Go for it, OP.

This is /tg/, you don't have to ask if we want to hear a story, just jump right in.

Alright. Let's do this shit, OP. C'mon.

thanks guys!

Anyway, first, a little background:

My group is pretty small. there are only three in it, not counting me, the humble narrator who usually DMs 3.5 games.

the whiz: usually rolls a necromancer of some sort. quite fond of doing copious amounts of drugs in-game, which is quite unusual considering how clean-cut he is IRL. in this game, he's being true to form and commanding an undead legion once more as a dread necro. he RPed a crazed aristocratic coke fiend

the druid: a new player who's getting used to the whole spellcasting thing and asked for a shark as his animal companion. in a primarily land-based game. I asked him how it was going to follow them around and he didn't know what to tell me. the whiz suggested he just slowly levitate at his swim speed like in pokemon Colosseum. all are relatively okay with this. he RPed a greenskinned mowgli.

that guy: I feel remiss in referring to him only by this moniker, since it's garnered such a strong association. to be fair, he was that guy only about 40% of the time. he started the session off by asking me if he could RP as jack bauer. he was met by stares of disbelief.

I told him to RP as literally anyone else since I know from past experience his constant mention of DVD players and such to NPC shopkeeps stops being funny really fast.

I was about to eat my words

yay storytiem!

wow, thanks for all the positive feedback, guys! I certainly hope it lives up to your expectations:

that guy tells me he is rolling a ranger. I nod. he mainly picks melee tanks since he generally gets the most damage that way. I don't suspect much until I ask him what his character looks like, just for fluff.

he tells me he is a drow. I am quite skeptical because I have heard the saga of Fiddy Copper and Ludidrizz't. I know that he does not frequent /tg/ so he can't be pulling a bel-air, as it were on me.

I try not to let it get to me and move on.

The party has some somewhat run of the mill adventures including one encounter being foiled by them having the shark on sentry duty since sharks don't sleep. I, as a DM, cannot dispute this, as it is scientific fact.

several random (non)encounters later, the party's lagging a little xpwise so they're spoiling for a fight, as it was.

I don't generally ask my players to turn their sheets over to me, since they don't really try any funny rules tricks, having a perfectly adequate, but not exactly encyclopedic knowledge of the game, so I know I don't have to fear any pun-puns from my group.

they go trudging through a swamp and making a bunch of noise, not understanding that the monsters I had written up for the encounter the previous in-game night wanted to wait until they were unawares. I roll listens for the monsters and they make the lowish DC of the party essentially yelling "come at me, bro"

then shit got weird

go on...

>>16552703
It actually unknown whether sharks sleep or not but for he purposes of the game it was a good decision, even if in ingorance.

F5

>>16552703
I pictured a group of tanned, utterly ripped guys wearing nothing but bodybuilder underwear, sunglasses, and gelled hair, driving through a swamp in a pickup truck, yelling "COME AT ME BRO" as nightmarish monstrosities cower in the darkness.

Gave me a bit of a laugh.

>>16552782

http://marinelife.about.com/od/fish/f/howdosharkssleep.htm

I think we can safely say OP is not a shark, because he fell asleep.

keep going OP.

>>16552860
But what if OP is a mountain lion? Or worse, a cougar?

>>16552881

We're Dire Honey Badgers. There's nothing to worry about.

>>16552881
He can be a sabretooth squirrel for all I care.
I got all excited for a bedtime story and now he's slacking.

I think we have found a new breed of troll. Theystart story time and never finish.

The party has to roll some will saves which all but the whiz make. he is thinking about finding money to buy more delicious cocaine.

he is somewhat unaware and doesn't make his listen due to a low wis. a naga lunges and dings him with some poison damage.

people roll initiative and the ranger comes up on top. he crits twice with his TWF attacks, one confirms and deals max damage. the shark is able to grapple and pin and the whiz gets his familiar charged up with an inflict while he takes cover behind some scrub, not wanting to get bitten again. the quasit is able to land a hit and takes it into the negatives. I'm about to say that it bleeds out when that guy makes a "cinematic disemboweling strike" on the naga. he barely hits and by my calculations misses by a few. I give him a look and he returns it. I figure he just miscalculated since while annoying me is par for the course, cheating's not like him. I let it pass and the whiz pops his head out from the cover he's taken.

I realize I have made a mistake

>>16552860
wait a minute....
>true to form
>primarily land-based
>I was about to eat

i think the OP may be a bear!

>>16552900
>the shark is able to grapple
This shark is clearly defective. Why is it not biting people's arms and legs off?

sorry for the delay, guys. I am unfortunately, not a shark.

the whiz animates the naga as a skeleton after confirming it does indeed have bones after doing a bit of, as he put it, "digging" with his quasit familiar

that guy seems somewhat pacified throughout this, he was quite worked up throughout the combat and I assume that he took favored enemy aberrations.

>>16552928
It's a Makkoron?

Write the story BEFORE you post it, OP

>>16552969
by /tg/ storytiem is all about waiting hours for OP to finish his story and making random posts urging speed

>>16552979
Agreed. Clean dumps aren't as fun as telling OP to hurry the fuck up before our F5 keys break.

Anyone want to play a while we wait?

>>16552965
What the fuck

>>16553046
*play a game,

Damn I have issues.

rolled 5, 6, 5 = 16

421 ?

>>16552928

Wow! I'm a shark, then I'm a bear! awesome

they go to an NPC diviner whom they have a positive rapport with and make a planes check to see if the naga is part of an extradimensional invasion force that has been part of the overarching plotline.

I am somewhat impressed that they are cutting to the chase so quickly. my campaigns are short, but they're not usually this short. they find out the relevant plane where the forces who sent the nagas after the party. the elemental plane of fire.

the party gets a spooked look on their face remebering environmental damage. I assume this will dissuade them from taking the fight to the enemy especially since they're only in the mid-levels.

for the xth time, I am wrong

sorry guys, typing as fast as I can, I don't mean to put you out.

the druid has bought almost nothing for the duration of this campaign and saved up a lot of money. He asks me if they can rest in the town. I say that's fine since the whiz needs to recharge his spells.

that guy says he wants to roll survival and obtain food. I don't ask what since it doesn't matter that much in story, especially since I'm not too strict with food and other minutae.

their characters agree to rendezvous in a couple of days and the druid passes the whiz a note. they both give me their biggest trollfaces. I am intrigued.

the party goes to the local magic shop where they buy much of their gear and hop into the basement where the owner conducts his experiments.

he and the whiz are quite tight and in-story, the quasit that was to become the whiz's familiar was his lab assistant. he often helps out the party. the whiz and he talk for a while and ask what they'll need to do to take a trip to the elemental plane of fire.

I sigh a little since I don't want a TPK only a few sessions in to the game. I figure that with their average damage, they should at least be in good enough shape to high-tail it back to their native plane with the owner of the magic shop, named indigo. he's not exactly a DMPC, so I didn't plan on him being involved in the combat.

the druid passes around a round of flasks, one for everyone, indigo as well.

"courage, men." he says with a wink. they drink it down and indigo plane shifts them away.

>>16553162
then type faster!

I clear my throat and roll ambient fire damage for indigo since I did tell everybody about it. I'm about to rp him getting a sunburn since he's of sufficient level to plane shift and though he's a wizard, it won't take too big a chunk out of him.

that guy puts his hands on his hips, stands up IRL and strikes the captain morgan pose.

"feel that sun on yo' face. don't fo'get yo' sunblock, boys"

yes, he has RPed the black accent for his drow the whole time. I've mostly been able to avoid it, but the obnoxious anachronism needles me a little.

me: Okay guys, the diviner warned you, take fire damage.
druid:no man
me: what do you mean
druid (waves empty flask): we brought protection

they high five one another and I facepalm, having been outmaneuvered.

I roll on the table to show where they are displaced and by how far because I don't want to be unfair.

I drew the map up earlier of what the yuan-ti stronghold would look like and where it would be. they roll close enough to be sucked past the front portcullis as long as they roll in the right cardinal direction.

that guy asks to roll the d8. I oblige.

he rolls for the right direction and suddenly: adventurers, four of them, right in the middle of the enemy fortress

captcha: committing lologic

yes, captcha

They- brought protection? What? Elaborate plox.

>>16553282

From fire, obviously.

Well yes, but where did they end up with that? The food? I didn't get the connection.

>>16553282
There is a spell, Planar Adaptation IIRC, that prevents harmful environmental effects while going planes-hopping.

I believe it's too high level for a potion, by RAW, though.

>>16553313

I assume they bought a potion that protects them from fire damage. That's why they are waving flasks around.

This the part where you give them massive xp for story progression right?

>>16553321
Potion Master PrC can make up to 9th level potions. Buy it from him.

>>16553050
That's from Mortasheen. Look it up.

>>16553349
Sure, but there's no guarantee that your friendly neighborhood magical provisioner will have advanced sufficiently in the PrC.

seeing as they are literally surrounded by the enemy, they don't need a spot check. I undo the damage for indigo and make a note that he readies an action to plane shift back on his own since he's not specced for combat and the encounter's balanced for the party as is.

a couple of purebloods close in around them and I tell everyone to roll initiative.

that guy draws his weapons

the whiz buffs up false life

the druid wild shapes...


captcha: aetacking hands

oh captcha

>>16553162
>>16553322
The flasks contain the planeshift potion. Where did they get fire resistance? There's no other mention.

I'm way too hung up on this. Continue.

>inb4 this ends in wrestling a dragon
>inb4 "that guy was a paladin all along" cliche

>>16553405
The druid passed out the flasks, not Indigo, who cast the Plane shift.

I suppose it's possible he took Planar Adapation, and made potions of it with the DM's knowledge, or combined Endure Elements and Resist Energy into one potion. Though in that case there should have been a roll on the Potion Miscibility tables.

>>16553451
Dur. I see. Carry on.

seriously op, are you using clay tablets to type?

This is taking so long. I'm going to take a shower; hopefully, op will have finished by the time I finish.

>eaferee spoke.
I think you spelled my name wrong, captcha.

See, this is how you troll /tg/. Keep people in slowly building rage and frustration for *hours.*

You guys realize complaining about the OP is what stops most of the good stories from being posted right?

>>16553562
That's why I'm not bitching.

>>16553562
It's a surprisingly good way to pass the time

Also,
>OP needs over two hours to type >20 lines of story.

screw this, I'll read the rest tommorow when it's hopefully whole

eh, i'll keep this thread open in a tab... go on OP, type away

>>16553574
I won't deny that, but it's detrimental at the same time unless the OP says they'll get it done in X amount of time.

I tend not to post mine because of that AND too many fucking neck beards spouting "You can't do that because of such & such reason!". i hate getting complaints from people for something i do for fun and no pay.

yes, guys, it was a protection from fire potion, which is a 3rd lvl spell, which I think is ok for potions.

don't worry, the food will be explained later.

and I do give story xp for good jokes and that one did get me by surprise.


(story picks back up)

... a giant constrictor. I am somewhat caught off guard. he asks me if he can roll wild empathy and pretend to be an unwilling snake hostage of the PCs. before I can reply one way or the other, the whiz puts on his best coke crazed fiend face as he gives me a note that he mixed cocaine into his protection from fire potion.

we have a house rule that it gives him a modest boost to str in exchange for a penalty to dex.

I roll to see what kinds of yuan-ti I get to attack the party and a few halfbloods with snake arms get into melee with that guy.

the whiz, coked out of his mind throws down a bag of holding that disgorges his skeletal naga. he holds his dagger to the throat of the druid and the shark looks appropriately menacing. it's not like they can sense motive against him. he is a shark and has no facial expressions.

a few of the halfbloods are fooled and back off the whiz. one of the purebloods makes it and goes in to attack the druid.

that guy gets an AoO and critfails. he insists we roll on a failure chart which he brought with him. I look over it and say fine.

attack adjacent character.

he hits the druid and deals a lot of damage. I raise my eyebrows and the druid looks oddly okay with this. that guy doesn't notice or seem to care.

since this character had blackguard levels and was supposed to be a boss fight a few sessions later, he had cleave. he reaches the druid and hits.

20.

>>16553663
>meanwhile, at OP's house

>>16553663
Dat steering wheel!

I look uneasy, I didn't want a TPK. the druid asks if he can roll to see if the hit confirms. I see nothing wrong with this.

it does and the druid is killed.

I describe the blackguard killing the druid and try not to be too gory.

that guy says he spits on the druid's snake corpse and "calls it a bitch-ass bitch"

I'm taken aback and look to the druid since I don't want to fight his battle for him. the druid doesn't seem to care.

the whiz tries to zap the blackguard with a chill of the grave and deals a modest amount of damage. indigo 'ports out and the party's not too broken up. I begin to fret

oh god, this is all gonna come down to that shark, isn't it?

the blackguard uses improved sunder against that guy's primary longsword. it is successful. that guy's turn rolls around and he asks me if dropping a weapon is a free action. the way things are going, I say yes, but ask him why. he says I'll see

at this point, I say "fuckit" and let him.

he reaches into his pack and I see what he caught for food earlier.

snakes.

hundreds and hundreds of rotting snakes.

I am speechless. He makes a TWF attack with two handfuls of snakes at the blackguard and hits with one of them.

it deals negligible damage, I figure it' equivalent to a dagger and he says that's fine.

the whiz takes a full round action to snort a monster pile of cocaine and is killed by a yuan-ti abomination due to his low dec from the drug symptoms

it's all on that guy now as the qua sit disapparates to find the next dread necromancer to hit lvl 7

he turns to that guy

"seeya, wouldn't wanna be ya"

the blackguard misses with his next sunder, trying to knock down the handful of snakes in that guy's hand.

I allowed that guy to take agile riposte. he has designated the blackguard as his target and he's entitled to an AoO for this round.

He's had a penchant for delivering a verbal riposte with each attack, so I wait for it and feel a little worried. the whiz and druid don't look mad despite being dead.

I ask him what he says.

that guy says to wait for his attack.

he misses, but I let him have his one liner anyway.

"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

I dropped my dice. the party gave me their best troll faces and he is killed the round afterwards by a couple of purebloods.

I tell him to give me his sheet since the game isn't over yet.

I look at his favored enemy.

he only had 1:

Snakes.

>>16553777

lol

>>16553777


awsome.

epic

hope you enjoyed it, everyone! sorry it took so long to type out. if anyone else has any stories like this where you thought the players were going to be annoying in a run of the mill way and they turned out to surprise and entertain you? feel free to chip in, I'll put in some more in a while (promise I'll type it out first)

thanks for the encouragement

>>16553777
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT OP

YOU MADE ME CHUCKLE

epic sir.

captcha letsee the

>>16553349
Oh? Can you link to that PrC or give a source?
>>16553451
Potion Miscibility tables.
do you know where one can find those

>>16553777
>made a drow because Sammy J is black

God fucking dammit

Hahahaha

That caught me completely off guard. Thank you.

>>16553777
Awesome. Great story. Great trips.

OP is winrar.

>>16553843
As a matter of fact, I do.

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20060401b

>>16553777
>>16553777
>>16553777
>>16553777

>>16553880
>>16553880
Excellent, thank you

>>16553806
>>16553811
>>16553819
>>16553827
>>16553877
>>16553865
>>16553803
thank you all for your kind words! I'm very glad you enjoyed the story. it was my first one on /tg/ do you have any tips for my next one? (besides type it out first, which I intend to do)

>>16553845
right there with you. I didn't really see it coming. most people roleplay drow as black, so I didn't think much of it. to be fair, I did preface the story saying he was a bit of a that guy.

Just checked something. In serpent kingdoms, there's the Bone Naga.
>A bone naga is a skeletal undead creature created from a naga by a spellcaster (usually of its own race). A create undad spell can produce a bone naga from any naga subject with fewer Hit Dice than the creator.
>Thought it despises servitude, a bone naga unswervingly obeys its creator, attacking even other nagas if so commanded. Should its master die, the bone naga becomes free-willed and can choose its own destiny.
There's no special ability or such in the stat block that confirms this.
Would you people consider that, disregarding of the broken possibilities, the fluff text is to be followed ?

>>16554155
that's interesting, I didn't know that. I would've allowed it, but I didn't know about that book. thanks

okay guys, OP is going to bed, it's 1am here and I don't feel so good.

thanks very much for sticking around for the ride, you were all very nice. please feel free to keep the thread going with your own stories, that was the idea behind starting this one.