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fixed cuz yes.


Notes:

Timberdin: has wooden armor/shield and a nail-club. Beware fire.

Hurlomancer: Spear and sack of rocks. Good at finding improvised throwable objects.

Returned Peasant: has a torch. Only has one hand due to sharpened arm bone weapon.

Rolled 1

>>24711198
We are a elf princess in the modern day Iraq war

>>24711228
Fucking Timberdin!

>>24711228
Timberdin, go go

>>24711228
Timberdin all the way. Hurlomancer is a close second

brb after smoke. whatever has most when i get back.

>>24711295
>whatever has most when i get back.

>>24711237
>>24711237
>>24711237

>>24711237
>>24711313
make that three for the elf princess

Rolled 5

>>24711228
Still gonna have to go with Returned Peasant

>>24711284
>>24711237
Switching my vote to elf princess in Iraq.

elf princess in iraq, only you're not actually an elf, or female.

you're a 23 year old with amnesia.

you don't remember a god damn thing, except a vague memory of being kidnapped from a forest

>>24711732
>elf princess in iraq, only you're not actually an elf, or female.

then why are we wearing this dress

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>>24711242
>>24711265
>>24711284

After meandering for some time on the road you come upon a queer sign, its shoddy woodworksmenship sickens you. It says there is a village ahead. There is also another unmarked path.

>what do.

>>24711787
Fix that sign, make it so the legs are of equal height, the wood is nice and straight.

>>24711772
>>24711732
>>24711618
>>24711461
>>24711237

..I was drawing. I'm sorry.

>>24711787
>queer sign
call that sign a faggot

>>24711787
Fix that sign

>>24711787
Continue onto some village, but place sign arrow first into the dirt.
Poor Woodwork shall but put down!

>>24711772

because you're an elf princess

that's all you know

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>>24711868
>>24711814

Your oneupsmanship knows no bounds, as you mercilessly beat the sign into a more uniform shape, this process yields some extra unused wood, which you pocket for later.

>what do now.

>>24712049
Perfect and beautiful.

Let us head to the village, their shoddy woodworking skills may indicate a lack of moral fiber there, we may need to SMITE someone.

>>24712049
Proceed to the village to harass the sign maker.

>>24712088
Seconding this, we need to talk.

>>24712049
go to the village, find a bar, and dip your face into a pitcher of the finest grog

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>>24712086
>>24712088
>>24712112

Along the way on quest to find this sign maker you are stopped by a town guard. He scoffs at your armor and says not to cause any trouble.

>what do.

>>24712538
He doesn't seem to like us very much
Pick that flower and give it to the guard.
That ought to improve our relationship.

>>24712538
Help him salute

With our sword

And his hand


Cut off his hand, hold it up to his head in a salute

>>24712575
>>24712577
Well, at least we know how to appreciate extremes.

>>24712575
I will support this course of action

>>24712575
Offer flower of peace, then explain the sign maker has made a poor quality sign and you wish to fix this mistake.
FOREVER

>>24712603

indeed..


Can you guys roll dice perhaps.

>>24712627
Peace has more than one meaning. Let's try this.

Rolled 48

>>24712632
Rolling for flower pick

Rolled 4

Rolling for letting Satan overtake our soul as we go on a wood-related murder spree

>>24712718
Thank christ,

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>>24712664

He thanks you for the flower and is ever more unsure of your sexual orientation. All the same he says he shall give this flower to his wife at home.

He tells you where you can find the sign maker. And will now let you pass.

>>24712927
>that crotch bulge
>is ever more unsure of your sexual orientation

hah
proceed with plan alpha bravo tango niner foxtrot >>24712627

>>24712927
Pledge your loyalty to the war god and find a battle.

Rolled 24

>>24712927
Find the sign maker, offer to teach him how to really woodwork

Rolling for convincing the woodsman to become your apprentice.

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>>24713044
>>24712967

You find the sign makers cottage, the door is closed.

>what do.

>>24713372
Open it

>>24713397
With STYLE.
>Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
>Razzle Dazzle 'em
>Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
>And the reaction will be passionate

>>24713372
Chew on the doorknob

>>24713372
Christ fix that sign, THEN Knock.

>>24713372
Fix his sign, then straighten out his door.

>>24713439
This. Fix sign...then the door...then inform the sign maker you've got wood.

>>24713479
Dice won't roll on my phone I guess...so I'm gonna say it was a Nat 20...go with that

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Rolled 71

>>24713479
>You've got wood
Rolling for ya

>>24713534
so I guess we're a gay lumberjack knight?

>>24713614
You mean, a knight?

>>24713776
Wood knight?

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>>24713534
>>24713479
>>24713439
>>24713438

The sign maker is an elderly man with no hair aside from his face. He's in pretty good shape for his age. And you notice he has good taste in shoes.

He is angry you have defiled his 'beautiful hand crafted woodsmithingship"

He hurls various insults your way,

>what do.

>>24713831
Promise to find his missing fifth finger if he stops being so mean.

Rolled 92

>>24713831
Cry and then ask how you can make it up to him.
Rolling for intensity of tears

>>24713881
Good god man, do you mean to cause the second coming of the Flood?

>>24713850
>>24713881
combine these

>>24713894
Violence isn't our prancy wood knight-man's thing.

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>>24713881
>>24713850

The tears from your eyes fill his house tsunami force. The flooding lead him to believe you are some strange type of water spirit. He attacks lightly bonking your face with his wooden hammer.

>what do.

Rolled 38

>>24714165
Accept his hammer, as clearly it is a gift to the superior woodsman.

>>24714267
Fucking this I can't breathe.

Rolled 26

>>24714165
Masturbate.

Rolled 65

>>24714165
Ask him why he strikes you so.

Rolled 72

>>24714165
masturbate

Rolled 68

>>24714165
Jack off.

Rolled 19

Meld with the hammer

Rolled 14

>>24714165
Attempt to bend over and suck your own dick

>>24714959
dear god.....

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Rolled 22

>>24714936
>>24714959
>>24714973
Why

Rolled 100

>>24714165
Surprise butt secks

>>24715031
what have we done....

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>>24715031
Even if it's lolrandumb, it must be done.
The dice has spoken.

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>>24715031
all good things must come to an end.

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>>24715031
>>24714973
>>24714959
>>24714955
>>24714936
>>24714854
>>24714267

You seize the hammer from the old mans grasp. You ask him why he hit you, and for some odd reason you now have an erection. Your swelling genitals making an audible 'clunk' against your woodplate.

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Rolled 22

>>24715144
RESIST TEMPTATION TO DO LEWD THINGS

Rolled 55

>>24715144
>>24715194

Do something lewd.

>>24715144
Absorb all your tears with your wooden armor.

Rolled 57

>>24715144
commit butt secks

Rolled 44

>>24715214
And then I forgot to carry the one.

Rolled 30

>>24715144
ask him if he has a pussy and if yes can u see it

Rolled 56

>>24715144
Do butt secks.

Rolled 18

>>24715206
NO LEWD!
Fall to your knees, beg forgiveness.

Rolled 9

>>24715144
smash his face in. Build him a new one out of wood

Rolled 45

>>24715144
start jacking off

Rolled 73

>>24715144
Tell him you've got wood, and that his sign-making-skills are shoddy.

Rolled 44

>>24715144
commence butt secks

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>>24715206
>>24715223
>>24715274
fucking
>>24715031
>>24715031
>>24715031

Still sobbing you force the old man into the torrent of your tears, bending him over before mercilessly pillaging his anus.

At this he screams for the town guards.

>what do.

Rolled 55

>>24715144
has sex

Rolled 72

>>24715367
Drown the town with your tears.
Wash away all sinners.

Rolled 6

>>24715144
Use the hammer to build a chastity belt, then wear it and swallow the key.

>consent PTfeed
well put, captcha

Rolled 47

>>24715367
Stop raping him, apologize, and say you were possessed by demons.

Rolled 1

>>24715367
start dildoing his anus with the hammer

Rolled 100

>>24715390
this and then build a boat and then float away

Rolled 9

>>24715367
It's time to craft your finest weapon yet.
A chair.

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>>24715425
I like you. Thanks for the boost mate!

Rolled 46

>>24715425
THE LORD HAS SPOKEN

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>>24715425
Dangggg

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>>24715425

Your tears washed over this village, miraculously creating a new local lake. Many drowned before you could be stopped, and your powers as Timberdin allowed you to construct your vessel before dying a midst your own tears.

You see the castle that guarded over this town above water level in the distance. Other than that there is the mountains.

>what do.

Rolled 73

>>24715733
rape him

Rolled 51

>>24715733
It's time to claim the hot elf princess as our own

Rolled 100

>>24715733
Gather a pair (male/female) of every animal and gather them onto the boat, then flood the entire world with your tears, exterminating all other life. THE SIN MUST BE WASHED AWAY.

Rolled 56

>>24715733
Go to the castle. Claim that a water elemental destroyed the village and offer to rebuild it for a suitable reward

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Rolled 63

>>24715782

>>24715782
of course we must also find a female for our self

>>24715768
no anon, you are the hot elf princess. and then anon was an elf.

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Rolled 72

>>24715866
You didn't even roll for it.
I'll do it for you

>>24715901
FINE I'M A TRAP.

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>>24715782

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>>24715853
>>24715782

Many years later after obtaining all the animals you know of, and some you didn't know of, your quest leads you back to the same spot, you realized you have yet to find a female humanoid. You remembered the castle for no particular reason and returned hoping to find a princess. You also now have a beard.

Rolled 30

>>24716065
Sculpt a woman out of wood

Rolled 96

>>24716065
elf princess time

Rolled 52

>>24716065
Sculpt a truly great castle out of wood, in the hopes that it might attract a female.

Rolled 89

>>24716110
Take over the castle and have elf princesses be your soldiers.

so how badly have we derailed the quest? I'm thinking about a full henderson at least.

Rolled 86

>>24716065
We must quest to find a beautiful maiden to make our bride. Then we shall set off for unknown lands, to repopulate the corners of the Earth!

>>24716232
There is no such thing as derailment! Only adventure lad!

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>>24716110

ye happen to see an elf princess at the top of one of the castles towers.

>>24716232
I am fairly certain this is the ADVENTURE QUEST guy from /v/ taking another crack at /tg/, so not at all.

Rolled 54

>>24716356
build a ladder and retrieve her

Rolled 67

>>24716356
Make her a woodcarving of yourself as a gift.

>>24716360

this is my first time doing an adventure thread ever. In no way am I related to said artist.

Rolled 2

>>24716356
Use your animal allies to reach her, then ask of her name.
Vow never to rape her ever.

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Rolled 15

>>24716356
woo her with our epic beard so we can picture related

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>>24716403
I guess not.

Rolled 3

>>24716403

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>>24716368
>>24716378

You produce a fine woodcarving of your likeness and a ladder, but as you are about to begin up the ladder, carving in hand, the guards snatch her away.

They seem to recognize you as "the bastard that killed my family with tears"

>what do.

Rolled 43

>>24716579
Blast them with tears.

Rolled 73

>>24716579
don't climb up the ladder.

>>24716579
Apologize

Rolled 70

>>24716356
Catapult yourself to the tower

Rolled 96

>>24716579
Unleash any animals gathered from Australia to slaughter any inside the castle while you get the princess

Rolled 83

>>24716579
Wear a moustache so they can't tell who you are

>>24716635

You come have arrived with your animal companions to battle your enemy. Press the attack?

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>>24716886
picture.

Rolled 3

>>24716886
SEARCH AND DESTROY.

Rolled 44

>>24716941
this, hopefully with a better roll

Rolled 62

>>24716900
For love and wood!

Rolled 42

>>24716900
If they are down some stairs then drown them all with your tears, sending forth some fishbros to save the princess.

Rolled 86

Sell them car insurance

Rolled 5

>>24716900
Wreck their shit, find that princess.

>>24717034
here,
I back
>>24717099

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>>24717034
>>24717099
>>24717174
>>24717186
>>24716941

As your animal companions tear through the main forces of the castle guard, you try to go off alone to find the princess. You come along to a single armed knight, you mention that would would like to sell him car insurance. He does not know what a car is, and he says he shall impale you with his mighty longsword.

Rolled 49

>>24717414
we must defend ourselves. activate our beard powers.

Rolled 2

>>24717414
Haggle the prices!

Rolled 10

>>24717414
That skull in his speech bubble looks like a little turtle holding a magic wand. Tell your new turtle friend to destroy him.

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>>24717499

By the wood, your beard just wasn't stronk enough. He has gained some ground.

>what do.

Rolled 40

>>24717414
Attempt to create a car out of his body.
Rip and tear if need be

Rolled 55

>>24717718
Teach him the powers of wood. By beating him to death with our nailbat.

Rolled 2

>>24717718
voting for
>>24717724

Rolled 14

>>24717718
Trip him up by making him focus on your beard, then cut at his legs.

Rolled 15

>>24717718
Make a sculpture of something, make the sculpture so beautiful that he tears out his eyes so that the last thing he ever sees will be our creation.

Rolled 40

>>24717718
Turn your beard to wood.

Rolled 80

>>24717718
Wow lets just give up.
Then not give up and bonk him on the head

>>24717859
why would we cut off our glorious facial hair?

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>>24717737
>>24717747

With an advanced beard maneuver you manage to shatter his kneecap.

1 of 2

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>>24717952

You stand over your hobbled foe. He death threads at you loudly. He cannot stand, but still has a sword.

>what do.

>>24718123

he yells death threats at you loudly*.

Rolled 57

>>24718123
Walk around him and get the princess. We can ignore him now.

Rolled 93

>>24718123
Sell him that car!

Rolled 96

>>24718123
see if he'll surrender.

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>>24718174

He appears to be getting dizzy. But his sword remains up. He does not seem to want to surrender.

Rolled 90

>>24718293
Walk around, just let him bleed out. We've got better things to do.

Rolled 96

>>24718293
Give him Life Insurance

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>>24718333
BASED ANON

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>>24718333
>>24718332

You give him life insurance before moving on. At least his family will benefit slightly from his death. If he even has one.

Rolled 65

>>24718490
onward to the princess

Rolled 1

>>24718490
try to sell the princess car insurance.

Rolled 99

>>24718490
TO THE PRINCESS!

Rolled 60

>>24718490
Find princess, rub ears.

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>>24718572
>>24718518

You are stopped by the lord of this castle, you can see the princesses room just out of reach.

But egads. This castle lord has a sword of flame +1!

>what do.

Rolled 38

>>24718710
Cry on woodstick to make woodstick of water +1

>>24718710
Remove cat from inside my buttox, throw shit covered, mad as hell cat at the castle lord's head. If that doesn't work or misses, panic.

Rolled 48

>>24718710
USE TEAR POWERS TO EXTINGUISH THE FLAME

Rolled 38

>>24718710
Spray him with firehouse tires.

Rolled 21

>>24718710
Curses, our wood is weak to his fire.

First, block a blow from his sword with our shield, the shield will catch on fire, then THROW IT INTO HIS STUPID FACE AND CATCH HIM ON FIRE!

Rolled 98

>>24718710
LET THE TEARS FLOW
Or sell him car insurance

Rolled 13

>>24718710
Cry out tears to put out the fire.

Rolled 98

>all this car insurance
Surely they would be more likely to accept house insurance

>>24718781
Here, fine we shall Cry, then attempt
>>24718807
We are the sneakiest sales knight ever

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>>24718781
>>24718796
>>24718761

Your tears extinguish your certain doom!

But he still stands, though quite soggy with a now normal sword.


>what do now.

Rolled 43

>>24718904
BEAR BEARD DISARM GO!

Rolled 53

>>24718904
>>24718807
House Insurance. He needs it considering he's got an animal kingdom infestation.

Rolled 12

>>24718904
Has he considered house insurance?

Rolled 50

>>24718904
Is he aware of the savings he could get by combining his home, life, and car insurance into a single policy? Would he like to get quotes for flood protection?

Rolled 77

>>24718904
Pull out our nailbat and shield, bash his blade aside with our shield to keep it out of the way and then beat him upside the head with the nailbat.

Rolled 5, 5 = 10

>>24718904
invoke the power of malakalapula the insurance god and rain a torrent of insurance salesmen on him.

Rolled 85

>>24718987
Sell him the bundle

Rolled 7

>>24719019
BUNDLE!

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>>24719019
>>24718987
>>24718939
>>24718928

You speak of the advantages of insurance you happen to sell and ask him if he is interested.

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>>24719185

There is a brief pause as he considers your words.

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>>24719185
>>24719219
And I love it

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>>24719219

He declines your offer as he already seems to have premium castle insurance.

You are stabbed and sustain moderate damage.

>what do.

Rolled 88

>>24719268
Grab onto his hand with one arm and bash him upside the head a couple dozen times using our nail bat with the other.

Rolled 28

>>24719268
BEAR BEARD DISAAAARM.

Rolled 69

>>24719268
fuck should have used harder wood.

this>>24719287

Rolled 69

>>24719287
and don't forget to beardwrangle him in the meantime.
Good thing he didn't go for the life insurance. We are killing these people after all.

>>24719268
Remind him that if he changes his mind in the next 15 minutes, he can refer a friend for 50% off sales price.

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Rolled 49

>>24719268
That asshole! Fuck em up!

Rolled 47

>>24719268
Tell him that you'll see him in court.

>>24719336

>>24719351
read the board's sticky, newfriend

Rolled 47

>>24719449
Not a new friend, just typoed.

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>>24719338
>>24719307
>>24719287

In a display of true manlyness you grip his arm and push yourself further on the blade to get into range with your blunt piercing apparatus. You bludgeon his head with your nail club dealing moderate to severe damage.

Rolled 15

>>24719775
Ask him if he's okay.

Rolled 2

>>24719785
yep. We can't be too mean or else his daughter won't love us

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>>24719775

Not to be outdone, before you ready another backswing he too grabs your weapon, you are now in a deadlock! Adrenaline courses through your veins. This could very well be the end of you both!

>what do.

Rolled 56

>>24719775
CONTINUE MURDER
HE SHOULD'VE TAKEN THE INSURANCE BUNDLE

Rolled 48

>>24719809
BEARD NECK BREAK GO!

Rolled 47

>>24719809
USE THE POWER OF OUR BEARD TO FINISH HIM OFF!

Rolled 68

>>24719814
>>24719825
Both of these really.

Rolled 20

>>24719809
Bargain with him saying that if he let's go of your weapon you'll let go of his

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>>24719814
>>24719825
>>24719845
>>24719847

Your beard shoots from your face like a tendril of nightmarish fury impaling the castle lord and lifting him into the air. Such is the power of the beard.

With one final act of rage and despair he attempts to stab downward at your head.

>what do.

Rolled 6

>>24720071
Tactical dive roll!

Rolled 40

>>24720071
Whip our head to the side bashing the lord into the wall and keeping him away from our brainmeats.

Rolled 46

>>24720071
Cry the sword out of his hands.
Like CRY REALLY HARD

Rolled 3

>>24720071
Dodge that while throwing him into the wall

Rolled 46

>>24720071
Fart. Fart like we've never farted before, and never will again. Fart with such great force that we slam into him with the might of a thousand suns, destroying him with the force of our impact.

Rolled 70

>>24720071
"You have fought well. I had to use 2/5ths of my full power. I shall allow you your last futile stab."

Take them stabbins'.

Rolled 8

>>24720071
Rip him in half with your beard

Rolled 78

>>24720071
Try not to get stabbed

Rolled 89

>>24720135
>>24720148
these are tied, so... BOTH?

Rolled 27

>>24720153
Nononono, getting stabbed is bad.

>>24720071
Suplex him with our beard.

Rolled 1

>>24720177
THE FORCE OF HIS FART WAS SO GREAT IT BLEW THE AIR AWAY FROM ME!

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>>24720176
>>24720175

You try not to get stabbed. You try really really hard. Somehow in the process, he explodes violently from beard related internal trauma.

The castle lord is dead.

The princesses chambers are just ahead.

>what do.

Rolled 94

>>24720365
Clean blood off of self and tend wounds

Rolled 77

>>24720365
Clean yourself up you're a mess

Rolled 69

>>24720376
We can use WOOD to do that.

Rolled 72

>>24720365
Rush to the princess bloodstained, and force her to be your squire.

Rolled 51

>>24720365
clean up, make a wood statue of the lord so that the princess doesn't get distressed about his demise

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>>24720376
>>24720384

you manage to clean off most of the blood before it stains your wooden armor, and treat your wounds as best as you can.

it may not look too great. but you feel like it gives you an edgy seasoned look.

Rolled 60

>>24720498
Bitching. Get to the PRINCESS!

>>24720498
Approach the door to the princess's chambers and knock.

Rolled 97

>>24720498
Time to serenade a princess.

Rolled 91

>>24720513
whoops

Rolled 86

>>24720515
pat pat pat this

Rolled 62

>>24720515
With Kidnapping Insurance

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>>24720515

How to serenade a princess without a fine instrument?

You are now standing at her door. Contemplating.

>what do.

Rolled 10

>>24720590
Open the door.
Get on the Floor.
Everyone do the dinosaur.

Rolled 99

>>24720590
slap the beardbass, foo'

>>24720590
The power of riverdance.

Rolled 39

>>24720590
Serenade through beatboxing.

Rolled 36

>>24720590
We make it out of WOOD, duh. Maybe use our beard as guitars for a stringed instrument like a guitar or violin.

Rolled 95

>>24720620
Strings, use our beard as strings.

Why can't I type today?

>>24720627
My god this

Rolled 34

>>24720711
>>24720627
>>24720620
so... this?
>>24720612

>>24720612
>>24720620
>>24720627
So I'm guessing a beard string bass is in order?

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This thread is awesome, thanks a lot OP

Rolled 67

>>24720742
A little bit of slap base! Funky!

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>>24720799
>>24720742
>>24720727
>>24720711
>>24720627
>>24720612
>>24720612
>>24720612
>>24720612

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5LFD9VDq88


Bardic success achieved.

>what do.

Rolled 93

>>24720838
LET THE FUCKING BEGIN
In a gentle and romantic manner

Rolled 27

>>24720838
Ask if she will be your valentine.

Rolled 1

>>24720838
Hoist her on your shoulder and carry her to your ship.

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>>24720876

You bed the promiscuous elf princess. You have slain the lord of this castle as such it is now yours. You stand out on your new balcony overlooking the land from quite a ways up.

You have won the day. But what lies in your future?

>>24721081
Another adventure, another princess, another tree to shape.

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>>24721081
FIND OUT NEXT TIME....
ON SOME QUEST II

Rolled 85

>>24721081
The fantastic world of plumbing!

>>24721081
You did good, anon, congrats!

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>>24721081
10/10 would quest again

>>24721164
the kerning on that is driving me insane

fix it fix it fix it fix it

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>>24721081
Thanks Op.

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>>24721189
Dangggg.
>>24721185
NO NO NO

>>24721185
I had this exact same thought.

>kerningmind

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>>24721164
>>24721154

I'll actually try to draw next time. I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into here.

>>24721189

Sweet mother of god. Thats fantastic. Saved hard. thank you.


I plan on doing this again. I'm also working on getting my art skills up. So if anyone ever wants a character drawn or anything hit me up.

Skype: Vanlereux

and you can also google vanlereux to find me on deviant art.

My arts not usually so.. quick. heh.

>>24721185
The fuck are you talking about?

>>24721274
Look at the 'g ood'

>>24721261
OP, do not feel upset about your art. The image you presented fit the adventure and the nature of a quest thread quite well. You succeeded. Do not fret.

And yes, would quest again.

bump for brilliant

bump.

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>>24722672

Was just lazy. But thank you that makes me feel a tad better. This was an experiment. Been meaning to try it for a while. Next time will be even better. Perhaps just a tad more thought out. All the same. I shall return. Remember me.

>>24732076
while it would be great to see the elf princess with more detail, the general feel of this quest is one that lends itself to the cartoony art style shown here.

THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING RUN A QUEST.