Can't we just go back to allowing yellow stars like we did last century, why did we change that now again?

>>35089679
Ix nay on the ayellowy tarsday

>>35088907
Since when have brims been banned? How long have I been gone? Did the gnomish glitter never catch on?

This again? People really should stock up on hats. I always save the hats of my apprentices after they go get themselves killed.

Incidentally. The charter does not demand that the stars are made out of fabric and i happen to have gotten my hands on several bolts of white leather totaly not made out of human skin (why would you even ask that?)

Oh no. I am not getting stuck with a pointed fucking hat or having to wear those shitty fucking colors. I thought we had that part of the charter amended two centuries ago!

You'll never get my precious white cloth, I need it for.....things.

>>35089819
Tom? Is that you?
By gargarokk, it has been ages.
You look a little different, did you lose weight?

Can't we just put real stars on our hats?

Um, it specifically says two "White Stars" per square inch, not two white cloth stars. Hasn't everybody been plucking stars from the night's sky and then shrinking them down to fit on their hat? Or was that just me?

So, why don't you just get some light hued fabric and bleach them with some light? Pretty sure every one of you has at least some light cantrip.

".....Nope......"

Why do we have to wear hats again? I find the fact that my hair can be used as a hand so convenient that I just leave the damn thing off. It allows me to do so much more with my day.

>>35090010
It's tradition I'm told, I think it's mostly the old liches who make sure it stays in the charter.

>>35088907
Hello there, fellow wizards. I seem to have a problem.... I may have made my dick sentient... On accident of course.

>>35090065
Oh? That is relevant to my interests, can I study this with you?

>>35090010
Some of us, not naming any names here. Find that pointy hats can be used to hide our- their goblin ancestry

>>35088907
You can take my brimmed hat from my cold dead hands Antie.

I've had this damn hat since before the Big Hole Incident down in the Inadvised Alchemy Labs.

More than five centuries of ungrateful, bumbling students have learned to fear and respect this hat.

>>35090090
BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH

>>35090132
I found that a lack of hat works just as well without having to worry about stray winds. Plus I'm basically immune to sunburn so I don't need to cover up my baldness.

>>35088907
This all seems... familiar.
Have we not dealt with these issues before?

>>35090184
>>35090090
Sorry, but that's all I'm able to get out of him.

Why must the rules for the pointy hats be so strict? Can't we just change the charter to say you need a pointy hat and leave the specifics up to each wizard?

>>35088907
This is preposterous, damn clerics can turn water into spirits and ruin the city alcohol business but we can't make cloth for our hats? We could engineer some critters that look like hats, but then the Druidic Association will ben on our asses. Again.

Remember the flaming ducks?

>>35090195
Possibly, but knowing how these meetings go I doubt we came up with any kind of solution last time this happened.

>>35090282
Oh please, the druids already hate us for our general indifference to basically everything they stand for.

Plus all their groves and shit we've burned down.

>>35089898
I'll get right on it.

>>35090209
Who said anything about touching? Pheremone based communication is all I ask.

>>35090259
>apprentices

>>35088907
Also can we really not have brims on our hats? They're so useful for keeping the sun/rain/spilled acids out of your face.

>>35090192
Going without a hat is just asking for trouble really.

With a big, respectable hat people know you're a bloody wizard and not just some self important twat in a funny robe. Which saves a lot of time and bother in some places let me tell you.

When people know you can turn them into a greasy smear on the wall and the wall into a topiary with but a small gesture they behave a lot more respectfully. Which saves you from being pestered in the first place AND the headache that occurs when the fool that was bothering you turns out to be the head of some religious order or some such rot.

Take it from me boy, having an entire order of paladins on your arse is not worth letting your scalp breath.

>>35090369
Oh come on, apprentices are great for the odd job here and there. Mine get me so many great samples of the best animals and beasts. And I heal their wounds if they have any, and improve them as an added bonus.

>>35090323
And I wonder who's responsible for that Astoil, you've always liked to throw your fire around.

>>35090422
It might be easy for you, but my last apprentice turned into a potted fern. That's why they don't have rights here.

>>35090418
Exactly but man, the brims were what made the hats. That and the crocked point. That was rocking.

I've been reduced to looting mummy tombs not for lost secrets, but for the linen bandages so that I can always have some white cloth for stars.

>>35090418
I LIKE killing fools who are far too stupid to know not to mess with smiling old men in robes. As for the religious thing, the worst they can do to me now is send paladins, who are fun to kill. No singular god can get past the curse of empathy for apprentices I got from like 3 gods standing on each other shoulders and empowered by a lifetime of piety from one of the oldest medicine women on the plane..
>>35090449
Titles exist for a reason, and daily casts of meteor shouldn't be wasted.

>>35090449
My apprentices all went on to be great strong mages, physically and mystically. I also teach them the proper way to hide their tentacles when not in use.

>>35088907
> White Stars
> Not Gold or even Silver

>>35090450
He's saying apprentices should be seen but not heard.

That reminds me, you wouldn't happen to be related to old Roy "The Knuckler" Biscuitbarrel would you?

>>35090282
Wait. Is there a problem with flaming ducks?
I was ordered to find several of them, for... reasons.
I tried creating some, but the results were problematic.

Is it just me or do a lot of us want the brimmed hats back? I call for changing the charter to allow Pointed Hat WITH Brim.

>>35090498
NO RELATION. NO I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HEARD, NO RELATION

To me the solution seems obvious. We must reinstate the wider usage of the skullcap. I'll never understand why it was put under such strict restrictions. After all, it's called a "mage's skullcap", so why should archwizards have a monopoly on it's use.

>>35090505
Yeah, those things were more rocking than the geomancers. Before the meteor shower incident.

>>35090365
He did, apparently. He considers any reference to him an act similar to rape. Don't know what his deal is.

Gentlemen! Have we not considered, top hats? We would look extremely dashing.

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>>35088907
>Frank, please stop putting enchantments on the Warrior Union doors that turn them into teenage girls when they pass through

So it was ye, Frank, you half assed pathetic excuse of a human, I swear I'll have yer head on a 5 feet long spear as soon as I can lift again a greatsword!

>>35090489
>I LIKE killing fools who are far too stupid to know not to mess with smiling old men in robes.
Well, you're young. But there comes a time when a man gets tired of suffering fools and just wants to get on with the Communion of the Celestial Spheres in peace.

>>35088907
Finally, you people decide to hold these meetings at a reasonable hour.

Also, since when was it required to wear a hat? That sounds like a really stupid thing to put in the charter.

>>35090570
Alright, who let the fireball-fodd-, I mean, Warriors in here?

>>35090559
Did you have any contact with a Social Justice Witch during the process of making him sentient?

>>35090564
The Banker's and Merchant's Guild got dibs, I'm afraid.

>>35090585
Yo, I got this one! Once I find my enchanted lute..
>>35090609
Did they not take the skullcaps..?

>>35090619
Only for special occasions, apparently.

>>35090573
You only have 50 years on me!
>>35090570
All feminization spells have no effect on your physical strength. It's all in your head you meatheaded punk.

>>35088907
Couldn't we just replace the white fabric with gold fabric? It contrasts better with the purple and it looks more regal.

>>35090575
Ah, Lupa, how are your studies going? I've finally incorporated the shark teeth trait into a normal human.

>>35090521
Oh, well that's a shame. I once altered his Fate such that he became enamored with an 8 armed flesh golem that weeped acid. He didn't cotton on to the jape until the honeymoon when he tried to consummate their relationship.

Good times those.

>>35090636
Wouldn't the humans just cut their tongue everytime it grazes the teeth?

>>35090631
Duuuude. They totally are getting too many hats for usages. Like we have one...
Why don't we use brimmed and non-brimmed versions?

>>35088907
POINTED BRIMMED LEATHER HATS

Maybe you could just drop the whole hat and robe thing and start wearing armor like a true man? geez, even druids do and they are high as fuck at least half the time.

>>35090500
They were an accident and soon enough some adventurers came by, killed them and expected us to pay!
>>35090493
Hmm, my apprentice is turning into quite a strong fern. Just...gotta water him a little.
>>35090570
Redirect all transformed Warriors to my office for an, uhh, re-examination of your condition.

>>35090658
No, the trait I speak of is the regenerating teeth. Though I did have a few failed subjects in the orangutan prelims.

>>35090660
The Hatter's Guild owe them a lot of money.

>>35090656
Oh that explains a lot. NO WAIT IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

NO RELATION

>>35090282
I remember. Damn bastards made me get rid of Waddlesworth. He didn't do anything wrong, damnit!

>>35090636
...Who the fuck are you?

>>35090619
>Yo, I got this one! Once I find my enchanted lute..
This sounds suspiciously bard like to me. Didn't we banish your ilk from the guild after the 'Lights and Sounds for the Enjoyment of All Ages' fiasco?

>>35090670
It's not that we don't want to its just that it messes up the flow of cosmic flow of the world. Unnatural things like metal seems to fizz out the magic. Not sure why it's not my area of expertise. Do you think we like going into battle wearing dresses and skirts?

>>35090724
You don't?

>>35090708
I think bards are allowed in the guild at the moment. But they keep being banned and reinstated as a part of the guild all the time so I can't be certain.

>>35090708
Hey let's not get hasty here. I was still writing scrolls after class when that happened. Poor Brian.. never knew what the difference between void and remove spells was..

>>35090698
...Oh my, I'm a fellow fleshwarper, I was not aware you had a monopoly on that.

>>35090698
Next time we're using dire ducks for our experiments, have them try to kill them now.
>>35090724
>>35090744
What's wrong with robes? I like to have a good air flow.

>>35090619
Well if we can't use top hats like I suggested, why not low-level illusion magic to make our plain hats look like they have stars?

>>35088907

To solve the issue, I propose we detonate the reserve of gunpowder stored in the backyard of the Alchemist's College.

Will it help? Perhaps.

All I'm saying is we need to think outside the box here.

>>35090744
>>35090759
Have you ever been shot by an arrow or attacked by a an owlbear. I have. Because you keep releasing owlbears and skeleton archers in the apprentice "lounge" which I would like to remind you is just a grey room with 6 cots and 4 piss pots.

>>35090724
Well why not, you seems rather proud of yer hat and my-sti-chal- thing, but when the mob start pulling the big guns ye are all "quick, behind the mighty warrior!"
And what a meathead is, anyway? Don't you have meat on your head? And flesh too?

>>35090589
Oh god..... on a bet last night, I created a dimensional door to the elemental plane of bitchy women. then on the next bet I made my dick sentient. That probably has something to do with it.

>>35090778
I support this fully.

>>35090755
What the- When the hell did we get another fleshwarper!? Does somebody care to explain this?

>>35090724
>Unnatural things like metal seems to fizz out the magic
Hrmph. Bloody apprentices. Do you believe everything you hear child?

Metal doesn't do a sodding thing to magic. Otherwise we wouldn't have all these damnable magic sword and enchanted armors waltzing about.

No, we don't wear armor because any proper wizard worth their name doesn't require anything so crude.

>>35090819
Don't ask us. We spend most of our time trying extremely hard to pretend that your department doesn't exist.

>>35090801
Cromwald this might be too much thinking for one day dude...ette

>>35090808
...No bet is worth opening that hellish plane. Tell me you were drunk when you accepted that bet.

>>35090819
Was he not warped from your flesh, sir?

>>35090724
It's times like this I'm glad you are not my apprentice. Back in my days the robe was the height of fashion, a symbol of respect and we damn well liked going into battle wearing them.

>>35090797
Actually last weeks skeleton attack was my fault, one of the latest batches were sabotaged and started wandering.

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>>35088907

I simply do not understand the wizards' fascination with pointed hats. What do you need the hats for anyhow? Do they store magical energy? Cause if that's the case, I can almost certainly rig up a smaller and much more efficient magical energy storage device.

>>35090819
I don't think it's to bad an idea to have two fleashwarpers.

>>35090827
THEN WHY DON'T YOU GIVE US ARMOR? WE AREN'T WORTH OUR NAME! HALF OF THEM CANT CAST MAGIC MISSLE AND THE OTHERS CAN ONLY CAST THAT!

>>35090797
It's called training; if you can't cast Mage Armor on yourself, you won't go far. Robes are fabulous.
>>35090819
Don't mind him, he's trying to make his transmutation sound fancy.

>>35090708
To be fair, nobody cpuld predict that the singalong would summon the king in yellow

>>35090810

Thank you, Dr. Biscuitbarrel. As always, the Explodatorium is glad for the input from Weaponised Astronomy.

>>35090810
Agreed
Damn alchemists trying to get rid of my shows

>>35090862
Then why didn't normal necromancy work on them. We ended up just hitting them with chairs and throwing them piece by piece to the owlbears.

>>35090819
I'm pretty new to this particular locale, but I have all the power to back my title up. Would you like some calming pheromones?

>>35090874
Our department owes a lot to you guys. Hell if it wasn't for you, we'd never have dealt with the original moon.

That pompous, orbital bastard.

>>35090827
Ye don't because yer not manly enough, I mean, BARDS actually use armor! Freakin bards!
>>35090847
Uh, actually, why am I, the mighty Cromwald, still a teenage girl in pinky dress and battle ballgown, I demand an explanation!

>>35090884
Fuckin hell why won't my name work

>>35090921
Bards did it I guess. Do you need help with anything?

>>35090797
If you want a better lounge, all you have to do is conjure one u- Oh, right. Apprentices.

Well, keep practising, sport!

>>35090921
This way to my office, I need to inspect your new form further to determine countermeasures.
.

>>35090921
If it helps, my dear. I think you look rather sweet.

Don't get any funny ideas.

>>35090900
I was busy with my own apprentice when they started wandering, and by the time I noticed they were missing you seemed to have it under control.

>>35090921
Because.
Magic- THE ENCHANTED LUTE WON'T STOP GOUTING FIRE!

>>35090856
No. No he was not. And I'm a woman, thank you very much. I'm getting sick of having to repeat this to you people.

>>35090866
I don't have a problem with another one, I just wish you people had informed me before hand.

>>35090908
Keep your odors to yourself and we should be fine. Also, don't try to screw me over, or Fluffy will have a new chew toy.

>>35090908

I think we have a standing prohibition on magical release of unknown pheromones in and around the grounds of the Mage Guild.

The last time the people from Applied Transdimensional Masculinity did it they accidentally created the Muscle Wizards. And those guys keep breaking everything.

Fuck those guys.

On the behalf of my league, hood-covered and ominous mantle wearing mages everywhere, I would like to make a petition to extend the obligations on the charter to any face-obscuring or head covering garments usually associated with practitioners of the arcane arts.

It greatly baffles us and offends our sensibilities that our Guild would make such an oversight in defining the wears the charter requires us to use, especially where traditional clothing for our profession is concerned.

If I may speak personally, I am equally if not more so outraged at this myself! How am I supposed to shroud my identity in an appropriately grim way as I wax ominous exposition and philosophy at those caught in the middle of epic quests concerning the fate of the world, WITHOUT MY CLOAK?

>>35090917
So where did we get this new moon from or better yet when?

>>35088907

Does the exception of policy regarding members of Mage Guild University Security still hold to this new policy? Those pointed hats won't sit well on top of, nor underneath our helmets.

>>35090922
Damn that witch bitch must've put a no-name curse on me, hopefully this antidote works

>>35090981
No idea, I'm weaponised astronomy - putting things back falls outside of my jurisdiction.

>>35090952
>>35090959
... Uh, you know, I have the strange feeling yer trying to say sumthing, yet I don't get it...freakin wizzards.

>>35090943
Practicing? You mean hitting things till they die. Because you didn't give us books, wands, or food other then owlbears we killed. Honestly the only practice in magic I guess is reattaching limbs.

Uhm could I speak to someone here?
I'm Bob, from the city sanitation department and we're having a wee bit of a problem here

turns out some of your magical runoff has gotten through your filters and formed a reaction with the traditional sewage that our resident mage could only describe in "equally interesting as it is horrifying" and has started spreading... throughout 1/4th of the sewer network
We've lost 15 men to the damn thing already and its going for the alchemists' potion runoff, Gods only know what could happen.


So... might I ask one of you esteemed gentlemen to fix this before we all die?

>>35090917

It was our pleasure and our honour to participate in your department's Selenic Obliteration Program.

Plus, between you and me, we had no idea what else to do with those Delayed Oomph Fireball scrolls the fat student ate. It was space for him or another crater at campus, and we already had relocated the Explodatorium seven times.

>>35090989
I didn't recognise you there Jones. Lost your identification focus again?
>>35091014
Trust me, I'm a specialist. I've swapped plenty of genders back in my younger days.

>>35091017
That's the spirit.

>>35090977
I'm afraid you'll have to officially petition the Satorialmancy department 30 days in advance of any issues relating to guild wardrobes. Consult their relevant representatives to provide you with the standard 73-page petition document. Bear in mind that they'll need a minimum of three witnesses and eleven proofs of Mage Guild membership up front, as well as a processing surcharge.

>>35090989
Curious.
I have found that a swift ritual dagger to the juggular and necromantic raising an hour later beat antidotes 9 times out of 10

>>35091032

You'll have to see the Complaints Department. Be careful, though. Torbjorn is in charge of that department until Gillian comes back from maternity leave. He may or may not enchant you to think that he's already helped you and get you to leave more quickly.

>>35091014
Aww, look at your little face going all red. Aren't you just precious?

>>35090856
How rude, I prefer incorporation, not extrusion.
>>35090973
I'm not one to screw people over, I prefer to coexist in relative peace. Though the competition you provide will certainly be a nice motivation.
>>35090974
...These pheromones are modified Queen Bee Calming Pheromone, specced to humans. Now that I have identified them, I should be able to use them.

>>35091053
Can you at least give us some water. We've been drinking water that drips from the floor and owlbear blood.

>>35091032
Take this flame spouting lute and use it on the beast. It should react in a pleasant manner. You may survive. Point it up to the ceiling until you leave.

>>35091032

I think you need to take that to those fellas at Gutterspell Tower. They specialize in plumbing arcanology.

We at the Explodatorium have them on constant calling basis; Tuesday Thaumaturgic Taco Nights can get a bit messy, you see.

>>35091017
You guys need to catch the attention of a wizard willing to teach you guys personally. Tell you what, you seem to know how to stay alive, and knowing how it usually goes with my apprentices my current one is probably doing something stupid like getting himself eaten by the demon I sealed in the basement right now. So when he is confirmed dead or missing I got an extra spot for another apprentice if you are interested.

>>35091072
As the gaping hole in the metallurgy and necromancy budgets quite blatantly indicate...

>>35091065
>Satorialmancy

Sorry, that should be "Sartorialmancy"

>>35091050
Yeah, some witch I fancied decided to get some revenge on me after I left her. I may actually need help with this. After the meeting is adjourned of course.

>>35091032
You could always ask some of the muscle wizards to punch into next week and deal with it then.

>>35091038
Yeah man, good times. You know some of the boys over in R&D managed to record the explosion on some newfangled device of theirs?

You can watch it in slow motion, it's the most satisfying thing I've seen in years.

Sometimes I'm glad the Bardic College is a separate entity... no uniform requirements.
Can we have some serious talk here for a second? The latest batch of arcane-focussed apprentices; do we HAVE to use that damned talking hat to divide them amongst the arcane disciplines? If nothing else it's worn out and creepy. I remember back when I wore it, it kept asking me if I'd wear it on "the head in my lap".
Can we at get kind of questionnaire? Or at the least a new talking hat. Not like the Enchanters and Artificers wouldn't appreciate a challenge for once.

>>35091126
Umm isn't the door to the basement in the apprentice lounge?

>>35090866
>HALF OF THEM CANT CAST MAGIC MISSLE AND THE OTHERS CAN ONLY CAST THAT!
Well that's just encouragement to learn fast isn't it?

>>35090847
Just ignore the lout. He's going to die in just 3 weeks anyways when the Barbarian Quarter runs out of beer, tries to use wine as a substitute, and find out that they're all deathly allergic to grapes.

>>35090981
The universe is lousy with moons man. They probably just found somewhen where there weren't any people to appreciate it and portaled it back here.

>>35091150
Yes, I've noticed you boys don't like wearing uniforms. Or, well, clothes in general for that matter.

>>35091102
Haha! Oh you kids and your drinking games. Just be safe.

>>35091163
Eeeeeh... no comments.

>>35091102
I'll get my other apprentice to create some water for you.
>>35091145
Don't deal with witches, my friend. They will leave you lonely and with frog sticking out of your ear.
>>35091163
Exactly! Find someone to raise some skeletons for you. Problem solved.

>>35091096
You... You squishy brainy-good-for-nothing caster! Don't you dare defy the wrath of Cromwald, son of Cromwald, the destroyer of cities, the bane of civilized conversation! Stop casting yer strange hocusy pocusy and show me respect! Mph!

>>35091148

Blast my knees off! I had heard something about that thingamajig, but I thought it was still on early testing.

You gotta have us over to watch it. Blastomancer Burst and I can get the snacks.

>>35091179
I resent that rema- I mean I agree with that remark!
>>35091176
They have a quarter now!?

Technically you can still wear a brimmed hat as long as you wear a non brimmed one on top of it

>>35091150
You guys got sorting hats? We were just shoved into a room and said we have to kill a beholder. We lost 23 men and women that day. They died with honor.

>>35091188
>>35091195
We just dealt with use succubi you summoned last month! We had to offer them 5 virgins. We can still hear their screams...

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>no brim.

Damnit I'm in the wrong aeon again. Which meeting is this? Is this before or after the sharktooth wars?

>>35091065

I find all of this bureocracy a serious dampener on my ability to dispense dark foreshadowing hints of much larger events set in motion behind the curtains of politics and war.

Nonetheless, I shall endeavor to contact League President Mercurius about this.

>>35091227
Sharktooth wars? What happened? Please tell me I'm not involved.

>>35090977
Really, I have no idea why we have anything in the charter requiring a dress code, because no one really follows it. I certainly don't, because a pointy hat on me would just look stupid.

>>35090989
Who the hell are you? You look like some bum from the streets.

>>35091032
I'm never working with you people again, not after what you did to my precious Tick Tock.

>>35091098
good luck trying to convince them to let you keep them. They banned me from using them because I was "Using them recklessly." How was I supposed to know that the Guards would notice maybe 10 guys disappearing in a night?

>>35091225
If you can't handle screams of pain, you're probably in the wrong line of work.

>>35091216
It is worth noting, however, that only senior members are to be allocated more than one piece of headwear. Additional items of haberdashery shall have to come out of one's own funds.

>>35091112
>>35091147
problem is that, according to our resident magical sanitation expert, the smell has risen to such levels it has taken on a metaphysical form and reached out to some kind of astral plane thingy, well its all a bit complicated but essentially, it stinks so hard it eats your soul
>>35091121
ah will try those, they've refused our hails but with some recommendation we might get through

>>35091216

Isn't that Overhatting? I thought it was forbidden according to the "The Book That Starts With The"

Seems kind of slippery-slope, if you ask me.

>>35091227
Both

>>35091227
According to the last chronomancer I talked to, the sharktooth wars aren't happening for another century.

>>35091179
Hey, you gotta have some experience of the subject matter to write the best material. And love, sex and list make for damned good songs.
Wizards become masters of reality, Bards spread love. Better than Druids at it too.

But then you didn't need to hear the official stance on the subject anyway.
Reminds me, Alexander; are you even in the guild or are you some kind of sound based sorcerer? Can't find you on the lists.

>>35091227
Which war the one where the sharks were on our side? Or the one where the enemy had landsharks?

>>35091211
Sooo....

Do we send this one the the tentacle pit or the extremely homosexual maid's guild?

>>35091211
Aww, I just want to put you in my pocket and take you home.

I'm not kidding, I've got some pretty powerful shrinking spells prepared.

>>35091212
You're on.

>>35091265
It didn't start as pain. It started as pleasure, then anger at the demons, then fear, then pain, then... Anger at us. I didn't know any of their names but we gave them away anyways.

>>35091225
Yeah.. Necromancers seem to be even more separate from the Mage Guild than the Bard's College. What is it you get up to in there? Smells worse than the tanners.

>>35091225
That was the summoning department. Those guys always have the wildest parties.
>>35091227
Not another chronomancer, you're out of your time my friend.
>>35091280
Overhatting was legalised as long as the hats are the matching colour. Read between the lines.

>>35091291
For official purposes I'm a sound based Magos but honestly the membership fee is getting crazy..

>>35091215
It's really more of a collection of tents and dung huts, but yes. It seems one springs up at least once a generation when some tribe gets it into their skulls to try to invade and conquer the city.

>>35091102
>>35091017
Conjuring things and basic healing spells are pretty universal knowledge lass. If you can't even do those things I don't know how much help you can be to the greater magical community.

How long have you been here girl?

>>35090819
YOU WERE GOOOOOOOOOOONE. WE WERE WEEEEAAAAAAK

>>35088907
Astral Magic reporting in.
Don't mind my destroying the school and summoning Cthulhu last time.

>>35091312
I do not fear ye, wizard. Even the bard above there has got more brain in his damaged head than you, and surely he is more fascinating!
... wait, what.

>>35091265
Well twist my flesh and call me a gerbil, I'll have to get rid of the production method I incorporated into myself.

>>35091300

Hey, Spraxus! What the hell, man? You told our people your chronomancers would help us with the Perpetually Exploding Bombolong Device, and last time I checked, the lab boys told me you just sent them a box with clocks running the wrong way.

What gives? Thought we had a deal. We need that machine functional for... reasons.

>>35091322
We aren't separate. We bunk with illusionists and evocationers, all the same. They just throw us in a room and tell us to deal with it. I'm in charge after the last leader was eaten by a bullet.

>>35091341
6 years sir(?).

>>35091365
Look, everyone! Little miss fighter has a crush on the bard!

>>35091265
You dare question my magic ability? Would you like me to show you my tricks?

>>35091265
Thrak agree. Thrak knows screams good for spellcomponent

>>35091359
That stuff happens all the time, don't worry about it. I heard your guild fees are late though, you better get those paid pretty soon.

>>35090864

They are a symbol, little one.
A symbol.

>>35091336

Well, shit. Now you tell me I could have been wearing multiple hats this whole time?

Fuck this life and fuck that chair in particular. Apprentince Wick, get me my personal grenade kit! I have some frustrations to vent!

>>35091265
look sir we're sorry about what happened to your Tick Tock, but if it looks like garbage, smells like garbage and moves like garbage my men are contractually obligated to clean it

we were not aware, or capable of conceiving how, anyone had any sort of emotional bond to it

>>35091359

You have tenure. We can't really do anything about it, other than call the Builders to repair the damage and seal the beast in the proper extradimensional prison.

>>35091394
What- that' s not true! I, Cromwald, bed a different girl every night, how should I possibly have "crush" on that pathetic, weak, yet strangely fascinating bard?

>>35091355
The spirit is as weak as the flesh in you, shall I help you with the flesh part at the very least?

>>35091372
Well when did you ask you may have talked to one of my alternate timeline versions of me, and If I remember my explosives right you can hook up those clocks to the fuse to have it explode backwards then all that's left is to make it explode forward

>>35091372
Hey, if you give us the contract we can manufacture you all kinds of fancy materials and components. We just need some solid gold.
>>35091384
Young lady, you've been here for six years and haven't reached the next stage of the Wizard Hierarchy? You've been quite lazy.
>>35091453
Hey Cromwald, I can give you a love potion for the bard. Those are really popular amongst teenage girls.

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Alright, your mail's here!

Let's see... who wanted the fourty-two boxes of calipers, who wanted the dryad seed, and who ordered the fifty barrels of cookie dough?

>>35091453
Yeah, yeah. I bet in your diary you've written 'Fighter + Bard' and then drawn a great big love heart around it in pink crayon, haven't you?

Rathmere the irritable, reluctantly eporting in.

>>35091394

Father Kotomine of the Cleric Order, long time friend of mine and honorary member of the League of Suspiciously Cowled mages for his skill at foreshadowing and ominous exposition, has told me this is commonly known in the Far East as "tsundere", per some sort behavioral analysis the people over there do.

>>35091338
Well, you could probably get in as a guest lecturer for the College or something if you want to jump ship. You WOULD have to actually host a couple talks a year to maintain the position though. And play an instrument.
I remember "Percussion" Jones... His "lecture" was twice a year making some simple tune with a bag of alchemist's firework powder and some inviting cantrips. Best solstice ever...

But, yeah. If you wanted to have the name of the College, could be done. Less prestigious for arcane research, but less fees.

>>35091365
I swear you seem familiar looking like that.. Your mother isn't the "Shield breaker", is she? Older sister?

>>35091481
I had the cookie dough, my work is high in caloric cost.

>>35091453

Hey, Destroyer guy. Overheard you talking about bedding girls.

Interested in participating on our Giagra Pills project? We're trying to see if we can use miniature explosions conjured inside your testicles to increase bloodflow and provide stable erections.

You get paid in grenades!

>>35091486
I DO NOT-
What is a "crayoyn", anyway?

>>35091479
We don't really know how to proceed. The only time we are let out of our room we are either getting used as test subjects, or being stuffed into portals.

I only sneak out to these meetings to ask you guys to give us more food.

>>35091471
Oh no, i could never. I dont know you yet. Honestly you're only here because lupa was MIA and I needed to use a flesh pit to get rid of a body. You're welcome to stay though, never enough mages in a guild after all. Apprentices dont count

>>35091481
Cookie Dough is partially ours... But we only ordered forty.
...we get peckish after... Exercising, okay?

>>35091507
Alright, it's in the foyer.

>>35091518
Like a quill pen, but less complicated.

Should be perfect for fighters.

>>35091481
My tuning calipers! At last- This is not Hanson and Sons' Thieves and Assassins couriering service.
>>35091503
I'll leave once the sound magic budget runs out. We're not getting a renewal this year.

>>35091481
I'll have the dryad seed, my experiments already turned the last ones into trees.
>>35091521
Young lady, have you even read your instruction guide? Go to the rainbow building, second floor, fifth wing, 8th corner and ask Erenie for advancement kits. Kids these days...

>>35091321
That's what apprentices are for. We've been over this many time. If you don't like it, you should probably give up. As long as you make yourself useful, we won't get you killed on purpose.

>>35091355
WELL MAYBE IF YOU GUYS HELD THESE MEETINGS AT DECENT TIMES, I WOULD BE HERE MORE OFTEN!

>>35091402
Okay, sure, I'll indulge you. Surprise me.

>>35091415
First off, I'M A WOMAN. how is it so hard to see that? These robes I'm wearing leave very little to the imagination.

And secondly, if you spent weeks slaving over a cauldron creating the perfect dire rat-dire crocodile hybrid, you would have an emotional connection with it too.

>>35091453
Heh, look at the little boy, trying to look big and tough. It's actually kind of cute.

>>35091481
I had the dryad seed. I need dryad's for my next experiment.

>>35091525
You do know the flesh pit is in my office right? You don't really need to ask to use it.

>>35091481
You no bring rocks for Thrak?
Thrak order rocks weeks ago.
Thrak would like to make official complaint

>>35091556
Instruction guide? You mean the apprentice corpses you smeared blood on?

>>35091525
That was YOU? I had to coddle the poor thing for a week, it was traumatized by your lack of kindness to it. Be happy it didn't attack.

>>35091384
>6 years sir(?).
Ye gods. And you're having issues with owlbears? You should be grafting the bodies of your fallen classmates into a shambling undead horror that can eviscerate an owlbear by looking at it funny. And then incorporating the owlbear parts into your minion to make it stronger!

Have you learned nothing here child?

>>35091545
Ouch. Still, good to know. If the budget's getting cut I'll see if we can afford to expand our research. Might get some more serious thaumonic research if we can nab the researchers.
Wouldn't hold your breath though.

>>35091531
Uh...
Sounds... neat? How do ye do that? That's wizardry!
>>35091559
I'm not a boy! Imma girl-
-NO! I'm a man! A fighter!... Erh...

>>35091507

If you have any cookie dough leftover, mind sending some my way? Keeping the apprentices from sneaking into the component vaults gets to be hungry work.

>>35091559
>>35091556
Alrighty, then. They sent a whole bag, just in case.
>>35091545
Err... will that be a issue?
>>35091529
As I said, they're in the foyer. That was honesty the heaviest part of this delivery.

>>35091476

Well, crap. You make it sound obvious now. I'll give them the headsup.

>>35091479

You know, we've been looking for someone to help us increase the power of our abyssal gunpowder. We've been grinding demons into it lately, but they keep turning into murderous hordes of miniature bastards.

Think your transmuters can make it stable? We've been making some substantial gold and silver from mining operations you can use. We don't know what to do with it; stuff doesn't seem to ignite well.

>>35091595
I learned how to reattach limbs without them strangling the body. And I learned how to raise basic undead. You guys kinda just sit in your labs and never teach us anything

>>35091556
Hey! Don't try to steal my supplies!

>>35091599
Sure you are, sweetie.

>>35091615
Fine, I guess I can share.

>>35091599
They're made from wax, as I understand. Just dig a finger in your ear and have a root around.

Although of course now you're a darling little princess who always cleans her ears like a good girl, this might not work.

>>35091601
I'll bake one of the barrels for you, I so love seeing the serotonin firing in people's brains, and the dopamine.

>>35091574
You mean the Seeing Stones? Those should be coming in next week, the Guild's having a few... issues with the supplier. If it helps, the shipping will be free thanks to the delay.

>>35091559
Excuse me, I have the priority as the spellcaster of an OFFICIAL school of magic.
>>35091588
I thought it was clear enough. Blood is pretty good for memorable instructions.
>>35091623
I think we can make it work. You see, the abyssal power requires lawful essence to stabilise and counteract....Either way, we can make it work; it'll be an explosive surprise.

>>35091615
Sorry about that, I swear I checked the box for oxen cart delivery... Its not normally my job, but someone got the crotch-rot and ... I mean the pox. Very bad. Got the clerics looking at it.
Also, the entire College smelling of cookies really helps to draw applicants. Helps our image. Alas, mostly we have to turn them to the Musician's Guild.

>>35091598
I won't. The fleshwarper had me try that once.
>>35091615
No but it is very strange.

>>35091638
Good grief, it seems my identification hex is on the blink.

>>35091591
I....was it not ready to eat bodies yet? Or is it just soft-hearted?

LUPA IS YOUR UNDERLING A BLEEDING HEART? If so, have fun being yourself around him, I'll get the popcorn

>>35091669
The pox? Oof. I remember when Jenkins came down with that. I never did see him again...
>>35091674
I'll be honest, I wouldn't know much about that.

>>35091601
Just let em in every once in a while, allow the dumb ones to kill themselves. The smart ones will survive, usually.

>>35091638
Meh, ye act all high and mighty, ye are the one who wear woman dress even if he is a man, wizard! I did not choose to be this cute and clean and girly and loving bards and stuff!

>>35091595

I don't get what the deal is with these apprentices nowadays. It's like they don't even CARE about their educations.

>>35091632
My dear, knowledge must be sought out. It isn't just given away like some tawdry religious dogma.

Besides, there's the wonderful university library just a few miles away. Once you learn where the more dangerous books are and how to read through lead tinted glasses it's a perfectly safe environment for teaching yourself all sorts of things.

>>35091651
Any stones is good for Thrak.
They is important component in daze spell

>>35091657
Oh yeah, well I have priority over you because I have tenure and seniority. I have been here a lot longer than you have, boy.

>>35091674
I still can't believe you actually did it. I was laughing for days.

>>35091701
Hey! He's not my underling! You guys apparently hired him to replace me!

>>35091249
I shouldn't really say. Spoilers and all that.
Stock up on toothpaste. and teeth.

>>35091336
I'm not a chronomancer, I just live next door to one.

Can anyone give me a lift to 1400 years from now? I can make my way from there.

>>35091707
Yeah, I'm not high-level enough to be delivering things like that yet.

>>35091710
Then why have the last 12 apprentices who tried to leave the main hall end up glowing like a candle and exploding?

>>35091702
What company are you from? Hanson normally always has his own boys do it. Although the incident with the prince might have caused problems.
>>35091731
I was trying to get good at woodwinds!

Oh good, looks like our random changes to people's sexes has continued to mess with their sexuality.

Remember the pink member of those colorful monks? Her wedding to that surprisingly dominate bar wench was amazing and she's taking to being a father rather well.

>>35091702
Oh, should be fine. We've got an agreement with the local couple of Temples for disease curatives.
Bards often meet... Exotic people and beings, and so there's a higher chance of catching a disease apparently.

And no, Carniflex. We're not going to send you samples. Not after last time.

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>>35091705
Actually, due to my post as Head Researcher, I am entitled to wear this extremely stylish and practical labrobe.

Also I do wear pants because it gets bloody cold in that observatory.

>>35091731
No i just needed to get rid of a body. He wasnt hired as the fleshwarping head of department, he was hired to your former position. You're the new head. An apparently I scare his flesh pit.

>>35091737

Has a mam been here, about as tall as me, my hair color, my face, and the same name as me?
I hope he didn't get a calendar from you?

>>35091749
All things considered, the ceremony and reception were pretty good. I enjoyed myself, even though they did kill my beloved pet... What's-it-face.

>>35091740
Alright, so my old apprentice predictably went and confronted the demon. You want out of that lounge or whatever you called it and learn some real magic?

Because I'm looking forward to finally have an apprentice who isn't stupid enough to release the experiments and wreak the tower on a weekly basis.

>>35091710
Eh, if you weakling don't get eaten along the way to the bibl... biblitech.. thing. The house with all the books, where you bookworms spend your time while you could be just go around and drik and fight and eat and stuff. Mostly these though.
>>35091759
Real men don't wear pants, ye moron.

>>35091559
http://www.psdgraphics.com/psd/credit-card-template/
Is THIS your card?

>>35091647

Mmm~ Dopamine and Serotonin are my favorite. Thanks! Anything you need any help with? I'm sure I could spare a couple of the new rookies.

>>35091704

It's not that I'm worried about killing themselves, Rathmere. It's that I'm worried that they'll accidentally set the vaults on fire, or flood them, or do something to damage the goods. I'm more than willing to let them have access, provided they sign the god-damned waiver like they're god-damned supposed to.

>>35091749
Why do we do that anyway. I mean we are always forced to change them back. We could probably save on time, resources and money of we are nicer to the guild. Like if the fabric guild liked us more they would be more likely to give us the white cloth. I'm just saying.

>>35091749

So you're responsible for all these sudden pregnancies? We keep the apprentices separated for a reason, you know! But no, you had to go and start turning half of them into the opposite gender!

We're explomages! We can't take care of little kids!

>>35091707
I think I might have a spare found it on a charred corpse of someone who was in what seemed to be a verry experimental time machine only slightly burnt too!

>>35091701
Underling? Well, looks like you'll be getting no help from me when you call for it.

As for the fleshpit, it likes a certain dropping procedure. Head first is a no go, it likes eating the sweet brains last. Not to mention the fact that it bruised from the force you threw the body with. Do that again, and I will personally deal with you. You think Lupa is bad, but you know nothing of the ways flesh can be warped. Let's just say that I'm more direct with my approach.

>>35091747
Incident with the prince? Do tell. As for me, I'm from Anya's - you know, the centaur?

>>35091784
I'm not about to take that from a young lady in a pink frilly miniskirt.

>>35091709
I know. It's depressing how small their aspirations are.

When *I* was an apprentice I had a megalomaniac streak a mile wide and made sure that the secrets of the heavens either opened up to me like blossoming flowers or like a skull introduced to the novel idea of being turned inside out.

>>35091785
...The fuck is that thing?

>>35091783
Why does it seem that you guys pick the worst students to be apprentices. Like we got a couple in the lounge who are skilled enough to survive but you always pick the fuck wits who think its a good idea trying to seduce a demon.

>>35091777
They didnt invite me. I hope you didnt try the soufflé. I did a thing.

>>35091731
I'll take my fair share, they delivered a whole bag of those. Show some respect to a proper authority.
>>35091783
At least your apprentices don't turn themselves into plants.
>>35091790
We're wizards, we don't do things to be nice, we do things to expand our frontiers of knowledge and capabilities...Besides, having a laugh helps.

>>35091784
You do if you want to avoid "tenting". Loincloths and robes aren't great for that.

>>35091776
Not that I recall, no.

>>35091300
Oh, the first one. You must remember the hats people were wearing for the landsharks business. Big, floppy brims with fur trimming.

For some reason, pink robes were fashionable, too. There's nothing quite as disconcerting as a necromancer in pink. Remember Elizabeth the Lich-Queen? That will be a bad look.

Cushion octopus in sundae car?

Most dictionary, indeed. Keyhole butter conceptual, master digeridoo.

>>35091818
Yes but if we are nicer then the other guilds would be more likely to help us so every week we wouldn't have a problem about not having enough fabric or bread.

>>35091816
Honestly? I think my first apprentice cast a curse on me. He always did hate me.

>>35091599

A fighting woman, perhaps? Though not with enough fight in you to retain your own standard of the truth it seems. Does your own mind befuddle you, Cromwald? Or is it a matter of your body lying to you? The truth is often a matter of what we believe in. Are the truths you held turning into lies as you feel the lies gain root in the world that is yours, cutesy little Destroyer?

>>35091705

Just a bit ago you were denying such descriptors of feminity applying to yourself. But now you readily use them, while denying your choice to be so? The great pattern of the universe is no more than we interpret of it, Cromwald. Beware your words, for they betray you and your growing appreciation for this different paradigm.

>>35091839
No, that bus doesn't leave for another 45 minutes, you should have time to catch it.

>>35091777
The cake was great.
>>35091790
Because we can, also we're not obligated to change them back if they are satisfied after waiting a week or they have become a parent.
>>35091795
I was using our as a collective term for the entire guild. I keep my casts of sex swap for myself. The apprentices probably did it to themselves and are just too embarrassed to admit it.

>>35091818
Boy, if you don't start showing me respect, you will wake up tomorrow missing some limbs and organs.

>>35091817
Oh, I wasn't invited either. I crashed it. And no, I didn't try the souffle. Don't really like it to be honest.

>>35091829
Hey she was a very a go getter. She conquered half a continent and didn't keep going because she was satisfied. My parents named me after her.

>>35091828

Very good, because today SOMEONE is going to be eaten by a time paradox, and it will sure as hell not be me

*leaves the room rambling about bad decisions in the future*

>>35091816
Because it's funny, obviously.

>>35091807
Yes turns out the assassins weren't as good as they thought. I remember Anya well. I meet her doing my bardship course. Lovely girl.

>>35091811
Your card?

>>35091805
Oh I'm sorry, next time the fucking inquisition comes calling I'll be delicate as opposed to discrete. And according to your contract with the guild, youre not the head of your department, and are therefore an underling. Around here colleague means competition an generally has the undertones of "person I have to kill or discredit to keep my job."

>>35091808
>>35091825
Since ye be spell-cas-ter Cromwald does not expect ye understand the stylishness of leopard loincloth.
>>35091863
... Cromwal did not understand nuthin'. Quit bitching with words as you do always, wizzards!

>>35091789
No, I'm not one to use rookies like that, I would much prefer that you just enjoy the cookies. You are the one that keeps my experiments safe.
>>35091771
That flesh pit is deadlier than any conspiracy you would ever be a part of, so treat it with respect.

>>35091849
I would offer to help, but we've been in hot water with the "Seamstress's" Guild for a while now. Cant get involved heavily with intra-Guild business for a while. Conflict of domain apparently.

>>35091868

Ballista poppycock. Window dressing on large caboose.

Presidential foot hasn't boarding house. Water fountain!

>>35091849
Let's be honest, if we were nicer would we have ths huge place to call our home? To have ll those brilliant minds here? Probably, but get to work now! I have a baby hydra that needs to be taken care of.

>>35091877
That's funny, I wonder if you can cast spells with your arms being made of lead. All of them.
And with a dragon in your face.

>>35091913
Conjugalation spell? Been a while since I've seen one.

>>35091895
I can't imagine that went well for them. By the way, if you see a succubus delivering anything tomorrow, don't worry - she's just covering my route while I molt. You know how it is.

>>35091809

Exactly! You know how hard I worked when I was an apprentice? I had to learn the same spells and incantations that everyone else did, and I had to do it wearing training armor too. Hell, I was able to pass your Intermediate Evocation exam, back when you were teaching that course.

>>35091913

*phases in*

Bloody lunatics

*bursts into pink clocks*

>>35091913
Yes, it's down the road. Take the first right, then carry on until you see the statue of Exerios IV, then take the next left and you can't miss it.

>>35091907
It's not decent for a young lady to be dressed like that. People will get the wrong impression.

>>35091877
Missing limbs supposed to be a threat?

Everyone knows they just grow back

>>35091930
Fuck. Not another hydra. Well atleast you aren't telling the other apprentices it's a living plant that needs sheering again. 6 of those idiots were eaten before they stopped cutting.

>>35091907

Then I am doing my job. Although perhaps this isn't a great measuring stick of the effectiveness of my words, in hindsight

>>35091943
It's not Claire of level 3 hell is it? She and I... aren't on good terms.

>>35091897

Rice bowl shining, woolen underwear asked by fish.

Haystack, haystack.

>>35091930

Is trombone. Lipstick was babarian creme? Dance hall. Selected shrimp cocktail obtained transcendence? Cardboard.

>>35091883
I remember Elizabeth. She was a whiny little bitch. I still don't believe she conquered half a continent by herself, I'm certain she had some help.

>>35091896
No, that is not my card. Is that really your best?

>>35091930
You can go ahead and try. I've been doing this a lot longer than you have, don't think I don't know how to handle a dragon.

>>35091960
Oh no, the way I do it makes sure that they won't grow back.

>>35091816
I treat my apprentices fairly and justly! They get 5% of the earnings, plus they get 1% of the tips! I call that fair, and all they have to do is jump through rings of fire, juggle knives, eat swords, and other pretty regular apprentice stuff!

>>35091908
Oh, been meaning to ask... Do you know why people keep directing people asking for directions to your Flesh Pit to my office? It's very distracting.

>>35091943
Damn. Should have ordered those lute strings after all.
...although.. Tell me, would you be interested in a tour of the Bard's College later my lady?

>>35091908
I did respect it, I simply had a time constraint to work with. One of those life or death kind of time constraints, for both your pit and myself

>>35091988
They're closed on Wednesdays.

>>35091947
Evocation?

Oh, that must have been when I was filling in for old Geoff "Sideways" Ramsgate. Good man with a fireball, but couldn't open an intra-dimensional portal to save his life. Always got the ritual confused with INTER-dimensional portals and getting lost.

>>35091943
So long as she isn't delivering a baby it won't be a problem.

>>35091977
Nah, Claire's a different route. What happened with you two, anyway?

>>35091961
This one breathes fire. Have fun!

>>35091977
Alexander, the board requested that you don't anger another courier again. We don't like receiving angry harpies instead of cattle.

>>35091996
What about....A bunch of muscular, half-naked men? It worked once before. Those ones have scales too.

>>35091988
Third floor, second wing, 8th room. Ask for Jibbeliag.

>>35091962
Ye know what a measuring stick would be, wizzar'? A ten feet long glaive up inside yer body, from tha bottom to the top, and was I not a sixteen years old girl now I would have stick it there by myself!

>>35091998
...honestly, sounds less dangerous than some of the lectures around here.
Remember Jenkins? None of his Apprentices ever survived. Did he explode, or was he the one that turned into a dragon, and then turned inside out?

>>35091998

About that, would you mind cleaning them up when they ... expire?

At least the fleshwarpers discipline their organic trash ...

>>35091949

Howling cheese! Lamp under cupholder, muttonchop!

<Moons Rampidar through time and space>

>>35091958

Ahh, inhaler! Long shoe, battered was electoral. Inhaler!

>>35091930
Two words, DRAGON PHEROMONES!

>>35092000
Actually, that's my last stop of the day - somebody wanted a harpsichord?
>>35092023
Oh, no, nothing like that. I remember the last time someone had to deliver a baby... poor Storkine, she was so young. Baby Beholders, you know how it is.

>>35091977
Isn't Clair the one who came charging into the apprentice hall a few months ago screaming about a "lying son of a bitch" and ripping out throats.

>>35092028
I THOUGHT THEY WERE WEAK TO FIRE. HOW DO WE STOP THIS ONE?

>>35092049
Ah...memories..

>>35091908
Hey, it's all part of the job, right? We've all benefited from your works. Hells, your flesh dummies have increased our training program's efficiency by 15%.

>>35091877
Oh good, Because now all of their firstborn children are going to look like the nearest bard

>>35092049
NO! I'm not going to clean up after your shenanigans again! Do you have any idea on how difficult it is to clean your robes after a dragon has an 'accident'?

>>35092062
STOP SHOUTING. Just lob its heads off. All of them.

But you no look like pyromancer.
Surely you no monster enough to use acid.

Thrak will sleep with extra rocks ready under bridge tonight

>>35092028
That only worked because I hadn't slept for a few days so my endurance wasn't great. Any other time, I would easily win.

Why does /tg/ suck at roleplaying? This is barely above gaia-tier freeform.

>>35092048
I don't think so but if you call Ron he might be able to help.

>>35092062
Hit it with yer guisarme, yer armor will protect ye... ah, sorry, wizzar'. Tee hee.

>>35092032
Again, the transformation doesn't effect your physical strength. You just are so stupid that you believe that it did.

>>35092049
Oy vey! Not that nonsense again. Don't you remember how hard it was to clean up that mess?

Some parts of the campus still smell like burnt myrrh.

>>35091996
Haha! Not impressed? I'll have you know that was my worst trick! HERE is my best:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5aNXa3lEhU

>>35092077
HA! that's going to be hilarious

>>35091869

Nu'uh! The closest our academy comes to gender-swaping is when apprentices blast their genitals off.

I'm watching you, Astoil.

>>35092086
Beats me.

>>35092025
It involved harpies. 2 exactly.
>>35092028
She was just leaving them back

>>35092032

Kinky. It seems the forceful reweaving of the part of your Pattern that defines your gender hasn't changed your temper or personality... despite the different sewn clearly pulling on your sexuality and changing the way it is disposed.

>>35092000
That's odd, my fleshpit is in MY office. ...Oh wait, the damn shippers in the Guild are at it again. Freaks want to see you tentacle raped, that is not good for the tentacles, you know.

>>35092092
Hey warrior, while you are here can you take a message to your guild that those skeletons you ordered for practice might be late. Some local cleric had a problem with my source of raw materials.

>>35092062
Why are you still down there? Just toss the other apprentices this book and get out of there, they will figure it out.

>>35092062
Try a Cutting remark! Shear away at its very Root! Leaf it no mercy so it stands Rooted to the spot with fear!
...sorry, but when you study Puns for a half year, you make use of that class.
But come on, you're a necromancer. Use the chill of the crypt. Get an ice wizard in. Less common than fire, but they're still a thing. I think.

>>35092109
Getting creative is fun. Its also sexually transmitted, so this will be around a while. Next I'll do it with druids instead

>>35092045
Dragon.

>>35092046
Never! A true magician must never dirty his hands with waste!

>>35092112

Or should I say... Ass-toil?

Woooooooo! Burrrrrned!

>Highfives fellow explomages. One of them actually explodes.

>>35092085
I'd like to see you succeed again. I know a beholder who's into fleshcrafters.

>>35092101
You're completely right, at least the stellar fire can eviscerate it relatively quickly.

>>35092115
Oh. OH.

That was you?

>>35092018

That sounds about right. I did remember something about the original teacher needing a replacement just before the term started. Still, you did a bang-up job.

>>35092133
I took responsibility for them when the last leader died. So I'm not relived from duty till I die or they all die. And I'm doing a pretty good job at keeping them going.

>>35092094
What, quit messing with me, it is very clear that ye have made the powerful Cromwald, the unbreakable warrior, nightmare of english teachers, a the girliest girl ever, how am I supposed to lift a waraxe this way? And stop with yer "yer strenght not change", i'm not gonna believe ye meddling wizzards.

>>35092115
Sooner or later all bard stories end with them getting harpies

>>35092060
Wonderful, I'll be glad to get to know the charming young lady who so diligently ensures the College can run smoothly!

>>35092123
Again? And here I thought it was a crude pun... I'll throw a Dirge-curse at 'em next time. They think bards are all pretty lights and tunes, I'll show them fortune manipulation..

>>35092159
I take pride in that incident.

Alright, got a few more stops to make today.

It's been fun.

File: Roche-limit-illus-wikiped(...).jpg (20 KB, 352x400)

20 KB JPG

Oh, that reminds me. My department has a new proposal to pull the moon beneath the Roche Limit, causing it to break apart and form rings around the planet.

We think this would be a good thing because;

A) The moon is boring
and
B) Rings would be make our planet, like, totally bitchin' [sic]

>>35092081
>>35092101
Yes, I know EXACTLY how hard it was, and I KEPT most of the dragon semen. More samples and all.
>>35092067
Yep, best sample yield ever.

>>35091996
Now you mention it, Elizabeth the lich-queen was incredibly whiny. She was always screaming stuff like "In my day, we kept locked the apprentices in a basement room with owlbears and demons, and let the stong survive."

But I don't remember her having any help in her empire of evil. I think people just didn't take her seriously because she was a cadaver in a pink dress.

>>35092135
Oi! Stop softening up the apprentices flute-dick. If they can't figure out such simple things they deserve to be messily eaten.

>>35092108
... Still not impressed.

>>35092157
Yeah, tell your beholder friend no way in hell. How anyone finds those disgusting floating balls attractive is beyond me.

>>35092112
I think all the explosive magic has damaged your brain.
>>35092153
Nice try faggot. You nowhere near strong enough in appelomancy to change my name!
>>35092178
Okay, that bit of lip just cost ya yer clothes
*casts infernal disrobing*

>>35092148
Ahh... Remember the dragon barbeque? There was quite a party. Particularly among the apprentices, I think some of them didn't lose their hangover all week.
There's not enough times you get to eat a dragonburger.

>>35092148

A true magician? I think I should have a talk with the head of the application division about that card game of yours...

>>35092229
Good heavens, man! That fighter is a young lady of questionable legal age! Do you want us to get arrested?

>>35092176
Fine, stay down there, but could I trade you guys spell books for one of your more capable apprentices? Because from the sound of things you seem more capable than any apprentice I've had in a millennia, not counting the one that killed me at least, and it would be nice to have one that lasts longer than a month.

>>35092062

You're a necromancer, right? Just reanimate its heads to attack it every time you cut one off. Simple. I'm not even in your department and I figured that out.

>>35092208
... Cromwald intregued. Tell me more.

>>35092178

Your strength, as a defining part of your Pattern, cannot be so easily taken from you. They are of a fiber more closely set to your being and tied to your name and reputation than your sex or the team you bat for, evidently.

>>35092232
I ate a dragon- OH that eating.

>>35092212
Oh no, she definitely had help. Not that she would ever admit it. Bitch never gave credit where credit was due.

>>35092210
Do contact me if you need more draconic essence. I'm sure I- we'd be only too happy to... Donate.

>>35092229

Bah. You'll see, researcher. You'll see! I shall blast away your cover and expose you for the free-form gender-swapper you are!

Explomages, we're leaving! Through the wall!

>Several explomages blow up

Come on, you idiots! When you HIT the wall, not before! Goddamit these new apprentices!

>>35092217
You put a figure like that in a black figure hugging robe with a skull motif, I want it to stick around a little longer, wandprick.

>>35092229
You! Ye hat for brain! Give me back my clothes AND my manhood!

>>35092227
You're just playing coy, you fleshwarpers are into some weird stuff.

>>35092210
I swear, if you make a multiplying vat for that stuff I'm making a complaint to the board.

>>35092229
Astoil! No nudity in the meeting hall, we'll have bigot clerics and puritans on our heads again. Feel free to carry on if you want to get hit with cabbage though.