were any able-bodied people to help mount a defense'

Seline: My magic should prove useful.

Kayo: In any case, you have my sword.

Ulric: And my Axe.

Mike: *snicker*

>>7389573
Well told chap! a frightening tale (though not as frightening as your race's obsession with carp. What the nine hells is so scary about a fish?

>>7389577

Silinda: come on, let's go help too.

Ellias: How in the hell do you suggest we help? I sing at people and you're a cut-purse!

GM: did you say that out loud?

Mike: Well, shit.

GM: everyone turns to look at you.

Kayo: If you aid us, I will make sure you are granted a pardon for whatever crimes you have committed here.

Silinda: Well I'm not going alone. (looks at Mike)

Ellias: You aren't! Look at all these nice people, going to help you.

Silinda: He's an accomplice to my thievery.

Kayo: Is this true?

Ellias: You're going to trust the word of a criminal? It's not like she can prove anything.

Kayo: No, she can't. (slow smile) you did that.

Ellias: ME? How did I do that?

>>7389598

Kayo: Simple, you said that she was a cut-purse, and spoke to her like the two of you were more than passing failure.

Ellias: It'll never hold up.

Kayo: You'd be surprised what will, coming from a paladin.

Ellias: But I...

JB: I'm going to walk over and whisper in his ear (she then, of course, proceeds to whisper something into Mike's ear)

Ellias: Well, let's get a move on, there are goblins to stop.

Chris: What the hell did you say?

Kayo: You changed your mind rather sudden.

Ellias: I had good reason to, now lets go. Can't keep the gobbos waiting.

Seline: What is it that you can do to aid the fight bard?

Ellias: I don't mean to brag, but I am not just a humble guitar player...

Dave: 'Humble?'

John: Guitar? You let him have a guitar?

Chris: He gave a good reason, and promised not to meta-game.

Ellias: Not just a humble guitar player, but also a TRUE bard, capable of weaving magic into my music.

Ulric: Sounds like the lad could be more than a mite useful. I say we bring him along.

Seline: Yes, he should be able to help.

Kayo: Good enough for me. Let's Move!

>>7389602

GM: The party runs outside, unsure of where to go.

Mike: I call Shenanigans.

Chris: What?

Mike: Shenanigans, even if the guard didn't point us the right way, we would just go to the part of the city that's on FIRE. Even ruling out the first two, this is a small town. Finding an attacking Goblin clan would be fairly easy. We are not lost.

Dave: He's got a point dude.

Chris:...

GM: You find your way quickly to the battle, arriving just in time to see the gates burst open.

Kayo: Hold the line! We'll push these bastards back through the breach.

John: Sorry to break character, but am I the only one who finds it odd that captain Chaotic Evil over here is playing a Paladin well?

Dave: Dude, come on. It's a dramatic moment, worst time to break character.

Sara: Well we were all thinking it.

Mike: Fess up, why are you playing a Paladin?

Dave: Honestly? It's because fluff wise Paladins are my favorite class. Holy warriors, chosen by the gods to be champions of justice. I just like how Paladins are the ultimate good guys, and the bear the weight of the world on their shoulders. It makes for excellent roleplaying, and Chris is the only GM I know who wouldn't be a prick about it and make me fall.

(Silence)

>>7389607

Chris: A well thought out, good reason. I'm honestly shocked.

Dave: Which is all well and good, but we have a battle to fight here. May we?

Chris: Right sorry....

GM: There are a scattered handful of goblins in the square, all that remains of the earlier scouts, and they begin to beat a hasty retreat towards their friends.

Dave: What do my surroundings look like?

GM: The Gates are ahead and on your left, since you arrived following the walls. Strait ahead is the town square, with the guard captain you recognise from the other day named Silvias Stoneheart leading the defence. Ringing the square are various shops and alleys.

Kayo: I run up to the guard captain, getting a better look at the gate.

Ellias: I'm following him.

Ulric: I think we all are.

GM: Ok, you notice that the gate is open, but intact. In fact, it seems that the cross bar was simply either knocked or lifted off.

Ellias: I tell the guard captain to have his men form up and get ready to lift the cross bar into place, while we deal with the Goblins.

>>7389609

GM: He looks your group up and down and nods. 'That would buy us time to think of a better plan, I'll fight with you.'

Seline: Fair enough, I'm gonna shoot a fireball into the group of goblins.

GM: Roll for it.

Sara: *rolls* 15 plus.. 3, so 18.

GM: More than enough, you immoliate several of the green skined pests.

Ulric: Where is the cross bar?

GM: About about ten feet in front of you, roughly 20 in front of the gate.

John: You thinking What I'm thinking?

Dave: Oh hell yes.

Chris: What are you doing?

Dave: We both grab an end, and we RUN at the gates, knocking over goblins while a couple of guards on either side run to close the gate. their mass strength check should hold it long enough for us to bar it.

GM: Roll strength.

Ulric: *roll* 16 plus 4 is twenty.

Kayo: *roll* natural 20! plus three if I need it.

GM: You're fine. You run up and slam and lock the gates, leaving a few goblins (most of whom are wounded) inside the gates.

>>7389598
YOU HAVEN SEEN THEM.
They're nuthin like whut ya got up here. When i herd ya ruddy fools fished them I near pissed myself, till I saw what ya fished fer.

Our carp are larger than any dwarf, and have mouths full of tiny, razor sharp teeth. a single bit can rip half a man's arm off. And by Moradin they're fierce. They'll leap out of the water ifn ya come too close.

>>7389621
CAN'T. STOP. LAUGHING.

OH GOD IT HURTS.

>>7389614

Ellias: I'm going to perform a mass intimidate check. “Surrender now, and you will be spared from our wrath. Any resistance will be met with deadly force.” *roll* 3... plus 4 is 7.

GM: A few of the wounded heed you, but most of the goblins charge, insulted by the fact that you thought they would surrender.

Mike: Well, shit.

Silinda: I'm going to run up behind the group, and start sneak attacking, starting from the back.

GM: roll for move silently.

JB: *roll*15 + 4 is.. 19.

GM: they can't hear you, who are you attacking?

JB: Those two.

GM: Ok, roll for two attacks, second one at -5.

JB: *roll* 19 and... *roll* OH YES! Nat 20.

GM: They both go down.

Seline: I'm going to cast a teleport spell to yank Ellias out of there.

Mike: Thank god. All I have is a Guitar and 18 charisma. Oh, and a neat little trick. Right as she teleports me, I'm going to drop my jar.

Chris: Jar?

Mike: I have a jar of oil of impact, with several wands of fireballs attacked to it.

Chris: ... WHY?

Mike: Breaking a wand instantly makes it release every remaining charge at the same time. That's not meta-gaming either, that's a bit of magic lore it's perfectly resonable to assume that I would know.

Chris: and you do it before she teleports you?

>>7389629

Mike: JUST before, that way I don't caught in the blast.

Chris: THAT is meta-gaming.

Mike: Ok fine, I look around. Do I see her casting a spell?

GM: You do.

Mike: Can I roll Knowledge Arcane to see if I recognise the spell?

GM: You may.

Mike: *roll* 18, plus knowledge ranks, bardic knowledge and my CHA bounus... 26.

GM: You recognise the spell as a 'teleport other' line of sightm spell. *It's safe to assume that she's casting it on you, as you're the only one in danger.

Mike: So as she's about to finish casting, I drop the jar.

GM: She yanks you out of harms way, just as an explosion destroys the entire group of goblins. Roll reflex sis.

JB: Shit, uh... *roll* 15, total.

GM: the goblins sheild you from the worst of the blast, but you still get knocked backwards, taking... two damage.

JB: Huh.

Chris: And that's a good stoping place for the moment. I'm gonna go out and get food, who's with me?

John: I'll go, we can take my car.

Chris: Works for me. Anyone else?

Kemosabe, I get the feeling that your story is taken directly from real-life experiences, but that doesn't make it any less fun to read.

>>7389629
Mike is dropping a helluvalotta cash to wipe out some already-contained goblins...

Wait, is this 3e or 4e?

>>7389638
With the exception of one person, the characters are all more or less based off of people I know. The story/material is original shit though.

I felt extremely well-written didn't capture the feel of a real group, so I took a different route.

I'm really glad people like it so far.

>>7389636

Sara: I'm fine.

Dave: I'm good.

Mike: Ate earlier, don't worry about me.

JB: I'm fine with anything.

Chris: All right, back in a few.

(gonna warn you right here, after this is where drunken writing begins, and shit gets a little weird)

>>7389658

They all watched the pair leave. Mike excused himself to the restroom, and Kiara went to her room to grab the manuscript of Mike's novel. Dave and Sara relaxed on the couch.

“I'm glad Chris is back in town, I'm sick of dealing with all these shit GMs we normally have.”

Sara sighed. Sometimes she wondered why she stayed with a man as emotionally blunt as David. “He never told us why he decided to drop out of college, he had good grades and really wanted to get in.”

“Man has his reasons for doing it, and for not telling us. If he feels the urge to open up, he knows we're here. Until then, I'm gonna man up about my curiosity and ignore it.”

Sometimes he was Zen. A vaguely macho, sexist Zen... but still....

>>7389670

Mike was startled by the figure waiting for him in the hallway. “Kiara? What's...”

She shushed him. “I thought you'd want your prize for playing fair,” she explained.

“I thought that was in character.”

“Is it really so bad like this?”

“Well no but...”

She shoved him away. “But? There's always a but!”

“Maybe so, I was just trying to say that I can't.”

“Why not?” She was on the verge of frustrated tears.

“It has nothing to do with you as a person. It's just that you're a too young.”

“I'm not a child!”

“Not to me, but you are in the eyes of the law, and I really can't take that risk.” She almost protested, “Just because we can't be together dosen't mean we can't BE together.”

“You don't mind waiting for me?”

“I've waited longer for less.”

They shared a smile and a kiss, then he went back to the living room.

>>7389658
If reading Wasteland Warrior's campaign stories taught me anything it's that drunken writing is the best writing.

>>7389676
Yeah, but that only works for him because he breaths epic and shits win.

A dwarf could get drunk off his blood, while I don't trust my drunken self at all.

>>7389673

“Cradle-robber.”

“What?” Mike was taken aback, seeing two of his best friends evil-eyeing him from the couch.

“We could hear you two talking, this is not a large house.”

“Well then, what say you about my cradle-robbing?”

Sara smiled “You handled it like a gentleman, and you aren't pushing her into a physical relationship. I can't see anything wrong with it.”

“Glad I have your approval.” True, it was a weight off his shoulders.

Dave, was less kind. “I hate you.”

“Why, for giving myself potentially two years of blue-balls?”

“I hate you slightly less, but on the note of 'we're all like family here?' if you hurt her, I kill you.”

“Fair enough.”

Dave smiled “I'm glad that you found someone, or they found you anyway. I'm sick of your ass being emo all the time, and hopefully she'll smack that out of you,” his smile faded “it's not us you should worry about, it's Chris. He might very well kill you.”

>>7389699

“Yeah, let's not mention this to him yet. I want to give us a bit of time before he buries me by the rail-road tracks.”

Sara let out a sigh “It's not going to be that bad, but it's your call. We'll be quiet, but you have to tell him. Soon.”

Kiara chose this moment to re-enter the room. “You should probably take this back. It's yours, right?” she handed the manuscript to Mike.

“Yeah, did your brother finish proofreading this? He always goes over it with a fine-toothed comb.”

Dave looked up “You wrote a book?”

Mike was equally confused “I've written three.”

“No shit? When did that happen?”

“You told me you read the other ones!” Frustration and mild rage were the inevitable results of an extended conversation with Dave.

“Well, shit.”

Mike hung his head “So no-one read my books but Chris then?”

Kiara almost spoke up, but then Chris and John returned.

>>7389707
And that's all I have right now.

I would write more, but I'm not yet comfortable with the direction my drunken self decided to take this story.

if enough people are interested in my shitty writing continuing, I'll be sure to keep going and post it.

>>7389730
Yes keep going, and don't make us wait as long for the next installment.

You get a break this time because of the holidays, but /tg/ is always hungry for good stories.

>>7389730
More.

>>7389741

Dude, this holiday season?

More free time than I've had the last two years put together.

This might become a weekly thing, but don't hold your breath.

I've got a few old pieces of writing somewhere, one of which was a Star Wars Fan-Fic I couldn't do justice (My friend had an Epic idea about Revan, and it fit everything better than the cannon) that I might put up if I can find it.

Also, i might end up doing my write fagging for my friend's game thing he's making.

I think he post's on here as Mr Black.

>>7389758
I'd love to, but I'm kind de-railing my own thread here, and like I said here >>7389730

I'm still trying to get comfortable with the new direction for this piece.

I would love it if people started posting their own shit like >>7389573

>>7389778
I will hold my breath. Original content fights /tg/'s cancer, and this is good stuff.

>>7389794
This time of day? Ehhh, I wouldn't count on it. That said this thread should be archived.

>>7389836
Feel free to, just include my name in the tag-list in case someone wants to go look for my shit.

Hopeful bump.

>>7389730
Fuck yes, sir. Please DO proceed.

>>7389918
Well, thread's archived at least.

bamp

rolled 2, 4, 1 = 7

>>7389936
I WILL MURDER YOUR FACE WITH LASERS

>>7389923
Holy shit, it already got an up vote.

I'm... flattered?

>>7389950
What class is this?

No, really, this is awesome.

>>7390203

Looks like a proper Warhammer engineer.

So, hey post some stories guys.

Or maybe not.

I'll tell you what, if you guys post just one more story, I'll make a proper update for my 'examples of play' (not sure it should still be called that....) story tommorow.

Like from >>7389607
to >>7389707
long at least.

>>7390211
Would Artificer work you think?

My friends mainly use either D&D 3.5 or whatever Beta thing Mr Black's (I think he namefags on here with that handle) running.

One last bump, then it fades....

Well, shit. Since the In character bit of story-time didn't go over too well, I'm going to tell the story of the best CoC char I've ever rolled.

You see, I had played in several CoC games (or similar games run on a different system) and my people had run the gamut from 'intellectual studying the cults' to 'investigator looking into local cult activities' to 'average Joe wrong-place-wrong-time'.

So, I rolled up Old Man Charleston. That's what my sheet said, no first name.

He had mild delusions and ptsd from 'Nam that made him almost completely immune to any-kind of san damage, because he just assumed it wasn't real.

Did I mention he was Scitzo? That allowed him to interact meaningfully with the world, without breaking the 'oh, none of this is real' passive uncaring.

He also started the game with a pre-existing hatred of Books, cutlery, and the occult. His only friend was a stuffed Parrot named Petey on his shoulder. His age was 55, and he looked like Clint Eastwood, with a Mohawk and a Grizzly Adams beard,

He never went anywhere without his Shotgun, his Big-ass knife, and his Hip-flask of Black-berry Brandy.

The rest of the group were: College proffesor guy, interested in cults for academia, detective working a missing person's connected to the cult, Hot-female in a horror movie, and token black guy/average-Joe Wrong place etc.

Then you had me, who was steadily hunting the local cultists to extinction because he was convinced that the barstuds (yes, barstuds) stole his Lawn Gnomes.

Yeah, I loved him.