You ready your company: Your mother and father, Britta your Sister, your lady wife, and the Chieftains of the Painted Dogs who rode with you, Murwin, Gorda, and Gog. You ride now with 9 Bloodsmiths, as you leave Dewall in Maester Coleman's care, he should be ready to ride in a week or so, and will make his way home with escort.

As you ready yourself, you have a moment to speak with any members of your train, or the household you desire. Further, you are capable of announcing another destination than your home, should you choose. (If you should want to visit other nobles along the way home, or such.)

>What do?

>>26551190
Head straight back home - after the ambush, we need to regroup ourselves.

Sage for off-topic

Anyone know what happened to Plasma and House Harrock? He just disappeared.

Good game though, Page, keep up the good work!

>>26551311

You decide that with the bandit attack still looming on your mind, you want to get home and safe as fast as possible. Niceties with the nieghbors.

Bidding the Arryns farewell, you being your descent and your journey home.
Roll 1d100

Rolled 98

>>26551475
Rollin'

>>26551510
THE SEVEN HAVE FORSAKEN US!

>>26551510
Nice!

>>26551525
There is only one true god here, anon. The god of dice.

>>26551525
>>26551536
Wait is high good or bad?

>>26551510
Well, no one else rolled, (don't know why, my system of taking the hightest of 3 means that they couldn't have HURT) so this is it!

Your ride home is very peaceful and relaxing. Even with keeping a wary eye out for other travelers or bandits, you have enough time and good cheer to keep conversation flowing with your family and chiefs, improving everyone's mood and relationships!

Within a few days, you return to Morderengrad. Korbis welcomes you home, with no pressing business to attend to, informing you that your myriad servants are carrying out their tasks with the efficiency you've come to expect.

Your parents do insist that they've spent long enough from their lands, and must return home. They spend another night or two, and make ready to depart.
>Any last messages/conversations/farewells?

>>26551747
go hunting with dad while he's here I guess. With guards of course. When mom is alone, ask her again if she possibly knows who hired those men to take her. Our family isn't that high up on the whole noble hierarchy if I remember correctly, maybe we can talk with our father about using our influence to marry off our sister to an influential family in the Vale

>>26551747
>Any last messages/conversations/farewells?

What did our Sister want to do? Go to King's Landing or something?

>>26551859
Immediately, she wanted to go to the Eyrie, which you just did. You made an offhand joke about King's Landing, which she seemed excited about.

>>26551849
Your father is a Landed Knight, essentially the lowest form of Nobility.

You are definitely more important than your father in a feudal sense.

>>26551747
Go hunting with our father, it's good to spend time with the old man.

>>26551859
If we go there somewhere in the future, not now.

>>26551884

Then let's promise to make that happen.

>>26551911
>Go hunting with our father, it's good to spend time with the old man.

I second this idea.

>>26551956
>>26551911
>>26551849

>MARITAL BLISS OPTION UNLOCKED: Invite Lord Tollett? (y/n)

>>26552102
This marital bliss thing reminds me of achievements in vidya for some reason.

Won't it take a lot of time for old Tollett to get to us? If it's done within a reasonable timeframe, I say we go for it.

>>26552102
Hunting with the fathers Hell the fuck yes.

>>26552102

Of course!

>>26552149
It's not too far different. Basically, you've spent so much time paying attention to your wife that you get special conversation options. (They're mainly of the "Your character cares enough to think of this") I'm thinking of expanding it to use some of your other qualities.

You live about 6 hours ride from Grey Glen, so he could be here by the evening, you all go for a hunt tomorrow.

>>26552296
I especially like that we got marital bliss boni for giving our wife the D the last time around.

In that case, let's go kill things with out two daddies.

>>26552149
>>26552226
>>26552240
OKay, you send a raven, and Lord Tollett accepts gleefully, As the hosting Lord, it is your call of what game you will hunt.
The primary options are:
>Hare
This is the Easiest hunt. You and your companions would hunt with falcons to snare coneys. Not dangerous, even acceptable to bring the women. "Feminine".
>Deer
Middle difficulty. This would be with bows and hounds. A men's hunt, but with plenty of time to sit and talk. some chance of a woudned buck turning on you, but unlikely.
>Boar
Horseback or on foot, with spears. This is the stereotypical masculine hunt. Very much a wild ride, with no small risk of injury, and possibility of death. Time to talk before and after you find the boar, but none during.
>Shadowcat
This is the only pure "sport" option, as people don't eat shadowcat frequently. The MOST dangerous hunt, often seen as neelessly aggressive or foolhardy. Success will earn accolades of skill/courage. Not much conversation.
>Other
If you want to be weird/have a cool idea.

>>26552539

I vote Deer.

Not too easy, but not too difficult or attention-grabbing so we can have some small talk with them.

>>26552539
Boar.

>>26552539
>Deer

Also have a few of our guerrillas with us too act as scouts for any more ambushes.

File: 1376189735425.png-(1.02 MB, 917x845, Butterfly_wisdom.png)

1.02 MB PNG

>>26552539

Deer

We can't hunt hare beacuse that would be too fucking feminine and Boar and Shadowcat is too dangerous.

>>26552539
Deer

>>26552539
Doesn't lord tollett hunt boar himself if so pick that if not pick deer

>>26552539
Do we know anything about Lord Tollett's hunting experience? I'd say deet, unless our father-in-law likes to hunt boars. Shadowcat's too dangerous and hare is for women.

>>26552674
Boar too dangerous for the Lord of Murder?
Though considering our recent injuries, deer might be wiser.

>>26552682
Lord Tollett hunts everything. His character is pretty much 2/3 Maurice (Belle's Father) and 1/3 Gaston from Beauty and The Beast.
He has hunted Shadowcat successfully, multiple times, but not in the last hand of years.

Right now the votes seem to be heavy on "Deer". I'll give it another 5-7 before I write up the hunt beginning.

>>26552767
I think the concerns here are more about "honey, I killed our fathers" and less about what might happen to William.

>>26552786
In this case I'll vote for boar, shadowcat's just too dangerous with our father around.

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>>26552674
Also,
<- This

File: 1376190331604.gif-(1.03 MB, 400x286, skeptiskt.gif)

1.03 MB GIF

>>26552767

Taking unnecessary risks is going to get us killed unless the dice gods smile on us. Deer.

>>26552796

>"honey, I killed our fathers"

I rarer go into exile than inform the wife of than.

>>26552884

We should go after some shadowcats later on, though.

>>26552970
Maybe with the knights or some bloodsmiths. Or Jaime if we ever see him again. But not with two "old" men who like to talk about the good old times more than actually doing anything.

>>26553002
>But not with two "old" men who like to talk about the good old times more than actually doing anything.

No shit.

>>26553002

Jaime doesn't enjoy hunting, if I remember right? It's been awhile...

Alright, by my count, it ended 6-5 deer over boar, assuming the "well, what does he like" voted boar.

>>26553072
Jaime enjoys few things that aren't stabbing men or his sister.


That evening, you announce to your family that you, Lord Tollett, and Ser Ruttiger will be hunting Deer on the morrow. You expect to be gone most of the morning, but back in time for a late lunch.

You send word to Grell to prepare a squad of men to scout and watch over the party while you hunt.

THE NEXT DAY
ROLL...HAHAHAHAHA
2d6.
Apparently you never put points in Survival.

Rolled 6, 5 = 11

>>26553167

Rolling

>>26553167
Soo...we're going to trip over a rock and die aren't we?

Rolled 6, 3 = 9

>>26553167

Rolled 6, 3 = 9

>>26553167

>>26553210
Can't argue with that, stop rolling guys.

Rolled 1, 5 = 6

>>26553210
Nice!

>>26553167
>no points in survival
So we don't know how to drink our own pee?

Speaking of which, could you post our stats?

Rolled 6, 2 = 8

>>26553167

>>26553238
I take the best of the first 3, so there's no risk.

>>26553210
You catch the trail fairly easily, though it's not a truly hard trail to follow. Do you want to talk about anything while you search for the deer?

>>26553259
I could, but to be frank, I've fallen a touch behind on updating them, and I've been handling upgrades stealthily, so we don't have huge fights on what we want to upgrade next. In the spirit of Good faith, here they are

LORD WILLIAM BORDAIN
YOUNG ADULT FIGHTER/ROGUE
GOAL: Wealth MOTIVATION: Hatred VIRTUE: Courageous VICE: Avaricious
ABILITIES
Agility 4
Animal Handling 3 Ride 1B
Athletics 4
Awareness 3
Cunning 3 – Logic 1B
Endurance 3
Fighting 5 – Axes 2B
Marksmanship 4
Persuasion 3 – Intimidate 1B, Charm 1B
Status 4 -Stewardship 2B,
Stealth 3
Warfare 3 – Strategy 1B
Will 4
All Others
QUALITIES
Benefits: Hardened, Sinister, Head of House, Berserker
DRAWBACK: REVILED


You've probably got like, 80 or so experience unspent

File: 1376191687858.jpg-(112 KB, 480x750, the_crashers_send_their_r(...).jpg)

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Rolled 1, 6 = 7

>>26553300

How about asking father if theres any chance of making our sister not hate us?

>>26553369

And what the fuck am I still rolling?

>>26553369
I think she doesn't hate us that much anymore. It would be a good idea to get a conversation between the two fathers going, talk about the old times and stuff like that. And since we invited Tollett, it would be common courtesy to pay him special attention.

>>26553393
As long as you keep rolling the ones out, it's ok.

>>26553393

Who knows.

>>26553369
As you and the two older men march along the tracks, you ask, "Father?"
Lord Tollett turns his head owlishly, while Ser Ruttiger grunts in inquiry. You nod to your biological father for the Lord's benefit, who nods and turns his eyes back to the tracks.
"How can I sway Britta from hating me as she does now?"
"Hate's a big word." Your father grunts.
"Her word, not mine."
"Hmmph. I think it was a big word when she used it.Look at it from where she stood. Her big brother had died, and less than a year later, her little brother went away. You know she didn't play with the town children. She had to make new friends and by that age, she was supposed to be becoming a lady, too. You put a lot of stress on her by becomign Lord Tywin's squire."
"But I didn't mean-"
"That's not how women think, son. You leaving caused her a lot of stress. That made it your fault. And mine, for making you go. As well as Tywin's. But at least you were a squire. You were going to grow up to be a big noble knight."

(cont)

>>26553614
"Then came the Rebellion. And once Tywin joined, she prayed every day to keep you safe. We had to go down to the village sept, as she prayed to the maiden, the smith, the father, and the stranger to keep you safe and whole."
You never knew that. Not once during the Rebellion did any news from your family mention it, nor any conversation since your reunion.
"And then, the Rebellion was over. And after a little bit, we heard you were a Lord now. Which made her so happy. And then...the rumors came. Which built to "I heard from her who heard from a man there", and finally from a passing noble's mouth. You had killed children. You had murdered in cold blood Elia's daughter and son."

He pauses for a beat.
"I assumed it was the Rage. That you were hot from combat, and had struck without thinking. Your mother swore it would have been your duty. But Britta...she didn't care. The brother she knew had trouble killing the chickens for supper. He couldn't snap the neck of a young boy. Her brother was dead."

There's silence in your group.

"I don't think she hated you for murdering the Targaryens, William. I think she hated Lord Bordain for murdering her brother."
He shrugs.
"'Course, you've been doing your damnedest to make her happy since she threw it in your face, and I think she's warmin' back up. You were gone for eight years, Will. She just needed her brother back."

>>26553662

"I mourned that boy too, Father. For years. I suppose I cannot blame her in good conscience. But I hope my efforts will heal the harm I caused. Someday."

>>26553662

I thought we just killed Rhaenys, not Aegon.

>>26553662

"What's done is done."

>>26553662
Going to be a bit.

I just finished writing up the next few paragraphs, when I hit the "back" button on my new mouse, deleting all of it.

sigh.

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>>26553803

>>26553803
You really need to start to write that stuff down somewhere else. Never trust a browser, ever.

>>26553662

Lord Tollet begins to speak, his voice low, maintaining his cool on the hunt.
"I felt much as your sister did, when you were first made my neighbor. A young Lord, squire to a Great Lord, of about my daughter's age? Truly the Seven had delivered me a miracle. A miracle snatched from me by the rest of the messenger's information. A murderer, violent and warlike, I was told, now sat upon my border."
"I was afraid, and watched in apprehension. And, all I saw, month after month, was nothing. As near as I could tell, you woke, you ate, you slept, and beyond that, naught. For every wild rumor I heard, there was your continued inaction. For every insult, the redoubt of your apathy. I tried to visit you, twice, in your solitude. Each time your Steward gruffly but regretfully turned me away. "
"I could not think a man such as they described, who hungered for death and war, could do nothing. Your troops did not muster, your knights did not but patrols. Your men were sharp and skiled, and unused."
"Then you roused yourself. Within a month, your army was in motion. Within a season, you had snapped the back of a barbarian tribe, and made them your people. This was not the stroke of a murderer. This was the move of a lord. Then, I allowed myself to hope that my first thoughts had not been too far wrong."

He pauses then, and gestures to the clearing before you. You have found the stag. It is young, with few prongs upon its brow. Your eyes take in its gentle grace.

"The first shot is yours, if you wish, William."

>>26553949
It is yet still young better to let it live and later become a mighty buck one day to possibly hunt one day. Though if you wish you may take a shot.

>>26553949

Take the shot, also apologize for having him turn way like that. It was beyond rude from us.

>>26554064
Agree

>>26554064
Thirded

>>26554077
>also apologize for having him turn way like that. It was beyond rude from us.

Seconded.

>>26553949

You there, Page?

>>26554295
4chan's probably eating his text again.

>>26554303

He should really use notepat.

>>26554295
yep, writing up real quick.

In general, I try and wait 15-20 before I start writing anything that takes votes, to give everyone a chance.

>>26554317

I don't think you have to wait that long.

>>26554109

You look at the beast, shake your head.
"This one is too young yet. give it some time, and I shall hunt the mighty stag it will become. Though, if you want the shot, my lord, it is yours. Consider it a meager restitution for turning you away when you visited. It was rude beyond all measure. My only defense is that I was not myself."
Lord Tollett sights down his arrow at the buck, then relaxes. "You're right. Too young by half. Let us find another."

Roll 2d6!

Rolled 1, 3 = 4

>>26554361

Rolled 4, 5 = 9

>>26554361
Rollin'

Rolled 5, 3 = 8

>>26554361
ROLLAN!

Rolled 3, 4 = 7

>>26554361
>>26554361

Rolled 2, 4 = 6

>>26554361
Rolling

>>26554337
I did wait overlong (around 25 minutes) on that last post, a friend has come over, and I was explaing what's happened since he used to post in the threads.

He followed the thread when it was "Knock-Off Game of Thrones quest". In fact, he's the namer of the Bloodsmiths.

>>26554378
You find some tracks, but Lord Tollet finds a more promising trail that you follow. You prod him and your father for old hunting stories, to set teh mood, and the two men regale you with several tales. If you desire, I can write out one of them:
>Lord Tollett and the Shadowcat
>Tollett and the boar that scarred him
>Ruttiger's catfish boar
>Ser Ruttiger and teh punch-drunk buck
>no elaboration is needed.

>>26554461

Shadowcat.

>>26554461
>catfish boar

What is that?

>>26554480
All I will say without telling the story is that the phrase makes no more sense in Westeros than it does in Earth

>>26554520

Okay.

Shadowcat then.

Catfish Boar please

Also: This is one of the first quests I've enjoyed in a long while. Thanks for writing this. I had trouble finding your Sixth Quest, though.

>>26554520
Well then, Catfish Boar it is.

>>26554461
>>Ser Ruttiger and teh punch-drunk buck

>>26554600
>and teh punch-drunk buck

INTRODUCING LORD ADAM OF HOUSE SANDLER

>>26554461
Lord Tollett and the Shadowcat

Since he is here.

>>26554461
>Ruttiger's catfish boar

>>26554626
>>26554657
We currently have a tie between catfish boar and shadowcat.
next vote between them decides.

>>26554689

Die roll!

>>26554689
>Ruttiger's catfish boar

>>26554711
this

Rolled 4

>>26554711
high cat, low boar

>>26554793

Okay then.

>>26554793
SHADOWCAT

"Have I ever told you, Lord Bordain, of my first hunt of a Shadowcat?" Lord Tollett asks as you follow the deer's markings.

"No, my Lord Tollett, please, share it with hus."

"Well, I was about 18 years old, so only a year younger than you are now. I had already hunted boar, deer, rabbit, and wolverine. I decided to go for the most fabled of deadly prey, the Shadowcat."
"The first few days of the hunt were boring. Long hikes into the mountain ways of the Vale, tracking other beasts to keep my eyes sharp. Finally, I found myself in the right place. A high pool, surrounded by rock outcroppings, and rough vegetation. And there I waited. For where there is water, there is life. And where there is life, there are predators."
"Two days I waited by the pool, with no hint of claw or whipping tail. Finally, my supplies were nearing their end, and I decided that this hunt would be a failure."
"As I descended from my outcropping, I stumbled, and in fact went sprawling down the incline, rolling in dust and stone, until I hit the edge of the water. I laid there, panting, my bow broken, my spear cast into the pool, when, as bold as you fucking please, the damn thing pads out of the brush, apparently to check if I was alive!"
"I tell you, I've never moved faster than I scrambled into that pool, grabbing my spear. The cat decided that I was close enough to dead for its taste, and bounded once, twice, and then leapt upon me."
"I only barely got my spear up in time, and in fact, in bowed, strained, and broke under the cat's weight, which slammed me down into the pool, but it struck hard and true, piercing the big cat's heart."
He laughs
"Which is why I returned to Grey Glen covered in blood, mud, and ust, with no bow or spear, but a new pelt for the wall."

>REactions?

>>26554983

What is a Shadowcat, anyway?

>>26555028
Snow Leopard/Mountain Lion.

>>26554983
So mind telling us what's a Catfish Boar?

>>26554983
Respect. Impressive tale.

>>26554983

Laugh in good humor. And tell a tale about our non existence skills in Survival.

>>26555050

I thought it would be a black leopard/panther.

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>>26554983

"Nice."

>>26554983
Laugh with him, wait for anyone else to tell story and listen. If no one puts forth story, tell one yourself.

Also, be on watch for game.

>>26555052
Your dad goes Boar hunting, ends up tumbling with in into a river, winds up coming home with a catfish, which your mother jokes was "the ugliest boar she'd ever seen."

>>26555087
>>26555085
>>26555072

"A fine tale," you say, laughing, You launch into yoru own tale about getting lost while hunting game with Lord Tywin.

by the end, you've found the new buck A fine beast, with a great rack of horns.

Tollett offers you the first shot again.

>>26555206
>Tollett offers you the first shot again.

And we take it!

>>26555206
if you take it, roll 4d6

>>26555206

take it

Rolled 3, 6, 1, 1 = 11

>>26555268

DICE

Rolled 5, 2, 1, 6 = 14

>>26555268

Rolling

Rolled 2, 2, 4, 6 = 14

>>26555268

channel our inner Legolas

Rolled 3, 5, 6, 6 = 20

>>26555268

>>26555307
Your shot arcs out, and slams into the deer, and...
kills it. Good god you do a lot of damage with your bow.

Your father and Lord tollett toast your fine shot, and the hunt continues on...
(Skipping through.)

The hunt ends with much joy from you and your fathers, Lord Tollett took down a mighty stag as well, while your father netted himself a smaller beast, but still, no one returned home empty handed.

That evening you feast on fresh venison, a fine farewell for your parents and sister.

Any speech or fond farewells, or shall we move on?

>>26555499

lets move on

>>26555499

"Don't be afraid to visit!" to our family, but that's it.

>>26555637
This

>>26555499
And tell our sister that she'll definitly see King's Landing one day.

>>26555677
>>26555637
>>26555596

You enjoy and revel with your family, and as they depart, remind them that they are free to visit whenever they wish.

Now that they are gone, what is your will, Lord Bordain?
You've got another week before it's a new month for House Fortunes and orders, so you can get any RP you want to handle now, or we can move on to Lordly business

>>26555759
>what is your will, Lord Bordain?

Any criminals we need to judge? Or anything that needs doing in the town?

>>26555759
Is there something we were supposed to do with the Painted Dogs? Appease them somewhat since we were 'ignoring' them>

>>26555853

Oh yeah right.

Let's help them out, and maybe get a representative from them to sit at our little adviser table (if we have one) so they have a voice even when we forget them.

>>26555802
Offhand, there's been no real urgent requests or needs. You could just drop in on the town, see if anyone needs anything.

>>26555956

Let's see what the Painted Dogs wanted.

Basically, let's deal with them first.

>>26555956
Any decaying social links we should tend to?

>William, Phnloum

Perhaps our esteemed vassal Phnloum?

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>>26555759

Are there any weaknesses in our defenses? Any mountain pass that could use a fort, any town that could use a palisade, any tower that could use a fresh work of bricks?

>>26555853
>>26555939

You decide to visit with the Painted Dogs, to see what problems beset them, and how to bring them more fully into your f0old.
Roll 4d6

Rolled 5, 3, 5, 3 = 16

>>26556087

Rolling.

Rolled 2, 6, 2, 4 = 14

>>26556087

Rolled 3, 6, 3, 1 = 13

>>26556087

>>26551133
Didn't Ser Lorent Lorch kill the Targaryen kids?

>>26556141

Not in this universe.

>>26556141

It was us in this time line. But we did it quickly and painless. The mountain still did his thing.

>>26556141

Amory Lorch, and he doesn't exist in this Quest.

We've taken his job.

>>26556191
>>26556184
>>26556183
Yay, that means Yoren will live!

>>26556141
Who?
(Amory Lorch did, canonically. This is a non-canon quest where Amory Lorch wasn't there.)

>>26556103
You ride amongst the Painted Dogs, and find them, for the most part, fairly happy. They have new stories from their Chiefs of your battles with the bandits, they have been told that, though you had not seen or spoken with them, you had not forgotten them.

In general, they seem to be heartened by your visit, though you do learn that several of the Painted Dogs are struggling with farming, so accustomed have they been wiht raiding. You also hear that Rogar desires to meet with you.

>>26556239

See if we can get someone to teach them farming and let's meet with Rogar.

>>26556239

>several of the Painted Dogs are struggling with farming, so accustomed have they been wiht raiding.

Then they better start acclimatising.

>Rogar desires to meet with you.

Let's go see him then!

>>26556299
>>26556295

You assure the Painted Dogs that it's not too difficult, and that if they ask your other subjects, they will help them.

You ride to Rogar's camp. The Painted Dog chief sits by his tent, holding a hefty stone, turning it in the light of his campfire.

"Will-yam. You have need to speak with me. And I have an offer for you."

>>26556367
>"Will-yam. You have need to speak with me. And I have an offer for you."

"What is it that you offer, Rogar?"

>>26556367

"Well get on with it then."

>>26556402
>>26556412

"Get on with it, Rogar, what are you offering?"

"You have sent far and wide for men to guard your Iron. Many came for your gold, but none for Iron. So, I am here. I know the Song of your Iron, so let me be its Four-Man.

>>26556482

Who have we given the job to currently?

>>26556482
Who's Rogar again?

>>26556532

I think the priest guy.

>>26556532

One of the mountain chieftains than can "hear" the "songs" of weapons and apperntly minerals.

>>26556482

Can I rely on you running my mine without wasting valuable work time listening to your "songs"? If so, congrtulations "Four-Man".

>>26556482
Sure.

I feel like we should pay him the same rate as we would a normal foreman, because that's how we fucking roll.

>>26556500
No one. No one showed up when you called for workers.

>>26556571
>>26556532

Rogar is more specifically the "Mystic". His knowledge of "Songs" is pretty much a low-key form of magic, as shown by the benefits he granted you by teaching you the Song of your iron. (Weapon Mastery, Armor Mastery, and one other quality I'd have to look up.)

He can hear songs of technically anything.

>>26556664

Then let's make him the Foreman.

>>26556664
Well then let's do it.

>>26556664
Weapon Savant was the other one.

>>26556680
>>26556682

You think on it for a moment.
"Let it be so, Rogar."


And on that note, I must call it an evening. I have to make a quick run to the store, and if the thread isn't archived by the time I return, I shall do so.

Further, any questions or comments will be answered then.

NEXT TIME: Back in the saddle of lordship! Maybe we kill a guy! We get some dogs!

>>26556708
>archived

You got a summary I can use?

>>26556749

Anybody?

>>26556749
William goes home, goes hunting, and gets his Dogs sorted out?

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/26551133/

Archived

Back.

I'll be watching a movie for the next two hours, so if you need me, I'll pop in like every half hour.

I thought we killed the children because we needed to in order to end the war, apprently word got out that we did it because we're some insane berserker.

This needs to be recitified immediately.

>>26558267

It's more of people drawing conclusions about the kind of person who could kill two toddlers.

The Mountain's treatment of their mother has also flavored things.

You have actually taken some steps to correct this, with your widely publicized wedding, and the bard you're paying to tell good stories about you.