I was a shit, unimaginative railroading DM. Everyone else from my group who tried to DM was also shit, railroading and unimaginative. We switched to boardgames.

>>32390564
That's sad.

Don't have any. Not when I DM, not when my buddies have DM'd....feel like I'm missing a piece of camaraderie with my fellow gamers on /tg/

what do I do to find a shitty DM?

>>32390522
>>Rogue tries to jump out a window to escape death
>DM railroads so hard he says "A Giant steel wall magically appears in the window before you can jump out it.

Reminds me of that one time I was playing Cyberpunk and tried to escape a bomb by jumping out through a reinforced window.

Good times

>>32390522
0/10 you put absolutely no effort into telling that story. It looks like you just took all the things /tg/ likes to complain about and wrote them in an OP.

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>>32390591
If you want detail then OP is here to give you detail, but I left most of them out because idk if anyone really wanted them.

Wall of text incoming.

Back in my second year of college, I was areal big DnD nut. How big? I President of the tabletop games club at our campus that I founded because I wanted to meet fun people to play DnD with.

Anyway, in my founding of this little society I end up meeting alot of fun people. However, not all of them are relevant. The ones involved in the story are (with names changed to protect the not-so-innocent):

Thomas, a Lithuanian student who moves here. Real fun dude, when not a little judgmental. Loves paladins and fucking around.

Regi, the DM. Met him back in freshman orientation actually, had no idea he played DnD at all. When I started playing DnD with him he became a little...different. Much more awkward, in that...when you talk to him he immediately makes you wish you didn't kinda way.

Roth, a good friend of mine. Big metalhead and a big fan of DORFS like me.

Tony, landwhale ahoy. You could see him coming form a mile away, at least 400 pounds. Has a reputation for making beyond fucking broken characters.

Justin, "TOTALLY" not a brony and "TOTALLY" not a furry. Has a reputation for engaging in stupid complex shenanigans. Real cool dude in all honesty.

And Aaron, your stereotypical creepy pervert. I swear this guy took lessons from Master Roshi...but a little bit creeper. Biggest memory of him was when he groped me and I almost socked him.

cont.

pic related, mfw Regi's game

>>32390747
Let me just be the first of many to tell you to stop talking, we've already identified that you're a faggot.

>>32390522
I once had a GM that told me outright that he had always given me the shaft on loot and only gave me shitty weapons cause the rest of the group was too strong for his tastes, so he had to balance it out by making me deadweight.

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>>32390522
>First time looking for a group and playing an rpg
>Find a dm online with a friend
>Seems normal enough
>When we start character creation I bring up that I wanna be a gnome
>DM starts telling us a stories of his last group(when he was a player)
>One of which was when he made his character kidnap a little girl gnome that they stripped of clothes and made her their packmule
>Then goes on to say how then they beat her to death with rocks and stabbed out her eyes when she tried to run away and put her body in a barrel then buried it
>My friend and I noped the fuck outta there
If that was any indication of things to come, I'm glad I got the fuck out. For my first experience with anything rpg related, it was interesting.

>>32390747

OP, see >>32390770

Just stop before you embarass yourself even further.

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>>32390747
So near the middle of my second year I hear Regi is starting a DnD campaign to run. 3.5e, with a large chunk of homebrew. Starting Level 8. His awkwardness immediately really turned me off to him, but everyone else seemed to love the idea so fuck, why not?

So I roll up Kurgen Stonesmasher, Dwarven Barbarian. As big of a Dwarf nut as I am, I rarely play them so I figured I really should more often. I have been told I roleplay them well, and can do a pretty nice voice when in character.

Thomas goes Human Paladin. Talks with Regi about his special mount being a huge sized eagle. (Red flag #1)

Aaron goes a female halfing rogue, whom is a slut. not surprising as all. His character hit on me once, mine taught her why she should never do that again. (In the form of fist)

Tony rolls up a...SOMETHING monk. It was some monstrous race form the monster manual I can't remember, which had some crazy level adjustment...and Regi allowed it (Red Flag #2) But claimed that it was terribly underpowered so he cut the level adjustment in half Red Flag #3, especially since he's giving this to the power-gamer who breaks the system without a thought).

Justin rolls up a....something something. Regi convinced him that his class and race be kept a secret form the other players and for us to find out ingame. (Later I found out why, and it gave me the biggest facepalm of my fucking DnD life).

Roth rolls up a Human Sorceror, which I later found out he based off of Alucard from Hellsing (His first campaign so I didn't really get too bugged by it, we've all been there once. Still kinda iffy about it, though.)

So, the game is set. The day finally rolls around, and thus begins the tale of clusterfuckery.

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>>32390874
Regi proceeds to start the campaign but giving us a little insight on the world the campaign is to take place in. The name as Tenterra, and he described it as "a world where all your fantasies could come true" (Cringe).

He also made an effort to make it VERY clear that a huge part of his world was inspired by the LoZ series...mfw

So we start out in a tavern (originality out the ass). Out characters eventually meet up VERY briefly before we're told to look outside. I'm not even kidding, he straight up told us to look outside.

We do, and he describes with a shit eating grin, and like it's the funniest thing in the world, chocking back laughter, a giant whale the size of a country flying several hundred feet in the air. I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he has a plan for this.

And then he tells us that we're immediately teleported to the inside of a house. He then describes an iguana-man who explains the plot to us. Basically time is getting messed up and causing weird stuff to happen, giving us an example..

Regi: And when he finishes saying that, halflings can now fly!!
Group:....
Me:...Okay? At what speed? How well?
Regi: What do you mean? They can just fly now.

>>32390522
>player's airship is being chased by two enemy cutters while fairly heavily damaged, oracle is trying to fix it with make whole spells but the enemy ships are catching up
>crazy elf dives into a canyon in the middle of a fog bank to try to lose the pursuers
>pursuers kill lights, rig up somewhat passable illusion ships that don't obey physics very well to chase the enemies and herd them to a stop
>one of them crashes due to bad piloting rolls, second ship sends their illusion up ahead
>the party starts pelting the ship with burning arrows with absolutely no effect, even with good rolls, figure it's a distance issue even though I've said it's within 100 feet
>illusionary enemy ship drops down in front of them to slow them down
>Crazy elf driver decides "fuck it, ramming speed!"
>everyone else in the party objects because holy shit are you crazy
>oracle also freaked out, thinking it's going to be a TPK
>ram utterly fails because they go right through the illusion, and enemy ship only manages to fire off a few ballista shots at them
>Oracle completes the repair spell, ship manages to get away

>oracle somewhat disgruntled because of the elf apparently going for a TPK, and disgruntled at the GM because the illusion looked like a cheap deus ex machina cop-out to save them
>Elf is smug as fuck, for "hooray for now bad consequences for stupid decisions!"

As the GM, I dunno, was there a way to make that a better conclusion? It didn't seem like a particularly entertaining end to the encounter.

>>32390975
He then announces that our characters suddenly for some reason know what Justin's Class and Race finally is. His class and race are both....timelord....like, from Dr. Who.

He then says we are teleported into Justin's TARDIS which looks like "a super cool futuristic high-tech car!" That's all the description we got. At this point I'm about to lose all hope, but then Regi says that Justin suddenly gets insight to go to a specific area a few miles from here using his TARDIS, and then says "And then, you uh...just get there."

He describes a huge castle with what appears to be a huge battle happening inside. I decide I'll at least wait until we get through some encounters and at least a whole session before I judge it..

We all step out of his TARDIS, I get my Dwarven Waraxe and shield ready, and we get ready to cahrge into the castle to see what's going on. Might as well, no other plot hooks than that.

When we enter the castle, Regi says it's completely empty, with signs of disrepair and that it's been abandoned for quite some time.

"IT WAS AN ILLUSION THE WHOLE TIME!" Regi gleefully shouted out.

>>32391046
this sounds like one of those times, you have to go along with it and just hope you can have some fun out of the craziness.

>>32391046
I just sigh, and decide to at least check the place out. Justin starts looking around for useful hints as to wtf to do, Roth wanders around bored, and we all kinda split up and do our own thing at this point.

After about 5 minutes, Regi jut says, "Okay, after you're all done with what you're doing you meet up together at the ground floor near a door."

Before I can object and explain why the DM shouldn't tell the players what their characters do, Regi then very LOUDLY says that theres large banging coming from the door that we're right next to. I just shrug it off, and open the door, ready to charge someone. Roth get's ready to cast a spell, Justin to do...whatever, Tony get's into position to charge, etc.

Aaaand....

Nothing. When I open the door, nothing is on the other side.

Regi then jumps up, and shouts, "ANOTHER ILLUSION! HAHAHA!"

He then says that we hear noises coming from the room that we just opened the door too.

Roth: Lemme guess....
Thomas: Is it another goddamn illusion?
Regi: No this one isn't an illusion this time I promise.

>>32391100
what_the_fuck_is_a_yellow_dragon.png

>>32390770
>>32390822
>Wanting storytime to not happen
>For any reason
>ever

Out. Just out. Get out, and stay out. Never come back.

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>>32391134

>>32391100
We go further into the room, and discover a staircase leading down. We decide a formation and order to descend (Me in the front, Roth in the back), and make our way down. We then find a very dark coffin covered in blood.

We all know exactly where this is going, but I decide to edge closer to it.

Regi: BEFORE you can edge closer, the coffin opens! And out pops...
Me: A Vampire?
Regi: ...No, a pale looking man with large fangs and black hair. He is wearing very fancy clothes and has a glowing sword sheathed at his side that looks really cool.
Me:....So, a vampire?
Regi:.....yeah, I guess..

I just sigh and let Regi do his thing. He proceeds to tell us how cool and gracefully the vampire approached us, and that the vampire introduces himself as Lestat.

I could HEAR Thomas facepalm.

Regi then describes how Lestat goes for his sword, aand....

..says that's all for todays session.

Aaron: Really, already?
Regi: yeah this is all I could come up with at this point so far, we will meet again the same time next week-(Yadda, yadda..)

I'm sad to say, it only got worse from there. A bunch of other really stupid and weird shit happened, as you can tell from my original post. The top of the iceberg, however was the beginning of the 4th session...where Regi couldn't stop himself from giggling as he explained that my character woke up as a Kobold.

Oh, and he said my class was now rogue, and to change all my barbarian levels to Rogue.

It gets even worse? Yep. After forcing me to be a rogue and telling me I should spec for sneak attacks, he gives EVER SINGLE major "boss" immunity to sneak attacks.

>>32390522
>Teach him how to present adventures in a fun way (as a long time veteran DM), he just says that i have shit taste in games
Tell us more.

>>32391197
To sum it up, I basically told him not to steal NPCs from other works and to have originality, told him not to tell the other players what their characters do or waht to do, and said to cut it out with the "LOL RANDUMB".

He then told me I had shit taste in campaigns, and that I was just biased agianst him and that I hate him. He then gave me a lengthy discussion (which I pretended to fully listen to) how my supposed hatred for him was blinding me and making me miss out on a really good game. He also explained how I never even gave his game a chance.

I will never, ever understand how that kid's mind operates.

>>32391226
Some people have zero self awareness. They think that everything they do is good, because why would they do it otherwise? If something goes wrong, then clearly it's everyone else's fault, 'cause CLEARLY it was a good idea. As he said, you MUST hate him, because that's the only reason you could think his campaign is shit, since it is an objectively good campaign, according to him, your problem with it must be that he's running it.

This is generally the result of plain stupidity. Self awareness usually accompanies intelligence.

That's why people like that take everything personally, because to them, anything they think is good IS OBJECTIVELY GOOD to them, thus not liking what they like (or the opposite) can ONLY be a personal attack.

>>32391274
That sums him up so fucking well, it's as if you personally know him.

He was so prone to outbursts and literal tableflips over what he thought was people bullying him, when we weren't even in the same UNIVERSE as ANYTHING mean.

Dude had problems.

>>32391226
>>32391296
How did you start playing with this guy in the first place?

>>32391301
>>32390747
Passing anon helping out

>>32391301
when I first got to know him, he seemed like an okay guy, it wasn't until he got into DnD that he started acting really weird. I just...can't explain it, he became a completely different person.

>>32390522
I once PCed in a game where Sauron was an NPC. It was NOT a middle-earth campaign,

>>32391296
>That sums him up so fucking well, it's as if you personally know him.
Haha, thanks mate. Fortunately, I don't personally know him. I've just had far, far too much experience with people like that. I know how they think.

I don't begrudge people being unintelligent. Some people know that they're not that smart. I know that I'm not THAT intelligent. But a lack of self awareness, it makes me never want to be around them ever again.

>>32391342
> he seemed like an okay guy, it wasn't until he got into DnD that he started acting really weird.
Yeah, it can be like that, because generally you're not interacting with things that they really like and/or have made. But of course, when you get into tabletop, you are, and thus you see their true nature.

>Go to local D&D meetup to play some 4e.
>My DM calls at last minute to say he can't come and half the other players can't come either, only guy from my group there is this derpy looking fuck with a lion's mane of orange hair.

>Whatever someone's gotta have a game with open slots
>Pathfinder as far as the eye can see. Only 4e games being played a full. Fuck this.
>Oh wait, there's one group starting up a game of something that sounds like 2nd edition. Their DM forgot his shit at work and has sprinted for the train to go get it.

>Fuck it whatever, I just want to play some D&D.
>DM returns, hands us char gen docs. Race as class and 3d6 down the line stats.
>herewego.jpg
>DM goes off to get drinks, looks at me weirdly when I tell him I don't drink. Weirder when I use my phone to add up my numbers because I'm bad at math.

>Game finally begins, I'm a Barbarian, Lionmane is a Fighter. Other players are all skillmonkeys.
>In a city where you aren't allowed weapons or money. Try to find plot. Other players are magical realming in a brothel and apparently need to cut off a witch's hair to find out a rumour about something. Apparently in 4 days a Swedish (?) army will invade and kill everything.
>Find out witch is paranoid about undead and goes to the graveyard every night to stab corpses or some shit.
>Fuck that I'm partying in the brothel with Lionmane.
>Other players are mad because we've wasted a precious day before the Swedish get here.
>Fine let's get the witch

>cont

>>32391370
God damn it, explain this shit

>>32391465
That's a whole story in and of itself, and I'm a lazy ass.

>Friend decides to DM for a change
>First campaign he ran
>Becomes a clusterfuck of universes, characters from this and that and turns into one huge fanwank

It was like a fanfic written by a 12 year old.

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>>32391431
>Wait until midnight for the witch to turn up, she has a weird dog monster pet.
>Skillmonkeys weren't banking on the dog monster, had a plan to throw a net on witch, cut her hair, abscond.
>No battlemat but I am BARBARIAN, run into battle to distract dog monster and allow them to net the witch. Dog monster eats me (?) and does 1 damage and I am now fighting it on my own in a negative dimension or some shit.
>But wait, dog monster hasn't disappeared in real world, they just saw it eat me in one bite.
>Lionmane runs in to save me, pulls open dog's mouth, nothing. Dog eats him too.
>Skillmonkeys net witch, take hair, run away. DM let's them. They tell us they're acting in character because they just saw the dog monster eat two guys they'd just met.
>Fuckers
>Lionmane and me fighting dog monster in negative dimension. Get a few hits on it but it eats me again and now I'm fighting a new dog monster a level below while Lionmane attacks the one a level above while in the real world the skillmonkeys are being chased by the real dog.
>Defeat my dog monster with a big crit, appear on the level above with Lionmane.
>Dog eats him and he is fighting the dog below that I just killed.

>Tell DM that this is a shit encounter we cannot win. DM is having a good fucking chuckle. Skillmonkeys having a good fucking chuckle.
>I keep fighting anyway, fumble, keep rolling shit on fumble table and somehow kill myself.
>DM and skillmonkeys fucking guffawing
>Lionmane is fighting a dog monster 6 levels down the dog monster tree, will never be able to fight his way out.
>Fuck this. Splash my J2O in DM's face, chuck his dice everywhere, rip up my sheet, go the fuck home.


And that was how I imagine That Guy's That DM story would go.

>>32391496
So you played Kingdom Hearts: the RPG?

>>32391496

I think I just had an idea for a game. Throw as many preexisting settings, tabletop or otherwise, together, then all the PCs try and make the most Mary Sue BS characters they can, and play the whole thing tongue-in-cheek.

>>32391523
If it was KH it would have been fun to play.

>>32391541
>As long as it wasn't KH it would have been fun to play
ftfy

>>32390522

"I get up, wash, get my knife and shave."
"Alright, roll an attack on your face."

I wish I was joking.

>>32391509
You were an asshole.

>>32391694
Seems like everyone at that table was mate.

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>>32391694

>>32391531

Too late we're already doing that.

>>32391675
>I angrily get out the large book and drop it on the table
>Roll to slam
>What why?
>Just do it.
>nat 20
>Destroys the table and the bartender throws me out face first into the mud

And that's how I learned my DM was a retard.

My GM is not a bad GM per se but he's incapable of doing anything not completely over the top. No matter which setting, which characters, what kind of mood the players aim for... once the GM gets going it will devolve into slapstick, physical comedy and laughable cliches.

>>32391736
I laughed. 10/10 would play with that DM.

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>>32390819
>he made his character kidnap a little girl gnome that they stripped of clothes and made her their packmule
>Then goes on to say how then they beat her to death with rocks and stabbed out her eyes when she tried to run away and put her body in a barrel then buried it

>>32391906
Hey, snitches in ditches. Though maybe the stripping business was going a bit too far,

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>>32390819
BY THE HAMMER OF GQUINCY GSHINSMASHER, HIS SHINS WILL BE SMASHED!

>>32391431
>>32391509

Sounds like you played Better than Any Man for Lamentations of the Flame Princess, if you ever want to look it up.

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>>32391181
>Me: A Vampire?
>Regi: ...No, a pale looking man with large fangs and black hair. He is wearing very fancy clothes and has a glowing sword sheathed at his side that looks really cool.

Ok, that made my day

>>32391706
Lionmane looks like was trying to enjoy fighting dogs.

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>GM has idea that only party of the "holy four" will work
>as fighter, rogue, wizard/cleric, ranger/other ranged dps
>be TG that doesn't hang out that much on "free"time 'cause of school and other stuff"
>GM's "better" friends always get to play their favorite classes with homebrew elements.
>I am always forced to play rogue or some other skill monkey
> because "the party won't survive otherwise"
>mfw I really want to play druids or rangers
>mfw noone else in my country plays P&P games in the nearest 100miles.

>>32390874
>>32390874
There are:
>18 Picard
>21 Simpson's police chief
>14 paper Mario
>21 Carl
>19 Homer
>21 Mr. Karate
>5 Space Ghost
Facepalms, give or take some

>>32392477
Tell the one with the highest charisma to take leadership.

>>32392535
I think you answered wrong message

>>32392354
It'd probably be even funnier if he was sarcastic, and not actually fucking serious,

>>32391736
Did he make the bartender roll for throwing you? Because it'd be hilarious if he limpwristed it and you were just left standing there.

>>32390575
You don't find him, he usually finds you and then you can't get rid of him

>>32390522
Party was all under level 5, when the DM introduced the "big bad" by having him 1 shot a ancient dragon, couldn't understand why my rouge said "fuck this, I go home" He proceeded to say we were unable to leave the area, so I moved into town. The townsfolk (who were very, very nice till that point) refused to talk to me after that point. I told him that there was no force that would make me seek out that guy, at least if he wasn't known to be on our side. The DM never got that a low level party (and especially the rogue from said party) would shit their pants and just say "No, he just killed a mountain in under 2 seconds. I run, as fast and as far as I can."

>>32392477
>"Holy four"
>Not Cleric, Fighter, Wizard, Thief

Double you tee eff. Where the fuck did the ranger come from.

>>32393896
Probably rpgs that work best with a party made up of a tank, ranged dps, magic, and healer

>>32391694
Part of the joke was that I was writing myself as That DM.
From my perspective it's obviously more "this guy expected balanced tactical combat in an old school game ha ha", but I was flustered from the train run and didn't let them in on the base assumptions.
Learning experiences yeeeaaa.

>>32392240
Good pick, that was the module. A fucking good module too.
If you ever run it, I started the first session with the players escaping the torture chamber in Goblin Hill while the glass tiger was attacking cultists at the entrance. Worked like a charm.

>>32393866
>unable to leave the area
You must gather your party, before venturing forth

>>32394125
FUUUUUUUUU
I hated the infinity engine so much. The only thing it was good at was story and dialogue, which is why it's a shame a total of one infinity engine game decided to go that route.

>>32394125
this isn't some god damn elder scrolls game with invisible walls and shit.
GOD DAMNIT that is my biggest pet peeve.
You can't leave?
Like hell my guy can't. He's got two usable legs and if that doesn't work I got a scroll of teleport.
Peace out on the Mountain dragon getting one-shotted by gary stu future DMPC.
As a wizard, my intelligent score realizes that I'm over my head. I'm going back to the woods to farm boar.

>>32390522
Not sure if I'm being That DM or not, but I'm considering kicking out about half my players and I wanted some opinions on it.

We've been playing for a good 3 months, but these guys still don't know the system. One of them spends most of the game on his phone, the other refuses to act in character and recently invited several more people over to my house without my consent or knowledge, and the third one just refuses to listen to what I say.

We've been playing for three months and they still don't know what they need to roll for combat or what they need to roll to for a skill check. I caught #1 fudging dice rolls for both him and the others. He attacked someone with a bow and was trying to deal 1D6+14 damage. A quick glance on his character sheet told me he had somehow purchased a Masterwork Composite Shortbow with a STR rating of 8. While his STR stat was only 18. He tried to argue with me for 45 minutes about this and eventually left only to come back the next week.

Am I That DM for wanting to kick out these players?

>>32394454
Before kicking them out, try a new system.
Also, talk to the non-dickhead players about what you should do.

>>32392558
If someone in the party gets a rogue cohort, then you can play some other class.

>>32394454
>One of them spends most of the game on his phone
I would boot him.
>invited several more people over to my house without my consent or knowledge
I would ban him from my house, at least if I didn't know some of those ppl, and kick him even if I did.
>the third one just refuses to listen to what I say.
You're DM, if he doesn't listen to you he's doing it wrong, I would kick him too.

>>32394454
>the other refuses to act in character and recently invited several more people over to my house without my consent or knowledge

That guy needs to go. For the others, I'd try talking with them first, see why they're not engaged.

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>>32394454
Sorry, but this is /tg/, so I have to ask: Did you try talking with them, clearly stating your problems with their behaviour?

That said, they sound like a complete waste of time and if you know other people to play with, kick them out. No sense in putting effort into fixing something that will never be what you want it to be.

>>32394508
I have talked to him about it, let him know that shit was unacceptable. He laughed, but didn't apologize. Which is why I'm mainly considering kicking him out at the moment.

>>32394506
They say they're enjoying it, but whenever the spotlight goes towards another player they get glossy eyed and zone out. They have no imagination or drive. If I don't ram a quest down their throat, they wont take it.

>>32394490
The third one is more along the lines of, "I know you told me not to erase my maximum health and replace it with my damaged health, but I need my maximum health again." "What do I roll for damage?" "I rolled an 11, what's my total?" After 3 months, it's getting ridiculous that they haven't learned.

>>32394588
Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. KICK. KICK. KICK

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>>32394588
Force them to read a few That Guy threads.

>>32394588
Oh, just constantly forgetting what you said/being "somewhat brain dead"? I was thinking ignoring, and doing what they want/acting like you don't get to say whats what. That's something to be worked on, if he SEEMS to be trying, then I would keep him, he might just be overwhelmed by the new system.

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THAT DM

Insists we all play attractive female PCs. No exceptions.

Inserts Male DMPC character into party.

never does anything creepy, but always feels like its the vibe where its three steps away from being a harem anime.

Stories and plot line are at least interesting, and he handed out plenty of loot.

>>32394821
>Insists we all play attractive female PCs
Forcing players to choose a particular race or class? That's a paddlin'.

>>32394821
Mess with his expectations, share the stories here. Everybody wins!

>Buddy and I are the only people to make it to a PF session that has 11 players.
>We somehow end up joining up with a Lawful Evil wizard.
>Dude was chill. Would raise zombies, offer them a chance to join his army and get paid or would give them land if they did not want to.
>Wizard wants us to assassinate the Tzar of some country.
>We rush there as fast as humanly possible.
>Edgy rogue DMPC is in the capital, and runs into us.
>He blurts out hes aware of our plot and laughs, then buys us a stay at the inn.
>DMPC has done this for us a few times.
>Assassin hired by the Tzar who knew about our plot breaks in during the night, no perception checks to detect.
>Coup de graces my buddy and is about to kill him.
>DC42 save to not die.
>Rolls 19 and dies anyway.
>DM says "Its fair you could have lived if you nat 20'd.

>>32394821
Talk to the party, not the DM.

Everybody is super hot, but have vagina dentata, are asexual prudes, and are complete man-haters.

>>32394914
Was the wizards name Rasputin?

>>32394821
If I coudn't leave immediately, I'd play some kind of undead, apply maximum aging bonuses to myself (but not the penalties because undead), and then have the character be skeletal and make a joke of how she can't remember what gender she was.
>Back when I was your age, a few years before Christ was born, I had a very nice pair of.. of... I don't remember what they were. Or where they were. I think they were on my chest... or maybe between my legs, I dunno. But I definitely had two of them, I can tell you that.

As more serious advice, be prepared to bail out on a moments notice.

>>32394914
I think I heard this one before. It's still just as THAT DM as it was the last time you posted it.

>>32394914
>playing a PnP with more than 5 players

Man, fuck my DM.

The group consists of Monk Batman, a lesbian witch played by a guy, Mozgus from Berserk, and me.

And I'm the one who gets their character vetoed because apparently dick ass thief kenders are frowned upon in evil campaigns.

Fuck this shit.

>group pf friends all play together living in same flat, play 3.5 once sometimes twice a week
>I'm Dm ing, campaign ends, i ask if anyone else wants to DM
>One person says yes, claims she has loads of good ideas
>Railroads so fucking hard
>Money is worthless as she gives us ridiculous amounts no matter what, but never lets us buy anything
>all we'd ever fight is level 3 or lower mooks and always the same type per dungeon we were a level 10 party at this point and it would be yet another room full of goblins...
>barely any world building or NPC's of any kind, just felt like we were in a vacuum with 2 cardboard NPC's whose only existence was to throw quests our way
>constant railroading: player: "I want to go try some training during downtime" DM:"well you can't as the police stop you"
>when we tried to suggest that it could be a lot more varied and challenging she said she just wanted to get us to fight the end game boss and didn't care about what happened in between, she basically saw it as grinding for levels to get the big bad
>Eventually we just say enough is enough and get a new DM

cont.

>>32395153
>He's even worse
>every session is a maze
>left or right?
>left or right?
>left or right?
>randomly genned monster
>No loot EVER
>Left of right?
>left or right?
>left or right?
>left or right?
>random monster
>no story, no balance (one minit its basic monsters the next its a fucking beholder) no characters, just luck and random shite
>he never explained where we were or what shit looked like so we were just running blind through this maze
>4 sessions of this
>there was a PC dead in most of the sessions because of the balance issues
>we told him it was shit and to try something else
>he just quits and gives me back the rules saying he wants to be a player again as its hard
>Tfw forever a DM

>>32391675
yeah, should be a slight of hand check.

>>32395183
I lucked out. We used to have a forever DM but I felt bad so I run the other style of campaigns.
The grittier more lethal ones, and he enjoys being on the other side of the screen to be mentally challenged for the encounters. (monsters he has never seen stats and all)
They can tend to be dungeon-y but with an over-arching goal of the adventuring company known as Artifact Recoveries LLC

They decided they needed to file as limited liability because, it's dangerous work and people sometimes ask for refunds when they get semi-damaged goods recoverd.

It's grittier but light hearted and it's a pleasure to run for him and the other guys to give him a break, since he does such a wonderful job with prep work/world building.

>>I moved
>>I thought previous experience was the norm
>>My god. How wrong.
>> Every DM has a power complex.
>> Every DM railroads more, and I can see the plot from my seat at the tavern.
>>So many fetishes these people put into their games. Why the sex stuff? Seriously the book of erotic fantasy was a gag book....(not that i have never statted anything out of that book before...)
>>They all have a million house rules that don't really do anything for "balance" but more for I don't like it: Reasons

I just want to go back home :(
Started to run some online games. Everybody in this town (like 6 gamers) are just too fucking weird.
My group played football in High School, and did debate and forensics....well rounded people we are. What happened to these people?

>>32395183
>Not enjoying being a Forever DM.

I like being a player, but I love being a DM.
Gotta run what you find fun... mun.

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>>32390522
This happened a few weeks ago and I posted before, but I'm still annoyed.
>party is staying at inn
>next morning
>all our stuff is gone from the chests at our feet
>bandit raid in progress; they broke down the gates and stormed the place
>no rolls whatsoever, DM gave us no chance to notice anything or react
>party is put in chains
>"He is a wizard! Gag him!"
>how the fuck would they know, I look like a regular traveler and haven't done or said anything
>bandits begin a march across the border to sell us as slaves
>"I want to slip my bonds, but keep them in position until I see a chance to escape"
>DM tells me to roll Escape Artist
>Natural 20, beat DC by 1, success
>"One of the bandits steps behind you and knocks you out"
>what was the fucking point of letting me roll in the first place then
>group has to make camp
>in the night, the bandits get massacred by NPC hero group
>again, no rolls whatsover, and we don't get any chance to do anything

There was more shit like that, including a player who played a perfectly executed chaotic edgy That Rogue. Pic very fucking related.

>>32395131
To be fair, if someone brought a kender to my game, I'd tell them to leave even if we were playing F.A.T.A.L.

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And this is why I'm glad I've avoided Game Finder threads.

>>32395389
>how the fuck would they know, I look like a regular traveler and haven't done or said anything
Well, they did loot your stuff. It wouldn't be too hard to figure it out if they found a spellbook or other magical miscalleny among your things.

Still a blatant case of That DM, but still.

>>32395310
>fetishes
Noooooooooope, never put a fetish into my game, its just awkward

One of my DM's did once though, she tried to initiate some hot steamy centaur on human action with a PC as she liked the PC irl

Fortunately the PC had the sense to just walk away and spare the rest of the party that awkward depravity

>>32395380
I like being DM, but sometimes i just want to roll a character and blow some shit up without having to worry about balancing, making sure it all works, trying to write an interesting storyline and all the rigmarole that applies to DM'ing. Thats why i like having two people in a group who can DM, so they can swap between campaigns i've been with different groups with that system really worked a treat.

Still rather be a DM where everyone is happy that a player with a shit DM anyday.

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>>32395407
>you are incredibly erect right now

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>>32395407
Such is life in School Dickwands

>>32395760
Aww look at his little tummy

>>32395392
Hey, kender can be good.
Here's what you do:
Don't steal shit from other PCs that they they care about.
That's it. All a good Kender needs to know is that handkerchiefs are fair game and spell components are not.

>>32395950
What if the handkerchiefs ARE spell components?

>>32396014
I'm suddenly imagining a Kender trying to steal infinite handkerchiefs out of the pocket of a wizard painted like a clown.

>>32396014
Then you spend your time swapping out your dull coins for their shiny coins.

>>32396041
I'm suddenly imagining a deadly clown pc based on a greentext I saw here. Anyone have it?

>>32395950
>Don't steal shit from other PCs that they they care about.
Don't kenders need a will save to NOT steal the shiney?

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>>32395407
>you are incredibly erect right now

>>32396070
>>32395950
>Kleptomania: Kender "borrow". It's just what they do.
>There's always a chance, no matter where they are, that something will go missing.
>This item is usually a small, shiny bauble, or something neat looking.
>But, occasionally, the "small, shiny bauble" turns out to be a jeweler's most expensive diamond ring,
>and that "neat looking stick" just happens to be a wizard's staff... currently gripped in the aforementioned wizard's hand.
>This occurs without willful action on the part of the Kender
Yup, Kender don't get a choice to not steal from the party, nor even WHAT they steal from the party. No will save even allowed

>>32396054
This does seem to be the proper way to play a Kender. Meaningless cute theft.

>>32396240
You're forgetting that Kender also sometimes forget their own items in the pockets of peopole they steal from.

>>32396014
So long as you don't take the component BAG it's OK, cuz there's infinite components inside. I actually meant the bag when I said that.

>>32396240
Oh this is just throwing your poor DM a bone. Nothing says "quest hook" like, "Hmmm, you don't remember this ring in your pocket, it has the same symbol on it as all those flags over there.

>>32396240
You know, it is possible for players to deviate from the worst aspects of the race.

I mean, it's not like the DnD police are going to break into their house and arrest them. Every kender conversation is somebody saying "Hey, why don't I play a kender without being a dick" and ten people jumping on them yelling NO YOU HAVE TO BE AN UNLIKABLE PRICK WHEN PLAYING A KENDER AND THAT'S WHY WE HATE IT.

>>32396240
>playing RaR
>kender
bad times ahead

>>32396324
Man spell component pouches would actually be a blast for a kender. Who knows what you could find in there? It could be a tiny rock, or a piece of bat guano!

I'm that DM if I make the players roll in tables to decide their genders, their origins, their races and other stuff like that (sometimes even the class)?

It's not like I force them, I always ask before doing it and I normally keep it for little serious games. I just find it's a good way to force them (and me) to use imaginations and try new stuff.

>>32396349
This isn't a minor aspect of the kender, its their main defining characteristic. If you don't want that ability, play a normal gnome. I don't think its being a prick, they will ALWAYS give the item(s) back when asked, they just have some serious ADD issues, and REALLY like shineys.

>>32396070
Do they? My experiance with dragonlance was mostly the novels, where the kender's thefts from party members consisted of a dagger and a large amount of handkerchiefs.
>>32396240
That's fairly smelly, and I feel it may very well be pulled from your ass.

>>32396418
right out of the book, here is the wiki article on em too.
http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Kender_%283.5e_Race%29

>>32396442
Huh. Isn't in the 5e one though, so that's good. (It was assumed you don't want to say "I pick his pockets" every time you meet a new NPC, so now there's just a 25% chance you have whatever it is you want in your inventory, so long as it could reasonably fit in your pockets and isn't worth much money.)

>>32391226
>To sum it up, I basically told him not to steal NPCs from other works and to have originality

I really don't like this advice, if you think someone is really cool and want to play as them, then what the Hell is wrong with that? I just don't see why everyone has such a damn big problem if I want to play a character that I've seen in something else.

>be a ranger with focus throwing axes
>DM got bored and draws a fast map
>it has hidden shadowy areas

>continue to just toss axes into them and kill mindflayers by pure luck

>DM quits
Fun tims shame there's no players in Switzerland

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>>32396591
>mfw our groups main quest giving NPC is totally-not Ice King from Adventure Time

>>32396673
So what's wrong with that?

>>32395407
I remember that thread
>Also, I had a crush on you
Hey! That message was sent on my birthday.
Too bad nobody had a crush on me ;_;

>>32396404
If your players are okay with it then no, that doesn't make you a That GM. But... if the players like trying new things, they'll do it anyway and there's no need to "force" them. And if they DON'T like trying new things, why would you want to make them play something they don't enjoy? By all means encourage the players to try new things, but forcing everyone to play a random character seems like a bad idea - for one thing, it might lead to the players being much less invested in their characters and by proxy, into the game in general.

I certainly wouldn't like it as a player unless it was a one-shot game or something like Paranoia.

>>32396701
It was supposed to be a positive reaction. Our whole group loved it.

There's nothing better than getting quests from a senile, mildly benevolent king/wizard with no apparent sense of right or wrong.

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>>32391181
>How far and at what speed does it fly
>A Vampire?

So told the story of how you just tried back seat gming someone elses game and how you're "the best tg'er" and "do the best dwarf impressions"

>>32396705
I-I always had a crush on your birthday-kun

This isn't really a THAT GM story per se, more of a THAT GROUP tale.

>Looking to better my DMing skills by playing a bit and seeing how various people handle things
>Go on Roll20 to find a game (I've since given up on the site, most people there are scum)
>Know the basics of 3.5 and Pathfinder, pretty solid in D&D 4e
>Eventually find a 4e game with some open spots
>Interesting setting reminiscent of Age of Mythology (great RTS, I highly recommend it)
>Send the DM a character sheet
>Asks for a Skype call to go over a few things
>Skype call is basically an audition
>Goes okay, DM's an okay dude
>DM says he'll get back to me later with details on whether or not I got in.
>twoweekslater.jpeg
>About to give up and try to find another game
>GM pings me and says "You're in!"

To be continued

>>32390522
Is that pic from Gladiators?

>>32396240
I'd be totally down for Kender: The Kleptomania

>>32394454
Did you bother to see that they knew the system before you started and then just complained that they didnt know it?

>>32396947
It's been three months, when I started running all of them had bragged about playing the system for years. It was 3.5E, within the first game I knew they had no idea how to really play and took it slow, but we're running 1 or 2 games a week. They should have picked up the basics by now.

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>>32396900

>Game starts that weekend
>Two other players
>Ballpark their ages at around 15-16
>First time playing D&D ever
>See this as an opportunity to learn how to deal with relatively new and inexperienced players
>I'm a grizzled old human paladin of Tyr
>Both other players are half-elf rangers
>No big deal, I'll just have to work on being a bit more defender-y
>Pic related, it was both of their character portraits
>Angstiest goddamn backstories I have ever heard
>Dead parents, got kicked out of human town for being half-elves (yes, it was a 'humans are all evil setting') now super badass brooding adventurers
>I'm forced to mute my mic so they don't hear me laughing out loud

TBC

>>32397058
>forced to mute my mic
Nobody held your hand Bro. Should a laughed them off it

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>>32397058
>Rangers start in a tavern, brooding in opposite shadowy corners
>My paladin actually tries to be mildly productive and explore the town and get an idea of what's going on
>Rangers somehow stumble into my paladin
>Banter is attempted
>SUDDENLY, SCORPION MEN!
>Combat occurs!
>DM asks me to describe how my paladin attacks
>"What? Why?"
>"I'm trying to make combat more than just rolling, I want to roleplay it a bit more"
>"Alright, I take a horizontal swing in an attempt to take the bastard's head off"
>Nat 17+applicable bonuses
>"You miss the scorpion man"
>I want to call bullshit, but I keep it to myself
>Elf ranger no. 1's turn
>"I fire an arrow at his head"
>Rolls a 15 or so plus applicable bonuses
>"You hit him!"
>MFW

>>32395108
We had like four people when we started but some people couldn't make it consistently cause the DM insisted we moved from roll20 to playing in a rundown basement in the ghetto. He decided adding tons of people would fix this. No more than 3 people show up per session anyway.

>>32397213
>>DM asks me to describe how my paladin attacks
>>"What? Why?"
>>"I'm trying to make combat more than just rolling, I want to roleplay it a bit more"
sounds alright to me, but continue

>>32397117
I figured that they might improve over time and I try to stay relatively polite when I'm playing.


>>32397213

>Combat wraps up after waaaaaaaaay too many rounds
>Being a lawful good Paladin, I want to make sure that the townspeople are safe
>Rangers agree for some reason I've since forgotten
>See a house on fire
>Rangers attempt to pick lock
>"Do you have thieves tools?"
>"...No"
>"You'll have a small penalty to get it open
>Nat 10 and 13 for Ranger 1 and Ranger 2 respectively.
>Paladin shoves them out of the way and begins investigating the door.
>DM begins chuckling like an asshole
>"There's no way *you're* getting that open"
>Roll Strength check to kick the door down
>NATURAL. FUCKING. TWENTY.
>DM pauses for a moment
>"You, uh.. Kick the door down."
>Paladin proceeds to get in there and save a family while Rangers stand outside like assholes (chaotic good my ass)
>DM calls it a night there

I'll follow up with more shortly, it gets worse.

>>32397353

>"You, uh.. Kick the door down."
Yeah you better fucking let him kick down the door.

>>32397353
Run like hell

my GM turns down for what.

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>GURPS
>Post apocalyptic setting mixed with fantasy
>make a gunslinger
> Stubborn, Code of Honor: Gentleman's (modified, never ignore an insult to you or your flag, and never betray your word), Bad Temper, Bloodthirsty, Xenophobia (Against non-whites and non-southern whites)
>Ex-slave hunter now working as Merc
>morally grey, but a pretty good guy to friends
> best friend is a pirate who has Pirates Code of Honor
>DM railroads us into the bar
>party orders drinks, I have a shot of rum
>pirate goes to gamble
>it is now painfully clear the GM did not read the GURPS rules at all
> he has to check how to do a simple contest and the pirate ends up just telling him
>whole time I am playing the abrasive southerner, but never downright insulting until they show me a picture of the mayor we need to talk to
>itsanigger.jpg
>"This town needs our help more then I thought if they have a nigger as a mayor."
>get up to go to the mayor's house
>bartender calls us a bunch of assholes
>me and the pirate both turn as our code of honor demands
>tell him to apologize
>he refuses
>challenge him to a gunfight
>he refuses, insults me again
>roll for Bad Temper against self control, fail massively, multiple degrees of failure
>draw and shoot him
>8 guys with .44 magnums all start trying to gun us down
>i don't get a turn first round
>we kill three of them before fleeing, DM did not read GURPS combat rules, have to argue to get my pi+ modifier and he didn't know how cover worked
>bar goes from being 20 yards big, to 40, to 50 with a 12 yard run between us and the jeep
>group is laughing as we flee
>get in the truck and mount the gun
>we decide to fuck the town and rob the mayor
>gm quits, game over, leaves the call
>we have lost our shit and are unable to do anything but laugh
>group moves to old DM

It was fun.

>>32397463
>>get in the truck and mount the gun
Aww yiss

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>>32397309
I've got no issue with it but it seemed a bit bullshitty at times, though that may just have been me thinking it was an odd way of doing things.

>>32397353
>Game no. 2
>Scorpion men have disappeared and there's some weird beam of light coming from the middle of a nearby forest
>Decide to investigate in the morning
>Party sleeps
>Next day
>Rangers locate the captain of the guard
>Ask for directions
>The guy's an asshole and is remarkably racist towards my half-elven companions
>Paladin tells him to calm down
>"I'll calm down when those scummy halfbreeds are out of my town"
>We leave and head towards the forest
>See a caravan being attacked by goblins
>Paladin attacks the Goblins because he's the sort of guy who protects small businesses from asshole Goblins
>Rangers sit it out because they were worried that the Goblins might be okay dudes
>Pic relevant, this is the gist of the encounter and what happened afterwards
>This is right around where I realized that this campaign was going to be absolutely shit
>Throw together an excuse for why I can't keep playing
>Leave that game like it was a burning building

For those of you interested in where I went from there, look no further than here: http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/29544030/#q29548836

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>>32396744
>don't forget implied rapist

Some people get really mad if you try to copy characters though. I once had a dm who forced my to remake my character (At the beginning of the first session) because he "didn't like that I'd tacked Wolverine's backstory onto an anime girl." In his defense, that was exactly what I had done.

So I made the character l into Lily from tentacles and witches, except in a male action hero's body. Best wasted 16 strength on a Wizard I ever spent.

>>32397558
>that image

I laughed.

>>32397463
While I actually wouldn't mind someone playing an incredibly bigoted character in my game, I'd probably have a few characters call yours an asshole for it over the course of the campaign too if you were that vocal about it.

Everything else was absolute shit tier GMing though

>>32397558
Honestly, that's a really weak reason to quit a game.

>>32397582
>implied rapist
wut
I didn't know about this

and to be fair, your first char sounds stupid, second one sounds fun

>>32397558
I'm... still not seeing the big problem. Could you elaborate on how your image was related? Did the DM call you an asshole for retaliating against the goblins, or... what?

>>32397815
It's a summary of the webcomic Goblins.

Goblins are dicks, but then get whiny when people slap their shit for it. Majority of the comic is super evil humans being massive dicks and people crying.

>>32397786
Ice king is always kidnapping princeses for mysterious purposes, but they never go farther then that because it's a kid's show. Shit makes my look at him sideways though.

Who knows, maybe he just likes annoying the girls for attention. His personality is pretty juvenile in some wyas.

>>32397858
Ain't he a ruskie pilot or something?

He probably just wants a hug and some vodka.

>>32397858
I thought they covered this pretty well in the show. He's harmless.
He's actually very nice to the princesses.

>Setting up a game of AdEva
>GM mentions he's a massive weeaboo
>OK, whatever, don't really mind that as long as he doesn't start replacing every other word with Wapanese
>GM mentions he really likes moe
>OK, whatever, not my cup of tea but to each their own
>GM mentions he really likes loli stuff
>OK... that's kinda weird, but I'll give him the benefit of doubt
>GM provides us with a sneak peak of NPCs that he plans on using in his campaign, one of them has "really loves children" listed as a positive trait
>Uh...
>GM jokes about how he'd love to get a blowjob from a "cute 13-year old"
>Dude, not funny; start realizing that he was giving off all other sorts of red flags about actually being a pedophile
>GM changes his Skype profile text to "remember gentlemen, no matter how tight she may be, sadly, a loli is still illegal to fuck"
>Nope the fuck out of there

>>32397858
His girlfriend left him when he went insane because of his new found magic, he called her his princess, its one of the few things he remembers, so he constantly kidnaps princesses
Nothing really to worry about

>>32397941
>playing AdEva
>without weeaboos
I don't think this has ever happened.

>>32397941
These guys Anon, these fucking guys..

Guess I'll post this here...

My first DM gig was a no magic modified world based on viking mythology and a bit of Age of Mythology.
D&D 3.5 rules.

Lasted for 8 sessions. Main problem was all my mates wanted to join in and I ended up with an 8 man party consisting of 2 rogues, a ranger, a barbarian, 3 fighters and a cleric. Not a bad mix, but they ended up being able to murder every challenge relatively easily because of their numbers, and I didn't want to spring Ice Giants on them right from the get go.

Then they murdered the Jarl's captain of the huskarls, (over a dispute over stabling prices) and it all spiraled into a TPK at the spear end of the entire raised levy of the Jarldom.

Did I do it right /tg/?

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>>32397941
>Telling everyone they like loli
>Liking actual little girls
That's beyond a red flag.
I mean, I will say firstoff that I like loli, but firstly I don't run around telling people I do, and secondly I have no attraction to real little girls, just animu
And fuck people who want to play a loli in /tg/ games. Worse yet if they describe ti as such.

>>32397815
>>32397857
Basically, the entire encounter seemed like it was ripped straight from Goblins.

Right down to one of the Goblins in question breaking down in tears.

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>>32398059
>They murdered over a dispute on stabling prices

That's about normal for an adventuring party.

>campaign went to shit in game, half the players broke off, found some and led an attack on the other half and their colony
>DM wants everyone to get new characters for the same campaign
>rebelling characters lose, get killed so they get new characters
>remaining player on my side wanted to switch characters for a while, so she swaps
>DM wants me to get a new character too, but I still prefer my old one
>when I finish off one of the rebelling characters, DM gives him 3 extra attacks
>when I survive that, DM uses it as an excuse to cripple my character to coerce me into picking a new one

And that's why I dropped my swordmage/wizard for a half orc warlord

Later, one of the party members (same one that caused the shit from before by "Accidentally" killing kids) was locked up because their spirit was trapped in an animal and they attacked someone. Two different plans to rescue them came about, and the DM intentionally sabotaged one with impossible rolls and outright denied to let them try to go on with their plan, in favor of one he liked more.

That's why I never played under him again.

>>32398059
>No magic
>Clerics

>No magic
>3.5
>DnD at all

Them murdering the captain over something petty and getting their shit slapped in is one thing, but you might want to find a better system for no-magic campaigns.

>>32398154
Well, I went with proper viking culture, so demanding lower prices for stabling is of course an insult to the honour of the stable master. So it's a duel to prove who's right.
Chuklefucks didn't pick up on the obvious hints he was a strong NPC (aforementioned captain of the Jarl's Huskarls) so the barbarian gets his ass kicked in the duel. One of the rogues and a fighter then decide that just isn't right and gang up on the captain, murdering him. This duel wasn't to the death, I should mention.

So they are outlawed according to Icelandic law. So they become bandits, raid a temple of satanists posing as missionary Christians.

And it ends with them being hunted down and slaughtered in a battle on a bridge, conan style, shield wall on shield wall.
Went pretty well, right guys?

>>32398210
Clerics only had healing magic and deity specific powers. So Odin worshippers had more healing, Loki worshippers had offensive magic, and Thor clerics were just buff combat monsters.

I spent so long on modeling the religious system and spell system for that game guys. All magic was runes. So much work. And then they get themselves fucking killed bloody idiots.

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>>32398264
>So they become bandits, raid a temple of satanists posing as missionary Christians.

>>32398317
I figured I'd incorporate the conversion of the Norse to christianity, and the players could aid it or stop it as they liked.

Twist was some priests and temples would be satanists, there to subvert everyone and summon demons and shit. Because variety and sneaky plots, ya know?

They never picked up on that though. Mostly because they were on a "Christians must die" wagon. Every one of them.

>>32398420
That's actually amazing.

>>32398420
Oh.

I thought they raided a temple of satanist, while the party itself was posing as missionary Christians.

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>>32397912
I must have missed that episode, but I believe it.

Alright, time to tell the story of my second favorite character. He was created specifically to troll a railroading DM, but ended up creating a good end because of it..

Basically, I'm pretty tight with this gamer and this anime nerd, and at one point we're in a big weaboo club.

The gamer and this super controlling girl head the club, basically showing us their favorite anime each meeting, then chilling and free pizza. It was nice though, other people could suggest stuff.

School officially recognizes the club as "Japanese culture club," so now we have to do workshops. Someone gets the idea that we try to write some manga, and everyone comes in the next time with a character, then forgets about it.

Gamer guy ends up dming a game with everyone's character, hoping to get people emotionally invested in the world he's created. Only 3 people show up. Me, anime nerd and his girlfriend. She has this cool character, who promptly gets killed and raised as a lich, making her very hard to roleplay. Anime dude never seems to say the right thing and the dm shuts him down, leaving me to get stuff back on track.

First dungeon crawl is great. We pwn a bunch of low level stuff, have a good time, make jokes about evard's black tentacles. At this point my character is some naruto-like fool who throws shuriken for 1d4 and talks a buncha trash.

Then we get back to base and he inflicts story on us. Turns out he and the club leader girl had this whole war evil empire story written, and we were fighting for the evil empire.

At this point, Anime dude starts to get bored, and I notice him angrily wringing his hands.

Then they do a skype session without me, right after the dm read ALL THE SOURCEBOOKS.

I come back and everyone went from level 8 to level 12, with templates coming out of their ass, making my totally powerless. I scramble to powergame my level 8 character to the same level of power

>>32396362
Or explosive runes.

>>32391119
a urine dragon

>>32398498
I had 160 pages of quests and characters planned out. Sorted in chapters, like a book, with appropriate room for deviations if they decided to go against the rails. I'd lurked and been on /tg/ for 5 years or so by then see, and I wanted to do it proper like.

They got killed halfway through chapter 1.
Then never wanted to play again.

>>32398591
I have a world built, and then I wing everything else.

>>32395658
I throw at least one fetish into a game, not my fetishes, just weird shit the party encounters sometimes.

The entire party ende dup screwing controlled and preserved zombie prostitutes once.

They all rolled really badly.

On the positive side, they did make contact with the necromancer's guild, eventually.

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>>32398629
It was all based around actual historic scandinavia, Iceland and England, so no need to build a world really. I crafted a narrative instead.

From the overarching plot of stopping Hel from becoming the most powerful Aesir, to the more common place raiding of English shores and monasteries. I also had a whole plot about the dwarves and (celtic style) elves fighting, allowing the players to sever the elvish world from our own.

I may have been overly ambitious.
Chapter 1's map in image

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>>32398690
And the city they got killed in, which was to be the hub of the quest until chapter 7 where they'd operate from Stockholm.

>>32398533
I achieve it, because I'm an autistic powergamer with a reading fetish, but then we get swooped up by dm's dues ex machina character to "train for our new mission" At first I play along, until mr. unlimited charcter reveals (Without any evidence) that we were working for EVIL and were supposed to die in the last dungeon crawl and they would kill us if he hadn't saved us.

At this point, its been 2 sessions since we had any actual combat and both the other players are bored as shit. Anime dude is blatantly playing angry birds, and his gf is trying, but she's almost in tears because her character isn't allowed to do anything she likes now that she's EVIL. Also, we're clearly gearing up to kill her character and start her a new one form somewhere.

I, meanwhile, look at the training sessions and rage. Its all fighting pointless encounters in an arena, essentially a dungeon crawl except super grindy, and its ONLY ME paying attention to it.

Dues ex machina character and me argue a lot, though the dm and me are still cool

Eventually the girl just quits, and I realize our group is dying, so I decide why not, might as well troll. It can't be worse than this saturday boredom routine.

So I act in character. "Look, mr. so called *tempest* (Dues Ex), I've had about enough of your shit. You want us to fight for you, but why should we, eh? I had LEAVE coming up in a month, and you've had me killing everything from angels to dragons to god DAMN DRYADS."

I stand and gesture angrily, the dm smiling bemusedly.

"This is not a good place... we're killing innocents, and for what? If there's some sort of problem with high command, can't we just TALK to high command about it?"

Tempest explains to me that we just need a little more time, that I'm not ready. Tells me to try to hit him. What dm doesn't know is that once I turn on power gaming mode, it doesn't go off easily, and he allowed any sourcebook, including d&d wikis on the internet with opensource powers.

>>32390819
I had a very similar first experience with RPGs. GM was *obsessed* with putting my female elf in rape-y situations and I finally realized that I was 14 years old, he knew that, and he was being hella fucking creepy.

four years later i ran into another guy from the group who told me that said gm managed to get away with only a year of jail time and life on the sexual predator registry for raping a 15 year old boy.

I think most DMs were like that at some point, when we were still new at this shit.

All we can hope for is improvement. If it persists, there may not be much hope.

>>32391169
That pic is so wrong. It's not good vs bad posting, it's posting something the audience like vs something they don't. And 4chan so fucking fickle that what is liked changes every fucking 10 minutes.

>>32391083
no it's one of those times where you leave because you can't handle the sperg

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>>32394914
>Dude was chill. Would raise zombies, offer them a chance to join his army and get paid or would give them land if they did not want to.
Doesn't sound evil at all.

>inb4 necromancy is always evil

>>32396908
Looks like Ninja Warrior

>>32391274
pretty sure you just described that aspie who shot a bunch of women cuz they wouldn't date him this weekend

>>32398761
I like where this is going.

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alright i got one. now dont get me wrong, i may have been That Guy when it comes to this, but my DM is usually a pretty cool dude. I got bored and decided to make an epic level character, eventually went with a bard/wizard that majored in necromancy because why the fuck not. i spent about 4 hours making this guy, and once game night rolled around i showed him to DM.

needless to say he wasnt particularly pleased and responded with "ok, you cant play this guy because he's too OP for the campaign. i can nerf him and bring him down a long way so he can be playable, but i'd rather you make a new character because no one else is gonna wanna make an epic level"

all that fucking work, all my page flipping. and i cant even use him.

>>32399024
Epic Level campaigns are very particular, Anon. You should have cleared it with your DM before you started building it.

>>32397582
>Lily from tentacles and witches
wuzzat? Sounds hot

>>32399101
you know, i dont think i did that now that you mention it. thanks Anon, maybe i'll propose an epic level campaign to him after we conclude our current one, because i really wanna give this guy a spin.

>>32392477
ran into this when i was an undergrad. Entire rpg club applied to live in one of three on-campus houses together but i had my own group of friends. Figured "it's a club, they won't exclude me just because i don't also live with them."

sacrificed to a chaos god by group vote.

During my early DMing years, once I got so mad at a player for not following my plot that I dropped a meteor on him.

The next session we made peace and I ruled that it was actually a healing meteorite.

The rest of the party chiseled the whole thing down and stocked themselves on the stuff. After I told them it only worked when it hit stuff from the air, they hired a guy tied to a balloon whose only job was to throw them healing meteor-pebbles when things got nasty.

We were young.

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>>32399268
>they hired a guy tied to a balloon whose only job was to throw them healing meteor-pebbles
This is 1000 times more creative than anything my party has ever done.

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>>32398915
I like to think that the pic represents an ideal, not a fact.

>>32399123
Pic related.
>>32398761
What this means is, My level 9 character has 9 seperate templates as well, each giving an average of +6 dexterity, and something like hyperManyshot for shuriken. In other words, my base attack bonus is so high, that I hit his level 30 minor diety character on a 6 or better, and do like 100 odd d4 damage. Not enough to win, but wayyy more power than I'm supposed to have.

Anime guy actually leaves to go to the bathroom while this last part goes down. It honestly was pretty fun.

As he dramatically describes pulling 16 shuriken out of his left side, I calmly tell him that my character walks towards the nearest exit. We're in the astral plane at this point, and I have no magic, just a multiclass Ninja/fighter with broken dexterity. He tells me I'll die out there alone, I go anyway.

Throws some monsters at me, but I can 2 round anything from the monster manual below level 20, so eventually he just has me get lost and teleports in asking me if I'll accept it now. At this point I'm really trying to troll him.

he gives me a long speech about what I'm supposed to do.

"Your army is preparing to invade the peaceful land to the south. They've been planning this for years, and your group consisted of anyone who'd think to question orders. You should be dead, but I'm offering you a chance to right the wrongs and fix society if you'll just let me teach you."

Like I said, they had a pretty solid story worked out, just our group didn't really click.

>>32394454
>We've been playing for a good 3 months, but these guys still don't know the system. One of them spends most of the game on his phone, the other refuses to act in character and recently invited several more people over to my house without my consent or knowledge, and the third one just refuses to listen to what I say.

I haven't even read the rest of this post and I know you need to kick out the guy who invited people over without asking. I used to have a policy of letting people who did that get away with it once, telling them not to do that again, and THEN kicking them out if they did it again.

Then I realized I'd made a policy of it and that the kind of people who do that literally all hang out together and were telling each other that my place was cool to crash at whenever.

>>32397727
>muh feelings das raycis

>Playing DND 3.5e
>Party almost wiped by spectacularly bad luck in the third session (fell off a wall with a 6 hp wizard)
>Last 2 members of 6 are practically railroaded to the dungeon where our new roll-ins are
>Fight the railroading so hard the DM lets it go
>Turns out the King is OP as fuck and we were supposed to wait for backup anyway
>Both get their asses handed to them and tossed into the dungeon
>One of them botches hard on a language check and bites his own tongue off
>Drowns in his own blood
>TFW it's an evil campaign so we desecrate the corpse later
>Gets mad and quits

He kinda deserved it, but still.

>>32394821
write brothers into everyone's backstories and have them come for a visit.

>>32390522
did you play with sealopsco?

>>32395067
>have vagina dentata, are asexual prudes, and are complete man-haters.
you haven't seen many harem anime have you?
More like, "nipples are actually small penises and scrotums." Everything else is just something the hero can MAGICALLY CHANGE or an extra tongue/pair of tits for his endgame orgy.

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>>32399358
>One of them botches hard on a language check and bites his own tongue off

>>32396908
>>32398996
It's ninja warrior america.

>>32398945
Dude, I am applauding at that pic. Its fucking awesome.

>>32399458
It's not a "CAN YOU TALK" check, it's a "CAN YOU SPEAK THE LANGUAGE" check.

If anything he should've just seriously fucked up the words he was trying to say, not hurt himself.

>>32395183
at least they knew they were bad. They both sound like some of the really awful fantasy computer game start-ups from the late 70s. Are you sure the second one wasn't zork?

>>32395310
>played football in high school
get out

>>32399458
"I want to intimidate the handcuffs off of me."
"Lolokay roll your Appraise for it."
>Why
"You can't intimidate the handcuffs if you don't know what language they speak."
>Botches it
>His character decides on Pig Latin
"Roll it anyway."
>Botches again
>Rolls D100 to check against the DM's custom list
>1
>Bites his tongue off

It's okay, he was a dick anyway.
After we fucked with his body, the Illithid Necromancer raised him as a skeleton. He was infinitely more useful as an undead.

>>32396041
hello yes drawfriend here, be back in a week.

>>32399024
Well, what the fuck were you expecting? That you'd be allowed to play an epic level character in a level 12 campaign? That the GM starts a new campaign from scratch(which, incidentally, takes a lot more effort than normal because you have to spend more time planning enemies and other challenges so that they'll be actual challenge to epic level characters) which the other players might not even want to play just so you get to play your character? You make a character in accordance with the rules and limitations the GM gives you, not based on what you'd like to play. If you want to play something else, then TALK WITH THE GROUP FIRST and if you convince them to play what you'd like to play, THEN AND ONLY THEN make a character.

You were That Guy here.

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>>32399123
Pic also related

>>32399304
basically what ends up happening is I browbeat the dm into letting my character leave and go back to base.

The Anime guy comes out of the bathroom and does a brief training fight, then asks what happened to my character, and we cut to me being mobbed by guards and locked up. Some of these guys were friendly npcs before, so play up the broken trust element, enduring torture for awhile, then getting locked in a cell. Dues-ex machina guy dramatically rescues me form prison. I get all whiny about broken trust, and we finaly go to fight the damn war.

Powergamer character and Dues ex dm character take out the entire army of lvl 5s in 7 minutes, and my guy flees into the mountains, all "I don't like people they hurt you."

hmm, If I tell it this way, it doesn't seem like a good story, but I swear I had so much fun with that character...

>>32396591
nothing is wrong with it until you expect your players to take DEFINITELY NOT CAPTAIN PICARD seriously.

>>32399866
Well then when you take heavy inspiration from a character in something else, don't be such a faggot and just say "This character was inspired by x." instead of TRYING to be original with other people's ideas. Embrace that you think that guy is cool. Not try to hide behind a different face with all of his traits.

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>>32399493

>>32397613
that's it that's the whole pairing

>>32396061
Funzo the clown, would've uploaded it, but I don't have it saved on this computer

>>32397912
yes he's nice to them but people still don't like being kidnapped. it's like the dude took his love lessons from beauty and the beast but assumed that the ending was true in 100% of all real life applications.

>>32400015
>>32396061
Does Gropey still post here? I've not seen him in a few months.

>>32398059
>they murdered the Jarl's captain of the huskarls, (over a dispute over stabling prices)

have i shared the story of the time my L5R party invented grenades and blew a quest-giving thief-child's arm off and then we adopted him?

>>32400123

That was delightful and deeply disturbing and worth retelling.

>>32400123
Well, maybe, but I don't recall.
So how did they die?

>>32399327
Yes, if you are racist, people will say that to you.

>>32399018
>aspie
More like narcissist.

>>32398761
You keep saying "Dues Ex"
It's Deus. Like Deity.

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>>32396061
Is this what you're looking for?

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Guy's I'm afraid I'm becoming that GM

Here's the gig:
>Forever DM (I don't really mind though)
>Usually do fantastical over-the-top save the world type of campaigns
>Last campaign involved a god falling through a tear in reality and fucking shit up
>Game ends, new campaign starting
>Players tell me they want a down to earth game with low magic and relatively simple plot
>Make them be a bunch of caravan guards going across the continent, heavy roleplaying, my players all say they're having a blast
>Yet I feel strangely bored
>Having to use all of my willpower not to make an aboleth riding a dracolich come and completely decimate the landscape
>Run out of races for NPCs in the towns they're passing
>Start putting monstergirls in for the hell of it
>Next town they're going to is going to involve giantess brown girls

They all say they're enjoying the campaign but I feel strangely out of place running it. I mean, we have our laughs but It's just such a step back from the games I usually run.

Pic related, it's the girl they just helped save from a village. They were originally told to go kill her, but after lots of roleplaying and coercion they managed to persuade the town into letter her stay in exchange for fancy silk garments and tapestries.

Am I a horrible person?

>>32400403
No, it was more theoretical than that, but that's a good read. It was about the mechanics of gags

>3.5
>after leaving some village we get jumped by a horde of goblins
>Party member has a skill that lets him impale several goblins with his spear in gruesome fashion.
>"this will be easy guys"
>impales likes four in one go
>kills none
>My turn. I move and hit a globlin. It takes around 20 seconds
>Swordsage has no idea what his character does and takes forever to decide which stance to take/manouvre to make
>Sorceress cant decide which spell to cast
>Between people thinking what to do next, and the DM throwing dice for every goblin, every assault takes 40 minutes long
>four hours later we are still fighting
>horde is down to boss monster, frenzied berserker
>frenzied berserker who just wont die
>players got terribly bored hours ago. two guys start fucking around in their laptops. some start playing fighting games on the ps3 and return to the table just to throw dice
>berserker´s on the floor because another character threw grease on him. He cant stand up. We shower him with attacks.
>he´s like -140 hp by now. cant do anything.
>still wont die
>DM can´t take a fucking hint
>suddenly end session in the middle of battle cause we wanted to go eat something
>"Did you have fun guys?"

>>32400426

The fun of the players is very important, but so is the GMs. Try to find a middle ground you can enjoy without changing what they're liking about the campaign, and remember to talk it out with your players if it becomes a problem.

>>32399268
I would pay an arm (but probably not a leg) for a party this entertaining.

>>32400426
It sounds to me like everybody involved is having fun

if that is truly the case then you are a great person

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>>32400376
Noted

>>32400376
Dues ex Machina = Godly Tax Collector?

So powerful that the money in your pouch sprouts a pair of legs and starts walking towards it.

>>32400758
Groovy. Did you end up playing with those guys ever again?

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>>32400868
Please no, that would be bad.

>>32400950
Only league of legends. We're not really cut out to be a d&d group. (although I might try to dm something silly with dungeon crawling).

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>DM runs a campaign for us, standard, really fun overall
>end of session
>"Well I hope you all had fun because it's the last time I'm running this campaign"
>mfw

Apparently he had some other, more important group, and that day was taken by them all of a sudden. This is after we had already planned the campaign for a week.

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>>32399268

>>32394454

I'm going to guess you have a nice house.

Take a hint, they particularly don't like you and they don't want to play DnD, they just want to use your house to fuck around in and they know you won't say anything cause it sounds like you's a bitch

>>32397058
That pic cracked me up since the first time I saw it.
Good luck firing that arrow Mr Ranger.

>>32395407
To b fair, i'm in a game with someone claiming to be this and they're a massive attentionwhore.

>>32401726
They don't go inside my house. We play in the top floor of my garage. And I have put my foot down. I was asking TG's opinion if kicking them out would make me That DM.

>roll a Kender rogue
>DMPC kills me 10 minutes into the campaign
>tells me to roll a new character

Fucking hell he didn't need to be so passive aggressive about it.

>>32400161
>>32400298
All the group had to do was track this one little kid from the Ivory Kingdoms through a marketplace. They were then going to roll a bullshit perception roll and see him slip through a crack in a wall into the Second City and that would be how they got all their ronin around the border crossing.

Instead, they put their decoy shiny on someone's belt, as expected, but then invented a way within the limits of the core rulebook to make it explode fantastically once the kid inevitably stole it off them and had run a certain distance away.

I couldn't kill the kid so i just blew off an arm instead. More than half the party wound up feeling sorry for him cuz he lost his arm so they then had to smuggle him through the border somehow as well as all their ronin.

I'd already backed myself into a corner by stating he didn't speak Rokugani and so they never found the crack in the wall. We took a game break and I'm still not sure how I'm going to get these guys back on track.

>>32401930
>kender
>fucking
>rogue

He should have just flat-out denied you. I don't know why anyone even accepts Kender as canon, they are a fucking cancer stain.

>play a natural weapons character
>GM keeps putting us against enemies that cause horrible effects when touched
My body can only be melted, reversed, turned to jelly or warped so many times before I decide to sit out of combat

>>32402063
Do it, let the players bitch, redirect bitching onto the GM

>>32402063
Nothing wrong with that. You can be a popcorn-eater class.

>>32401930

That's longer than you would've lasted in my game, I would've just had you beaten to death by some random guy in the generic starting tavern after you tried to steal his wedding ring

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>Trying to track down evil noble who is conspiring with other corrupt nobles to fuck up everyone's shit
>Have to take him alive to interrogate him
>Find him camped out in the desert with a bunch of mercenaries.
>Wizard casts stoneskin on everyone
>Party charges camp, slaughtering everyone except the guy we were supposed to capture
>Noble starts mouthing off, trying to taunt us with typical villain shit
>My character doesn't rise to the bait, just walks over and punches the dude in the gut to shut him up
>"Because of the stoneskin enchantment, you shatter the noble's rib cage and he dies."
>"But DM, that's fucking retarded."
>"Doesn't matter, he's dead."
>"Well can I raise him at the temple?"
>"Only one way to find out, anon."
>Soul refuses resurrection.
>Character gets thrown in jail because the Duchess who hired us denies all involvement.

Campaign pretty much fell apart not long after that.

I know punching the dude might not have been a great idea but it's pretty frustrating to get punished so hard for such a minor fuckup. (not to mention stoneskin doesn't really look like that)

>>32402438
>stoneskin doesn't really look like that

meant to type "work" instead of "look"

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>>32402438
>"Because of the stoneskin enchantment, you shatter the noble's rib cage and he dies."
Isn't the point of stoneskin that you uh.
DON'T
Have that happen?

>>32397941
That would perfectly describe someone I know, if he played RPG's. Dude actually "came out" as a pedo on Facebook, crying about how life his hard for pedo's, and most of the wishy-washy group of friends we're in were supportive. I really don't get that. Made me really question seemingly normal people.

>>32394508
>Sorry, but this is /tg/, so I have to ask: Did you try talking with them, clearly stating your problems with their behaviour?
See: >>32391274
It's not going to work with a lot of people.

I feel like making an image explaining this shit, and what to do so whenever we have one of those threads I can just post it.

>>32402509
Party members were the only ones with stoneskin on, nobleman was in fancy clothes.

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>>32402655
Oh, I have shit reading comprehention and am a retard. My bad!

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>>32402741
Not as bad as my DM.

>>32402639
>I feel like making an image explaining this shit, and what to do so whenever we have one of those threads I can just post it.

Please do. I like those images. They can condense dozens of posts of people aggressively halfway agreeing with each other into a single moment.

>>32391119
That was a Story of a rather shit session which turned out to be fucking awesome.
This on the other Hand is something else...

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>>32402883
All these "Oh god, what do? I think I'm being That Guy/GM" stories are the same thing.

OP: "Help! HELP! I'm stuck in a well!!!"
Anons1-4: "Climb! Climb up and take our hands!"
OP: "I'm thinking I should dig... should I dig?"
Anon5: "NO! I was trapped in a well, and digging is a bad idea! Climb out!"
Anons6-8: "We're lowering ropes! Take hold of a rope!"
Anon9: "I've even tied a harness to the end of this one!"
OP: "I can feel the ropes, but I don't want to hold onto them... should I dig?"
Anon10: "No! If you dig, you'll hit water, and then you'll be proper hosed. I should know, I almost drowned."
OP: "I dug a little bit just now, and I haven't hit water. I'm gonna keep digging..."
Anons11-18: "No! Climb! Climb out!"
OP: "Guys, I'm seriously stuck in this well! Help! HELP!!!"
Anon19: "I was trapped in a well once. It took me two years, but I managed to build a climbing machine that pulled me to safety out of a well bucket and a pocket watch. I'm dropping the blueprints, extra buckets, and an assortment of pocket watches."
Anon20: "I've engineered a jet-pack that will rocket you to safety. Stay where you are and we'll lower it down!""
OP: "Thanks for your help, guys. I'm gonna keep digging. I'll find the Mines of Moria and I'll just walk to the surface."
**Anons1-20 piss in the well**
Anon21: "Guys, seriously... stop peeing in the well."

>>32401532

Well, shoot.

Now my memories of that game are altered forever.

>>32402567
check out any of the discussion pages for pedophilia-related articles on Wikipedia. They are fucking loaded with this bullshit and the userpages have sparkly gay icons like PROUD TO BE A PEDO or PROUD PEDO SUPPORTER it's truly terrifying

>>32390874
>a character based off Alucard from Hellsing
And that wasn't a red flag?

>>32402567

/lgbt/ here. You have no idea how sick we are of dealing with this shit.

It's getting to the same level as feminism and /pol/ trolling. Both in volume, persistence, and the knowledge that some of them are actually serious.

>>32403086
literally how did you not make that connection

>>32403214
>> /lgbt/
>>not a feminist
literal contradictory existence.
you guys feed off of each other for nourishment. if gays didn't have rights women wouldn't be asking for more.

>>32390522
Any suggestions on how to avoid being that Dm that makes everything >No fun allowed?

Also whats the chances that a Quest Thread using one of the heroes of Warcraft would end in tragedy? Was thinking about doing one to try doing the lore consistant or at least not as contuvuluted as before..

>>32403223

In my defence, the guy in the campaign wasn't wearing a green jumpsuit.

>>32403266
straight guy here; this comment 100% confirms you for never having even lurked /lgbt/

them gays especially hate the feminists something fierce

>>32403266

We all hunt feminists for sport over there. Gays, lesbos, and trannies. It is the most bizarre juxtaposition you will ever see.

You haven't experienced the internet until you've seen a guy, who's life goal is to wholly become a woman, take out a SJW's kneecaps with a cricket mallet.