>>22004170
At first I was sorry for you, but after reading that into paragraph it seems like things have taken a turn for the better.

>>22004170

Whoops, elf. SHe wants to be an elf.

So anyway, the Elf bitch gets her power, because Bro wants it and I just dont care, she's basically playing on her DS the whole time(POKEMON IS A BETTER RPG, she insists) and ignores us, so if she's doing that then fine.

It gets to the point though, where we're fighting the Elf King's cronies. He's basically psychotic from decades on the run and he's massing the biggest human settlement there is. The party is surrounded and I planned to have them fall into an ancient aqueduct or something. Then suddenly the fat bitch shrieks, I USE MY BLOODLINE POWER TO KILL THE ELVES.

SHe must have meant the ones surrounding us, so on the spot I decide she has no control over it at all and she genocides the entire elf race.

She bursts into tears. Literal fucking tears over this. I tell her a mark appears on her face, forever marking her as the "ender of the elves". She leaves and doesnt come back for two sessions. Bro is furious with me.
Two sessions later, she fucking shows up WITH THE FUCKING MARK TATTOOED ON HER FACE.

IIIIITS FUCKED. So, we continue playing.

>>22004170
>wearing a pink hair wig with a pikachu fursuit

oh god oh god oh god

File: 1355289264647.jpg-(47 KB, 637x697, At first I ____, BUT THEN(...).jpg)

>>22004224
>I tell her a mark appears on her face, forever marking her as the "ender of the elves".
Fucking badas-

>she fucking shows up WITH THE FUCKING MARK TATTOOED ON HER FACE.
WHAT THE FLIPPING FUCK?

>>22004224

So this fat disgusting bitch suddenly becomes the best fucking roleplayer ever. Fallen hero. Great sadness and shit. Drops the mary sue act and doesnt reach for her DS or doritos the next six sessions. She's really into this, to the point that Bro, is getting kind of pissed. He wants to fuck her.

She texts me. "I want to talk to you alone, anon."

So, she comes over to my face, and while I'm pissing, she stands outside my bathroom and strips.

I open the door and scream. It's fucking moby dick.

>>22004224
>she fucking shows up WITH THE FUCKING MARK TATTOOED ON HER FACE.
Jesus fuck, that should have been your signal to hightail the fuck out of there.

>>22004264
Did you scream, "It's fucking Moby Dick!", or did you just scream?

This is important.

File: 1355289391565.jpg-(115 KB, 700x480, 1283999199033.jpg)

>>22004264

File: 1355289444630.jpg-(14 KB, 200x196, WTF Hawk.jpg)

>>22004170
>My first impression of her was spilling a can of coke on my carpet, going "oh shit anon, I got it" and then returning from the kitchen with a new fucking can of coke.

>>22004277
Please tell me that that is the actual phrase that you screamed.

File: 1355289483508.png-(762 KB, 600x600, pureevil.png)

>>22004296

File: 1355289498870.jpg-(17 KB, 259x194, image.jpg)

>>22004264
>>22004277
My sides

>>22004264

She tries to seduce me. It fails. It fails for an hour, before I finally lock myself in my room and blast death metal until she leaves. When I leave, she's smashed my tablet controller for my Wii U(at least the warranty is active). There's a weird gummy substance in the kitchen sink and she seems to have shit in the other.

Two hours later, bro shows up, punches me in the face. Girl basically told him I raped her. He breaks my nose and kicks me in the face while I'm down and leaves.

Meanwhile, Quiet Asian Girl and Creepy Rapist both quit for different reasons. QAG tells CreepyRapist she has a crush on Bro. Creepy Rapist flips his shit in true nice guy fashion, ACTUALLY TRIES TO RAPE HER, and leaves. I was disgusted upon hearing this and now both refuse to come to any more sessions. I just got a text from Creepy Rapist telling me QAG is a slut and crazy. Bro has sent me three death threats. My Wii U is broken, and a fucking whale tried to fuck me, and failing that, shat in my sink.

And to top it all off this is finals week.

OP MOTHERFUCKER YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TYPE ALL THIS SHIT UP BEFOREHAND

>>22004323
Nope.

I refuse to believe any of this shit is true.

I roll to disbelieve.

>>22004323
Call the fucking cops.

Please call them

I have no words

File: 1355289682482.jpg-(28 KB, 460x276, Dr-Strangelove-is not pleased.jpg)

>>22004323
Shit, man....

File: 1355289721858.jpg-(107 KB, 900x900, 1300351315930.jpg)

Cool story bro.

>>22004323
call the fucking cops man holy fuck

File: 1355289735455.jpg-(21 KB, 370x499, 1297486535105.jpg)

>>22004356

Post pics of the tablet

File: 1355289745715.jpg-(88 KB, 1280x720, 1352935615398.jpg)

>>22004323
Why.
Why did you put yourself through this.
Why.

Also, why are you calling a guy trying to kill you "Bro"?

How horrifying.

Call QAG and explain yourself. It sounds like, aside from you, she was the only other victim.

>>22004349
dude THIS.

this cannot be passed on.

File: 1355289768940.png-(27 KB, 450x450, 1338086005524.png)

>>22004328

>>22004349
This. She shit in your sink, man.

>>22004323
file charges first. that's where this is going. file charges before her.

>>22004369
Maybe he means it in the context of dudebros. You know, like the dozer.

File: 1355289863713.png-(40 KB, 392x200, this.png)

>>22004368

>>22004397
THIS.

Always get the first word in, man.

>>22004407
I want proof

>>22004323
>that entire final paragraph

OP here, charges have been filed. Thank fuck for the patriarchy, the cops basically were like, "ANOTHER SLUT PRETENDING SOMEONE RAPED HER? MY FUCKING SON GOT JAILTIME FOR THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH I NEVER TRUST WOMEN ANYMORE."

Texted QAG three times. She's doing -okay-. Basically Creepy just grabbed her tits, cupped her vag and tore her shirt.

File: 1355289909523.jpg-(3 KB, 90x90, tomclose.jpg)

>>22004224
>>22004323
>IIIIITS FUCKED. So, we continue playing.
Yeah. Sure. So how much of this is made up?

>this thread

Why do I have nothing but Chen reaction pictures saved to this computer? None of them are anywhere near appropriate.

>>22004416

It's fine, as a tablet. The screen is borken though, it's all black and wont turn on. THe lights come on and shit.

File: 1355290014300.jpg-(6 KB, 150x144, 87d999f0d9e76e0ae760bb92b(...).jpg)

>>22004423
Good job OP. Now bring justice down upon this wench.

>>22004423
You and QAG should take this time and just chill and hang out, the both of you.

You and her seem to be the only normal ones in that group

File: 1355290046120.jpg-(43 KB, 403x463, I can't think of a funny (...).jpg)

>>22004431
For you.

File: 1355290046266.gif-(549 KB, 360x359, FFFUUUUUUCK.gif)

>mfw

>>22004446
Pics or it didn't happen

File: 1355290069800.jpg-(37 KB, 305x386, Lord Major Puck.jpg)

Pics or didn't happen.

File: 1355290134243.gif-(490 KB, 500x208, 1354243869393.gif)

>>22004423
Well that escalated quickly
Still think this is a troll thread though. In fact, even more so now.

File: 1355290199510.jpg-(141 KB, 446x508, 1340479714520.jpg)

If that's true, holy shit.

I am going to have to agree though: pics, or it didn't happen.

>>22004457

QAG is a fucking weird ass mother fucker.

First time we ever hung out solo, she like, tried to "wrestle me"

I'm a huge fat monster. WHile we 'wrestled' she tried to put her finger in my ass. We've been distant since

>>22004423
Did she kick him in the face? She should have kicked him in the face.

Also, goddamn, sometimes I'm intensely happy that I don't know anyone IRL who plays tabletop games. All my friends who I used to play with are still up north.

>>22004397
this

I will refuse to believe any of this until I see pictures of the broken Wii U pad, and the shit in the sink.

>>22004509
Still don't see the problem with that.

File: 1355290306565.png-(214 KB, 316x420, Death Laugh.png)

>>22004509
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Marry that girl.

>>22004509

She was trying to give you the 1000 years of pain. I think she's just awkward; you should hang out more.

>"D&D session with a 2:3 girl to guy ratio"
And you suckers are possibly buying into this retarded story of magic and heroism? Where are those beans I've been waiting to trade for cows? Dammit!

File: 1355290346304.png-(32 KB, 217x278, 1322260422001.png)

>>22004509
That's generally a good sign.

>>22004423
>just grabbed her tits, cupped her vag and tore her shirt.
MAN. SHIT. DUDE.

File: 1355290397006.gif-(1020 KB, 250x212, 1347745047448.gif)

>>22004509
I just want you to know that I hate you

>>22004423
>grabbed her tits, cupped her vag and tore her shirt.

The white knight inside me is raging, especially due to quiet asian girls being my fetish.

>>22004542
I've seen it before. heck, I've seen stranger.

But the perfect clusterfuck OP describes is just too perfect. We need pictures.

>>22004568
They were probably his too.

>>22004423
>>22004423
>Thank fuck for the patriarchy, the cops basically were like, "ANOTHER SLUT PRETENDING SOMEONE RAPED HER?
Police report or this never happened.

>>22004527
>inb4 OP smashes his controller and shits in his own sink to sell the story

If anyone believes this, they probably also believe that Sir Bearington is real.

I mean walking around Time Square right now, real.

>>22004423
Isn't making up rape charges an offense now? And even if it isn't, there's definite grounds for a civil suit with all that libel about you being a rapist adversely affecting your life. Bring that whale down.

>>22004589
If he's willing to go that far, he deserves to be believed.

>>22004590
>implying Sir Bearington isn't real
RAWR.

>>22004589
If he does this, I will gladly play along, for that's some fucking dedication.

/TG/ WILL NOT BE SATISFIED WITHOUT A SHIT IN A SINK.

>>22004594
Not to mention potential Intentional or Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress.

File: 1355290608729.png-(49 KB, 729x696, 1299627936839.png)

>This Thread
>Huehuehue

I am sadly entirely willing to believe that someone did all this. People can be horrible.

I also believe that OP may be exaggerating a fair bit, which is his right as a man who got kicked in the face.

>>22004601
Not him, but I'm guessing he's probably attempted to clean the goddamn shit out of his sink by this point.

He ought to have the Wii U parts though. At the very least, the wounds.

>>22004558
>Police report or this never happened.

Why

>>22004542
I doubt you'll get many cows from /tg/.

This is the sink shitter.

OP seems to have fled. Though your story was extremely entertaining I'm disappointed (and a little relieved) that it wasn't real.

File: 1355290787271.jpg-(653 KB, 1600x865, bearingtoninthebigcity.jpg)

>>22004590
Th-they said he was a repair technician...

>>22004649

That fellow in the basket is way too well dressed to be a repair technician.

File: 1355290864517.jpg-(376 KB, 800x1027, 4bd59eaebfafe.jpg)

>>22004647
>>22004647
>>22004647
>>22004647

SHIT IN THE SINK OR THIS THREAD WILL STINK

File: 1355290928261.jpg-(178 KB, 456x628, da6.jpg)

>>22004672

>>22004672
That's not even female.

File: 1355290996658.gif-(990 KB, 400x225, Burn it all.gif)

>>22004672

>>22004672
Everything is real. I believe everything.

I HATE everything.

These people, these events, have destroyed my desire to be part of this human race. Thanks OP.

>>22004649
Lord Bearington! A man of the people if ever I saw one. Willing to get his hands dirty and even repair telephone lines himself, regardless of his noble status.

File: 1355291106663.gif-(2.73 MB, 240x135, 1341847628666.gif)

>>22004672

>>22004423
dude..

like

you should totally

like...

you know

date the asian girl

File: 1355291159033.jpg-(6 KB, 251x165, 1326079849362.jpg)

>>22004672

File: 1355291167296.gif-(1.13 MB, 300x174, wowamazing.gif)

This is one of the greatest threads I've ever read OP, I now will forget it any time (if ever) I think my group is kind of irritating, you just showed me how bad it can get.

and for that you have my eternal thanks.

File: 1355291190932.jpg-(168 KB, 640x480, kenshirostare.jpg)

>This thread.

File: 1355291226773.png-(678 KB, 570x696, Promotheseus.png)

>>22004258

>>22004672
WHAT THAT IS AMAZING MY SIDES, GOOD GOD HELP ME MY SIDES.

Shit in the air filter in her car.

>>22004774
I'm sorry, did you not see the picture of the beast in this thread?
She must be transported around like a horse. And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even notice.

>>22004774

Escalation is always the answer!

>>22004803
Yes, it is.

>>22004640
Well not with that attitude.

Rolled 10

>>22004672
>no face tattoo

Rolling for perception check

>>22004829
>implying she has taken and uploaded a picture to Facebook (presumably) in the time between receiving the tattoo and now

>>22004829

Thats an old picture idiot. It's from her modeling site. Dont see a pikachu fursuit either, do you?

>>22004672
Why is the sky needlessly shopped

why would someone put so much effort into an outfit that looks that shitty

>>22004852

>>22004264
>next six sessions

It's been a while.

>>22004913

Pic from 2008

>>22004913
We don't know when that pic was taken though, do we?

>>22004913
I did that in eight days once

It was under unusual circumstances, admittedly (group was breaking up to go to college and we wanted to finish the campaign), but still.

File: 1355292095389.jpg-(23 KB, 600x598, fuck.jpg)

>>22004930

>>22004933
see
>>22004930

>>22004933
Nevermind.
>>22004930

>>22004942
Now that isn't so bad.

Rolled 15

>>22004942
still no tattoo

>>22004942

a meh/10, not too bad.

>>22004672

Kill it with fire. Holy, pure cleansing fire.

Now we need pics of the rest of the group

>>22004976
No shit, because it's from even further in the past.

Rolled 10

>>22004993
So why dont you prove your story with a face tattoo picture, since you clearly have a cache of pics of her.

File: 1355292383678.png-(13 KB, 158x151, 1337683796003.png)

>>22004993
Because I'm not OP, and I'm not posting the pictures.

Duh.

>>22005017
Meant to quote >>22005006

>>22005006
An attention whore like that would be sure to have new selfshot facebook photos every few days.

>>22005006
No, she blocked me from facebook .That was google image search

File: 1355292567954.jpg-(34 KB, 500x333, 1350542068317.jpg)

Rolled 15

>>22005046
Sounds SO plausible

OP here

/tg/ is always trollable

later shitlords, goin' b2/b/

>>22005057
You are OP.
Yeah right.

>>22005046
Neither of those photos have any hits on reverse GIS or tineye.

File: 1355292644415.gif-(2.18 MB, 480x360, 1350961246876.gif)

No pics.

No evidence.

No truth.

I want to see this face tattoo...

>>22005046
That's a lie, given that reverse search turns up 0 results

>>22005057
Back in my day, "Back in my day, trolling meant something" was a joke

Well since its seems to be one of those threads, I have a story that actually happened.

>>22005507
Tell us. Now.

>>22005507

>>22005507
Anyways, sorry for the greentext

>Join group I found from my FLGS
>Its a Pathfinder game
>Game night
>Drive over to GM's house
>Its a nice place
>REALLY nice
>Like, completely spotless nice
>Immediately uncomfortable
>To my surprise, all the relatively normal people from the FLGS are here
>GM was a regular as well
>Starts off the night by telling us how he got rid of his last group because they kept making a mess of his house
>Tells us it will not happen again
>Everyone rolls up characters, things seem alright
>Fairly generic start of the campaign, meeting in the tavern, ect
>Everything goes good until break time
>Few people go out to have a smoke, another goes to the kitchen to get a drink and some snacks, and GM goes to the bathroom, leaving me an my chips at the table
>Completely ignoring chips, I'm on my phone
>Hear fabric rubbing against fabric and look up
>What the fuck, the GM is solid snaking across the floor towards me
Continued

>>22004323
>Creepy Rapist flips his shit in true nice guy fashion, ACTUALLY TRIES TO RAPE HER, and leaves.
...Story?

>>22005642
other than the fact that it never happened, you already have the full story

>>22005639
>Looks at me dead in the eyes
>"If you are gonna eat those chips, wash your filthy hands afterwards before touching my things."
>Solid snakes out of the room
>Hear screams from the kitchen
>"WHAT IS THAT? WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT A MESS?"
>Hear startled voice asking whats the matter
>Apparently whoever was getting a drink didn't use a coaster on the kitchen counter for his drink
>Quietly pack up my things and start heading for door
>GM starts chasing after me
>"WAIT, No I didn't say you had to go comeback!"
>He smacks his knee of something and falls over
>Leave and never return


I still see him around the FLGS, turns out the smokers got ash on his ground and didn't clean it up. Everyone left that group for various reason that night, and it seems he is trying to get another one together. Is being a neat freak a legitimate mental condition?

>>22004672
Do you have that picture of her with the pikachu suit you said was on her facebook?

File: 1355296353009.jpg-(237 KB, 1032x775, coasters.jpg)

>>22005701
>Apparently whoever was getting a drink didn't use a coaster on the kitchen counter for his drink
>didn't use a coaster on the kitchen counte
>use a coaster
>coaster
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT

>22005701

I would have totally stayed. cant you imagine how awesome his campaign must be?! this guy is commando crawling on the floor just to remind you to police your chips, and then scoots still on the ground into the kitchen for more shenanigans? man after my own heart.

Oh god it was all true

Nothing makes sense, time is out of joint, stop the world I want out

>>22004672

I wouldn't call that a whale, but I certainly wouldn't call it attractive by any standards.

You have my sympathy.

File: 1355296774320.jpg-(62 KB, 750x600, COASTERS.jpg)

>>22005738
SHIT IN MY SINK, MAYBE.

BUT USE A FUCKING COASTER.

>>22005738

It's like the general animosity that boiled over from that thread created some sort of neat freak super asshole and had him manifest onto our plain of existence.

>>22004672
....Eh.

Probably would fuck in your situation if it weren't for the bro. But as a one night thing.

>>22005823
No we are not quantum liches.

>>22005830
You have less than no standards, you have negative standards.

>>22005701

This reminds me, I should clean my room.

>>22005864
Fucked uglier.

Not more annoying though. This I do grant.

>>22005839

What if we're all the same quantum lich that's been cursed into a form of hell by one of his many enemies by splitting his soul into a thousand thousand pieces and spreading it around the human race. /tg/ is just an attempt at pulling himself together.

File: 1355297379654.png-(8 KB, 404x350, Untitled.png)

>>22004741

>>22005701
I'd kill for a GM this awesome.

Give him another chance, Anon. At least you know he'll meticulously plan every aspect of the campaign in advance, and it will be the best story ever told.

Expect to be fighting some sort of ooze, dust mephit, or some other dirty creature. Make your character a bald human paladin with an ear piercing, who always wears white armor... named Mr. Clean.

>>22005940
Mr. Clean breaks into housewives houses when their husbands our out and seduces them.

>>22005954
I thought that was the Brawny guy.

I always suspected Mr. Clean was gay.

>>22005961
This. Fun fact, Mr. Clean is a power bottom

>>22005701
Being a neat freak can be a symptom of OCD. You should consider joining his game. As quirks go, OCD is a fairly easy one to handle.

>>22004364
Just call the cops on everyone. Then, call them on yourself to be safe.

>>22005890
Negative

Standards

No man should be so desperate for puss he'd stick his dick in that.

>>22006056
>>22006056
Agreed. This guy needs to chop his dick off to get his life back together.

>>22005997
What is a power bottom?
I don't into fetspeak.

>>22005701
Yes, because it's a sign of OCD, which can manifest any number of ways, such as... the need for everything to be clean.

>>22005940
seriously. he'd probably be a pretty good DM if you can go without snacking during the sessions.
and also probably get a quick second alone with the rest of the group to let them know to be extra fucking clean.

I don't care if it's fake or not.

I got a laugh out of it.

Thanks.

>fat guy with high standards

Huh. Go figure.

>>22006056
>>22006063
she doesn't look that bad. the only reason she's so abhorrent is the personality and fashion sense, which were not part of the package of the guy you're criticizing.

>>22004672
ita/10, dont really care whether the stories true or not. Did get a chuckle out of it though.

File: 1355300528868.jpg-(78 KB, 600x480, Coasters.jpg)

>>22005738

>>22005961
You need Brawny Man's towelettes to wipe up Mr.Clean's junk. They're either both gay, or double-teaming your wife.

>>22004942
She's cute, like normal girl cute. At least her face.

>>22004323
WAIT

SO BASICALLY THE FAT BITCH CLAIMED YOU RAPED HER A LIED AND WAS AN INSANE SLUT

AND THEN QAG ACCUSED CREEP OF BEING A RAPIST AND HE TELLS YOU THAT SHE IS A CRAZED SLUT

DO YOU NOT SEE YOUR BIAS?

OP she basically tried to rape you.

The other guy assaulted you.

All I got out of this thread is that a shitty group was broken up and OP can't realize that even he's a fat bastard the asian girl would totally fuck him, ven if she has to stage some "wrestling." Girls that are willing to put their finger up a dudes butt are totally into the dude and OP can't see it. No wonder he got a shitty group to begin with.

>>22006715
Seriously, just communicate that you don't want a finger up the butt after you start dating.

>>22006715
How do you know it's not just Kancho?

>>22006733
Why would a quiet awkward chick want to "wrestle" you? There's kid play and then there's adult play.

File: 1355304834511.jpg-(305 KB, 1152x1152, happy negro rei.jpg)

>>22006715
>believing this story

>>22006715
I interpreted this story as a test.

>5 people in this group
>twice, a guy is accused of raping a girl
>the girl has a past history of being fucking weird in both cases
>the guy is unattractive in both cases
>the only difference we know of is how OP describes the people in the story and the perspective of the story

>>22006771
After witnessing and experiencing weirder stories. Yeah why not. Tabletop games attract some of the weirdest fucking people. Our once kicked a guy out because we found out he had childporn on his laptop, constantly smelled like he just got done jizzing in his pants, and that he took a dump in the back of a nice guy's truck causing him to never game with us again. He bitched about it on his blog saying it felt like a "betrayal" and other stupid shit we laughed at.

That's the most extreme but sometimes there's a perfect shitstorm.

>OP here, charges have been filed. Thank fuck for the patriarchy, the cops basically were like, "ANOTHER SLUT PRETENDING SOMEONE RAPED HER? MY FUCKING SON GOT JAILTIME FOR THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH I NEVER TRUST WOMEN ANYMORE."

Yep. Cops taking a report will always discuss their specific opinions with the person taking the report, thereby endangering any possible prosecution and throwing into question his impartiality regarding the report.

The rest I'm willing to buy into, but this is another game of /tg/ story Jenga.

>>22006854
The thing you find unbelievable about this story is the incompetent, biased cop. Really?

>>22006886

I use the "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt" test for stories on /tg/. When people claim THAT GUY did thousands of dollars in property damage, grievous bodily harm, rape, etc. and then they don't report it to the cops? Probably bullshit.

When a cop torpedoes a false allegation/rape case because he comments on his bias? Probably bullshit.

The rest of the story sounds overfluffed, a High School dramatist with Middle School writing chops. But there is a full stop logic break at that point in the story, one that cannot resolve in an explanation of the insanity of the human condition.

That's Taking Statement 101. Drilled into your head in training. I doubt incompetence when it's probably something in your jacket at best and at worst some unpaid leave.

>>22005701
yes, it can be a trait of ocd

>>22006070

Someone who uses being the penetrated to satisfy their love of cock.

Imagine a girl who will take you in every hole, ride you until you scream and grip the sheets in abject panic, and then play with your balls while taking you down to the root, massaging you with her throat and forcing each drop of sweet glorious jism out of you. She'll force herself back on each stroke when you're fucking, dirty talk, and wear you out in a quest for MORE CUM. She'll lick your ass, let you piss on her, and just use that body like a fucking ragdoll.

Now replace the pussy with a dick.

You have a power bottom.

Any gay guys love them just like straight guys love their female counterparts

Some of the horror stories I don't tell you people sound implausable, too. But then again I try to reign in the exaggerations that were fueled by either my confusion or terror.

We all exaggerate a bit when telling our worst stories. It's a natural side effect brought on by either fear, spite, or anger. OP's story could in fact be true, but exaggerated a fair deal. More proof however IS needed.

>>22007233

Yes, of course. Thank you namefag for enlightening us and cockteasing stories at the same time.

>>22004264
>I open the door and scream. It's fucking moby dick.
Did you split your lungs in blood and thunder

>>22007955
THEN CLEARLY IT IS STORY TIME WITH FUN TIME STEVE USING YOUR POST AS A VERY WEAK JUSTIFICATION.

>>22008088

Ok. We're waiting.

First, I'm afat dude just looking to have a fun time with dice. The most you need to know about me, other than many of my games go awful.

About 4 years ago a fellow fa/tg/uy and I found a game. It was a hour away, but it was all we could get at the time. So we hit the turnpike, and went to what is basically a suburb about an hour away from our suburb. The name of the game was forgotten realms, and our inviter was a big fan of it when it first came out.

>>22008265

When we got there, we knocked on the door, and was greeted with..thump.

Thump.

THUMP.

"HEY GUYS! YOU GET HERE OKAY?"
Our dear host, in his giant glory, answered.

I am afat dude. I'm 330 easy. I felt very small, and very thin, compared to our host. We shall call him The Whale. The Whale was easily early 40s, neckbeard as all get out, short cropped hair, and as jolly as santa.

He ushered us in, where another player would be. This fellow was young, very thin, a half a head shorter than me. He had a bowl haircut, pointy chin, and squinted most of the time. He looked like a young pale gilbert godfrey gone emo, and had a sour attitude. Let's call him Gil. We passed him, and into te dining room. 40k miniatures were being painted! They where the Whale's. So he moved them and we all sat at the table.

>>22008307

We sat, talked shop a little, talked about ourselves. My Bro was a full time student, myself a part time student, part time job. We learned the Whale worked at a local telecom company, usually commuting to the city, and that Gil was 16, was not his son, but he hung out there often. He was fond of xbox and dnd. Soon, a woman showed up out of nowhere. She was small, curly haired, and looked mid 50s. This is the Whale's wife. She was pleasant, quiet, and vanished if you took your eye off her.

Soon, another joined and we were now four. Another young man, by my guess. Soon morepoured in. The whale was not the dm, but a fellow coming would be. An hour passed when we found ourselves numbering in the seven, including the DM. A bit big, but more managable in person than online.

>>22004594
What does the law have to do with it?

There's a Crying White Girl TM, so she must be automatically telling the truth!

>>22005046
> she blocked me from facebook
Make a gimmick account. If need be, make it [a hot guy or whatever] and add her as a friend.

>>22008370
Not including the DM, my mistake

Our characters were this:
Bro played a paladin of kord. Might makes awesome.
I played a whiny rogue who hung out with him.
The Wife played a dwarf berserker. Did not expect that.
Gil played..a little girl wizard. A very young human girl. So. Yeah.
The guy who showed up but didnt act weird made our primary healer. He shall be named Healbot.
The other guy made some sort of ninja, I don't recall that well.
Whale made a CG Male Drow Bard.

My instincts kicked hard. REAL hard.

>>22008466

So much exposition for what will be a horrible TOTALLY TRUE story.

File: 1355323053588.jpg-(36 KB, 468x599, 1348411668233.jpg)

>>22008466
type faster steve-o
i need to read the full story before i can study for my logic circuitry exam tomorrow

>>22008466

The first session was okay. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Okay! We'll come next week.

The DM had to drop. His girlfriend was in an accident. So the Whale took over. What started as hunting a cult of demon worshippers, turned into TIME TO GO TO THE UNDERDARK.

Turns out the Bard's mother wanted him back, was hunting him, and we were going into her trap. What was adventure was -that- now. I kept trucking. Turned out Gil designed his character to pull off a Trap The Soul to whoever they disliked. Fantastic. The person they disliked was Healbot. -Great-.

Eventually people grab smoke breaks. I didnt smoke, but 7 people gaming, you need fresh air over time. I decided to get a breath of fresh air out the back.

I was out there in time to watch Gil, pants undone, partially pulled down, to rub his ass up and down on a telephone pole, while doing something in the front.

Wait OP, a quiet asian girl tried to stick her finger up your ass and you didn't let her?

what the fuck man?

I fled back in and sat in my chair. I internally paniced, and barely kept my cool. I had to go to the bathroom several times to replay that in my mind. I failed trying to go to the bathroom, despite knowing my bladder was full. Like I was on goddamn lockdown, no one in or out.

I eventually got back, but my perspective was ruined. I finally noticed Gil sat real close to Whale. My mind screamed red warning lights. I did not wish to believe it.

The session ended after we fought a giant super spider and the bard's sister, or brother. I forget. Apparently Whale had all the old books about FR and the novels, and his favorite char was Elminster. He knew mostof his adventures, especially when he was turned into a woman. The whole time, I felt Gil's eyes on me, and saw him watch me like a hawk. He had to know I saw. I didnt make a noise, he never approached, but the silent horror was there, for both of us. I just wanted to go home.

>>22008565
>I was out there in time to watch Gil, pants undone, partially pulled down, to rub his ass up and down on a telephone pole, while doing something in the front.
Please dont let it be the Whale giving him a blowjob

>>22008629

Whale was inside

>>22008626
I'm ready to go an hour ago. Bro gets ready, talks about maybe taking levels in something. I'm taking levels in shitting myself. We get ready to go, and a hand grips my shoulder.

"Hey, Steve!"

I turn, the Whale smiling.

"You know, Bro mentioned WoD. We have a group that me and Gil play in on wednesdays. If you wanted, you can join. I warn ya though. It's vampire, and really roleplay heavy." Gil looks rather..I don't know if it's mad, worried, or something. His nostrils flared a lot. I told them I would have to see my schedule, left, and asked for that day, and game day, to work until I quit.

I can never be certain what the situation was. I don't care. Better no gaming than bad gaming.

>>22008565
>rub his ass up and down on a telephone pole
My ass hurts just imagining the splinters

>>22008680
This cant be the end.

>>22005056
That ones true. It worked for me.

>>22008687
maybe it was metal one and his ass got rust in it

oh the pain, its good

>>22007095
I am now terribly aroused and terribly sad.

>>22008695
There's one thing I got told by my friend who kept playing for two months with them.

He said Gil apparently stayed there a lot, and might not have the best family home. They let him stay over often. Wether it was crazy kid, or worse, it was all just enough to not want to be around anymore. I'd been in enough games to know where it could go. I treasured my anus not being penetrated.

>>22008759
Ah, what might-have-beens...

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>>22007095

>>22008748

Why are you sad? Seems like an odd thing to be sad about... Unless you are denied the awesome privilege of such an individual being in your life.

>>22009006
You guessed the nature of my malady correctly, good sir.

>>22009282

You should work on that. It's really tops and there are plenty of girls who are up to it.

>>22004672
You hang out with weirdest of people, OP. How do you do this?

>>22009327
I would, kind Anon, but alas, I don't seem able to.

>>22006813
Link to the blog? I'd love to read that post.

>>22004897
>Thats an old picture idiot. It's from her modeling site.
>It's from her modeling site.
>modeling site

How the fuck did no one notice this?

>>22010396

We did you fucking pleb. No reverse image search found proof of said site, it's a bs story.

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>>22005881
>cleaning your room
What are you, 12? Do you not keep your room perfectly 100% organized at all times, using a color-coded system with a key to said system hanging on the wall above your bed in an ornate, hand-carved frame?

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>>22006544
this OP

Since this is a thread of fake stories of unbelievable occurences, I shall regale in a tale of something that never took place, is very unbelieveable and with the terrible gramma that someone, who finished three beers in the course of reading this thread, can muster. Now, if I'm a slow reader of fast drinker is up to you.

>Go to game with bro.
>Host is pretty cool guy.
>One of the group members is an asspie.
>Girl enters.
>Asspie tries to rape girl.
>Huge fight.
>Everyone deals damage to asspie, roll 1d∞ for damage
>Police is called
>Girl is traumatised
>Asspie is sent to prison, later exeuted
>I begin dating girl.
EVERYTHING WENT BETTER THAN EXPECTED

I wonder what asspie is doing now.

I'm sorry for shit posting. But really, I can believe the stuff about the failed-seducing, but I can't believe the neat-freak, sink-shitting, pole-rubbing or... the other forget-able stuff. Maybe I should read Luke Plagueson of Nurgle once more?

>>22007095
I'd go gay if men attracted me.


my female does pretty much the opposite of all those things. Shit sucks.