Really, nobody has stories?

>An roleplaying game

Is that Cody?

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>>25725242
That guy looks like a half-elf gone awry.

>>25725382
>An ar pee gee
Not seeing a problem chief

>>25725382
ARR-PEE-GEE

>>25725382

I think 'an RPG' is correct. When it's an acronym you go by how the letters are pronounced.

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>>25725417
>>25725425

>>25725242
Why did you have to specify that he offered to do it for free? Was your housemate at one point considering paying him for this service?

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>>25725242
>He is now a Sex Offender, and offered to suck another of my housemate's dicks for free.
Lol, wut? More on this story OP.

>>25725449

Naw, the former housemate said he'd do it for free to my current housemate.

>>25725242

Can we get the unabridged version?

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You know what I hate? Running into people you barely knew, or people that really weren't your friends, and they treat you all nice and friendly, and they haven't changed at all from before.

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>>25725242
>is now a Sex Offender, and offered to suck another of my housemate's dicks for free.

What the fuck.

>>25725242
Why is "that guy" always some kind of sex offender or weird creep (or both)? Is there actually some kind of "that guy" DNA out there?

>>25725468

Well since folks are interested, I'll give a few pseudonyms. I'll introduce more if I continue telling more stories.

So our, now 500 pound That Guy, I'll call Larry.

Larry recently graduated from College, and he had been seeing a 17 year old girl behind our backs.

I should mention that Larry has money, and he always had a lot of raw cash sitting around. He would always pay his share of the rent and more with $400 of raw cash. Not sure why, but we suspect he deals drugs.

Anyways, Larry was seeing this 14 year old girl, and she was milking Larry of his cash. Then when Larry tried getting physical with her, she contacted the police. Larry was told to cease and desist 7 times, and Larry never did. So, Larry was arrested for trying to bugger a 14 year old girl, and has since become a sex offender.

After the offense was laid, he got weirder and weirder, and he offered to suck my housemate's dick for free. Of course, my housemate isn't into the prospect of a 500 pound neckbeard beating off his purple helmeted yogurt slinger, and so my housemate told him no.

Larry got more pushy, but my housemate threatened him with another call from the police, at which point, Larry stopped, and my housemate stopped going to the place Larry lives. After that, we cut off contact, and as far as I know, hes happy with Bubba.

>>25725509

I know what you mean.

Funny thing I never realized until recently, though: those people usually think they WERE your friends. Or they thought of you as a friend. Sort of, at least.

It's sad, really. Probably doesn't help that "friend" is not a well-defined word, so everyone adds their own twists to their personal understanding of the concept.

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>>25725625
>purple helmeted yogurt slinger

I'm pretty sure I just pissed myself.

>>25725625
>Always had money.
>Offers to suck dick for free.
>For free.

He was a prostitute.

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>>25725625
>trying to bugger a 14 year old girl
bugger

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>>25725625
>purple helmeted yogurt slinger

That's a first.

>>25725509
Yeah, I hate when people are nice to me and don't have wildly fluctuating personalities.

>>25725709

I never realized Cary Elwes had such a huge double chin.

Must have been a fat kid.

>>25725500

Well if you insist, a word of warning, I don't have this written out, so it will take some time. In the meantime, I'll introduce the cast:

Anon: Me, and visiting the house where my friends and That Guy lived in for the weekend.
Greg: My best friend who was playing, and also lived in the house.
Larry: That Guy/That GM. He weighed about 400 pounds at the time, and wanted to GM a game. Us wanting to play a game for the weekend accepted.
Randy: Another friend of mine, who was like a rail to Larry's double decker train.
Harold: My other housemate, who uses RPGs as an excuse to hang out with us. Cool guy and hilarious at that.

More to come.

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>>25725625
I don't understand how people can get that fat. I know that there are some people who have disorders such as hypothyroidism, but how do you weigh 500lbs? That's insane.

>>25725509
There's this guy who goes to the restaurant I work at who calls me 'buddy' because he worked at the comic store I used to go to. The problem is is that we barely saw each other or talked while I went there, and I'm currently working at the comic shop across the street, and both of them are in rivalry with each other.

>>25725796
this has always puzzled me as well anon. I can understand how somebody might let themsleves go , but it seems to me like they would have to TRY to hit that kind of weight

>>25725796
Ya know, shark meat is quite good.

>>25725804
only slightly halfway not really at all related...how is it working at a comic store? I always had a nerdy fantasy of opening up a sort of gamers den but not really sure if it is cooler in my head

>>25725735

I was sitting in my house and I thought, "I haven't visited my friends in a while", so I made some calls to Greg, and after some planning, we finally found a time where we could all meet up. So on that fateful Friday, I got in my car, and drove over to Greg's place, and arrived that afternoon.

So we hung out and did what friends did, when my friend Greg mentioned his latest housemate, a guy named Larry, an how Larry wanted to DM a game of D&D for us.

I thought, "Hey! This would be a good way to get to know Larry!" And my friend Greg, enthusiastic like he is, showed his excitement for the game that night.

So when the sun set, I drove back to Greg's house, blissfully unaware of the horrors that is the Call of Cholesterol.

>>25725847
It's kind of heavy. There's a good attitude with the customers, but there's a lot of pressure with the owner, who's moonlighting as an electrician. I'm 'graduating' to the late night shift, and I'm told that I'll have to be eBay-ing stuff the entire time. There's some pretty serious stuff going on with Old-Comic-Shop, because they're trying to get our PR guy to represent them, and spreading shit about us and the PR guy.

>>25725927
>e-Baying stuff

Not exactly a good sign for a shop if it has to rely on that. I've worked at such a place once and once e-baying stuff became infeasable (along with normal PC sales), well people like me got downsized more or less.

>>25725817
It's easy. You let yourself go. And then you keep letting yourself go continuously for twenty straight years.

>>25725994
Oh, we do make most of our income on new books, it's just that he wants me to be efficient at that time, moreso than the daytime.

>>25725509
First summer back from college?

This seems like a decent place to ask. Does /tg/ Have a steam group that's active or would I need to go to the irc if i wanted any hope of organizing a group online?

>>25725899

So when I arrived at the house, I caught up with Randy and Harold, and then a short time later, we sat at the Beer Pong/Game Table, and waited for our DM to leave the bathroom. When the bathroom door opened, I saw Larry, and the former answer to World Hunger that lugged along beneath his flesh.

Larry sat down at the DM side of the table, looked around, and said, "So you're all here. We're playing D&D 3.5, and make a Gestalt character."

Gestalt characters are characters that take up 2 different character classes, but level up both classes at the same rate per level, meaning you get twice the class features for one level.

So I said "Great! I have this idea for a Swashbuckler/Psion who knows her skills, and can use her mental powers to displace and maneuver herself around the field!"

Greg made a Wizard/Druid who specialized in Fog spells, Randy made a Monk/Druid, and Harold made a Barbarian/Fighter. We got our characters, and we said "We have our characters Larry!"

Then Larry adjusted himself on his suffering chair, and started the game with the following sentence, "You are all on a spaceship, fighting in a gladiatoral arena on it. You see a hulking man with four arms holding Brilliant Energy Greataxes. Roll Initiative"...

>>25725994
As far as I know, most FLGS (ones that aren't part of any chains) also use stuff like e-bay to increase revenue. I mean, it's very efficient way to sell stuff.

>>25725899
>Call of Cholesterol
That got a chuckle.

>>25725690
That's not how prostitute's work and you know it.

>>25725817
They let themselves go, but they were never there to begin with.

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>>25726107
He could've been giving blowjob on his freetime.

>>25725927
how is the business in general? per if given the opportunity would you open your own? how? what would you do?

>>25726107

Sometimes you have to practice for free to keep up your pay-worthy skills.

Guitarists practice guitar for free when they aren't recording for money.

I just played D&D for the first time on Wednesday. I ran into That Guy. Would anyone like to hear it?

>>25726055

I thought, "Oh great, I made a skill monkey and a face, and now I have to fight in some arena! Well, she does have 30 Touch AC, so it should be hard for her to get hit".

To put it simply, I invested a lot of Psionic Feats which granted me a lot more Touch AC, and a lot of Psionic Powers which gave me that Touch AC, but that didn't stop Captain Four-Arms.

So Captain Four-Arms wins Initiative without Larry rolling anything. Normally a sign of bad things to come, but I wanted to give Larry a chance you see. Before I could think, Larry announces, "Your combatant charges at you, and Anon takes 60 damage. Your turn Anon."

I asked Larry, "Did you roll any dice?" Then Larry says, "You ask your contestant if he rolled any dice. Your contestant doesn't answer you. Your turn Greg"...

>>25726206

Sure, but you should probably namefag to differentiate yourself from the in-progress story.

>>25726207
Why didn't you cut the fat faggot's dick off after the round of combat?

>>25726157
It's alright, as far as I can tell. Nobody I really dislike, even the 'lolDeadpool' guys aren't too bad.
I don't think I'd open my own, because I'd need to acquire a lot of back-issues, first. One thing that our shop holds over the other shop is that we have actual issues from the 60s, 70s, 90s, and 00s, while they just have TPBs. That way, it's more appealing to people who come in and are trying to make a real collection. I don't have much of a poker-face when it comes to acquisitions. I'm mostly the toy guy at the shop, especially with Transformers and Japanese imports, and I get excited when I guy brings in 90s Evangelion toys, or the Bandai 1/55 Valkyrie reissue. I would probably overspend on acquisitions. Anyway, I don't think I have the business sense to actually own and open, but I'd help invest and work at a new shop where there isn't already a presence.

>>25726207

THE WORST HUMAN

OH MY GOD

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>>25726207

>>25726207

My friend Greg buckles down, and says, "I'll cast Fog Cloud centered on Captain Four-Arms!"

Fog Cloud is a spell that works great at providing concealment and making getaways, but sadly, Greg nor my character can get away from the ensuing bullshit.

So Larry says "After saying you cast Fog Cloud, the Fog Cloud appears over your contestant. Shortly after, the Fog Cloud dissipates, with the arena announcers shouting that they want to see the battle happening. Your turn Randy."

Greg was crestfallen, and turned to me with an apologetic look. I looked back at him and gave a manly nod. You know the nod, the nod that says, "Shit is about to happen to both of us, lets work this through".

So we returned to our game, and waited as Randy and Harold slathered through their turns, with their hits being described as, "You hit, next person's turn."

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>>25726207
I'm not ok with this.

>>25726323

>after saying you cast Fog Cloud

Does he expect you to communicate OOC via Morse Code or interpretive dance? What the HELL?

>>25726031
Are you high?

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>>25726323
This brightened my day, because no matter what I know my first time GMing a game was not this fucking bad.

>>25726207
>Initiative without rolling
Well, a bit of a bad sign, but maybe there's a reason for-
>take sixty damage, no hit/damage rolls
What the flying flippity flopping fuck
>Ask an obviously out-of-character question, he assumes you're speaking in character
Welp, we've entered the seventh circle of Hell

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>>25726207
>You ask your contestant if he rolled any dice.
>Your contestant doesn't answer you.

>>25726248
I used to check the comic book shop for anything cool they might have gotten, though it seemly is closed due to some geezer driving their car though the front of it.

>>25726323
>After saying you cast Fog Cloud
>AFTER SAYING YOU CAST FOG CLOUD

Bitch I'm mad

>>25726323

When my turn came back around, I realized that I was still in front of Captain Four-Arms, and I was still sure that Larry had no idea how multi-weapon fighting worked, especially considering that I, and the other players had way more AC than he could statistically hit with all of the time, so I did a coward's move and said, "I will manifest Time Hop on myself"

Time Hope makes your target disappear out of existance for a time before coming back. This is better used to take a foe out of commission, but I figure that with a little creativity, Time Hop can be used on their own allies with beneficial effects. So Larry said, "After saying you manifest Time Hop, and after successfully rolling Concentration, you use Time Hop. Greg, go"

With me out of existance, I was able to think about my next moves for 3 rounds without worrying about being attacked.

In that time:
- I saw Captain Four Arms run 150ft across the board to attack Greg for yet another 60 damage.
- I witnessed our Druid/Monk try to run up the side of the arena wall, do a backflip off of the corner of it, land behind Captain Four-Arms, and hammer him with a Flurry of Blows, only for Larry to say, "You can't do that. Its not in the rules."

Thankfully, due to a lucky stream of critical hits by Harold, Captain Four-Arms fell unconscious, and we all returned to our cells inside the spaceship's arena complex...

>>25726207

I don't even play these games, and even I know that's horribly not in the spirit of a game.

>>25726447
Yeah. That would close a store wouldn't it?

>>25726539
I suppose it'd be more open that way aswell.

>>25726230
Alright here is the first time I ever played any sort of RPG and how I had the luck to run into a That Guy.

I was invited to go to the LGS with my friends for a session of D&D. I was rather excited since after reading all the stuff on /tg/ I thought it would be fun.

I get there and find out that the store does this weekly and that they have multiple groups running different sessions all at once. I had the unfortunate luck of being sorted into a group without most of my friends but lucky enough
to get a group with some legit cool people and my best friend C.

Now considering this was my first time playing and C's first time playing at the LGS we were given some pregen character, a Dwarf Fighter for C and a Dwarf Paladin for me, who we decided were going to be brothers.

Now our group consisted of a cool flamboyant guy R, hilarious guy J, nice girl M, and brotier DM H. Everyone else had their characters already since this wasn't their first time and they were happy to see two new faces, so we are about to start when he comes walking up to our table.

>>25726539
Yep it would, I was just saying it's closed now and why.

>>25726551
There's wooden things covering up the damage.

As far as why THAT GUY have those traits? Severe autism that wasn't tempered into something more socially acceptable and they get into table top games or whatever and they take to it in the worse way, producing the results we see.

>>25726525
>After saying you manifest Time Hop, and after successfully rolling Concentration, you use Time Hop.

Oh, you poor dear...

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>>25726551
Nice

>>25726447
That actually happened to a different store in our complex earlier this week. Seems to be some method of store assassination or something.

>>25726248
cool, I always love asking people who work at places like this. It helps me learn more for the /tg/ incarnate I have always dreamed of opening.

>>25726525

So inside the cell, we see Captain Four-Arms sitting in an adjacent cell, and me, Greg, Randy, and Harold were sitting in the same cell recovering from our injuries. By then, I was pretty annoyed, having rolled up a social character without being warned it was an arena among other things, but figuring that with Captain Four-Arms' strength, we might be able to salvage some fun out of this game.

So I looked over at Greg, and we began to talk to each other about the possibility of roleplaying a gladiatoral revolt, and foolishly, me and Greg called Captain Four-Arms "Stupid" during our talk.

Then I tried roleplaying with Captain Four-Arms in the other cell and said in character, "Hey Captain Four-Arms, don't you hate whats going on? Shouldn't we work together to free ourselves from these chains?"

To which Larry answered, "Your contestant heard you call him 'Stupid'. He hates you."

I about lost my shit, threw up my arms and said, "You know what Larry, I'm done! We never saw you roll dice, you didn't differentiate out of character with in character! -" Before I could go on, Greg stopped me, and set me back in my seat. Greg then said to Larry, "Larry, please excuse Anon, hes had a long drive, but if you like, I can give you a few pointers on how to DM better so we can try this game again tomorrow." Larry agreed and then Greg said, "Anon, Randy, Harold, wait outside, I'll tell you when you can come back in." Then Greg winked at me, and I knew he had a plan.

So I stood outside, quite rustled about the game, and waited for Greg to convene with us.

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>>25726323
>>25726207
>>25726055
>>25725899

>>25726055
>"You are all on a spaceship, fighting in a gladiatoral arena on it. You see a hulking man with four arms holding Brilliant Energy Greataxes. Roll Initiative"...

I know "In Media Res" can be a useful storytelling tool to create interest, but I'm not sure how good it is to start off a campaign in the middle of combat...

>>25726566
One of the clerks walks up to our table with a kid who looks no more than 13 and tells us that the kid, B, must join our group since all the others are full.

He was an odd boy not because of his strange speech impediment, or because of his massive weight for a boy of his age and size, or the layer of grease covering his face and hair but because of his strange paleness. I live in South Florida where the only way you can get pale is unless you actively hide from the sun.

He sits down at the table and H asks him what kind of character he wants to play. He answers that he just wants to play a Dwarf. H informs him that since there isn't enough time to make a new character that they should use a pregen and the clerk tells us that all the Dwarfs are being used.

He starts throwing a tantrum after this so C and I offer him to share one of our characters with him. He chose me. Immediately after he tells me he can't wait to kill me so that he can have the character to himself

>>25726384
/v/ go home

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>>25726207
>I asked Larry, "Did you roll any dice?" Then Larry says, "You ask your contestant if he rolled any dice. Your contestant doesn't answer you. Your turn Greg"...

>>25726780
punch that guy in the face

>>25726780
>the only way you can get pale is unless you actively hide from the sun.

I can vouch for this. You have to literally never go outside for longer than 10 minutes.

>>25725835
Also chock full of mercury.

>>25726921
I also listen to heavy metal, deal with it.

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>>25726780
I don't think I could ever deal with obnoxious children.

>>25726207
>I asked Larry, "Did you roll any dice?" Then Larry says, "You ask your contestant if he rolled any dice. Your contestant doesn't answer you. Your turn Greg"...

I'm seething angry

>>25726780
have to take a break be back soon

I played a game Friday where these 4 guys joined in the 2nd session.

They completely derailed the entire plot and combat by pulling off crazy shit and being generally insane, this was a Black Crusade game too. And the GM rewarded them.

Want me to continue?

>>25726921
So's tuna, and there's no standards at all for what happens to your imported shrimp. If you want to eat fish at all, you either research like hell or deal with eating heavy metals.

>>25726942
Always happy for more storytiem.

>>25726934
>implying mercury is heavy

Also, shark taste like chicken

>>25726942
Storytime is the best time.

>>25726986
>Also, shark taste like chicken
No it doesn't, they add chicken flavor to it.

>>25726942
>pulling off crazy shit and being generally insane
>this was a Black Crusade game
>And the GM rewarded them
i fail to see the problem here. If all but one guy have fun in a game, the un-funned is usually that guy

>>25726942
I would appreciate it, yes

>>25726766

I should mention, Greg is a great DM, and loves to teach people all about how to DM too, but I could tell that even Greg was annoyed. Then the door opened, and Greg walked outside and said in a low voice, "Good news guys, Larry is taking my advice for next game, and should be attempting to be more flexible the next time around. The next bit of good news, is that we're doing the exact same game again tomorrow."

I looked at him like he was growing asperagus out of his nostrils, but then he said, "Believe me guys, I was annoyed about this game session too, but Anon, I promised you that tonight's game was going to be fun, right?"

I said, "Um, yes." Then stood back and let Greg be his enthusiastic self, before letting him continue, "Well, I can promise that tomorrow night, we're going to have even more fun. This time, I can enforce his good DMing habits, and then you guys break foot loose over his setting".

I knew that by "Break foot loose", Greg meant ruin Larry's game. Miraculously, I came up with a brilliant plan. I said, "Greg, tomorrow, long before the game, I need you to talk to Larry about his setting. Ask him questions about the spaceship arena, perhaps political affiliations and whatnot". I then turned to Randy and Harold and said, "We're not watching that movie tomorrow I don't think, instead, we're going to go through all of the 3.5 sourcebooks, and we're going to make the most awesome characters we can from the rules as written." Randy and Harold were both pumped, and then I said, "You too Greg, we're going to take back the fun we didn't have."

So starts the short lived legend of Abdul the Crazy Merchant.

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>>25726780
>Immediately after he tells me he can't wait to kill me so that he can have the character to himself

>>25726996
So then, it does taste like chicken?

>>25727001
Well presumably more players were aggrieved than the writefaggot, since this is the second session. We'll see where he goes with this.

>>25727001
> If all but one guy have fun in a game, the un-funned is usually that guy
While that may be true, it's flimsy logic to always assume the 1 person out of the group is that guy. The whole rest of the group can be those guys.

>>25726985
I don't eat seafood.

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>>25726769
I did that once when I DM'd Star Wars Saga. Probably one of the worst games I have ever been involved in.

Anyways, starting or ending a game/session at the beginning of combat adds a bit of excitement to get the players a little hooked. However, when I was describing the scene and the interactions going on in Narrative Time, I told the party that the pirate ship hit them preemptively, the party That Guy got up and shouted at me that it was fair. I then waited for his tantrum to subside and then explained that it was only narrative or flavor.

>>25726780

>threatening you with death so he can take your RPG character

Like, I get that he's a kid, but there's edginess, and then there's psychopathy.

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>>25727008
it'shappening.jpg

>>25727021
Yeah, just like potato tastes like always like your balls because you once rubbed a bundle of them in your nethers. What kind of twisted logic are you utilizing? The meat iself doesn't taste like chicken unless you make it taste like it with additives, in which case you're just tasting the additives.

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>>25727063

>>25727050
>but there's edginess, and then there's psychopathy
yeah, and threatening people with death so you can take their char is, when you are a too-young-for-facial-hair-but-still-a-neckbeard is usually edginess, I daresay.

>>25727093

Say that again in ten years when they find no less than three dead hookers in his basement.

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>>25727063

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>>25727063
Did you know there are over 3000 kinds of potatoes and that they all originated form Peru? Why would you rub your balls on a potato, that's just wasteful.

>>25727087

The Nurlgite alone makes this already pretty much the best Black Crusade game I've ever heard of.

Continue.

>>25727087

>First was a Nurgle space marine who was super old, like horus heresy old but can't remember anything and calls everyone Billy.

Fucking HI-larious

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>>25727008
Greg sounds like a total bro.

>We're not watching that movie tomorrow I don't think, instead, we're going to go through all of the 3.5 sourcebooks, and we're going to make the most awesome characters we can from the rules as written." Randy and Harold were both pumped, and then I said, "You too Greg, we're going to take back the fun we didn't have."

Not going to lie, but this actually sounds kind of fun in a competitive sort of way. It almost sounds like the plot for an episode of a D&D-based sitcom. Like if Jerry and George from Seinfeld were playing a D&D game being DM'd by Newman, and they were trying to beat him.

>>25727142
I think I have that comic...

>>25727206

POSTITPOSTITPOSTITPOSTITPOSTIT

>>25727207
This doesn't sound very that guy. This sounds kind of awesome.

>>25727207
>>25727087
You forgot about the part where I threw the Nob into another Ork by pulling on my bindings.

>>25727258
Oh shit he's here!

>>25727264
Somebody sounds alittle buttsore about the whole thing.

>>25727283
>Sister fighting alongside a Nurgle Marine and a Noise Marine

Sounds kinda wacky to me, man.

>>25727008

Working together all the rest of the night, then the morning, then that afternoon, me, Greg, Randy, and Harold worked out our characters, all the while, Greg would "advise" Larry on his next campaign, and even ask for questions about the setting.

What we've gathered was that the arena-spaceship we were on was part of the Forak Empire. The spaceship was enormous, and built for war. Nearby, is the Forak capital, which is an enormous starport in the middle of space. Then, me, Greg, Randy, and Harold, after discussing character concepts, got to work on the characters our caffeine addled brains could come up with.

Now I'll introduce these new characters.

Abdul the Crazy Merchant (Me): Abdul is a merchant from the deserts who specialized in making all manner of wondrous potions. Abdul was a Monk/Wizard Gestalt, who wore a turban, a full bulky body cloak, has a Monkey familiar named Amaso, and carried around 12 sacks with Healing Potions in it (The truth is, there was only 2 in each bag, so that way I can get away with telling the truth, and use Healing Potions in the plural). The truth is, its each loaded up to the brim with Potions of Fireball. To fight, Abdul gives Amaso a Potion, and lets Amaso throw it. I also declared it in character for any off-topic banter I say for it to also be something Abdul says.

Mehmet the Brave (Harold): Mehmet also wears a long bulky overcloak. If there is one thing Mehmet hates, its those dang blasted infidels from the Farok Empire (Also a Fighter/Barbarian).

Imam Omar: Imam Omar is pious just as he is tricky. Omar knows how to do a little of everything, and can call upon his god to bring about His miracles. Also dressed in the usual desert garb.

Richard Johnson (Greg): Richard Johnson is a Commoner/Aristocrat who came to watch the arena, but then took a wrong turn when heading to the bathroom, and ended up in the fighting arena.

That night, we sat back at the table, ready to push the fight back in our favor.

>>25727345
There's actually a lot of backstory with the sister and I (the noise marine), although naturally I'd prefer to reveal it slowly to the group.

>>25727363
Considering he just deleted his own story, I think you just won without lifting a finger. Come back and tell us how it goes next session, Noise.

>>25727345
You right. Problem is I like wacky.

>>25727392
Honestly, I feel a little bad about being posted in a That Guy thread. I want to tone myself down, but every time the opportunity presents itself for me to do something batshit, I can't help but take it.

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>>25727393
Wacky can be cool.

>>25727363
lel the guy deleted all his posts

>>25727142
is that Antonio Cesaro?

>>25727427
Take it. Then tell us stories. I'll bet that guy was just pissed he didn't think of doing that stuff first.

>>25727427
sounds like you'd be at home here as many other people here have the same impulse. it certainly happened with SWQ.

"Big red button? Let's push it 100 times!"

Ok, I've got this guy. Our group is pretty small and desperate to actually play because we finally have a night everyone can get together for more than 2 sessions.

But I got this one guy. You know the one. Doesn't even have the good decency to comb through google and power game his own character. He googles up guides, and purposefully looks for broken combinations of feats and items or other things. The worst part being that he's one of those Baby Wants his Bottle types. He sees a magical item that he wants and he damn near demands it. Which wasn't so bad when I could at least charge him gold for magical items, but as he reads more and more broken magical effects he's starting to demand certain items. Things I just can't justify giving him in the game, but every single damn time I start dolling out loot he basically chimes in "Is it *this item*?". We reach a new city and he starts looking for leads on the item, We raid a dungeon and find a chest and he basically questions why isn't that item in there.

It's just such an annoyance. Problem is I didn't realize he was looking for game breaking stuff so I allowed a lot of his plans to go off without a hitch. So at this point there isn't much I can punish him without making it obvious that I'm punishing him.

On this note, are there any DM tricks for really screwing over a character without making it look like you're screwing them over?

>>25727445
Is he uppercutting a ladder? Is he being smarter then us? Is he taking advantage of his magical eterna-visa? (Patent Pending.) Then it's not him.

>>25727427
"Hmmmph hmmmmph hmph hmph hmph hmph hmmmmph"

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>>25727448
If you'd like, I can post some of the adventures of my Rogue Trader crew, although I'm not the best at storytiem.

>>25727427
more stories.

>>25727465
Yeah. Kick him out for sleeping with your girlfriend. Even if he didn't.

>>25727483
[Discordant Wailing Intensifies]

>>25727484
Give it a shot. And never ask if we want story time. Just assume we do.

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>>25727484
It begins.

>>25727465
Here at /tg/, we usually suggest you take the player aside and talk to them directly about it rather than dragging the game down into passive-aggressive sniping that'll simply sour all the other players to the session.

We save the vindictive shit for after the "try to handle this like adults instead of the neckbearded manchildren we really are" solutions fail.

>>25727361

I forgot to mention in the last post, but Amaso the Monkey was also wearing a Turban and desert cloak. Also, Imam Omar is played by Randy, and Imam Omar is a Cleric/Rogue.

Out from his room comes Larry, who sits back down on his abused chair. Greg greets him with a smile and says, "We're all ready to start the session!" Larry then takes out the dice that Greg bought him, and we were ready to go...

(Got a phone call, will be back in a jiffy with more story. Sorry its taking so long.)

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>>25727229

>>25727465
Have wizard thieves steal everyone's equipment in the night.

Have everyone try and hunt them down. Pawn off a bunch of the parties items, enough to nerf the dude, but don't single him out.

>>25726939
So the characters are as followed:
>R the Rogue
>J the Bard
>M the Druid
>C the Fighter
>B and I as Paladins

So the game starts with us investigating the death of a noble, a strange storm that has gone on since the noble's death, and strange cases of insanity.After much discussion we decide to pay a visit to a fellow who is said to be an expert on this storm and other strange phenomenon or something.

We arrive at the house and find all the lights off and the door locked. Before we can even say anything B blurts out "I want to break through the window!" we all turn and look at him and the look on H's faces just says "really?". After a few seconds of silence R suggest knocking on the door but is just shut down by B who again yells that he wants to break through the window. H tells him to make a strength check and next thing we know we're inside.

Now H then goes into detail about how the entire house has been ransacked and there is barely anything left in the house. At this moment B ask "Is there anything worth stealing?" The entire table just looks frustrated. H then ask "Did you not hear what i just said?" to which B replies, "Yeah but is there anything valuable?"

So we split up and start looking for clues with B taking anything he can find, i.e. a rug which completely filled his inventory. It seems as if we can't find anything when M discovers a young boy hiding under the bed. The boy tells us he is a messenger from an insane asylum and that it has been taken over by a man called the Tormentor and his cult. We decide to help him and get rid of the cult when B ask "can I kill him and does he have anything of value on him?"

>>25727498

ESPECIALLY if he didn't, you mean.

>>25727484
The circumstances already make it amusing. C'mon, let's have some storytiem.

>>25727501

>[Hrmmphing intensifies]

>>25727563
Phony

>>25727477
He looks very European though.

>>25727535
shit, really?

>>25727535
Why didn't B get his face smacked down already? It's a basic dwarf PALADIN.
Also, I typed that up before I even finished reading. That is a young boy hiding under a bed, B. What the hell.

>>25727512

Good point.

>>25727528
>(Got a phone call, will be back in a jiffy with more story. Sorry its taking so long.)
P-please return post-haste, anon. I'm much enjoying your story, but it's late where I'm at so I'd like to see the end before I go to bed.

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>>25727484
>>25727510
>>25727511
Well, here goes nothing.

So I am playing an Incubus named Dhrazkael, from the Kabal of the Lords of the Iron Thorn Crown. His mother is a drachon and his father is a wealthy Trueborn. Sadly, whilst Dhrazkael demonstrated a propensity for swordsmanship, he is a bit lacking in subtlety, and so his parents "encouraged" him to join up with the Obsidian Temple. One encounter with a hive fleet and a warpstorm later, and he ends up on some Imperial port.

After a few years working odd jobs, he gets a contract from his main contact, Boris. I am to assassinate a Rogue Trader, who just so happens to be the former Rogue Trader of the group that decided to leave the game before I joined in. I show up at a bar where the crew is and engage in a bit of telepathic conversation with the Astropath before discretely handing some tainted meat to the group's Kroot, whom also apparently left, as a "reward". Meanwhile, the Tau has proved he is a master at gambling after winning some power dentures and a good quality arm, and the Vostrayan has gotten incredibly drunk. The kroot goes berzerk, kills the RT, and is then shot down by the Vostroyan. Assured by the Astropath and Boris that I'm totally cool, and not wanting to question the DEldar, the group allows me in.

Some time later, we show up on a paradise world named Las Vargas to pick up our new RT. The Tau decides he wants to go gambling.

Cont.

>>25727626
>>>25727528
anon pls respond

>>25727532

I just sent this image to a friend as an attempt to explain the basics of Seinfeld to someone who has never seen it in his life. I think it works surprisingly well.

>>25727532
When I made the comment about Seinfeld D&D I didn't think it'd be real. Man, I fucking love the internet.

>>25727648
Then there is the last good thing I did in the campaign.

I like how, in the process of minmaxing his group to death to deal with this guy, someone got RID of their gestalt wizard/druid.

>>25727532
Holy shit

>>25727713
I like how Commoner/Aristocrat is min-maxing. Can't wait to see what the hell he means.

>>25727713

Better to troll him into the ground with something weaker for maximum humiliation.

>>25727528
Somebody please save his story. Wanna be able to show it to some friends of mine, but they're asleep atm. I cant because I'm on my phone and have no pc access atm.

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>>25727648
I, being curious of other cultures by Dark Eldar standards, and not wanting to leave a fellow alone, follow at a close distance. The xenophile Techpriest goes with me as well, stating that he'd prefer not to leave the pair of aliens alone. Meanwhile, the Vostroyan and the Astropath go off to meet our new (and fucking glorious) Rogue Trader.

The Vostroyan and the Astropath, who will be referred to as Team B, find the Rogue Trader lounging in a private suite amidst a pile of naked men, women, and a bull grox. Meanwhile, the Tau has rolled absurdly well, yet again, at the slots, and so the proprietor shows up with two girls in bunny costumes to tell him he's one access to the high roller suite. The techpriest and I, being paranoid as all hell, suspect something is up, and follow them. The techpriest uses his auspex to deduce that they are apparently taking the Tau to the kitchen. We deduce the worst, but refrain from taking any action as of yet.

Sure enough, they take him into the kitchen, where the cook is ready with his butcher's knife. The techpriest decides that going for the door would take too long, and uses his absurd strength to walk straight through the wall.I promptly begin slicing the left arms of everyone in the room while the techpriest stands around and takes potshots with this mass driver.

While this is happening, the Rogue Trader has been debriefed and decided he wanted to make a flashy exit.

Cont.

>>25727738
This'll probably end up on suptg anyway. And I think foolz is the auto-archive? Not much is lost anymore, is what I'm getting at here.

>>25727782

Images can get lost after too much time; eventually pics on Foolz get dumped. Suptg keeps images, but of course they don't archive every thread.

>>25727810
I was on SupTG. this thread is indeed archived there under "Larry" or something

>>25727839
The Story of Larry, yep. http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25725242/

>>25727761
Man Will's character is the most absurd Rogue Trader ever

He's so Rogue Trader that he isn't one.

>>25727839
Thank you for letting me know.

>>25727761
You forgot to mention that you were waring host plate with a necklace of ears on it.

I hope this thread is still alive in the morning, I wanna hear how OP's story ends.

>>25727602
Cause we all suck cock

>>25727593
Unfortunately

So H decides to skip straight to the asylum saying that with M's druid skills we easily navigate the forest(we were playing by rules of cool and were short on time). So we reach the asylum and H tells us how it is surrounded by a huge wall and there is a mob outside the gate. We investigate the mob and find out that the people are villagers that live in the safety of the asylum that doubles as a fortress and that they seek refuge after strange murders in their town. We tell them that we are here to solve it and go talk to the two cult priests/guards.

As we get closer to the gate H tells us how the wall is covered with arrow slots and that we can see the people watching us from them. We talk to the priests who are doubling as guards and we are refused entrance. B then pipes up saying why don't we scale the wall and H, frustrated ask him if he is even listening. Naturally we dont go with that idea and instead pretend that J is a new patient and us his guards.

Immediately after we walk in the door slams and locks and we are surrounded by mind controlled guards. Some how a battle cleric ends up blasting J and our B heroically throws the rug he had been saving at him. Not the cleric but J.

>>25727761
The Vostroyan, using his negligible demolitions skill, sets up some explosives while the remainder of Team B makes their exit. He fails miserably and causes the floor to collapse under himself and the Grox, somehow managing to land on its back, rotgut in hand. As I finish off the last of the guards, the cook tosses a knife at the Tau, misses, and hits the Grox in the rear. It frenzies, knocking the drunken and confused Vostroyan off, and rampages towards the techpriest. The techpriest grabs it by the horns and stops it dead in its tracks. The Tau finishes off the cook by blowing his leg off, and I, not able to think of any other way to calm the Grox, roll to intimidate. I pass with flying colors, thanks partly to my +30 or so bonus to intimidate, and the Grox voids its bowels and freezes up. The Vostroyan decides he would like a pet Grox, and brings it into his quarters, where it sleeps in a pile of hay with him. Sadly, I missed the next session, so there's a bit of a gap in my knowledge on where we went next, but when I came up I was apparently with the Vostroyan and the techpriest, who were attempting to secure something or other from some guy.

>>25727887
You're right, I did. I rolled to acquire ghostplate my first session, and passed. It came with a necklace of ears, and I started collecting ears after that.

Will continue, unless I'm doing a shitty job. I warned you all I'm bad at this.

>>25727922

You're doing fine, please keep up.

>>25727947
I think I'll let the techpriest take over for this part, as I don't really know what I was doing wherever I was, only that I became a sentient blender.

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>>25727962

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>>25727922
Nah, s'cool. I had a little trouble juggling what all the characters were doing, but it still definitely sounds like it was awesome.
>>25727962
More storytiem, the better.

>>25727962
I dont remember the fuck that happened.

Justin already typed it up

>>25727528

Larry starts the session off by saying, "You find yourselves in a fighting arena on a battleship belonging to the Farok Empire. In front of you is a large man with four arms and four glowing battleaxes who introduces himself as Theodore. Roll Initiative."

After Greg mentioned how Larry was getting better, we watched Larry roll the dice, and then the rest of us rolled the dice too. By some miracle, Abdul was first.

Abdul then said while handing Amaso a potion of Fireball, "You sir looks like the sort that would like to buy a potion! Abdul bin Hassanuluhak al Ta'jr at your service!" Before Larry could say, "That was your turn", Greg said, "Remember what we discussed, talking to opponents is a free action, because it tends to be more fun that way." Larry nodded his head and sighed, then said, "Theodore doesn't look like he wants potions-" Then Randy spoke up in the voice of Imam Omar and asks, "What about your Freedom from these infidels Theodore? Join us, and together, we can make the infidels suffer!" Then Mehmet the Brave shouts, "Slay the infidels!" Then Richard Johnson cups at his crotch, looking very uncomfortable.

Then Larry says, "Its not your guy's turn Randy and Harold-" Then Greg interrupts and says, "Free Action Larry, Free Action." Then Larry adjusts his gut around the table and says, "Roll Diplomacy Randy". Randy rolls an 18. Before Larry could announce Randy's failure, Greg reminds Larry by saying "Reasonable challenges, remember what I said about that?" Larry squirms a little then says, "You succeed, Theodore agrees with you."

I then ask Larry, "Do I see the gates to the arena?" To which Larry says, "Yes, but the bars look really tough". That was when Abdul took one of his 12 sacks of (2) "Healing Potions" and lobbed it at the gate. Larry started laughing, thinking he had Adbul cornered, and then said, "Abdul throws the sack of healing potions at the gate, and wasted a sack of healing potions!"

Then Larry was shown my Character sheet.

>>25727917
I hate this guy. And in retrospect, what makes any of this dwarfy either?

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>>25727917
>why don't we scale the wall

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>>25728011
more

>>25727962
Nevermind, he apparently doesn't remember, so I'll keep going.

We're in some sorta lab filled with huge glass tanks full of water with all sorts of chords coming out of em. We're meeting some other techpriest, I think, and are trying to get an STC from him. Maybe. This entire part is a little blurry. Negotiations go poorly, the Vostroyan attempts to intimidate and fails, and Douchepriest draws a gun, and I'm fairly sure I cut his arm off immediately. Servitors surge towards us, several of them falling under a hail of gunfire from the always drunk Vostroyan. The fairly substantial amount of survivors begins wailing away on the Techpriest to absolutely no effect has he stands in place and shines his mass driver, whilst I sprint around the room slaughtering the human personnel.

We notice one of the personnel attempting to break one of the glass vats, and, not being able to get through the mess of wires fast enough, charge halfway across the room and around all the vats into melee with him, because I am apparently the flash. Shockingly, I miss, and he breaks open the glass, unleashing some huge silver eel monster, which begins flopping around and attacking us. I scale its scales, wanting to get at its eyes, but before I can, the other two manage to kill it with some lucky hits. I make a cloak from its scales and mount its head in my quarters.

I'm finding it difficult to really do our insanity justice. Part of it lies in the OOC jokes.

>>25728091
I'm considering stopping for now and having the Vostroyan do this tomorrow. He has a better memory than I, and a bit more flare in his writing.

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>>25728011
>Then Larry was shown my Character sheet

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>>25728011
>Then Richard Johnson cups at his crotch, looking very uncomfortable

>>25728091
So tell them! It's not always about what your character's doing.
>>25728114
Feel free to go with what you want to do, though.

>>25728033
I don't know, I just wanted drunken justice.

>>25728135
Well, for instance, I forgot about something hilarious towards the end. A member of the staff walks into the room, holding a mess of papers, and seeing the havoc we unleashed, promptly turns and runs, and the GM just places him on an arbitrary place on the map. As he begins describing something else about the papers, I point out that I am just within charge range of the guy who just came in, and promptly kill him. I just can't seem to put what was so great about it into words, though. I'm not very good at using my words to express myself.

>>25728173
So use noises. Like that guy from Police Academy.

>>25728187
I'm trying but all I'm doing is scaring my cat.

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>>25728213

>>25728187
ZAP MOTHAFUCKA!

>>25728091
Listen here you mother fucker. I am enjoying your story so you better write the whole thing out, then post it immediately. Fuck.

>>25728213
Congratulations, you've made a homosexual laugh like a retard at two in the morning

>>25728304
I'll be honest, I don't remember what happened next, so I'll just talk about one of the more memorable moments

>>25728340
Okay, I don't remember jack shit now. Sorry, it's pretty damn late. Look for us tomorrow evening, we'll continue there.

>>25728395
No worries buddy. Where this larry guy then?

>>25728011

Larry stares at my sheet in horror, realizing he had to roll 10d6, 98 times (100 potions in one sack, 2 of which were healing potions). Larry then says, "I'm not allowing this to happen". Then Greg interrupts and says, "Whoah, slow down there, you approved on Anon's sheet, right? Well, then you approved of Abdul having these sacks of explosives". Larry stood silent, then he began to count, "Thats at least 980 Fire Damage, and it has more hp than the gates have..." Then I said, "So the gate blows open, right?" Larry glares at me, then calms down and says, "Yes"

Mehmet draws out his Vorpal Falchon and shouts, "My brothers in arms, we take our Jihad to the Bridge!" Then Larry says, "You don't know where the Bridge of the ship is". I then turned to Amaso, and took back his Potion of Fireball. I then gave him a Potion of Detect Thoughts, and then Amaso handed the Potion back to me, and then I drank it.

After that, Mehmet lost patience, charged towards the gate with his Falchon drawn, shouting prayers to his all mighty god, all the while, Omar, me, and Theodore followed behind, into the blasted gates of the arena, while Richard Johnson cried in pain as he continued holding it in, and then followed us into a poorly designed intergalactic Mordor.

Omar rushed to the prison cells and unlocked all the gladiator's doors, all the while, me, Mehmet, and Theodore, followed by a posse of gladiators made our way out of the prison cells, and into the ship. Larry was struggling, trying to think of what to do, then he got a brilliant idea. Larry said, "None of that happened, because the alarms were on, and the guards were alerted!" But then Greg said, "So you let us do all that, and then you're going to take it all away? Thats the mark of a bad DM. Perhaps have the guards show up after we freed all the Gladiators?" Larry agreed.

After Omar set that last gladiator loose, the doors around were swarming with guards. Abdul, and his fellow jihadists prepare for war...

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>>25728424
>Larry was struggling, trying to think of what to do, then he got a brilliant idea. Larry said, "None of that happened, because the alarms were on, and the guards were alerted!"
How did this guy was even ällowed to dm?

>>25728522

Very new GM, they're in the process of rehabilitating / ruining the guy. Read the previous posts to see how.

>>25728522
solely to fuck with him, is what Im guessing

>>25728424
Gotta go now. Can't wait to see this all done up on the archive. Larry's gotta be real desperate for a group with how much he's actually listening to Greg here instead of throwing a fit.

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>>25726780
>Immediately after he tells me he can't wait to kill me so that he can have the character to himself

>>25728522
You do know there isn't a DMing aptitude test right? No standards process. Anyone can do it.

>>25728424

Once again, initiative is rolled, and Abdul the Crazy Merchant somehow won again. My first action was, "I detect the thoughts of the soldiers". Larry then says, "Ok, you can see their thoughts-" Then I cut him off and said, "Great, I'll discern the location of the ship's Bridge!" Then Larry hurridly says, "You can't find out-" Then he stops, thinks over my clever ruse and says, "You find the location of the bridge, but the soldiers will attack you first!" Then he regained his composure, and said, "And now you end your turn-" Then I said, "Detecting Thoughts is a Free Action!" Then Larry sighs, and tells me to proceed. Greg looked quite content at this turn of events.

So Abdul turned to the doorwar clustered with guards, and then throws another sack of "Healing Potions" at the doorway. All the guards that could have a clear shot at me that turn are now dead.

Then the battle began in earnest, with Gladiators and Soldiers dying left and right, and after convincing Larry to let us take control of Four-Armed Theodore, we positioned Theodore between Abdul and the guards. With many casualties on both sides, and now out of "Healing Potion" Sacks, Abdul and his Terrorist Friends won the battle. The only one who did not taste bloodshed was Richard Johnson, who looked to be pulling a Tycho Brache in a short while.

With the way clear, Four-Armed Theodore, the remaining gladiators, me, Omar, and Mehmet traveled in a group up towards where I discerned the path to the Bridge, with Richard Johnson lagging behind.

Larry was smiling however, and then he started laughing when he entered the room before the battleship's bridge.

>>25726780
>>25727535
>>25727917

I don't care if there was no other room for this kid. You should've told him to just go away if he's gonna be a complete jackass like that.

>>25728689
Oh where? I'd like to take it and see.

>>25728730
No. I'm saying there is not one. As in. There is nothing to stop the Larrys of the world.

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>>25728698
>Larry was smiling

>>25728761

Thus, it's the job of the Gregs of the world to restrain them. A truly noble, thankless task. And there's far many more Larrys than Gregs out there.

OPwillsurelydeliver.jpg

>>25728880
I know man. The wait is killing me, but I have to know what happens. That being said, take your time, op.

>>25728698

Larry announced, "Its a trap! The shield generator activates in the room you past, and all of you are found surrounded by an impenetrable force field!" We began to struggle to find a solution, but all we ended up doing was getting a lot of "You can't do that" from Larry. But just before Larry can go on, Greg says, "I did explain that Richard was lagging behind from cupping his crotch so much, right?" Larry then says, "Yeah?" Then Greg says, "So, Richard must be outside the forcefield, right?" Larry says, "Yeah, he is."

Then Greg says, "Richard inspects the shield generator" Then before Larry can say, "You can't do that" Greg says, "Actually, Richard can, look here, Richard is a high end Electrical Engineer, and even has that as a Knowledge Skill" Then Greg shows Larry the character sheet. Then Larry says, "Ok, the Shield Generator is electric, and has an indefinite battery powered by the ship." Greg just smiles, and then Larry asks, "What?"

Then Greg says, "Electric huh?" Larry says, "Yeah". Greg then says, "I'll pull my pants down, and releave myself over the generator. The compounds in urine should short the generator." Larry then says, "You can't do that!" Then Greg says, "How many times do I have to say Larry? You have to have a possible solution for any challenge!" Larry then says, "Ok, it works, but you die from electricity zapping through you killing you, and more guards than before are coming!" Greg then says, "Thats ok." Then shrugs.

I then asked, "So the generator is down as is the shield?" Larry then says with annoyance, "Yes!" But right when Abdul and friends were free, they noticed a few things.

1. The charred remains of Richard, with what remains of his crotch out like a purebred, but noble infidel.
2. The guards are coming in behind them.
3. The front door is locked.

We all knew how this would end, but our lives were worth giving in the name of our all powerful god.

>>25728959
>Then Greg says, "Electric huh?" Larry says, "Yeah". Greg then says, "I'll pull my pants down, and releave myself over the generator. The compounds in urine should short the generator." Larry then says, "You can't do that!" Then Greg says, "How many times do I have to say Larry? You have to have a possible solution for any challenge!" Larry then says, "Ok, it works, but you die from electricity zapping through you killing you, and more guards than before are coming!" Greg then says, "Thats ok." Then shrugs.

This is fucking priceless.

This is why I love RPGs. Only in RPGs can you have gloriously hilarious shit like this happen.

But yeah based motherfucking Greg.

>>25728959

Bless Greg. And bless Richard Johnson. And bless OP.

Most of all, bless the learning process.

>>25728959

The battle was fierce, but the reward of 72 virgins at the end would be worth the price. Mehmet, Abdul, Four-Armed Theodore, and the few remaining gladiators turned to give Omar some precious time opening the lock.

In the ensuing firefight, Four-Armed Theodore was destroyed first by the guard's laser guns, and the other gladiators fell soon after. Mehmet bloodthirstily cut down guard after guard, but Larry intended no end to the guards we were sure.

Meanwhile, Omar rolled a Natural 20 on the Open Lock check, and the door to the bridge opened before Omar. Just when we thought we were home free, we found the captain of the ship on board, and he looked to have the trappings of a wizard, and a powerful one at that. Omar, though powerful, was outmatched here, but luckily for Omar, Abdul was watching over him.

With a lucky save on Omar's part, Omar resisted a Fighter of Death, all the while, Abdul commanded Asamo to run and latch onto the Captain's face after Abdul casted Haste on Asamo.

Larry was smug, and thought the monkey to simply be Abdul's gimmick, which he partially was, but in reality, Asamo and Abdul were brothers in arms, and Larry's lack of foresight to that would prove to be a deadly mistake.

Though it would take Asamo another turn to arrive to where Abdul wants him, Abdul and Mehmet kept themselves busy, and both took a hell of a beating from the guards, and the guard general that arrived on the forefront.

Larry thought us done over I am sure, just by the way he was getting giddy, but really, he had no idea what were were all capable of deep down...

Ho. Ly. Shit.
Op, I am so fucking sorry for you. Here's my own brief encounter with a That Guy, in the only DnD session I've ever really done:
I went with a half-orc female barbarian, and wound up the muscle and moral compass of the group. Don't ask.
Other party members included a Rapist Pedophilic Halfling Rogue, a Too Cool for Sanity Bard, and the only other practical person in the game, a female half-elf Ranger.
Skipping the dull meet-up bits, we eventually find our way to a tavern where a man has a job for us, clearing skeletons out of his cellar. We agree to it, desperate for money or a chance to break skulls, and start down these winding steps.
That's when the Bard has a genius idea. He'll "motivate" me to run ahead, and 1vN whatever number of skeletons are waiting in a dark chamber ahead of us. He makes the roles, and I'm forced to charge ahead, lusting for battle!
In the first turn I'm dropped to two health.
The fighting, uncoordinated and terrible that it was, eventually comes to an end. I've literally swung skeletons like weapons, or bodyslammed them, while the Ranger takes careful shots from the tunnel, the Bard plays some shit to modify our roles, and the Rogue cowers in a corner, bleeding out because the moment a skeleton even touched him he went to 0hp.
The fighting is done, and we recover, healing ourselves a little. The Rapist Pedophilic Rogue gets it in his head he wants to strip naked, and then wear just a human skull as a jockstrap. The GM allows this, and a little while later, the GM has the skull bite the Rogue's dick off, because the skeleton was "incapacitated, not dead."
Still not sure if I love or hate the GM for that. Probably hate, because it wasn't to punish the guy for being retarded, it was just to be an asshole. He kept letting the Bard and Rogue do shit like that- and here's the icing on the cake.

>>25729323
The Rogue is bleeding out from the crotch. We all try to tend his wounds, but none of us are healers, and our roles pretty much fail. The Rogue dies, and the Bard asks the GM if he can use the halfling's corpse as a shield. He then rams his fist up the corpse's anus, describing in great detail the shit and blood pouring over his character, and the guy playing the halfling decides he can RP a little dysentery and bowel movements in death. The Ranger and I stand back, not even sure what to make of this. In the end, my character just continued onwards, without a word. No words would ever do, she knew.
Luckily, it wasn't long after that that we were all viciously pulled into a portal and started some save-the-world fate bullshit quest line.
The Halfling was brought back to life, and the next session was caught masturbating underneath a table in another tavern. The Bard wasn't able to make it that game, which was a pity. I'd invested quite a bit of time into planning how I'd murder him in his sleep, since I specialized in grapples and generally beating shit to death.

>>25729220

On our next turns, Omar somehow managed to avoid certain death at the hands of the ship's captain's Finger of Death, and Mehmet, has been dropped to his last few health by the Guard General that arrived so conveniently.

Then our turns came up, and Abdul was first. Abdul ordered Amaso to climb up the Ship Captain's body, and latch onto his face. The Grab check succeeded. Then Abdul used his Monk levels.

Abdul tossed his desert cloak aside to reveal what was beneath it. A Harness covering Abdul head to toe in Maximized Widened Acid Substituted Fireballs. Larry stopped and looked on at the next scene in horror. Abdul rolled high on his Grapple check, and thanks to his Half-Giant Trait in being treated as one size category larger than normal, the roll was that much more successful. Abdul tackled the guard to the ground. Meanwhile, Amaso shed off his little desert cloak to reveal a little harness covered in fewer of the same kind of potion that Abdul had. Then Amaso shed off his little turban, and revealed a bomb strapped to his head, with the wick lit too.

Then Mehmet did the same thing, showing the harness beneath his cloak simple loaded up with hundreds of sticks of dynamite. Then Mehmet activated the magical power of his harness, and lit them all, then jumped on top of Abdul who was on top of the guard captain.

Larry was about to object, but Greg gave Larry a look that says, "You know better", then Larry fell silent, an let us say our last words- which was also the command words to exploding Abdul's and Amaso's harnesses, and which Mehmet said in kindred spirit.

"Allahu Akbar!"

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this is glorious.

>>25729524

With that, Amaso exploded in the ship captain's face. After Greg told Larry that the explosions were point blank and right in front of the captain's face, Larry let the captain of the ship explode.

But Mehmet the Brave and Abdul the Crazy merchant met their foes with an even more gruesome fate.

The explosions and the sheer amount of damage the explosions did, as well as the acidic component of the explosions ignored the Hardness of the metal that made the ship up, and melted the metal onto the rest of the hapless guards, caving in the doorway to the shield room.

All that remained on board was Omar.

Omar turned to the control panel and said, "I'd like to roll a Pilot check to fly this ship..."

Larry, who was extremely upset nearly shouted, "There is no Pilot skill!" Then Greg asked, "Then how were the ship's captain and crew able to fly this battleship? There has to be some way, and Omar has it on his character sheet." Randy showed Larry his character sheet, and then Larry's face looked defeated, then Larry said, "Roll".

Randy rolled another Natural 20.

With the battleship under Omar's control, Randy set a course for the capital of the Farok at top speed.

Larry was helpless against the power of Allah, and Omar targeted the battleship to crash into the Farok Empire's capital city. Moments before the crash, Imam Omar, kneeled his head down in prayer and shouted, "Allahu Akbar!"

Larry remained stunned, but then he picked up his things without a word, and slumped back to his room.

After waiting for 5 minutes, Harold interrupted our silence by saying, "How about we get OUR 72 virgins now?" Then we all agreed, and spent the rest of the night hedonist style.

The end.

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Perfect ending.

>>25729739
Did you get your 72 virgins?

Great story, man. Definitely worth the almost 4 hour wait.

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>>25729739

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>>25729739

>>25729739
Bravo. You were fine gentlemen. 'Twas an honor to listen to your tale.

>>25729835

With where we went, there were only 72.

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>>25729739
Well fucking done, Anon.
You deserve 72 virgins, and then some, for that

>>25729739
Thus ended the horrors of the Farok Empire.

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>>25729524
>>25729739

Fuck this thread delivered.

OK, one guy, you can stop posting your praise over a moderately interesting story.

>>25729857
>T'was
Take your fedora and leave.

>>25730170
if you have something better, let's see it.

>>25730170

It's called tension. This is the release ofi t.

>>25730193
My fedora is in another city right now, and what's wrong with twas?

>>25730170
I'm the guy who posted above you. So there must be at least two of us.

>>25730195
That's a terrible argument and you know it.

>>25730277
Not really by claiming that something is only mildly interesting and not one of the best THAT GUY screwovers I've seen, it implies that you've seen better and I'm just merely asking to see it.

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>>25729739

>>25730304
Have you read the chronicle of Luke, Plagueson of Nurgle?

Part 1 (also has lots of other stories)
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6885970/

Part 2
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6898745/

Part 3
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6910746/

Pigdog
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15462654/

I heartily recommend you looking up 'that guy' on Suptg, there are so many great stories on there.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=that+guy

>>25730277
He's not asking for a personal story that is better he is asking for a better story of players fucking over that DM. Maybe old man henderson? anything else. Not to mention I personally have been monitoring this thread since the start so it was a nice big payoff at the end.

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>>25730304
There was the one where the GM kept trying to insert his rape/impregnation fetishes into the game, but the players fought back. I have the character sheet the storyteller had, he posted as people where calling bullshit

>>25726055

>Barbarian/Fighter

That's like the weakest Gestalt there is using only the base classes.

>>25730417
Its on this page
Pt1 - http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18004136/
Pt2 - http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18010759/
Pt3 - http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18029935/
Pt4 - http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18032393/

Whelp that's going to be some reading material for the next few days.

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Okay so I posted this one a while back, thought I’d share it with you guys again.

Here’s a tale from the Book of Mark:

>Chatting with a friend
>Friend is talking about the new GW that’s just opened up (this a few years back now)
>had a game there, and says that I have to watch out for 'that guy' for he is the neckiest of the neckbeards
>aroma is so powerful that it could knock out a horse at 200 yards
>has a speech impediment that makes him sound like a great unclean one
>well okay so now I'm intrigued/horrified
>go down to the store on the Thursday afternoon (gaming night) with said friend and have a game
>its busy, its gaming night, the usual
>we get a table and start to set up when I remember about 'that guy'
>start to ask whilst pointing at random people, friend keeps saying no, no and no, and says you'll know when you see him.
>mid-game, it’s winter so it’s getting dark outside
>suddenly this smell seeps in from the doorway to the store
>lo and behold the shadow of the beast silhouetted from the lights in the store

holy shit did you guys realize that Amaso spelled backwards is Osama?

>>25730471
I read it, oh about a week or two ago, good story.

>>25730487
What is with That Guys and not washing themselves?

>>25730549
Same thing that likely has them have fuck all for social skills and asshole behavior and/or a not giving a fuck about it.

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>>25729739

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>>25730487

>The creature lurches in from the gloom
>a playful smile splitting his face from ear to ear
>the smell increases as the heater above him in the doorway circulates its foul odour
>a sweet smell yet something that has long given up the will to live at the same time
>the smell of neckbear
>a 300lb neckbear scenting the air looking for its next victim/opponent

>thankfuckimalreadyinagame.jpg

>slowly lurches round the store
>the odour follows in his wake
>sets eyes on our table
>crack-toothed smile splits across chinless features
>my eyes hadn't even left his hideous form since he entered the store
>oh god no.
>my friend would say that my facial expression was one of the most contorted masks of disbelief he had ever seen.
>comes over to the table and greets us with a yell
>abominable spit ball-sized chunks of his last meal land like hail on our miniatures
>Eldar and Ork alike are burned alive in putrefying power reminiscent of the CGI start up cut scene from Warcraft III

>to be continued.

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>>25730589

>friend gives me this look

>you were warned

>you had your chance

>you knew this was to be your doom, farseer

>my facial expression still hasn't changed
>I turn toward the great ham beast, and compose an air of pleasantry and finesse befitting of an Eldar player

>cast runes of warding
>just to be sure.

>proffers his hand in greeting, not rude enough to decline, probably one of the greasiest handshakes ever, rivalling those done within the shadows of parliament.
>nurglings slowly frolic up my sleeve
>introduces himself to us as Mark.

>...and so the great beast has a name.

>still bearing a smile as his flem impacts upon my face, pock marks form on my skin
>he proceeds to go through how much he loves Tau (this is 4th ed Tau btw), and all the amazing ways he would kill Orks with them
>the stench of his aroma slowly drowns out his own voice, I attempt to close my nostrils and try to resume play.

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I feel so sorry for all of you posting such tales of horror. We have no That Guy in our gaming group, although I cannot speak for our Forever GM, who is a player in a different group. He'd likely have a saga of woe or two to share.

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>>25730672

>half an hour later, Eldar are bloodied but have emerged victorious
>the festering presence that looms over our board still has not deemed it fit to blight another corner of the store
>the static grass has now shriveled and died from the spittle that has so lovingly being watering the table
>acid rain in the garden of nurgle, the plastic leaves have melted off of the citadel woods, glooping in long strands hanging from the branches

>even the Ork, my respected adversary is stunned

>Mark increases the volume over how he would have done things differently

>his tactical genius knows no bounds.

>insects now plague the board, a banshee falls and is dragged screaming into one of the Imperial ruins, never to be seen again
>quickly pack up the survivors and try to leave.

>Mark quickly blocks my retreat and escape, my refuge into the fresh air of the night
>Suddenly my Ork-friend breaks for the door with a successful waaaagh roll
>I am not so lucky, the gaze of the leering spawn keeps me enraptured in its embrace

>15 minutes later

>still stuck in conversation with walking-maw-thing
>'Broadsides would have destroyed his vehicles much easier than your Avatar!'
>so this is how Isha must feel.
>Mark finally gargles
>'you play well! we should battle next time I sense your presence in this store!'
>I respond, 'that would be most enjoyable, I look forward to such a momentous day, in which I can cleanse your filth from this land, Mark'
>another slimy handshake, more nurglings clamber onto my carry case

>to be continued

>>25729857

>Twas

>>>/lgbt/

>>25730763
oh shut it, from now on I'll do nothing but speak in text talk. Maybe that will please you.

>>25730741
Bump for interest

Sometimes "that guy" stories annoy me due to the hyperbole and distinct lack of self-awareness. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that.

Also, well-loved stories like these encourage people to "call out" behaviour that isn't even that bad just so they can have a "cool story everyone on /tg/ will love".

Never for a second think you can't be a that guy. The capacity resides within us all.

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>>25730741

>as I am leaving, I turn to say goodbye to the store manager at the register
>I find he is passed out and cocooned in seeping green ooze behind the pc-terminal
>which looks somehow increasingly like a shrine to the father of decay.
>I pass a successful initiative test and scramble out the door stepping over putrefied corpses of my fellow gamers
>their lungs all filled with frothing bile, overcome by the cloying death-stench of Mark

>Me and my Ork-friend do not speak as we walk home together
>however we manage to talk about it afterwards the next day
>jokingly agree in order preserve our immortal souls, to both start collecting grey knights (pre-5th)
>there can be no witnesses to the horror we saw
>though we both know in our hearts, we are withered husks of our former selves.
>we then agree to nickname the lingering shadow which is ever present, lurking in the back our collective consciousness'.


>Mark of Nurgle
and thus concludes tonight's reading from the Book of Mark, chronicling his many misadventures in and around the area of the GW store.

>>25730224
It's one of the Mi'Lady's of speach.

>>25725645
Worst is when some kind of That Guy always claims that you are his best friend in the world, and only "family". When you fucking hate them and barely see them. Cause now you just feel like a shit head, but still hate them.

>>25730826
50? \/\/#47 15 \/\/R0|\|G \/\/17# /\/\1L4[)Y5 5p34C#?

>>25730807

OP here, and I realize all that, but thats not going to stop me from laughing at other people's That Guyish behaviors either. I've got them, and so do others. Its funny really, so lets get our collective quarterstaves out of our assholes, and have a laugh.

>>25730861
Go to bed Mituna

>>25727465
Yes.
It's called Mordenkain's disjunction.

>>25730826
>Not using 'milady' to be playfully flirtatious

>>25730861

Aye, 'tis an awesome thing to see! Simply epic!

>>25730909
Let's see if we can 'improve' this.
>Aye, 'tis an awesome thing to see! Simply 'epic', as it were!

>>25725606
Well yes no actual human can be a "that guy". They are in fact a subhuman at best. Possibly some off shoot of cave men.

>>25730930

I tip my hat to you sir

You are a scholar and a gentleman, truly

>>25730893
|\|0, 7#15 4$$#0L3 >>25730763 0B\/10U5LY 0BJ37$ 70 4C7U4L 3|\|GL15#, 50 1 \/\/1LL 5P34|< 7#3 C|_|R53D 70U|\|G3 71L #3 4cc3P75 4C7U4L 3|\|GL15#

>>25730983
>I'm acting like an idiot to prove a point!

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>>25730983

>>25730893
>>25730983
>>25731029
>HS character is mentioned by name
>no shitstorm of hatred
This is one of many reasons to like /tg/.

>>25731027
Yeah, and your point is?
>>25731029
Completely lucid, thank you.
>>25731062
HS?

>>25731067
Homestuck

>>25731062

homosuck is shit

>>25731067
Homestuck. It's a webcomic with a large hatedom.

>>25731081
Ahh there we go.

>>25731079
Nah, it just LEET or 1337 as its sometimes called, Homestuck was dare I say it, not the first to use it. Hell it won't be the last. Not by a long shot.

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> At my local gaming store with brother
> Playing Ascension
> Happens to be free rpg day
> Everyone's playing Pathfinder
> Girl in the far corner playing as a female sorcerer
> She's getting WAAY too much into character, her voice booms throughout the entire store.
> Argues with the GM to use a spell that she made herself, after a few minutes of bickering he agrees.
> Woman goes into a minute long chant filled with double innuendo's
> She is speaking so loudly that everyone pretty much stopped what they were doing to look at her.
> Finishes her spell with one final, extremely loud sentence.
> Silence for a few minutes
> Everyone goes back to what they were doing
> Look back at my table
> Brother activated a trap card while I wasn't looking
>mfw

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>>25729739

>Larry was helpless against the power of Allah

>>25731106
It's painfully obvious that he was answering your question. Deflate your ego a little, you're becoming the THAT GUY of this thread for Pelor's sake.

>>25731155
Yeah, I got my annoyance out of my system. Also its a pain in the ass trying to type like that with any measure of speed.

>>25731106
I called him Mituna as a reference, because HS is the most current thing to use it, really.

>>25731243
Ah, I was not aware of that fact. While That Guys and That GM's are entertaining stories, does anyone here have any tales of GM or PC glory and Hope?

>>25731283
If they do, they belong in another thread to be honest.

>>25727465
>On this note, are there any DM tricks for really screwing over a character without making it look like you're screwing them over?

Hard to say without knowing more. What system/game are you playing? What items does he have/what kind of character is he using?
At any rate, every character has a weakness (or several/all of them) that you can exploit.

You can always make the items he has cursed or intelligent to try and monkey with him in subtle and significant ways.

Make him roll knowledge to have heard of things from now on and hold him to his alignment when he does strange things. At least that way you can catch him metagaming or acting OOC.

Tell us more and we can give more specific help

>>25731420
Probably. But now we're back on track.