The Ordo Xenos dispatches a Kill Team to a remote paradise world with orders to evacuate a high ranking Adeptus Terra official. They find themselves stranded after their shuttle is shot down over a jungle, and must trek to the palace installation where they learn the residents have gone mad and turned the entire world into a hunting reserve where they attempts to kill or capture eachother. They must convince the Adeptus Terra official to leave, or subdue him, and make their way off the planet somehow.

>pic related, he's the official you've been sent to rescue

After a series of pirate attacks on local population transports destine for a recently reclaimed agriworld, the Ordo Xenos is sent in to uncover the truth. Suspecting the agriworld to be an Eldar maiden world the Kill Team stows away on a transport, intending to bring swift retribution to the ship's attackers and scuttle the xenos vessel. After a series of firefights throughout the ship (and perhaps even outside the ship) the Kill Team boards the attacking craft: a human cargo transport, retrofitted with some unknown xenos technology. Once onboard, they quickly discover their assailants are harvesting the bodies. They descend deeper into the derelict freighter intend on dispatching whatever lurks inside.

>ProTip: Slaughth motherfucker, do you speak it?

>>16566978
and they're hunted by him

>>16566978

hahah, that sounds fun as shit.

The Killteam are sent to investigate the governor of a pleasure planet. Accompanying them is an Inquisitor from the Ordo Xenos, who believes that there is some sort of xenos plot or genestealer cult in the midst. The Inquisitor has obtained enough invitations to a party for them and the Killteam. Their power armor is inappropriate for such an occasion, so they must wear their best in formal attire, which will cue a shopping sequence with the Inquisitor. Once the killteam has acquired their clothing, they will find out that it is a murder-mystery party. The players must now not only hide the fact that they're Astartes but play a random persona.

Suddenly, the lights go out and they will find that their Inquisitor and the Governor is dead. Upon checking the bodies, they find out that they're really dead, and not faking. The killteam now must find out who killed the Inquisitor and Governor and why everyone is acting so strange.

[nospoiler]The killteam finds out that this was all an elaborate surprise for one of the Killteam members birthdays![/nospoiler]

>>16567463

A killteam arrives on a sparsely populated agriworld that has fallen behind on it's tithes. The team finds, however, that the war came and went. Due to a combination of warp fuckery and administratum tomfoolery, a dark eldar raiding party came and went. The citizens of the agriworld fought valiantly, but lost many in driving the dark eldar back. Now, the administratum is demanding harvest tithes that they simply can't harvest in time.

Quick thinking marine players will put their superior strength and stamina to work, harvesting the needed grain in a truly d'aaaaaw inspiring wave of bro-ism.

>>16567506
>Take to the fields, Brothers!
>He who farms with me shall be my brother.
>NONE CAN WITHSTAND OUR YIELDS!
>Walk softly, and carry a big plow.
>I will destroy their pests and burn their weeds!

>>16567539

>>16567539

That planet? Loyal FOREVER.

>>16567539
>My faith is my thresh! My fury is my plow!
>Yes, YES, you will NEED a tractor for ME
>Tresh, but do not be threshed
>Carry the Emperor's will as your Off; with it, destroy the insects

>>16567506
>>16567539

>>16567608
The perfect chapter for this assignment.

A Space Marine kill team is mistakenly sent to a post-industrial planet, where there are two religions, The Emperor, and FOOTBAWL. Meeting with a down and out college football coach, the Space Marines quickly garner his attention by the fact these 8ft tall super men, still have 4 years of college eligibility!

The Marines quickly learn that nothing in their training prepared them for two-a-days, working as a team, defeating superior opponents or the most dangerous task of all... Learning the true meaning of friendship

>>16567673
>Blood Bowl with Space Marines

>>16567608
are they back up to fighting strength yet?

also how bout the black councils? i heard there were a few that survived.

>>16567673
>nothing in their training prepared them for two-a-days, working as a team, defeating superior opponents

lost it

Oh god, running any of these encounters completely deadpan as a DM, and watching as the harcore lore faggot deathwatch players I have melt down in front of me

>>16567506
>Assigning a Scythes of the Emperor NPC to the group before this mission

>>16567673
>Assigning an Emperor's Linebackers NPC to the group before the mission
>'The Emperor's What? What chapter is this? Who are they a successor to?

STOLEN

ALL OF IT

MINE NOW

(ok maybe i'll just take inspiration from it)

>>16567714
>'The Emperor's What? What chapter is this? Who are they a successor to?
>mfw Dark Angels
>mfw D. Twoi Lion'el of the Emperor's Linebackers

>yfw Emperor's Linebackers, successor of the Stealers, successor of the Blood Ravens

>>16567673
rudy

Rudy

RUDY!
RUDY!
RUDY!
RUDY!

>>16567677
Bloodbowl has nothing to do with football though.

>>16567749
>Bloodbowl has nothing to do with football though.
>Blood Bowl
>nothing to do with football
You are the definition of wrong.

The Deathwatch team are sent to a world which has been obscured by warp storms for the past 150 years. The storms still rage, too much far a large ship to remain in orbit, but a thunderhawk could brave entry and land without too much trouble. Last known contact with imperial colonists had reported the place infested with Xenomorphic Kud Bears, and so the Deathwatch are probably the best for the job of recon on this world.

Upon landing the Deathwatch are greated fondly by a race of beautiful humanoids, with small furry ears, sharp claws and dainty tails. The warp has many perils, and locked in a storm of such magnitude for as many years as they were, the colonists were merged with the Kud Bears, and now a new race of human/bears exists.

Loyal to imperial rule, but by all defintions, still mutants and xenos (But by no choice of their own), do the Deathwatch report their findings? An exterminus would be impossible because of the warp storms surrounding the place, do the Deathwatch take on the job of planet wide genocide? Or do they decide that these creatures deserve the right to live and worship the Emperor?

>>16567767
>Loyal to imperial rule, but by all defintions, still mutants and xenos-

Right that's all I needed to hear.

Bust out the world busting gun

well this thread is already more worthy of archive than most of the threads already on suptg

>>16567767
if the imperium doesn't slay them outright, then they would just be classed as abhumans.

And was the beautiful really needed?

>>16567767
>do the Deathwatch take on the job of planet wide genocide?

If I gave this option to my players, I would spend the next year of my life running a holocaust campaign.

>>16567788
No, but it was deliberately written that way.

If any of my players were actually in this situation, and DIDN'T purge the whole planet, I'd have them spend the rest of the session writing their characters wills while they await an entire order of SoB to murder them to death, twice.

>>16567506
>1980's film montage of a Deathwatch Killteam harvesting crops
>DARE! DARE TO BELIEVE
>having a fight with soil clods
>one marine gets water poured over him and they all laugh
>sleepy marine wakes up and finds he's be turned into a scarecrow

The kill team is tasked with breaking the back of an ork waaagh on a densely populated boreal world. Upon arrival, they're shocked to find that the waaaagh seems to have stopped in it's tracks due to infighting of the most curious variety: Half of the waaaagh has taken up imperial banners and equipment, and are now eagerly fighting the other half while wearing stolen imperial guard uniforms.

Why? Da boss witnessed a lowly psyker lose his shit and go mad, believing himself the emperor. As this psyker ranted as such, he wrought such monstrous levels of destruction before his head finally exploded that the warboss could only venture to guess that 'Da Empurah' must be the biggest, baddest ork ever to have lived, and that maybe these humie gits are on to something.

No one is really sure how to take this, but any outcome will surely be hilarious.

>>16567785
Go and vote for it then!

>>16567834
Unfortunately, this one is once again, purge them all. Suffer not the Alien to live...

Keep em coming! One of these is definately now my halloween game!

>>16567870

Oh yeah, kill them all, but fuck if it won't be hilarious all the same. Especially if the players try to take on the normal waaagh first, because 'Da Empurah's Boyz' will HAVE to try and 'help.'

>>16567834
Well you've inspired me in one way

UNORKODOX ENCOUNTERS - DEFFWOTCH EDITION
(So gutted I never got my application in in time for deffwotch)

Da Gits gotta find some bigga fights, so dey go ta necromunda. But ta guvnor is suspicious of da boyz. Da boyz av too disgard all dat is orky and dakka and make like Mork and be cunning and brutal, and assasinate dat guvnor.

Ow will da boyz evvar lib wid dem selves after not just shooty dakka killing someone and using kommando git stealth tactics?

>>16567755
Bloodbowl is a game where people run about throwing and carrying a rugby ball.

Football is a game where people kick a ball about and can't pick it up.

>>16567898
>34 posts in
>Already into self parody

Best thread on /tg/

>engorgement dsetgr
BEST CAPTCHA EVER

>>16567911
Don't you DARE drag fucking football vs american football into this awesome thread. You damn well KNOW that bloodbowl is based of a combination american football mixed with british football hooliganism, and you're a faggot for even TRYING to start some bullshit debate over what we call football in the uk and what americans call football.

If you want that arguement, go to /sp/ and get out.

>>16567929

inb4 deathwatch is sent to quell planetwide soccer riots and has to buy manpower with rounds at the pub

>>16567929

you sir. thank you.

>>16567929
This.

Really, drop it.

This is correct.

>>16567948
Inb4 that exact planet falls to ork invasion because no one can tell the difference between invading orks and rioting fans

>>16567834
I love this idea, be great for Rogue Trader.

>>16567979
How would it 'fall' to the Orkz then? I think it more likely the Orkz would get converted to the Imperial Faith and FOOTBAWL.

>>16567991

I've long wanted to field Da Empurah's Boyz in a tournament just for the reactions. Sadly, I don't have the cash to do that much in the way of conversions.

>>16567948
>>16567979
The Deathwatch is called to put down a ork waaaaargh on a backwater planet. Upon closer inspection, the planet is just mired in hooliganism during the midst of that planet's World Cup of football. The Deathwatch aides the Arbites by taking part in human rights violating kettling actions and weilding shotguns and arbite shields.

However just before departing, they realise one of the more Violent hooligan groups, really ARE Orks, and the Deathwatch, now only equipped with their non-lethal, government approved riot suppression weapons such as water cannons and tazers, have to take them down.

>>16567998
I'll see if my friend has any spare guard bits he doesn't need and bring out my own. This is an awesome idea.

>>16568009
>The Deathwatch, now only equipped with their non-lethal, government approved riot suppression weapons such as water cannons and tazers, have to take them down.

Well that's another nugget of solid gold. Stolen

>>16567929
Actually, /sp/ already sorted this shit to avoid constant trolling to that effect. Works pretty well.

>>16568224
Oh god some of those are fucking hilarious

>Underhive hookers dressup as xenos to cater to imperial perverts. All must be purged
>Xenos dress up as Underhive Hookers to devour imperial perverts. All must be purged
>On a huge backwater agri world, the deathwatch set down on a lakeside where horny teenage imperials are picked off one by one by a masked Kommando Nob using a huge chopper. All must be purged
>Deathwatch must Watchdeath
>Insane Order Cronus Inquistor 'Doc' recruits plucky astropath 'Marky McCry' to travel back in time with him. Deathwatch are called in to purge the horrible mutant offspring McCry spawns by copulating with his own mother
>All must be purged

>>16568224
>>16568239
So that's why /sp/ is buddies with /tg/ now.

>The Killteam encounters a rogue psyker Inquisitor who claims to have a chrono that tells him when people are going to die
>He predicts death of local important government officials, who die on schedule to terrible accidents
>He predicts death of rival, loyal Inquisitor
>This Inquisitor's iron halo didn't protect him from the plasma spray of a burst valve line that ruptured only when his ship passed through a debris field and was penetrated by a stray macrocannon round fired ages ago at some distant battlefield
>This Inquisitor lives but is badly mangled, sends Killteam to rogue's last known aera of operations
>Early in investigation, Killteam strays upon Chaos world and finds a chrono next to a dataslate with the heraldry of each of their chapters on it
>The chrono is ticking down

>This Saturday
>Death Watch
>Coming to a table near you

>>16568274
>>16568342
>Order Crono Inquisitors = Able to steal every time travel/against the clock story ever

BRILLIANT

Although 24 style Deathwatch. AMAZING

>>16567796
Are your players my players or are you my DM?

The planetary governor of Kyrexis IV has several problems.
One is a minor ork waaaagh that has already massacred 20 percent of the hive-world's population.
The other is a powder-keg of PR, because the population of Kyrexis IV is THIS close to rebelling against Imperial rule.
The Kill-team is already in the area after having completed an unrelated mission - an ideal way of taking out the waaaagh's leadership so the ork's fall to infighting until the Imperial Guard can be assed to show up.
Then the governor realises he can fix two problems at the same time. He hires the reknowned documentary vid-maker Whatshisface and his team, to follow the kill-team and record their glorious exploits for posterity as they infiltrate Hive Septimus and assassinate warboss 'Ugeskull.
tl;dr:
>Kill-team has to babysit a semi-civvie* film crew on a mission
>"Brother Angrius, the sound guy just lost his head. I don't suppose you know how to operate a boom mike?"
>"Brother Angrius, for the viewers out there, could you give a brief run-down of what an ork is? (try not to fighten them)"
>"You can take that out in the cutting room, right?"
*They've covered wars, you know

>>16568621
>run down on what an ork is
oh god my techpriest would shit his bricks at the opportunity

The kill-team is sent off to a paradise world for some reason.
Except when they get there, it's a false alarm. The ship that got them there has already left, and it's gonna be a month until the a ship arrives that can take them home.
What do space marines do in their free time?
++++++++
The Kill-Team is sent off to a shrine world of some sort (maybe some Harlequin showed up or something, Idunno), where they link up with the local convent of Sisters Hospitallier.
This particular convent is of the "celibate unless it's the Emperor himself" doctrine, with a twist; space marines are considered to be spiritually "linked" with the emperor (Evidence is found in, for instance, the black rage of the BA), so they're fair game.
There are approximately ten thousand sisters.
>They all want to fuck

>>16568621

Oh god.

Like COPS, only with the Emprah's angels of death.

More of a running gag, but I was thinking of, whenever the kill-team runs into an NPC, they think they're the Ultramarines.
>Busting into chaos coven
>Aw fuck, run! It's the Ultramarines!

>Stepping out of thunderhawk in IG command headquarters
>Oh thank the Emperor! The Ultramarines are here!

>Watching pict-news after successful operation
>And finally, the Grim Lord of Baa'adhvon III was defeated, thanks to the will of the emperor, and his instruments, the ULTRAMARINES!

>>16568621
Combat journalist NPCs attached to the Killteam?

I'd SO be in for that.

>>16568943
You know, if you assume that to be canon, it explains all the inexplicable "Awesome" that Matt Ward applied to the Ultramarines.
Almost none of it was the Ultramarines, they just got all the credit, because the Imperium is full of illiterate and uneducated retards.

>>16569026
Yeah, that's kind of where I was going with it.
Giving the Ultramarines the same feel in-universe as they have out-universe.

>>16568943
Reminds me of Shas'Os tales of the Orky Marines.

>>16569094
Haven't heard of those.
What are they?

>>16569217
Orks who make a (Shitty) attempt at disguising as space marines. They answer distress calls, and fight as if they were astartes, while looting everything they can.

>>16569239

They could claim to be Blood Ravens and nobody would bat an eyelid.

>>16569239
That's deffwotch

>>16568649
'What is an ork? A miserable pile of secrets!'

>>16568775

"YES, PLEASE, LET HIM TACKLE US SINGLEHANDEDLY!"

>>16568621
You must be talking about Francis Westros, legendary war correspondent.