>>36915313
>reports of a cursed doll moving on its one when unobserved.
Wait, what? I was sure I locked it into the basement of Necromancy two weeks ago, I-
Uh-oh. S-so, what was with this secret santa thing, again?

>>36915369
Some people didn't do it. No one's gotten anything for Mort yet, you should get on that.

>>36915313
I-I-I C-C-Could help with the dec-c-c-corations S-s-s-sir. P-Please don't hurt m-me.

>>36915386
Then how does it work then? Should I put an hand in this box and extract a random name? Suspicious as hell, Pierre, I bet you messed with the sorting spell, didn't you?
>>36915412
Easy now, we are not gonna lay a finger on you. What faculty are you from, lad?

>>36915412
Wait, who were you apprenticed to?

>>36915433
>>36915437
R-r-r-randolph the P-p-perverted.

>>36915433
Perhaps. Or not. Do you not want to get Mort a gift?
>>36915445
Oh, you poor bastard.

>>36915313
>there have been disturbing reports of a cursed doll moving on its one when unobserved.
"Oh dear."

>>36915445
-ah. I understand. Alas, poor sod. Don't worry, from now on you are under the wing of the most glorious head of the Applied Magic faculty. The is me. No kinkiness in my department, I promise.
>>36915456
Again whit that thing, Conspierre? Shall I beat you?

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>>36915468
I need your help with something actually. What can you tell me about a creature called The Gloom? I've only got an artist's depiction.

>>36915479
Th-th-thank you ma'am. Or m-m-mistress? I d-d-don't know.

>>36915485
Dr.Stabby looks pretty confused "I don't anything."

No idea what you want me to say, never heard of it before. sorry.

>>36915479
I'd rather you didn't. I'm just saying, as long as everyone gets a gift, everything's fine. Wouldn't want Mort to be left out.

>>36915530
Damn, I was hoping to capture it and use it for something. Apparently the thing is ludicrously strong.
[/spoiler]for Plot. http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Gloom[/spoiler]

>>36915485
It's spooky, that's all anyone knows about it.

>>36915531
Fine, fine- what should I gift him?
>>36915499
You will find out , don't worry.

>>36915579
You know him better, get him something personal
>>36915548
Yeah, that's about what I've found, and I've actually been looking.

>>36915589
There is a surprisingly low number of coffee-related gifts, you know?

>>36915546
"Why?"

>>36915579
"I have an idea if you'd like to hear it."

>>36915604
Go on stabby, it is not like it can go any worst at this point.

>>36915600
Pajamas maybe? Nice clothes? Can't be easy finding something in his size.
>>36915604
Shenanigans. I think having that thing under my control might be useful, if it actually exists.

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Ah, it is nice to be back among these halls once more.
The Observance was particularly splendid this year, and went through with near-perfect efficiency. I regret that I was a few nanoseconds behind schedule on the second day, though. Ah well!

How go things here?

>>36915619
Erhm, about the doll thing- promise you are gonna hurt me, ok? And I'll talk.

>>36915649
you are not* gonna hurt me
I'm in BDSM but not that much

>>36915649
Ummmm. How badly do I have to hurt you?
>>36915648
The usual. Ever heard of a Gloom? I need one. Or it, if there's only one. I've caught wind of a lot of murders and horrified citizens, and I want it.

>>36915619
"I'll get on the line with some contacts, I'll tell you if I find anything."

>>36915615
"Well, The boy if always in his garden so you could look at his supplies and see about getting him a replacement for anything broken, or maybe an exotic plant."

>>36915668
Alright fine, I'll not hurt you. What happened?

>>36915669
I have never heard one, no. They're usually quite silent. But I do not know of any in the area.

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I'm still around! I'm trying to get into this 'Wizardmas' Cheer but its not easy. I applied to be apart of this Secret Santa thing. But I don't know if anyone would appreciate any meager gifts I could give And on top of that i'm sure atleast a few of you hate me by now. Oh well.
You'll be receiving my replacement in another three months, So put up with me until then.

>>36915721
It's a few kingdoms over that I've been hearing rumors, no one seems to want to talk about it.
>>36915687
Excellent, I'll keep my ears open.
>>36915724
More irritation than active hate I'd say.

>>36915724
Ah yes, I was told there was a paladin arriving here. Pleasure to meet you, I am Anfarthon, called The Dishonored.

Say, you haven't seen an Aethermage by any chance? Answers to the name of Rodir? She was not present at the Responsible Chronomancy meeting yesterday.

>>36915687
That's a rather good idea, Stabby! I am surprised! A nice exotic plant, that's excellent!
>>36915696
It was a gift, ok? I asked the goleomancers how it was done but I think I got it wrong... I mean it was supposed to be an enchanted doll singing underdark tunes for Illyria...

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>>36915745
To be fair that one lady was either VERY irritated or hated me.
>>36915756
Pleasure to meet you, My name is my own and not for others to know, Not that anyone but you has asked so far...oddly enough.
And yeah uh, I may have distracted them. We went hunting. They did rather well, Armed with only a knife.

>>36915313
Why is there a giant penis head sitting behind that wizard?

>>36915756
>snickers loudly
>>36915761
By all the gods in the seventeen heavens, I hate dolls. You know I can't really do anything to it, unless it has a mind right?......Oh please no.

>>36915724
- my senses of evildoer are tingling...
Agh! A paladork! In the name of asmodeus, who let this abomination here?

>>36915776
Ah, my apologies! What is your name?
>>36915787
What do you find humorous about a hunting trip?

Here's your coffee everyone

>>36915745
Dr.Stabby also takes Conspierre aside to say "Oh and I have a plan to get Mortimer and Cromina together. Do you know who is in charge of decorations?"

>>36915806
Oh hey there Dishonored One
>>36915810
You say something Stabby?

>>36915761
"Wait, so it's not the creepy doll that I left here?"

>>36915790
...Pala...Dork? I don't care if you make fun of my occupation, But if you call me an Abomination I may have to set you straight Sir. As long as you don't go cutting up orphans around me I'll leave you alone.
>>36915806
My name is my own and not for others to know. Not even my elders have earned the right to know it. Besides personal reasons, It also amuses me to no end how much this bothers people.

>>36915790
She's more of an enforce law and order type, don't think she's strictly good aligned. Got assigned here to prevent assassination attempts against us.
>>36915782
It is not wise to question a master wizard like Antruthius. I think its some kind of virility enchantment.
>>36915810
Jorrick was the first to volunteer. As a backup, tell her you beat Soros with your bingo card if they get together. No one but Steve really knows the rules anyways, not like they'll know.
>>36915807
>clears throat
Oh, why thank you Mortimer.
>>36915806
Oh, nothing.

>>36915782
The artist commissioned for that portrait got severely underpaid and was not happy about it.

>>36915839
Alright, madam.
>>36915826
It is good to see you, Mortimer. Though I still do not drink coffee, the smell is a welcome scent upon my return.

>>36915810
I-i-i Overh-h-heard you. I'm in ch-ch-charge of d-d-d-ecorating.

>>36915867
Hey, aren't you that guy who blew up the moon?
>>36915843
Your welcome
>>36915871
So where were you Dishonored One?

>>36915787
Well it has a mind on her own, I think. Sorta. It is complicated! But she tried to jump on me and cut my head off so I kinda shoved her into the basement of Necromancy- and forget her there.
Don't hurt me.
>>36915839
"Abomination" it not enough, you are right. Paladins are nothing but scum and they actively sully the name of lawfulness. Bring it on, cat-eared cretin.
>>36915831
Don't tell me we have two of those?

>>36915886
Haha yeah, that was fun.

In our defence, we did replace it with a new one.

>>36915887
I. Ah. Uhm. Errrr.....I don't like dolls.their eyes. So dead looking. I'm not good with fire. I don't think I can help with this one.

>>36915886
>>36915886
Yes he is! The most famous astromancer ever! Adrian Biscuitbarrel!
>>36915867
Hey! Hey! Doctor Biscuitbarrel! It is me! Do you remember? Form that time when you detonated the moon!

>>36915900
Of course.
>>36915887
Oh hey Cromina.

>>36915887
Am I going to need to clear out the basements again? I lack both a sense of fear and a head to remove, so it may be necessary.
And PLEASE do not antagonize guests here, Cromina.

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>>36915904

>>36915911
You're going to have to be more specific there, My department has blown up the moon quite a few times.

>>36915839
Dr.Stabby thinks about pickpocketing the paladin's wallet to find out her name but he really likes not having a sword in his chest.

>>36915826
"HAHAHAHA oh you..."

>>36915876
"Oh this is just perfect. listen I need you to" Dr.Stabby leans in and whispers to Jorrick "Put this bit of Mistletoe in over there. Can you do that?"

>>36915887
"Well I think mine was traken care of but if one got lose, it could free the other..... Oh dear."

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>>36915887
I have no idea what or who you think I am, If you want to fight we can fight. But if you do engage in battle with me, I will not go easy on you. You should consider if it is worth the effort. Since I am confident enough to be here, Both to kill assassins and defend myself if need be. I do not like lawful stupid paladins. They are much too blunt and easily manipulated, If your problem is with my kind specifically I see no point in trying to convince you to be diplomatic. I will however point out that I am here to help the guild, So its likely at least a few of them would side with me and decide you are the trouble maker. As I have no intention to strike first.

>>36915928
>stares in horror
AH....N...NNNNNNNN.........

>>36915913
Oh, hi sweet thing. So, ehr- did none gave you a present this year, Mort?
>>36915917
I antagonize whoever I want, Anfarthon- geez, I thought we were allied most of the time.
>>36915928
>>36915928
Oh fuck it is-
not her. Phew. Not my problem, guys!
>>36915930
Ohw, ok, ehr... I am Cromwald! It is me! Do you remember me now?
>>36915940
... too much word for wizardmas, my head is still spinning with all the booze from the adoption of Illirya.

>>36915886
I was attending the Observance, as is traditional for Empyreans and former Empyreans on each plane.
>>36915940
I would rather see no fighting whatsoever, but Cromina has a history of antagonizing...

>>36915928
>throw coffee
>>36915934
Oh dear

>>36915934
Of-f-f C-c-c-course Sir.

>>36915965
Ah, Cromwald! How the devil are you?

>>36915965
Actually no. But I don't mind all that much
>>36915983
What

>>36915965
>hyperventilating
Mmmmmore than one?
>quietly sobbing

>>36915928
Dr.Stabby picks up the doll "Well aren't you just the cutest thing I've seen all day?"

>>36915965
Well I think this is settled then right?
>>36915966
I would rather not be responsible for spilled blood of those I am supposed to be protecting.

>>36915965
I find you to be a wonderful person when you are acting on your lawful side, and a liability when acting on your evil side.
>>36915993
Alright, looks like I'll have to do something about this 'Doll'.

>>36915994
>The doll disappears a moment after you set it back down. Its shadow appears to have remained in place for a moment, and then begins disjointedly crawling away.

>>36915990
(I have no idea, just roll with it)

>>36916019
"That is just adorable!"

>>36916028
(ok then)
>>36916037
Only you could think that

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>>36915983
Still girly,still kinky, but with several levels as a gish my head feels clearer than it ever did!
>>36915990
Ahem. It is difficult. B-but I took this for you, it is a giant petunia from Ravenloft, it- it eats people and since you are always concerned about people ruining your garden, I thought you would have liked it so now take it. It is an order.
>>36915998
Yes, I think. I mean, backstab will happen, just enjoy your last wizardmas.
>>36916028
... Oh COME ON! I got transformed into a girl and tried to grapple the moon with a spiked chain. Does this pic remind you of anything?

>>36916007
Please. Please do.
>>36916037
No it is not. It is a dead eyed abomination.

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Sorry I'm late guys!

Why are you playing with dolls?

>>36916050
"Oh no, someone has shrunk Cromina down to the size of an ant!"

>>36916069
damn you pic for ants!

>>36916069
Oh thank you! This calls for hugs! *bear hugs cromina*

>>36916079
They must be destroyed Steve. They are everywhere. They are watching us. Watching us sleep. Watching us eat. Staring with cold dead eyes at our most private moments, unblinking and uncaring. Slipping away when they are beheld by none.

>>36916069
There will be no backstabbing on this campus!
>>36916079
There's apparently a children's toy from the underdark that others find fearsome. I'm going to have to Rescind it.

>>36916087 was ment for >>36916069

>>36916093
>>36916091
>Fondly Regards.

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>>36916069
Once again, I am here to fight assassins. so maybe consider spending your resources in a more constructive fashion than trying to murder me for daring to not murder you.
>>36916087
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft

>>36916112
You specialize in thwarting assassins? Have you ever heard of a Gloom?

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>>36916069
>>36916087
>>36916091
>dispel magic
did it work?
>>36916099
Ahw, man! Come on!
How about outside of it then?
>>36916112
ah-ah-ah, half-pet cretin.

>>36916097
OH NO!

>Steve draws his trusty sword and stabs at the nearest doll

>>36916109
Damn it Pierre, Stabby, and probably Soros to!

>>36916125
Way to fucking go! That was a regular doll, idiot, it was my new gift for Illy... well well. Anyone casting Mending around here?
>>36916109
MPH.

Alright I'm here, what have I missed so far, and what's with the doll?

>>36916135
Goooooood. Now kissssss
>>36916125
There will be a platinum piece for every destroyed doll you bring here. Not the eyes. Those are the worst part.
>>36916142
It is a foul abomination.

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>>36916121
Its not my specialization, Just my current job here.
I have heard tales, Would rather not fight one if I can help it. But that's how Ive lived so long. By not fighting things that stand a fair chance of killing me. *Maybe a taunting smirk towards Cromina here*

>>36916125
...please remove your blade from my chestplate.
>>36916123
Not if I have any say in it.

>>36916150
What tales have you heard? I want one.
>>36916139
>thumbs up

>>36916112
"WHOA! easy pig, I don't want to trouble." Dr.Stabby says while backing up "I'm here on behalf of the local th- theater company...." Tosses a Donut laced with catnip to the side and runs away

>>36916109
"Just as planned."

>>36916135
>>36916139
Now kiss!

>>36916150
Are you insulting my friend? Because it looks like your insulting my friend.

>>36916149
Most of what I create at a daily basis get's called foul abominations, you are going to have to be a bit more specific.

>>36916170
Mortimer, could I have a coffee please.

>>36916139
Yikes! I'm sorry Cromina! They all look the same!

>>36916164
I'M OUT OF CONTROL SOMEBODY STOP ME!

>>36916179
A VILE CONSTRUCT HELL BENT ON OUR DESTRUCTION, GAZING AT US FROM COLD GLASS EYES, WATCHING US ALWAYS WITHOUT BLINKING. IT DRAWS NO BREATH AND NEEDS NO REST, IT NEED ONLY FULFILL ITS DARK PURPOSE.

>>36916166
You...Want a Gloom? That's far outside anything my side of things hears about how to do. Good luck though? Try not to die.
>>36916168
I was just laughing at your joke man. Calm down. What do you have to be afraid of? You aren't an assassin.
>>36916170
They started it, Literally.

>>36916181
Please try to calm yourself, Mr. Umboldt.
>>36916196
The same goes for you, Pierre

>>36916197
I just need it trapped, I can do the rest. It's not easy finding a party willing to take on such a venture though.

>>36916179
*tosses mug* Here you go sir
>>36916197
I don't care who started it. Now both of you will play nice, or I will finish it.

>>36916196
...still going to have to be a bit more specific, besides that bent on our destruction part it sounds no worse than most undead. Is it a golem or a possession? And where did it come from?

>>36916209
Thank you Mortimer, you have no idea how much I need this right now.

>>36916166
>>36916168
Insufferable cretins.
>>36916181
Eh, whatever. Just cast this damned Mending already, what is it, don't you even know a single cantrip?

>>36916197
Stops mid stride before shadow stepping back near the paladin "Comparing me to those artless hacks at the bakers guild? Thems fighting words, pig."

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>>36916208
Well I don't know if you'll find anyone willing to do that for less than a kings ransom. Takes a special kind of person to go up against something like that just for coin.
>>36916209
I would like to see you try, But as i've already shown I have no interest in fighting them, I will defend myself if need be. And I would think I still deserve a few good verbal jabs at them, They have insulted me far more than most would put up with.

>>36916069
Oh you're that girl knight! I remember now. We had some bloody good jokes at your expense, if I recall.

>>36916239
You sure you can take a half-giant?

>>36916223
And after I got you the wizardmas gift of romance, how ungrateful.
>>36916222
....it's a doll that moves when you aren't looking at it. I don't much care for it.
>>36916239
A King's ransom apiece?....know anyone that will help me ransom a few kings?

>>36916237
There will be no fighting under my watch, Stabby.
>>36916255
Mortimer, that goes for you as well. The woman has been antagonized, and antagonizing her further is not going to help.

>>36916240
You recall right. Things happened, though, now I am a full-fledged member of this guild and the esteemed head of Applied Magic, no biggies.
>>36916266
>know anyone that will help me ransom a few kings?
You have my attention.

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>>36916237
I have no idea who you are, If you're here and not dead I would assume you are a wizard. If I am wrong, I am sorry. Though not very since Im not obligated to care about you in that case. You seem awfully defensive though. Also I'm not sure what bakers have to do with this. Are you a chef?
>>36916255
I will be certain I can take anything and anyone until my dying breath.
>>36916266
Well you get what you pay for. You could pay less probably. If i knew anyone who would kidnap kings I would have made sure they didn't intend to any time soon without very good reasons. The unrest a kidnapped king would cause would lead to many people being hurt. And not even just people in that kingdom.

>>36916266
>>36916274
"King's Ransom" is an expression, not to be taken literally...

>>36916274
I need to fund a gloom hunt, and its going to be pricey. We might not have to ransom any kings, but then again, we might have to. Depends on who we can get.

>>36916269
Dishonored One, I am merely trying to prevent theses two ladies from fighting. Surely there is nothing wrong with that.
>>36916283
So you up for an expedition then?

>>36916274
Good grief, I leave for a few weeks and the whole guild goes to the dogs.

>>36916266
Was that so hard? Want some help with it?

>>36916274
Well don't I feel like I've been living in a tomb, you became the head of a department? Congratulations, when did this happen?

>>36916298
Offering to fight someone isn't going to prevent conflict, for obvious reasons. I appreciate the effort nonetheless.
>>36916304
Cats, actually.

>>36916283
>>36916284
Oh. Well then. Would you be less opposed to a few grand heists? Wait no, that might get the gloom sent after me, I don't know if its been hired, or if it is for hire, or what. Damn, I hate not having intel.

>>36916266
Reporting for duty, my friends. What goes on today and why should I not curse you all the way down to wizardmas for the fuss you are making? Don't you realize this is the time of the day in which Illyria is supposed to be sleeping, blockheads?
>>36916295
How exciting! Can I join?

>>36916269
"Stabupucterist"

>>36916314 was meant for >>36916283

>>36916309
I am merely implying that if ether of them continue it, I will withdraw their coffee privileges.
>>36916313
Good morning Fryia

>>36916313
Yes! Of course! I was worried I'd have to go tavern slumming to get a party for this. I either need help gathering funding for a gloom hunt, or help in capturing a gloom, what are you game for? Also, we're trying to cause love to bloom between Cromina and Mort. Mort is as reserved as always, and Cromina is as averse to commitment as always.

>>36916309
This is why I maintain there should be an official ban on members of the law faculty making jokes.

>>36916306
A month ago, they needed to fill the position of head battlemage, so I kinda killed and corrupted and sold my body until I got on top. Easy enough.

>>36916298
You keep asking me that. Maybe I can go on all these expeditions with you when my replacement gets here.
>>36916312
You should learn more about it before you start trying to hire people to capture it. Like for example, if it can be caught. Wouldn't it be a grand time if they deliver it to you, Then it walks through a wall and stabs you or something like that?
>>36916314
Ah...Isn't that a far far east thing? I still haven't figured out how I insulted you. I laughed at your joke, Then you were really defensive to me.

>>36916349
Actually, that would make it a bit easier. At least I'd know it was coming, so I'd know where it would be.

>>36916313
My apologies, allow me to make her rest quieter.
>Null Aura
>>36916338
I can offer funding, but I am far too busy to actually take part.

>>36916349
"Bloody paladins" Dr.Stabby walks off and starts making calls on his cellphone.

>>36916369
I get that one a lot.

>>36916349
It is a for of medicine invented by Dr. Stabby. also, do not mention the far east please
>>36916369
Damn it Stabby
>>36916379
I would advise running right about now

>>36916338
Young ones in love... I remeber how it feels to long for someone which seems so distant, and yet she sits just in front of you... all of the insults, the fights and the threats of killing each other... truly is wonderful to be in love.
I shall assist you in the hunt, Pierre. I find rather entertaining this kind of activity.

>>36916379
Stabby is a known classist. I do not expect you to forgive him for it, I certainly haven't.
>>36916391
What is the problem with the far east?

>>36916391
I do not run.

>>36916369
Is anyone else concerned by this fellow's habit of narrating everything he does?

>>36916391
totally is a far east thing in my head cannon, or at the very least stabby didn't invent it.

>>36916408
Remember that one wizard from there. Or was he from the west?
>>36916410
And that is why I shall outlive you
>>36916424
Oh, my bad Stabby

>>36916420
It's certainly odd, but I have learned to expect little from him. Also the way he whispers in black speech to others and himself.

>>36916404
It will be some time, I still need to find out what the thing is capable of. I believe I've stumbled on some assassinations it may have been responsible for, but nothing more. Locked rooms, survivors unable to speak save for screaming in terror, rumors of a creature that makes no noise and cuts a bloody path through whatever lies in its way before disappearing, that sort of thing.

>>36916420
It is rather weird but I mean, it is Stabby. Much worse thing about him are to be told.

>>36916434
Entirely possible Mort. I have a habit of making enemies through lack of effort to avoid doing it. I mean, After I stop caring about being diplomatic anyway.

>>36916443
Oh my, and Illyria is supposed to sleep well while this kind of monsters goes around? We shall track it at once and burn her down to a pile of ashes.

>>36916410
I realise I haven't asked yet, but what is your wishes for your body should you suffer an accident during your stay here? Because if you would be so generous as to donate it to the guild during such an event then my department would be most grateful.

>>36916467
Time to start spiking my coffee again

>>36916467
Unfortunately, it is easier here to make enemies than friends. I do try, though.

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Good news everyone, I have finally managed to use my new powers to create a new magical girl. In completely unrelated news, who want to kill a monster that appeared for completely unrelated reasons?

Oh and is Soros around, I think I might need his help with something.

>>36916476
No no no, I need it alive. I've only heard the rumors within an area a few kingdoms over.

>>36916501
"This is just adorable!"

>>36916501
Coffee?

>>36916501
Good afternoon, Kyub-er, Head Mage Bradley.

>>36916479
I would prefer it be returned to my Order. Though I have no plans to die here.
>>36916481
Huh?
>>36916493
I tend to make people angry simply by existing at times, So I just go with the flow. It works pretty well. After all you have to be a certain amount of Evil to attack someone just because of their job or race or anything.

>>36916479
Ok res. Deal time.
I fetch you a catgirl body, you don't ask where I found it. Deal?
>>36916501
OH FOR THE LOVE OF ASMODEUS
Who is the cutest monster ever? It is you! Who's a good magical girl? Who is?

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>>36916501
A monster?

>>36916508
Yes I am, one of the perks of this mishap.
>>36916518
Yes, if it isn't too much trouble. I had to do a lot of running recently.
>>36916530
Good afternoon Lawmagus, everything well I hope.

>>36916139
Back!

So I had Mr. Owl repair the gift for illy
>Steve gives the doll back to Cromina
I am sorry
>Steve looks at his feet shyly

>>36916149
>>36916196
Conspierr! I managed to slay quite a few of the beasts!
>Steve lugs with him a sack of severed doll heads

>>36916540
When people start giving me head aches, I start spiking my coffee with alcohol
>>36916550
No Cromina

>>36916565
"Not you, the monster."

>>36916550
I think we'll come to blows before my stay ends here. Good thing you haven't been around. Hopefully it goes back to that way soon.

>>36916567
...there is only one "Creepy Doll". And non of those fit the description.
>>36916565
Hectic, as usual whenever I leave for more than a minute.
>>36916540
The only thing that seems to placate people here are sexual displays and chaotic plans of action. Or both.

>>36916567
Gooooood. goooooood. As promised
>presents steve with a large bag of platinum coins

>>36916505
Are you sure? It is a pain to keep those things in check...
>>36916501
Quin. I see you've not solved your problem here yet... I'd hate to inform you but the position of head witch require a suitable anthropomorphic body, so I would Appreciate if you manage to revert to your human body at least while in the faculty.

>>36916608
"Yo, Pierre, how much are you willing to pay for the gloom?"

>>36916609
Wait, you know of them? What can you tell me? And I don't intend on its mind being intact by the end of this. I need its body for shenanigans and plans.

>>36916600
Well Ive done one--Err, Nevermind. I try to tone it down, Since i'm here for a reason. But I am who I am.

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>>36916550
...you are going to pick me up again aren't you?
>>36916561
Only by technicality! This body is an unforeseen side effect of my research.
>>36916581
So me then?
>>36916609
I'll look into it... wait, what happens if I don't, do I lose the position?

>>36916629
Ten thousand platinum. I need it alive and mostly unharmed.

>>36916540
Too bad, but I will respect your wishes.
>>36916550
Hmm... very well, as long as you can be discreet about it.

>>36916636
Your coffee sir.

>>36916636
Monsters are somewhat in my job description here, Is it well... Here? I can take care of it if it is a monster and its around the Guild. if only to prevent it from eating anyone or whathaveyou.

>>36916663
You don't need to worry about Bradley, he is a monster in appearance only.
>>36916635
What exactly do you mean?

>>36916643
"Did you need it today or can you wait 6-8 business days?"

>>36916636
"Well shit, that's you?"

>>36916636
Yes, but only briefly, I promise! COme here, now, let me hug you! Ooooh, who is this soft and cute critter? Who's a good girl?
>>36916650
Perfect. Some backstabbing is in order to be organized then. See ya later, everyone!

>>36916600
>>36916608
>Steve sticks his tongue out at Anfarthon as he accepts the bag of platinum coins from Conspierre

>>36916690
Whenever you can get it. Will you be needing assistance?

>>36916691
Bye Cromina

>>36916636
If you've got a monster problem, I could land an asteroid on it.

>>36916694
Well there's no accounting for what a person will pay for when they're terrified out of their wits.

>>36916699
"Nah, I found someone who's selling one. So you're okay waiting a week to get it?"

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>>36916685
Ah right, Then Ill leave the...Monster to you then I guess. And I meant i've done a bit of the 'Sexual Displays' thing, Primarily with the apprentices. I have only really recently learned that other races find that sort of thing taboo. Would explain a lot really. Oh well!

>>36916658
Thank you Mortimer.
>>36916663
It's right outside making a mess of the gardens.
>>36916690
Yes, I had a mishap recently, I would blame Cromina for it if it wasn't so useful for my research.
>>36916691
*sigh* Alright.
>>36916702
if you think that's wise.

>>36916723
Time to spike my coffee some more
>>36916733
What is making a mess of the gardens?

>>36916733
We've got what, half a dozen continent lying around? no-one will miss it if just one gets annihilated by an impacting astronomical body.

>>36916632
Well or starters, do not rely on spells since they cast an aura of silence. Environmental hazard are a good idea against them
>>36916636
Uhm, not exactly, it is just that you are supposed to be fashionable and beautiful and wear witchy outfits to show the proper look a witch should have and you are not currently in the position of doing it... I guess I'll have to help you as a suitable substitute in that kin of occasions.

Krog wish all mages happy bitthday! :^)

>>36916748
I would prefer you not kill hundreds of thousands of people to get rid of one monster.

>>36916742
The monster I talked about when I got here.
>>36916748
...you do realise the part of the continent its standing on is right next to the guild right?

>>36916722
Wait, who's selling one? Or are they selling the services of one?

>>36916758
Not an issue for me, I put a lot of effort learning how to cast with hand cants.
>>36916759
Thank you Krog.

>>36916761
Ok then, if you don't mind, I'm going to anilate it

>>36916758
I see, well then I'm looking forward to your assistance in this matter.
>>36916788
If it wouldn't be to much trouble, please do.

>>36916797
*goes into the garden*

Krog kill monster with kitty Purple with no mess guaruntee! Krog like Purple. Armageddon Engine is good cat.

>>36916759
Thank you Krog. You are doing well I hope.

>>36916768
"Look if I tell you who this guy is he's gunna know and then we'll be crawling in bakers guild members and then I'll have to kill them all and counter attack by stealing his shipments and it'll be a whole thing. Do you really want to know?"

Oh dear, I appear to be late.
What's happened everyone?
As for why I'm late, I finally completed the worker elves that this man named Nicholas ordered from me.

>>36916830
Forgot to put my face on.

>>36916828
Why would bakers care about someone knowing their name?

>>36916812
>Steve waves estatically at Krog
HI KROG! I Didn't know you were a mage too?

>>36916760
I always said paladins had no sense of adventure.

>>36916761
Oh we can move, stop complaining.

>>36916812
And you seem like a good barbarian, the help is appreciated.

>>36916828
Is it Flarian?

*comes back in* Ok the monster is dead.

>>36916858
Didn't you already have to move guilds recently?..And oddly enough nobody asked how I ended up at the new location instead of the old. Not that I would have told you.

>>36916847
"this doesn't concern you."

>>36916862
"Hell No"

>>36916875
I just assumed you had been in the basement when we moved it in one piece.

>>36916856
Krog grandpa balor. Krog more or less half-fiend; but Krog dad real wizard! Krog just like visiting associates.

Also, Krog tame Tar- Taruh- uh. Krog tame Purple. Good kitty.

>>36916871
Oh good, thank you for handling it quickly. I hope you didn't mangle the remains to much, I would like to use anything that's left for my research.

>>36916847
The best kind of advertisement is word of mouth.

A good chef wants everyone to know his name, a bad one will prefer to stay anonymous

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to a friend of mine to have this here monster stuffed. See y'all later

>>36916922
Ah. Makes sense. Though Im not sure why wizards would care if bakers knew that they knew their names. Its all so complicated. Why cant people just be straightforward right?

>>36916917
oh cool, I didn't even know that!

I was made a mage at the last meeting despite having absolutely no magical talent or ability whatsoever

>>36916885
Gods, that leaves Gorgath the Unmentionable, and Klorikk Deathspeaker.

>>36916935
The bakers guild is a front for the assassins guild. Which...might know something about this creature.

>>36916985
What about Azzlor the not-mentionable-in-polite-company?

>>36916985
".....Who do you think I do business with? no it's Todd."

>>36917007
His talents arent really suited to capturing something like that
>>36917019
Wait, fucking Todd managed this? I want to see the thing before I pay for it.

>>36917019
"Oh god dammit."

>>36917002
...Baker assassins? Really? What are they going to do. Whisk someone to death?

>>36917055
Or poison them. Or stab them in the neck and face. They're assassins first, bakers second.

>>36917069
Good on them for branching out though, it's admirable to have more than one passion and turning a profit from both.

>>36917069
But...Assassins who bake, Its just...Not intimidating in the slightest.

>>36917038
Nope, now we're not going to see a damn thing. Look I have to go do a lot of Rogue shit, if he hasn't killed all his gloom off in spite, I'll see about getting you one."

>>36917055
"It's a front you idiot!"

*Yawn* - how long was I asleep? I woke up in the woods without, er, anyhow... it's past noon!

>>36917055
There you are! Why'd you leave me out there? I missed a couple meetings!

>>36917087
Let me talk to him, last time I dealt with him I asked for a troll and all I got was an unkempt hobo.

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>>36917094
You looked like you were sleeping rather peacefully. And I wanted to make sure nobody got stabbed.
I tucked you in and everything.

>>36917128
Well... thanks.

Anyhow, what's going on here?

>>36917108
"Fine, grab on" Dr.Stabby offers his hand

>>36917145
>takes hand
Adventure!

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>>36917144
Some dolls or something are creeping people out, And a lot of posturing back and forth about I COULD BEAT YOU UP NUHUH I COULD BEAT YOU UP, And some shady dealings here and there. Nothing important as far as I can tell.
Did you find your panti----Err, Did you find all your equipment?

>>36917171
The usual stuff, then. Except for the dolls. Odd.
And no, I think you, ah, 'damaged' that piece of equipment after the hunt. Still, I've got plenty of replacements.

In other news, the aether flow is back to its usual chaotic state, I'm glad to report.

>>36917151
>Dr.Stabby slashes at the fabric of reality and drags Pierre with him to do thieves guild business

I'd love to stay but I got my mom is calling me home. Seeya around!

>>36917171
A doll? Why is everyone freaking out over a doll?

>>36917237
Damn it Rodir! You come up to my tower right now and remove the chaos spiral from my private bathroom post haste!

>>36917252
>wheeeeeee

>>36917256
Sorry, I was otherwise occupied previously. You say that the aether has formed a funnel of sorts in your bathroom?

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>>36917237
Good to hear. We can go hunting again soon. You should remember to pack some extra gear this time, Wouldn't want to have your only gear ripped to shreds.
>>36917256
I don't know, It didn't seem to be doing anything but staring. Maybe its a spy? Wizards make those little robot things don't they? Homancullusts?

..Hopefully I didn't get Rodi in trouble!

>>36917256
I didn't get what the fuss was all about either. Seems it moved around whenever no one was watching.

Come to think of it, did anyone deal with it or did we all just start ignoring it?

>>36917292
Not so much a funnel as a full on spiraling orb of chaos in the middle of the room. It already absorbed my sink and all my little nice smelling soaps.

>>36917293
Homunculi, dear.

>>36917311
Knowing us... We started ignoring it.

>>36917334
I was pretty close!

>>36917293
Yes, I'd like that. I've been a lot less stammery and awkward since then, at least.
>>36917311
I think Anfarthon said he would be dealing with it. Since I don't see him anywhere, I can only assume that's what he's doing.
>>36917334
That is far beyond my area of expertise! I deal with aether, this seems to be a problem with the Materium.

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Chaugnar Faugnor uln gnaiih chtenff shugg ooboshu ep ! kn'a s'uhn throd naflsll'ha wgah'n h'hlirgh ehyeog 'bthnkog ? lloig nglui ooboshu grah'n nan'gha ng 'ai.

>>36917345
I can have that effect on people(~?)

Hes probably working on it, Or dead. One or the other.

>>36917339
I will grant you that, I make them in my lab a lot if you want to take a peek.

>>36917345
Are you sure? It's seems pretty chaotic æther spiraly to me.

>>36917362
Good evening Ftangr, can I offer you anything? Tea, coffee, a sandwich?
I grow them all myself.
And please, sit down. You've come a far way.

>>36917362
svabol? I mean. What?

>>36917363
>>36917345
>Anfarthon emerges from the cellar, a headless doll trashing in his hand and a doll's head cackling in the other.
I seem to have found that doll. It is more persistent than I thought, and evidently lacks a soul since Rescind didn't work.

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>>36917362
Oooooooooh, I've never seen one of you guys up close before. Hello.

>>36917261
Do we do anything or do we just pop in later and act like stuff has happened?

>>36917403
Maybe someday Ill take a look, Magic doesn't interest me much but it would be useful to be able to identify them. Ho...Mun...Culli?
>>36917431
Soulless dolls huh. Magic then?

>>36917403
*Ahem* Sorry folks, i forgot to drink that Tongues Potion. That, or my 3 stomachs did not absorbed it properly.

Now then, i have come for a quite persistent rumor that someone has summoned Rank 3 Shoggoths . As you may understand , such summoning is to be quite careful, as the cousins of our kind are not suited to the material plane. What most perturbed me is that the shoggoths returned from the summoning reported.....a certain kind of abuse that i would not speak openly. May i remind you that Shoggoths do not reach adulthood until Rank 5. The Council has sent me as an investigator to this case. Can i count on your help ?>>36917405
It's just Rhylehian accent

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>36917470
Second one. coin flip to decide if anything comes of it

>>36917481
Yup, that's about right for pronounciation.

>>36917485
Really? That's irresponsible. Do you have any clue or should we start turning over the apprentice bunks?

>>36917523
You are saying that like if there was a chance the responsible party wasn't an apprentice. I'll head down there and have a look.

>>36917485
What?! This is an unacceptable breach of the Otherwordly Occultist Accord! I will cooperate as well as possible with you and the Far Realm to see this solved.
>>36917481
A magic I do not see often, if any.

>>36917523
What the council currently knows is that the summoning ritual took place at maximum on material week ago. THe victims are still quite shocked from the experience, but we have manage to gather anough information to know certain things. One, the perpetrator is a powerful wizard. Two, he had contact with the far realm before. And three, she is what humanoids would call a " female", whatever that means. I never got non-asexual reproduction really.

>>36917565
Is it a dangerous Magic?
>>36917485
>>36917565
I can help...Well If I can help, I know I may not be of use in this sort of thing.
>>36917572
That's very disturbing. I am sorry that they had to go through that.
*Probably not sounding as sincere as someone else would be*

Hey guys, I managed to make the Wizardmas trees go after the damn creepy moving doll by using their needles.
>>36916846
Oh great, just the man I wanted to see. How do you like the way I made the trees?

>>36917619
No, I have the doll he-
...could you please get these trees off of me?
>>36917600
It is evil magic if I ever saw it. Do you know any holy spells, by chance?

>>36917600
It is also know, from the ravening of the poor shoggoths, that the culprit also emmited a strange , high pitched sound. I have copied it from their minds while i scanned them. But i warn you, their memories were tangled, it might not be an exact copy. Please, allow me to expose it.

>Casts Ghost sound. A "Nyaaaaan" Sound is heard

Does it sound like anything familiar ?

>>36917619
It's actually quite nice.
...Wait... Is that my dog!?

>>36917638
Don't look at me, I have little to no experience with the Far Realms.

>>36917626
Oops, let me release the pheromones that disengage their attack mechanisms.
>>36917463
Filthy creature of desecration, that is what you are and you deserve any tentacle probing you get.
>>36917572
Can I hug you? You're so fucking adorable.

>>36917652
No, I use my own stock of animals, if your dog is anywhere near the trees, it's probably pissing on them and they find that soothing.

>>36917665
I....uuuuuhhhh.....I am not used to this kind of physical interaction...B-but okay i guess...

>>36917626
The spells I know are generally not of use in things requiring holy spells. But yes I know some.
>>36917638
I can make that sound, But I am not a wizard and would be incapable of summoning anything. Its not the kind of holy magic I have, Not do I think anything relating to you would involve holy magic. *To prove the point, Makes a 'Nyaan' sound*
...I don't THINK anyone else of my race should be around here or capable of summoning anything.

>>36917665
No, no tentacles for me. I'm the Head of two departments! And apparently I'm pretty good at dodging in this new body, guess that's another perk of this mishap.

>>36917665
Much appreciated.
>>36917638
It sounds like it may be a certain perverted sorceress. Or Houra the Tumescent, but I haven't heard from her in ages. I think she moved to the Magical Realm permanently.

>>36917683
Oh my god, I'm actually touching a Far Realm inhabitant. I love the texture of your epidermis, what do you use to keep it so soft?

>>36917691
That is quite strange indeed. Meaning the sound is too distorted to make any of it. I would like a list of all the denizens of this tower capable of high level far realm summoning

>>36917705
N-nothing special.....J-just slime from the Dagon Sea.
Can you stop touching me now. It's kind of awkward....

>>36917748
At once, great ambassador Ftangr.
>>36917697
Can I test this theory with my best experiments in hybridization?

Ded thred

I can't believe it, but Todd actually managed to capture a Gloom. Apparently this thing killed no less than sixty three of his best men before it was well restrained enough that it couldn't slip out. So who wants to help me wipe this beastie's mind?
>The Gloom stares malevolently out at all present.

>>36917813
What theory are you saying you would be testing?

>>36917961
...Sixty three people to capture that? Im surprised such a ill prepared expedition even ended in success.
It sure thinks its scary, Though It doesn't really scare me in a literal sense.

>>36917984
Well, it's got its mask on. They had to weld it at the back, the thing has some kind of magic in its eyes. Odd how you can still feel it staring at you.

>>36917961
It's kind of what hominids would call cute.....

>>36917961
I'm back from getting that monster stuffed... Pierre, what the fuck is that?

>>36918018
Well, if the eldritch abomination, no offense, thinks it's cute, thats good enough for my purposes.

>>36918003
I don't really do Fear. Though I suppose that not many paladins do. It really doesn't seem that scary, I respect its power, But I don't fear it.
*Aura of Courage*

Though, Are you sure its properly constrained?

>>36918037
My newest project. You like it? See if you can find Fryia or Soros, this thing's got an iron will
>The gloom's mask cracks along the mouth and the creature lets out an ear splitting shriek of rage.

>>36918045
Sure enough. If it kills me it actually makes this easier, put a bodysnatch curse on myself.

>>36918061
Pierre, please do something about your pet as it is causing a disturbance.

>>36918061
What did my ears ever do to you? All right I will see what I can do

>>36918087
Uhhhh....Hey carniflex, how quickly can you cut out mine and that thing's brain and swap them?

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>>36918061
Well, Its loud. I suggest you keep it locked up though. If it gets out I'm sure I, And others here will be putting it down rather than helping you recapture it.

>>36918109
I'm fairly certain it would disappear and bide its time, the thing's pretty smart.
>The gloom's shrieking subsides into threatening whispers
It's almost like it can speak, no idea what language that would be though.

>>36918061
Excuse me, Creature, But your scream quite annoys me. Would you mind Keeping it down ? I do NOT wish to use my powers here with so many mortals.

>>36918152
>The gloom hisses and chuckles

>>36917961
"I don't know why you're surprised. It's Todd."

>>36918179
Last time I dealt with him he couldnt handle a pint of ale, much less this shrieking freak. Speaking of, I should probably regag it.
>The gloom bites down on Pierre's wrist and yanks savagely, and egins laughing
NINE BURNING HELLS I WILL BE SO GLAD TO RIP YOUR MIND FROM YOUR HEAD CREATURE. Ugh...I'm fine, no one attack the thing. It's just being petty.

>>36918232
"Todd is a pretty common name, are you sure they're the same guys?"

>>36918252
Well, unless he has a twin who is also named Todd. It was quite some time ago, I suppose everyone starts somewhere. Ugh....damned thing took my hand off.

>>36918262
Ouch. Though I don't know what you expected.

>>36918262
Dr.Stabby holds his knife up "Here, let me see that."

>>36918270
A significantly lower jaw strength. At least this is one of the more mundane body doubles. Always wanted a hook hand, never had cause to get one. Better cauterize this though, where's Noel when you need her?
>The Gloom opens its mouth, letting Pierre's mangled hand slide out onto the floor.
Now thats just rude, no proper manners at all.

>>36918306
I can heal it, but you might gain para-reality Flesh. It might do things on it's own from time to time.

>>36918372
I think i'll pass on that one

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>>36918306
Well I suppose most paladins might offer to heal you or something, I don't know how to do that so...Yeah. Awfully quiet around here except for that thing suddenly. Where did everyone go?

>>36918306
"...So you don't want me to heal you?"

>>36918386
Probably away from this rude bastard.

>>36918386
"Huge orgy in the forbidden basement."

>>36918386
Just got back from fixing that chaotic spiral in Marus' bathroom, seems one of his experiments was drawing aether like crazy. Put a stop to that of course.

>>36918397
Go ahead, I just need it cauterized. Always wanted to be a pirate anyways. YOU HEAR THAT YOU TOOTHY FUCK? I ALWAYS WANTED A HOOK FOR A HAND

>>36918386
They probably have some projects they are tied up with, happens to me all the time.

>>36918415
Dr.Stabby sighs and plants the dagger in the stump but lets the dagger slip on the way out. Instead of growing a hand, the stump only closes.

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>>36918401
Fair enough.
>>36918411
Oh. Makes sense.
>>36918413
Good job.
>>36918434
Do people around here often get tied up as part of projects?

>>36918411
I think i may desire to investigate that. It might be linked to the shoggoth incident

>>36918413
Cannot thank you enough for that.
And while I was out getting reagents as well, now that's service.

>>36918505
No problem, just try to tone down the aetherfiends.

>>36918455
I don't think that it's very common.
N-not that I've been involved in any s-such activities! I've been far too b-busy with work! Oh damn, I'm stammering again!

>>36918545
I was trying to see how much bioelectricity they could produce.

>>36918454
Thanks. Wish someone else good at mind shattering were here, then I could do more than babysit ser bitesalot

>>36918568
"I could be convinced, but i'll cost you."

>>36918568
I can do that, you'd be surprised how often it comes in handy during my pursuits.

>>36918595
Wrong thread mate.

>>36918455
To ensure you aren't making any incorrect conclusions, I meant it figuratively. Though I guess in some departments the literal meaning might be correct as well.

>>36918616
I need its mind wiped clean.
>The gloom begins shrieking again.

>>36918568
I don't think this new body has given me any mind shattering powers, but if you want I could always give it a try. I'm discovering new things about it every day.

>>36918545
I'm sure if we go hunting a few more times you'll get over that stammering.
>>36918625
Ah. I see. Seemed a bit odd but Im not going to judge.

>>36918633
Ok, attach these electrodes to it, and we'll get started.

>>36918675
Uhhhh. It bit off my hand last time I stuck my hand in that cage

>>36918704
That sounds like a whole lot of your problem Conspierre.
And I can fix it later.

>>36918674
Good to hear it, I got to say you seem pretty decent for a paladin. Been a while since I met one who wouldn't call me and my creations unholy abomination and try to smite me at first sight.

>>36918718
No, I'm getting a hook.

Ummm. Quin, any methods that dont involve touching it?

>>36918733
If I put forth the effort to investigate your actions I may not be so likable, But as long as you behave while i'm around I don't care that much.

>>36918674
W-well it couldn't hurt to try...
>>36918565
Well aether is a substandard method for producing bioelectricity anyhow. Have you tried using condensed spirit energy?

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>>36918735
Well my eyes seem pretty freaky so I'm going to see if they have any mind shattering properties by staring at it really hard, no guaranties it will do anything but worth a try.
>Stares hard at the gloom

>>36918758
I have, but the land kind of blighted before I got it under control, and then the spirit courts got all up in my business.

>>36918767
>The gloom stares back, slowly curling its lip into a smile
Uhhhh

>>36918788
>Continues to stare
Well it doesn't seem to shatter its mind, but I think it likes me. Also, I'm going to keep staring until it backs down, it's a staring contest now!

Actually, why did you need its mind shattered in the first place?

>>36918767
>>36918788
>Gets a camera ready
"Dis gonna be good"

>>36918755
I'll admit that's fair. But don't you worry, I won't let you catch me doing anything that will justify a smiting.

>>36918767
>>36918788
So the marshmallow cat is going to stare down the creature that inspires fear into whoever it gazes upon? Interesting.

>>36918939
Well I may be giving an unfair advantage, People don't really fear as much with me around.
Also I don't really do smiting, its more just stabbing. No flashes of holy light streaking down from the sky or anything.

>>36918969
Really? I mean.. Can you? Do you choose not to? Or is it just not your thing?

>>36918969
Does that aura of courage affect the monster as well? The gloom that is.

>>36918767
You want to break it's Mind ? I believe i just ave the spell for that little one.

>Casts Eldritch Abomination Mindrape to the Gloom. Angelic Music plays to the backround

>>36918818
I dont think thats wise. And I need its mind shattered so that I can perform a certain set of rituals. That will result in another body to use when things get particularly hairy, as I currently only have one suited for that.