>AT THE AGE OF THE DAWNING STAR,

>ONE VIRGIN

>AN ANCIENT EVIL

>>22146679 Op was a faggot

>EXISTED ATOP AND ANCIENT STAIR

This sounds more like a movie trailer

>WHERE TIME IS NOT A WHEN BUT A WHERE,

>TOGETHER THEY FIGHT CRIME

>YES, THE VIRGIN WAS THE ANCIENT EVIL, SHUT UP

>BUT ONLY WHEN THEY'RE OUT OF CREAM

>NO HE'S NOT, THE VIRGIN AND THE ANCIENT EVIL FIGHT CRIME AS A BUDDY COP DUO

>ONLY BY BANDING TOGETHER CAN OUR HEROINE AND HER DOG

>BUT WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES TWELVE

>>22146736
>WAIT, SO IS THE DOG AN ANCIENT EVIL?

>>22146736
Is the ancient evil the dog or the heroine?

>SHE BEGINS TO UNDO HER CORSET OF THE VOID

>AKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>>22146748
>MAYBE

>TONIGHT ON FOX

File: 1356067974265.jpg-(7 KB, 250x271, 203219-deckard_cain_super.jpg)

>>22146748
>I'M NOT SURE. WHERE DID I PUT MY GLASSES?

>THE VIRGIN AS PLAYED BY

>>22146736
>DEFEAT THE EVIL THAT IS AKU

>THIS IS A VERY SILLY PROPHECY, IS IT NOT.

>A FOOLISH SHAMURAI WARRIOR

>MAGIC DILDO SHAPED SWORD

File: 1356068153494.jpg-(81 KB, 1000x866, Ace-Ventura.jpg)

>>22146768

>BUGGER ALLE THIS, I DOST NOT GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THESE SHENANIGANS

File: 1356068191639.jpg-(72 KB, 1280x720, 80EA8.jpg)

>IN A BIT OVER TWO HOURS FROM NOW

http://www.terriblefate.com/

>THIS SUMMER BY MICHAL BAY

>>22146815
>I'M SCARED AND DON'T WANT TO DIE

>TRAGEDY STRIKES AND

>NOT ANYMORE WE HIRED A NEW DIRECTOR, BAY CHARGED TOO MUCH

>>22146817
>>22146831
>>22146833
>>22146838
heh

>EVERYONE YOU EVER KNOW WILL DIE IN

>BECAUSE WE SPENT ALL OUR FUNDING ON HOT POCKETS

>OH FINE. THIS SUMMER BY M NIGHT SHYAMALAN

>I DO LOVE HOT POCKETS

>>22146865
>FUCK THAT

>INTO HER QUIVERING MOUND OF LOVE PUDDING

>WE FIND OUT ITS ACTUALLY WINTER

>IT WAS THE HOT POCKETS ALL ALONG

>BECAUSE THEY'RE CHEAP AND EASY TO MAKE

Even this is way more comprehensible than your average prophecy.

>BUT WHEN ALL THE HOT POCKETS ARE GONE, A HERO WILL FALL

>ONE MAN FINDS OUT THAT HIS NECKBEARD HAS ITS OWN PLANS FOR THE FUTURE

>WHAT A TWEEESSTTT

>>22146884
>THE LOVE PUDDING ONES ARE ACTUALLY PRETTY PRICEY

>>22146895
>"PUN ABOUT CLOSE SHAVE"

>A CATBOY IS BORN OF UNKNOWN PARENTS

A VETERAN UNWILLING TO LEARN, BUT READY TO LOVE AGAIN

>STARING MOBIUS 1 AS THE DIRECTOR

>IN A WORLD WHERE

>>22146895
>>22146897
>>22146905
>>22146914
>>22146917
>>22146928
>>22146929
>I'D TOTALLY WATCH THAT

>>22146917
>WELL HE'S A CATBOY SO IT MEAN ONE OF HIS PARENT IS A CAT, THE OTHER IS PROBABLY A FAE

>DAT ASS

>>22146948
>I'M PRETTY SURE HUMANS ARE SLUTTIER THAN FAE

>DAVID HASSELHOFF AND ALEC BALDWIN PAIR OFF AGAINST WILL FERREL AND LUCY LIU IN

>THAT ROLLS A 20 10

>>22146952
>IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT THAT BEING A HOT POCKET ISN'T SO EASY

>THIS AS STRAYED A LITTLE OFF TOPIC, WHAT WERE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT AGAIN?

>>22146971
>I HAVE NO IDEA. I THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT A CURSED SHOTA IN THERE. SERIOUSLY, WHAT KIND OF SHITTY GODS CURSE KIDS FOR NOT FUCKING THEM?

>GUYS, I DON'T THINK THIS IS A PROPHECY ANYMORE
>>22146960
>THEY'RE ALL SLUT

>>22146985
>MOST OF THEM

>>22146965
>I FUCKING KNEW THEY TASTED LIKE DONKEYS
>I TOLD YOU HADRIC
Dude, you said they tasted like cats. And why are you talking like that?
>SHUT UP
>ARE YOU GOING TO DRINK THAT MEAD
I think you've had enough, man.

>>22146985
>I THOUGHT THE VIRGIN WAS A GIRL?

>SHIT GETS CURSED AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS DIE

>AT A TIME WHEN THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE WAS BELOW 8%
>HELENA BONHAM CARTER AS...

>AND THE FIVE OF THE NINE WERE ONLY SEVEN OF THE SIX GREAT THREES, AND ONE ROSE AGAINST TWO SO ONLY EIGHT REMAINED

>>22147016
THE ANCIENT EVIL WAS THE SHOTA THOUGH.

>PART OF THE PLOT

>IN A TIME WHEN PROPHECIES CAN SOMEHOW TALK BACK TO YOU IN DISEMBODIED CONVERSATIONS

>I FUCKING LOVE MARZIPAN

>>22147035
>I THOUGHT THE ANCIENT EVIL WAS A DOG. A DOGBOY?

>>22147016
>UNTIL HE LIFTED HIS SKIRT

>>22147035
>BUT IT'S A CAT, NOT A DOG?
>HANG ON, I THINK I LOST MY PLACE SOMEWHERE ALONG HERE...

>THAT DARED TO ENTER THE MAGIC REALM

>>22147058
>>22147062
>OKAY, SO THERE IS A LOLI AND HER DOG, A HALF FAE CATBOY, AND AN ANCIENT EVIL THAT IS ALSO A SHOTA. DID WE MISS ANYBODY?

>WHY IS THIS PROPHECY REFERRING TO ITSELF IN THE FIRST PERSON?

>A DOGBOY AND A CATBOY SHALL DISCOVER THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP OR FACE DEATH CERTAIN AT THE HANDS OF

>>22147072
>MOBIUS 1 AND THE OLD VETERAN. IS MOBIUS 1 AN OLD VETERAN?

>>22147072
>MICHAEL BAY AND MOBIUS 1, THOUGH BAY WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

>>22147072
>YEAH, WE MISS WHAT WE WERE PROPHECISING ABOUT

>>22147072
>THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT A SWORD OR PENIS OR SOMETHING...

>>22147069
>AND SING THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

>>22147076
>IT'S THE WORST KIND OF PROPHECY, A SELF-AWARE ONE

>TEN HUNDRED THOUSAND BLAZING HOT SUNS OF HATEFUL BURNING FURY

>>22147085
>>22147088
>>22147084
>OKAY, SO A LOLI AND HER DOG, A HALF FAE CATBOY, AN ANCIENT EVIL SHOTA, MOBIUS 1, A GRIZZLED OLD WAR VETERAN, A DOGBOY SEEMS TO HAVE COME UP SOMEWHERE, AND WE'RE WORKING ON MICHAEL BAY

>>22147076
>QUESTION NOT THE PROPHECY

>>22147084
>THE SITH LORD DARTH OBVIOUS

>>22147110
>YOU MUST QUESTION ONLY YOURSELF!

>>22147106
>FUCK BAY, WHAT KIND OF PERSON ASKS FOR SUCH A LARGE TRAILER

>>22147118
>SEEMS LIKE TERRIBLE ADVICE FOR A PROPHECY

>>22147106

>AND THE BARTENDER ASKS...

>>22147131
>WE'RE NEW AT THIS, BEAR WITH US

>I FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE THAT HAVE TO TRANSLATE THIS PROPHECY

>>22147140
>FOR THEM TO LEAVE

>>22147140
>GOD DAMNIT, FUCK THE BARTENDER. HE PROBABLY COST US BAY IN THE FIRST PLACE. I WANTED RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF EXPLOSIONS.

>>22147149
DO YOU THINK ANY OF US GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THAT GUY EITHER?

>>22147160
>ANTICLIMATICALLY

>DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, THEY WILL FORGET THIS LANGUAGE AND HORRIBLY MISTRANSLATE EVERYTHING ANYWAYS.

>THIS IS NOT A PROPHECY, I REPEAT, NOT A PROPHECY! YOU HAVE STUMBLED INTO THE MESSAGEBOARD OF THE GODS, PLANNING TO TROLL HUMANKIND

>>22147149
>YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERYBODY JUST DRINK. LET'S JUST SAY THAT YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU ARE THE VIRGIN SO EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST GO OUT AND PARTY. ALL THE TIME. UNTIL THE END COMETH!

>>22147173
>GOD WHY ARE THEY SUCH PATHETIC FAILURES

>>22147184
>THAT WASN'T VERY PROPHETIC.

>>22147184
>THAT WAS SCHEDULED FOR TODAY, THOUGH. WE AGREED TO LAY OUT THIS PROPHECY SO THE NEXT MAIN CHARACTERS WOULDN'T BE SUCH IMMENSE FUCKUPS.

>>22147184
>FUCK IT, I'M NOT DOING THIS, LET'S JUST PULL SOME "THE PROPHECY WAS WITHIN YOU ALL ALONG" BULLSHIT AND CALL IT A NIGHT

>>22147174
>IT WOULD BE EMBARESSING IF THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO TRANSLATE EVERYTHING CORRECTLY
>>22147207
>WELL IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN NOTHING.

>>22147207
>IT'S A GOOD COPING MECHANISM FOR THE END OF THE WORLD THAT'S TO COME.

>WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!

>>22147222
>BECAUSE THIS IS A PROPHECY, NUMBNUTS

>AND HE CAME FORTH AND SPOKE THE WORD, THE WORD OF POWER.
>bueno...

>I BECAME A BLIND HERMIT FOR *THIS*?

>>22147222
>WHY NOT?

>>22147222
>WE ARE TALKING IN BOOMING MOVIE PREVIEW VOICE

>>22147213
>YEAH, HONESTLY, DO YOU REALLY THINK TEN THOUSANDS YEARS FROM NOW ANYONE WILL CARE, OR EVEN BE ABLE TO TRANSLATE, THE MAD RAVINGS OF SOME BADLY NARRATED POORLY STRUCTURED STORY?

>>22147251
>THEY WILL CARE WHEN THE SHOTA GETS OUT AGAIN. THOSE GODDESSES GOT KICKED OUT BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON ANYONE WANTED THEM AROUND WAS EYE CANDY BUT THEY LET THEMSELVES GET UGLY. I WARNED THEM, BUT EVIDENTLY ENOUGH TIME WITH IMMENSE COSMIC POWER REALLY GETS TO YOUR HEAD.

>>22147242
>I DON'T WANT MY LINES TO BE BOOMING, I WAS REQUESTING RON PERLMAN NARRATE MY PART

>>22147271
>CAN ANYBODY GET ANYTHING RIGHT AROUND HERE?

>>22147242
>OH WELL SOME PEOPLE MIGHT INTERPRET ALL THIS AS SHOUTING AND IT MIGHT FRIGHTEN SMALL CHILDREN. WHAT IF A SMALL CHILD IS THE ONE WHO FINDS THIS MESSAGE AND IS SCARED BY LOUD BOOMING VOICES COMING OUT OF NO WHERE AND RUNS AWAY NOT TELLING THOSE AROUND HIM ABOUT THE PROPHECY THUS RUINING THIS WHOLE THING.

>>22147265
>SO EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST PARTY. IF YOU PARTY HARD ENOUGH, YOU MIGHT EVEN MISS THE END OF THE WORLD AND THUS NOT GET SO BOTHERED BY IT.

>>22147271
>THE SWEET VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN FOR ME, THANK YOU.

>>22147251
>ten thousand years later
Hear ye, hear ye, faithful catboys and dogboys! It has been phropesied that M'khail Bey will one day arrive on a Mobyus Wan, the chariot of the gods, and purge the world by way of bartenders! The sign of the end ages will be when a loli and her dogboy meet an evil Syo-ta! Thus the gods spoketh!

>>22147271
>HOW DO YOU THINK THOSE PROPHECIES LAST LONG ENOUGH TO BE TRANSLATED ANYWAY? WHISPERS DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A LIFESPAN.

>>22147291
>GLUE IT TO SOMETHING SHINY. LIKE A GIANT MAGIC KEY OR SOMETHING.

>ANYWAY, GETTING BACK ON TRACK WITH THE ANCIENT EVIL...

>>22147265
>TO BE FAIR, IF YOU WERE A GOD, YOU WOULD BE TOO BUSY PLAYING WITH YOUR POWER THAN TO CARE FOR YOUR BODY
>>22147291
>PROPHECY IS FOR READING, NOT LISTENING TO. THE CHILD WOULD JUST SEE IT IN BOLD LETTERS.

>>22147283
>I KNOW RIGHT, I ASK FOR A CAPPUCINO AND THEY BEING ME A LATTE

>>22147312
>"IN CASE OF GODDESSES, PRISON BREAK"

>>22147314
>EVIL IS SUBJECTIVE. I KINDA LIKE THE KID. I'M GONNA DROP THE KEY SOMEWHERE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. MAYBE THE LOLI WILL FIND IT AND WE GET SOME KIND ROMANTIC ACTION THING.

>>22147312
>OH! OH! A SWORD! THAT ALWAYS WORK IN ATTRACTING HEROES!

>>22147314
>THE ANCIENT EVIL BROUGHT ABOUT BECAUSE THESE IDIOTS CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING CAPPUCINO TO SAVE THEIR LIVES

>>22147334
>WELL WHAT IF IT'S LIKE THE ULTIMATE EVIL FROM THE 5TH ELEMENT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE. EVIL ISN'T REALLY SUBJECTIVE THEN.

>WHAT ABOUT A MAGICAL WAND GOLEM THAT IS SENTIENT AND KNOWS THIS ENTIRE PROPHECY?

>>22147353
>PRETTY SURE THE EVIL WAS THE SHOTA, DUDE. UNLESS ONE OF YOU WAS SUPERVISING SOME OTHER "ANCIENT EVIL" BASED INTERACTIONS.

>>22147358
>WILL IT BE VOICED BY MORGAN FREEMAN?

>>22147358
>THAT WOULD KIND OF MISS THE POINT OF A PROPHECY LIKE THIS, WOULDN'T IT?

>>22147318
>WHAT IF THERE'S A SKULL OR SOMETHING NEARBY AND THE KID READS IT IN WRONG VOICE? SEE THIS IS WHY WE NEVER GO INTO PARTICULARS, THE MOMENT YOUR PROPHECY STOPS BEING GENERIC YOU SUDDENLY HAVE TO ACCOUNT FOR MORE AND MORE TRIVIAL DETAILS UNTIL THAT THE ONLY THING YOU'RE DOING.

>>22147353
>ISNT THAT THE ONE WITH BRUCE WILLIS WHERE THEY MAKE ANOTHER MOON?

>>22147340
>>22147358
>PEOPLE THESE DAYS, NO SENSE OF TRADTION. BACK WHEN THINGS WERE DONE PROPERLY PROPHECIES WERE WRITTEN IN GIANT GREEN FLAMING LETTERS

>BEWARE THE BANNING OF THE BAY OF PIRATES FOR THEIR IN HERALDS THE END OF DAYS

>>22147371
>I WAS THINKING MORE OF IAN MCKELLEN, HIS VOICE WOULD BE PRETTY GOOD FOR SOME SORT OF ANCIENT PROPHECY, BUT THAT MIGHT JUST BE BECAUSE I SAW THE HOBBIT THE OTHER NIGHT SO HIS VOICE IS FRESH IN MY MIND.

>>22147385
>WHO CARES ABOUT THE SMALL STUFF. THE ODDS OF THE NEXT WORLD BEING CONSUMED AND SUBSEQUENTLY DESTROYED BY SOME HORRIBLE DARKENSS BEFORE THE PROPHECY IS FOUND BY SOMEONE WITH THE ATTENTION SPAN TO SKIM IT OVER IS HORRIBLY SMALL.

>>22147391
>YEAH, FLAMING LETTERS ARE GOOD. IF YOU WANT TO START A FIRE THAT IS.
>>22147397
>IF WE'RE SPEAKING OF THE HOBBITS, WHY NOT CHRISTOPHER LEE?

>AND THE PROPHESIED ONE SHALL BE MARKED BAY A FULL NECK OF HAIR FOR HE

>>22147409
>>22147420
>YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT ALL! IF THE END OF THE WORLD COMES, PARTY HARDER.

>WAIT, WE ARE WRITING A PROPHECY? SINCE WHEN? I THOUGHT WE WERE WRITING A SCREENPLAY

>SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAPPUCCINO?

>>22147443
>THEY'RE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME THING APART FROM A DIFFERENT IN TENSE

>>22147435
>YEAH THAT'S TRUE HE IS PRETTY GOOD, YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE EVEN BETTER? HOW ABOUT WE GET PATRICK STEWART HE'S PRETTY GOOD.

>>22147442
>THAT'S A RULE THAT SHOULD BE WRITTEN DOWN, OR SOMETHING. "IF END OF THE WORLD COMES, PARTY HARDER."

>>22147443
>YOU KNOW WHAT? I GIVE UP. SOMEBODY GET THAT OTHER GUY A COFFEE. I AM GONNA GO OUT AND FIND SOME RIDICULOUS FAILURE AT LIFE AND GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO END THE WORLD AND WATCH HIM GO THROUGH LIFE AS IF HE WAS THE PROTAGONIST WHILE FAILING TO REALIZE HE IS THE ANTAGONIST.

>>22147438
>WAIT SO WHO IS THE PROPHESIED ONE? IS HE THE LOLI? I DON'T WANT LOLI WITH HAIRY NECKS

>>22147470
>I THINK HE MEANS HE WILL HAVE MICHAEL BAYS HAIR, SO HE IS ESSENTIALLY MICHAEL BAY

>>22147470
>NO, THE LOLI DOES NOT HAVE A HAIRY NECK. WE HAVE LIKE SIX OR SEVEN PEOPLE IN THE PROPHECY NOW. ONE OF THEM MIGHT HAVE A HAIRY NECK. THE LOLI IS FUCKING DELICIOUS AND YOU WILL WANT TO EAT HER.

>>22147438
>IS THE GRAND NECK BEAR? SORRY NOT REALLY GOOD WITH THE WHOLE PROPHECY THING.

>>22147487
MICHAEL BAYS A LOLI NOW? IS SHE GOING TO MAKE MOVIES ABOUT TEA PARTIES THAT ARE FULL OF SHAKY FOOTAGE AND EXPLOSIONS?

>>22147460
>OH MAN, THAT WOULD BE THE BEST PROPHECY VOICE EVER
>>22147462
>SOMEONE ANTAGONIST IS ANOTHER'S PROTAGONIST. YOU MIGHT BE AVERTING SOMEONE ELSE'S APOCALYPSE.
>>22147490
>I DON'T WANT TO EAT LOLI, I WANT TO RAISE HER. DAMN CANNIBALS.

>>22147490
>WHY DON'T WE JUST MAKE MOBIUS 1 THE CHOSEN ONE?

>>22147491
>WE'RE BRINGING A BEAR INTO THE PROPHECY NOW? YOU KNOW IF PEOPLE RUN AROUND SEARCHING FOR THE CHOSEN BEAR A LOT OF PEOPLE COULD GET MAULED WE SHOULD CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ANIMAL LIKE A TORTOISE OR SOMETHING THAT WON'T WANT TO KILL YOU IF YOU PISS IT OFF.

>>22147508
>>22147512
MOBIUS ONE IS A CHOSEN ONE. WE HAVE LIKE EIGHT CHOSEN ONES NOW SO WE'RE GOOD. AND NOW, I DID NOT MEAN LITERALLY EAT THE LOLI. I MEANT PLAY WITH HER AND TASTE HER AND TAKE HER HOME AND FUCK HER AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS PEOPLE WANT TO DO WITH THEIR CLAIMED GIRLS.

>>22147340
>>22147391
>HOW ABOUT GIANT GREEN FLAMING LETTERS ON A MUG OF ALE. I DON'T THINK ANYONE WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO LOSE THE SACRED BEER STIEN.

>>22147528
>THERE ISN'T REALLY THAT MUCH SPACE IN A BEER MUG. WE'D NEED TO BARE THIS DOWN TO THE ESSENTIALS, ANY IDEAS?

>>22147521
>NIGGS YOU EVER HEAR OF SNAPPING TURTLES?

>>22147533
>WHAT ABOUT THE DISTILLED ESSENCE OF OUR BOOMING VOICES SO THAT WE COULD REVIEW THIS SHIT INSIDE SOME OLD SAGE TYPE GUY'S HEAD? HE JUST WILL HAVE TO DRINK IT OR SOME SHIT.

>>I FORGOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS, LET ME START OVER. OK SO, 10000 YEARS AGO IT WAS FORETOLD THAT

>>22147533
>"A LOLI AND MICHAEL BAY AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD"

>>22147521
>YOU ALWAYS SUGGEST TORTOISES FOR OUR PROPHESIES. 'BEWARE THE TORTOISES OF MARCH' DIDN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING CLASS. NOW GO GET THAT GUY HIS LATTE

>>22147521
>A REVAN IS ALWAYS NICE.
>>22147525
>OH. OK. COUNT ME IN THEN.
>>22147533
HOW ABOUT, JUST LISTEN TO ME HERE, HOW ABOUT - WHOEVER DRINK THE BEER FROM MUG WILL GET A VISION ABOUT THE PROPHECY WHICH IS NARRATED BY MORGAN FREEMAN, IAN MCKELLEN, CHRISTOPHER LEE, AND PATRICK STUART.

>>22147547
>A CURSED SHOTA, A LOLI, A HALF FAE CATBOY, THE LOLI'S PET DOGBOY, MOBIUS ONE, THE KING OF NECKBEARDS, A GRIZZLED WAR VETERAN, MICHAEL BAY, AND THE HARBINGER OF THE APOCOLYPSE WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD AND WAGE WAR ON HEAVEN.

>>22147542
>YEAH THAT'S A TURTLE NOT A TORTOISE. HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ATTACKED BY TORTOISES? THEY'RE CHILL AS HELL AND HAVE PRETTY LONG LIFE SPANS SO OUR SINGLE CHOSE TORTOISE MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP MULTIPLE GENERATIONS OF HUMANS.

>MOBIUS ONE, A BEAR, A LOLI AND HER DOG, AND A FAE CAT BOY MUST FIND A MAGICAL WAND GOLEM VOICED BY PATRICK STEWARD, RON PEARLMAN AND MORGAN FREEMAN AND A BEAR

>>22147533
>THERE ARE 8 CHOSEN ONES TO STOP THE MADNESS. IF END OF THE WORLD HAPPENS, PARTY HARDER!

>>22147571
>WAIT I THOUGHT THE CATBOY WAS THE DOGBOY I WAS WORKING ON THE BIT WHERE HE CHASES HIMSELF UP A TREE

>>22147584
>IS THAT THE PROPHECY OR A PROPHECY ABOUT THE PROPHECY?

>>22147594
>UNLESS YOU MEAN SOME SORT OF MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER I DOUBT THAT WOULD WORK, AND FURTHERMORE HE IS NOT PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF CHASING HIMSELF EXCEPT IN A CIRCLE.

>>22147568
>REVAN IS ALREADY THE CHOSEN ONE IN A DIFFERENT GALAXY

>>22147607
>GOD DAMN I HATE THOSE DICKS, THEY ALWAYS COME IN HERE TALKING ABOUT THE HARMONY OF THE FORCE AND TELLING US TO STOP PARTYING.

>>22147602
>DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

>>22147602
>I THOUGHT THATS WHAT WE HAVE SO FAR?

>>22147631
>WE HAVE AT LEAST TWO OR THREE SEPERATE PROPHECIES AND FIVE METHODS OF DELIVERY SO FAR. I REALLY DOUBT IT MATTERS AT ALL, NO.

>>22147607
>DAMMIT, HOW ABOUT A CROW THEN?
>>22147626
>FUCK EM, LETS DO A PROPHECY ABOUT THEIR DESTRUCTION INTEAD OF OURS.

>>22147358
>>22147636
>I THOUGHT THE WAND GOLEM WAS ONLY A MEANS OF STORING THE PROPHECY

>>22147638
>NO THEY ARE ALL THE SAME PROPHECY, BUT ITS A PROPHECY THAT'S VERY UNSURE ABOUT WHAT THE FUTURE IS GOING TO BE

>>22147664
>SO WE HAVE THE SAME PROPHECY THAT OUTLINES DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS WITH DIFFERENT GOALS DELIVERED IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

>>22147650
>DUDE, IT'S A SENTIENT VIBRATOR. WE'RE CLASSIER THAN THAT

>>22147673
>I KNOW THAT, I JUST THOUGHT THAT'S HOW THE PROPHECY WOULD BE TRANSMITTED

>I'M ABOUT TO PREDICT MY FOOT UP THE WAITRESS' ASS IF SHE DOESN'T GET ME A REFILL

>>22147686
>WHAT, UP SOME GIRL'S COOTER?

>>22147689
>WAIT, YOU JUST INDIRECTLY GAVE ME A GREAT IDEA. WHAT IF, INSTEAD OF WRITING THE PROPHECY DOWN, WE JUST HAD ONE OR TWO OF US WAIT AROUND HERE TO DELIVER THE PROPHECY IN PERSON?

>>22147689
>CLASSY

>>22147700
>THAT COULD TAKE THOUSANDS OF YEARS! NOT THAT WE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO ANYWAY.

>>22147700
>BUT WHAT'S THE PROPHESY?

>>22147710
>STUFF HAPPENS AND YOU HAVE TO STOP IT 10000 YEARS AGO WITH MICHAEL BAY

>>22147710
IT'LL BE THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE FUTURE, WE'LL HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING BY THEN.

>>22147700
>BEING A DISEMBODIED PIECE OF TEXT MY HINDER THAT PLAN AS, YOU KNOW, NO HANDS

So...wait, let's check what we've got so far.

Ten thousand years ago, during the time of the unconqoured sun a virgin used the power of an ancient star to unleash a great evil on the world.
And then..something something marzipan....five of nine and quarter to ten banished the evil virgin to a realm beyond time? I think?

>>22147709
>WELL DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS IN A ROTATION, JUST PICK A COUPLE PEOPLE, OR HAVE SOME RIDICULOUSLY ELABORATE PUZZLE TO TRANSPORT A YOUNG BOY TO ANOTHER DIMENSION WITH THE AID OF A PRINCESS SO THAT WE CAN YELL AT HIM?

>>22147710
>STILL IRONING OUT THE DETAILS, BUT I THINK >>22147571 GETS A LOT OF THE MAJOR POINTS. THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE A BEAR OR TWO, AND A FEW OF THOSE MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE SAME PERSON.

>>22147726
HEY, WE CREATED A MAGICAL GOLEM DILDO, A BODY FOR YOU WOULDN"T BE A PROBLEM.

>>22147740
>WHEN DID IT BECOME A DILDO? FUCKING DWARVES, LETS GET THEM TO FUCK THEM OUT OF THE GENE POOL WITH HALF BREEDS

>>22147760
>I THOUGHT WE WERE REDOING THE WORLD, THOUGH. WHAT IF WE JUST LEFT DWARVES OUT OF IT. MUCH LESS HASSLE. OR HELL, JUST OUT AND OUT MURDERED ALL OF THE DWARVES.

>>22147735
>PROBABLY SHOULD JOIN TOGETHER >>22147571 AND >>22147584, IF WE'RE GOING TO PAY FOR SUCH EXPENSIVE VOICE ACTORS, WE MAY AS WELL MAKE THEM CHOSEN ONES, GET THE MOST OUT OF OUR MONEY

>>22147798
>OKAY, I THINK WE HAVE THE CHARACTERS TO PUT THEM TO GOOD USE. BUT I SUGGEST WE LEAVE THE TALKING PENIS ANALOGUE OUT.

>>22147798
>HOW ARE WE GOING TO HAVE THEM ALL VOICE THE ONE GOLEM THOUGH?

>>22147821
>MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES. ALL OF THEM ACTORS.

>THIS IS THE BEST PROPHECY EVER
>NO, I AM NOT DRUNK

>>22147848
>I AM

>>22147846

AND ALL OF THEM SOUND LIKE GILBERT GOTTFRIED.

>>22147856
>WHILST NARRATING 50 SHADES OF GRAY

>>22147868

>AND IT'S AT FULL VOLUME, LOUD ENOUGH WHERE YOU CAN HEAR IT CLEARLY TWO ROOMS AWAY

>>22147868
>HE TURNED OUT TO BE A SPY FOR THE ONE OF THESE ANCIENT EVILS. NOBODY WAS SURPRISED.

>>22147760
>>22147778
>IF YOU PLAN ON KILLING DWARVES THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME. I'LL JUST HIDE THEM SOMEWHERE YOU CAN'T FIND THEM.

>>22147886
>WE ALREADY LOOKED UNDER YOUR BED, SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PRECIOUS MIDGETS

>>22147886
>I DUNNO MAN. I SEEM TO BE ONE OF THE GUYS STUCK ON PROPHECY DUTY. PROBABLY FOR THE BEST; MOST OF YOU WOULD GO CRAZY. BUT THE OTHER GUYS WILL PROBABLY DO IT ANYWAY.

>>22147897

>YOU CAN TAKE THAT MAN'S DORFS, BUT YOU LEAVE MY GODDAMN GNOMES OUT OF THIS

>>22147897
DAMMIT, I KNEW HIDING THEM CLOSE WAS A BAD IDEA. OH WELL, I CAN MAKE MORE.

>>22147897
>YOU BASTARDS, THAT'S WHERE I KEPT MY GOOD ABSINTHE

File: 1356073066799.jpg-(226 KB, 500x635, 1317314185990.jpg)

>Toss translation tools across the room.
>Set all notes on fire.

Fuck the ancient prophesy, I don't care any more. I've got to go find a culture to study that wrote stories on its walls rather than arguments.

Now I understand why the elder scrolls drive every one mad when they try to read them.

>>22147946
>YES, I KNOW. I'VE DRANK IT ALL ALREADY

>>22148003
>WAIT, BUT I JUST DRANK SOME A FEW MINUTES AGO. DID EVERYONE HAVE SOME? ARE WE ALL HIGH ON ABSINTHE RIGHT NOW?

>>22148025
>NO. WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE. A FEW SHOT HERE AND THERE. IT COULDN'T HURT COULD IT.

>>22148025
>I DON'T KNOW, BUT THE LITTLE BASTARD OF A LAWN GNOME SITTING NEXT TO ME IS NODDING EMPHATICALLY

>>22147995

>GET BACK HERE AND STOP BEING AN IMMENSE PYROMANIAC, YOU FAGGOT, AND PUT OUT THIS DAMN FIRE. I KNOW YOU CAN READ THIS LINE.

>>22148025
>THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER DEPEND ON PROPHECIES FROM CULTURES WHERE SOCIAL STANDING IS BASED ON HOW MUCH HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS YOU HAVE

>>22148068
>I ONCE DRANK A SHIT LOAD OF BEER AND LIQUOR THEN SMOKED A JOINT WITH MY FRIEND. NEVER DO THAT.

File: 1356073531634.gif-(5 KB, 400x400, 1345531063471.gif)

>>22148055
>........
Nope, didn't see that. Needs more gasoline.

>>22148081

>I'LL FUCK YOUR MOTHER WITH YOUR GRANDPA'S DESSICATED DICK IF YOU DON'T STOP, ASSHOLE. HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HISTORY AND ABSINTHE HIGHS

>>22148090
>I DON'T THINK HE"S COMING BACK, WE SHOULD GET OUT WHILE WE STILL CAN

>>22146679
This prophecy was a made and narrated by a schizophrenic film trailer voice actor.

>ALRIGHT, LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE
>A CURSED SHOTA, A LOLI, A HALF FAE CATBOY, THE LOLI'S PET DOGBOY, MOBIUS ONE, THE KING OF NECKBEARDS, A GRIZZLED WAR VETERAN, MICHAEL BAY, AND THE HARBINGER OF THE APOCOLYPSE, IN A PROPHECY DIRECTED BY M NIGHT SHYAMALAN, WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD AND WAGE WAR ON HEAVEN TO DEFEAT ANCIENT EVIL VIRGIN BY FINDING A MAGICAL WAND GOLEM VOICED BY PATRICK STEWARD, RON PEARLMAN AND MORGAN FREEMAN AND A BEAR ALL OF WHOM SOUND LIKE GILBERT GOTTFRIED WHILST READING 50 SHADES OF GRAY

>>22148169
>NOW, IT MAY BE THE ABSINTHE TALKING, BUT THIS SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

>>22147884
Thank you, /tg/.
Now i am imagining unfortunate hero listening with confusion as several booming prophecy voices argue with each other and my sides keep flying in all directions.
totally stealing this.

>>22148169

>HOW WILL GILBERT DO ALL OF THOSE IMPERSONATIONS? JUST SAY "ALRIGHT, NOW I'M A BEAR", AND THEN GO BACK TO READING HIS SHITTY PORN ALOUD?

File: 1356074243653.jpg-(919 KB, 1344x1120, 3df4cfc05186bf03c12fcd820(...).jpg)

>>22148169
>WHAT ABOUT THE ANCIENT EVIL?

>>22148200
>I THOUGHT THAT PATRICK STEWARD, RON PEARLMAN AND MORGAN FREEMAN AND A BEAR ARE THE ONES TRYING TO DO THE IMPERSONATION TO SOUND LIKE GILBERT GOTTFRIED

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/22146679/
droppin' this off.

>>22148214
>THERE'S AN ANCIENT EVIL VIRGIN

>>22148224

>I HAVE NO IDEA. EITHER WAY, SOMEONE'S PROBABLY GOING TO READ FIFTY SHADES OF GREY WHILE THEY'RE DOING IT

>>22148232
>THE LOLI ISN'T A VIRGIN? IS IT GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE KINDS OF STORIES?

>>22148243
>THE LOLI IS PROBABLY ALSO A VIRGIN, BUT IT'S NOT REALLY IMPORTANT IF SHE IS OR NOT.

>RIGHT, FUCK IT, I'M DONE. WELL DONE EVERYONE. I'M GOING TO GET OUT WHILST I CAN.

Good night /tg/. I need to get my sides recast.

>>22148252
>WHY DOES IT MATTER IF THE ANCIENT EVIL IS A VIRGIN THEN?

>>22148272
>HE'S MOTIVATED BY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION AND ATTEMPTS TO LOOK COOL?

>>22148243

>THE MOST IMPORTANT ITEM IN THE PROPHESY IS A DILDO-ESQUE TUBE ROBOT THAT'S READING HORRIBLE PORN IN EITHER A SCREECHY MAN VOICE OR THREE SUAVE MAN VOICES AND A BEAR VOICE TRYING TO SOUND AS SCREECHY AS POSSIBLE. WE'VE LONG SINCE PAST THE THRESHOLD OF "THAT KIND OF STORY"

>>22148272
>THE ANCIENT SHOTA EVIL MAY OR MAY NOT BE A VIRGIN, BUT EITHER WAY, THE LOLI IS ABOUT TO LOSE HER VIGINITY TO ANCIENT EVIL DICK.

File: 1356074717095.jpg-(91 KB, 641x480, 1348809697278.jpg)

>>22148279
>WHO IS GOING TO BE THE WISE MENTOR THEN? CHARLES MANSON?

Oh god, I can't believe this has been going on for this long my sides are on fire

>>22148286
>LETS MAKE THEM BOTH VIRGINS, THAT'LL BE SWEET.

>>22148300
>NO, TOO MUNDANE. CYBORG PRESIDENT CHARLES MANSON NIXON ON THE OTHER HAND...

>>22148310
>BOTH ANCIENT EVILS?

>>22148335
>IS THE LOLI AN ANCIENT EVIL NOW?

>>22148335
>LOVE CAN BLOOM BETWEEN EVILS. THEY'LL BE THE BEST COUPLE EVER.

>>22148346
>>22148349
>NO, I MEAN THE SHOTA IS BUT I THOUGHT THERE WAS MENTION OF ANOTHER ON EARLIER. THE LOLI IS STILL A VIRGIN.

>>22148349
>CYBORD PRESIDENT CHARLES MANSON NIXON CAN BE THEIR BEST MAN

>>22148358

>MAYBE THAT'S THE SHOTA'S CURSE: TO NEVER HAVE SEX EVER. LIKE A SHOTA VERSION OF MACHA

>>22148358
>I KNOW THAT, I'M SAYING THE LOLI AND THE SHOTA ANCIENT EVIL SHOULD BOTH BE VIRGINS FOR ROMANTIC REASONS... IT SOUNDED BETTER IN MY HEAD.

>>22148358
>ON SECOND THOUGHT, IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE LOLI COULD BE CALLED EVIL BY THE TIME THIS IS ALSO OVER. SHE IS WILLINGLY ADVENTURING WITH A KNOWN ANCIENT EVIL, ONE POSSIBLY TRYING TO COURT HER, IN A WAR AGAINST HEAVEN.

>>22148385
IN THAT CASE I DEFINITELY AGREE, ESPECIALLY GIVEN HOW HE WAS CURSED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

>WHEN I WAS

>>22148385
>BOTH VIRGIN? BRILLIANT! THAT SHOULD ENCOURAGE MORE PEOPLE TO SAVE THEIR VIRGINITY UNTIL MARRIAGE!
>>22148389
>OR MAYBE THE ANCIENT EVIL JUST WANT TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE WITH HER? A REVERSE "BE MINE, HERO"

>HEY
>HEY GUYS
>CAN WE INCLUDE MIND CONTROL IN THIS PROPHECY, SOMEHOW?

>>22148405
>BUT A CURSED ANCIENT EVIL SHOULD BE CREEPY AND POSSESSIVE AS FUCK.

>>22148410
>DAMN IT, THIS IS GETTING INTO FETISH TERRITORY. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PROPHESY.

>>22148405
>THERE SHOULD BE SOME HEAVY HANDED METAPHORICAL MESSAGE ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FORNICATION, PERHAPS VIA SOME CONVOLUTED MIND CONTROL

>>22148425

>MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT UP WITH THE PEOPLE WHO STARTED THE PROPHESY WITH NO LESS THAN FOUR PRE-TEENS WITH SEXUAL TERMINOLOGY DESCRIBING THEM.

>>22148423
>WELL MAYBE HE'S ONLY KIND AND CARING INFRONT OF HER, BUT HE'S PARANOID THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE GROUP IS GOING TO STEAL HER AWAY FROM HIM
>>22148440
>YOU REALLY LIKE MINDCONTROL, DON'T YOU?

>>22148451
>YEAH, I CAN SEE IT. WHO KNOWS, THE GROUP MIGHT END UP SPLITTING UP AT SOME POINT AND HE TRIES TO KILL THE DOGBOY.

>>22148410
>GODDAMNIT, STEVE, WHAT WE SAID ABOUT INSERTING YOUR FETISHES IN ANCIENT PROPHECIES?
>REMEMBER THE LAST TIME?

>AND OH GOD I JUST REALIZED THIS TRAILER'S GONNA BE LONGER THAN A KOJIMA GAME INTRO

>>22148468
>NO, LAST TIME TURNED OUT ALRIGHT. IT WAS THE TIME BEFORE THAT WHEN IT WENT TO HELL. THE PROPHESY WE NAMED CORRUPTION OF CHAMPIONS.

>>22148478
>THAT'S MY FAVORITE PROPHECY

>>22148477
>I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PROPHECY

>>22148468
>REMEMBER THAT TIME SOME RETARD SUGGESTED WE INCORPORATE CANNIBAL DEMON RAPE BABIES INTO THE PROPHECY? TO THIS DAY I STILL CRINGE WHEN I HEAR OF FATAL

>>22148501
>WE'LL BE USING "SUMMON PLOT EXPOSITION" FOR THIS, IT'S THE SAME SHIT

>>22148511
>HEY, I MEANT IT AS A JOKE

>>22148501
>THIS IS A PROPHECY? I THOUGHT OUR CAPS LOCK KEY WAS BROKEN!

>>22148525
>FUCK YOU STEVE, I STILL HAVE TO PUT THAT SHIT ON MY RESUME. WHY DO YOU THINK I'M WORKING JOBS LIKE THIS?

>>22148541
>IT'S ALWAYS FUCKING STEVE WHO TAKES SHIT TOO FAR

>>22148561
>WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL HIM FUCKING STEVE?

>>22148561
>WAIT, AREN'T WE ALL NAMED STEVE? WHICH STEVE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

>>22148580
>FUCKING STEVE! YOU KNOW, THE REALLY FETISHY ONE

>>22148580
>THE FUCKING ONE?

>>22148561
>SHOULD WE CHANGE OUR PROPHECY TO WARN ABOUT EVERYONE NAMED STEVE INSTEAD?

>>22148593
>JUST TACK IT ON AT THE END.

>>22148580
>HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW FUCKING STEVE? WHO DO YOU THINK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE PROPHECIES IN ERPS?

>>22148603
>WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANCIENT OR EVIL, BUT FUCKING STEVE IS A VIRGIN

>>22148627
>IS HE A SHOTA?
>THAT MIGHT EXPLAIN SOME THINGS

>>22148588
>>22148590
>>22148606
>OH SHIT, THAT FUCKING STEVE?
>>22148627
>NO WONDER FUCKING STEVE MADE FATAL.

>>22148627
>>22148645
>THAT'S IT, STEVE IS THE ANCIENT EVIL. I JUST KNOW IT.

>>22148658
>I KNEW IT. FUCKING STEVE, TRYING TO MISLEAD US BY INFLUENCING THE PROPHECY

>>22148658
>BUT WE'RE ALL STEVE... AND FUCKING STEVE IS IN OUR HEAD.
>DOES THAT MAKE US THE ANCIENT EVIL?

>>22148677
>FUCK YOU NIGGA I'M PATRICK.

>>22148677

>MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE ALL SHOTAS?

>>22148695
>THEN WHY THE FUCK DOES YOUR NAME SAY STEVE BITCH? DON'T YOU TRY TO HIDE

>>22148698
>EVIL SHOTAS.

>>22148677
>I AM AN ANCIENT EVIL, BUT NOT STEVE. STEVE IS ANOTHER GUY. HE WAS, HOWEVER, KICKED OUT OF THE VILLAINS UNION.

>>22148704
THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

>>22148714
>STOP DENYING IT, YOU'RE A STEVITE, LIKE THE REST OF US. I WOULD KNOW, I AM YOU.

>>22148714
>I'M ASKING IF THIS IS THE KRUSTY KRAB YOU FUCK

>>22148737
>SHUT UP, I AM A UNIQUE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE IN A SEA OF STEVES!

>>22148737
>THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CONFERENCE, NOT YOUR MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

>OH FUCK THIS. EVERY TIME, EVERY GODDAMN TIME I'M INVOLVED, EVERYONE ASSUMES I'M SOME KIND OF SEXUAL DEVIANT OR ANCIENT EVIL. I MAKE EROTIC PROPHECIES FOR A FUCKING LIVING, IT'S NOT A HOBBY. I TRIED TO BE DISCRETE BUT, SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU GUYS. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY MORE ABSINTHE.

>>22148752
>I AM THE ANCIENT EVIL AND I GET MORE RESPECT FROM YOU. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT YOU? DO YOU? BECAUSE IT IS NOT GOOD.