>>37005312
Ah, that explains why all the doors are now on the ceiling.
I had a hell of a time getting here.

Listen, I think we can all agree that Mathors special Waning-Moonshine is mightily potent.

Furthermore, he does ask us all to sample it quite frequently as he perfects the flavour.

Particularly last night, he was very proud of his new "blue" flavour.

Now, I'm not saying that a man should not be responsible for the things he does while intoxicated. What I am saying is that we should all pin the blame for this gravity thing on Mathor, as well as that abomination on the first floor preventing us all from leaving. No way was that thing created by someone NOT flying across the aether by their toenails.

That is all.

>>37005312
Hello down there! It's wonderful up here on the ceiling, you should try it.

>>37005403
I really should find out how he managed to capture the flavor of a color.
Or is it the color of a flavor? Oh, now that gives me ideas...

>>37005443
Well, orange got sorted out pretty quickly. Can't be that hard.

>>37005312
I believe that was me, the me standing over there? I think... did I clone myself or am I just seeing quadruple from that purple drink I had?

>>37005312
I... I don't know..
But my head is ringing and my liquor cellar is empty..
I guess it's a liquor loft now. And again I live in the basement.

O thats your head is it? I thought i could hear something...

>>37005312
Reporting for duty, once again. And once again I'm glad I prepare Flight every morning.

>>37005590
I just donned a pair of wings, they look a bit flashy but they do the trick.

Also, when did we get so many new members?

>>37005602
If I'm not mistaken, you now get a free voucher for a Spa Weekend and a fruit basket when you sign the guild charter.

I think it was an initiative to try and cut down on hedge mages.

Ugh, my head. Here's your coffee everyone. Oh boy

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>>37005312
Muwahahah!
>Vex's entrance platform explodes out of the ceiling instead of the floor
>Scantily clad witch plummets to the floor, unceremoniously.

*Oof!*

Good news! We have perfected the incorporeal form spell and it allows perfect phasing-hey why is everything on the ceiling- AHHHHHHHHHHH!

>>37005602
I'll admit I don't often make it to the meetings, but I've sever the guild for years.

>>37005621
Really? Huh, wish they had that when I joined.

>>37005623
Thank you Mortimer, you're a saint.

>>37005633
Ah good evening Vex, here, have a pair of wings and some coffee from Mortimer.

>>37005658
I know, I was annoyed at first but then I realised that they pay me to blow up celestial bodies for fun and as such I don't really have much to complain about.

>>37005658
Thanks for the compliment

>>37005590
How are you doing Fryia, feeling calmer?

>>37005623
Thank you Mortimer, good to see you are on your feet even after last night.

>>37005658
Ah, my neck! My neck and my back!
>dusts self off
>tries to look professional

And I meant to do that. Thank you Marus, thank you Mortimer. What happened to the hall?

Also, I don't really have need of wings. I don't deal with heights well...

>>37005712
Honestly? I'd rather not talk about it.

>>37005712
It's a miracle I haven't fallen asleep already. Let's not bring last night up anyway

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING 9 HELLS!
WHY DID WE LEAVE GRAVITATIONAL EFFECTS APPLICABLE TO INCORPOREAL FORM?! HELP ME YOU MAGICALLY CHARGED IDIOTS!

>>37005804
why should I, isn't it funnier this way?

Reporting in from the PR department, have any of you fools angered any villages or your barbarians recently?

>>37005804
I promise I will assist you to the very best of my ability as soon as this stops being funny.

Rolled 208 (1d666)

>>37005804
Uh, let me try and de-gravity you.

>>37005827
Nope

How far does the reversed gravity extend?

>>37005827
Villages or barbarians? No, not recently.

>>37005836
Are you sure? Nothing at all? It's

>>37005827
I certainly hope you guys aren't being blamed for my recent antics in civilized society. I know my membership hinges on the fact that the public doesn't know we're affiliated, so it shouldn't be a problem.

>>37005826
>>37005830
I'M GAINING SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEED-!

>>37005846
ROUGHLY 78 FEET ABOVE THE CEILING!

>>37005826
>>37005830
WE'LL SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN ALL YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS PHASE THOUGH THE MATERIAL WORLD!

>>37005858
I'm sure.

>>37005827
Are there any villages on that weird bluish planet you see around this time of year?

Actually nevermind, even if there are they're unlikely to be in any state to complain.

>>37005858
Why do you ask, has there been any recent complaints?

Rolled 517 (1d666)

>>37005867
Let me try again

>>37005880
It's my job, it's been far too quiet lately in my department and I wanted to be sure nothing was going past me.
Well at least I can finally relax.

>>37005881
AAHHHHHH-
>Slams into the floor
O-owwwwwwww.... My everything...Cleric!

>>37005881
Hooray!

>Forces of the material world no longer affect you for the next 3 hours.

Also, the bewitchment makes you attracted to me for that same period of time, so welcome to the Vex fan club!

>>37005894
*sigh* I'll go get an ice bucket

Hey guys, I'm just passing by on my way to the basement. Nothing to worry about, I don't need any healing none of the blood on the robe is mine, I just had a disagreement with some villagers.

>>37005867
Yes, but how far below the floor? Some of our dungeons go below the Underdark, and we keep a few dangerous things down there.

I heard we once stole another material plane's Tarrasque, and forgot about it in some deep cavern.

>>37005931
Damnit Apprentice!

>>37005933
We didn't forget about it, they just got my department to put it on the moon.

You'd be amazed at the shit we've got up there.

>>37005933
That shouldn't be a problem since we moved the hall... should just be swamp under the basement I think.

>>37005933
The reversed gravity catches you before you get into the basement-

>>37005894
Hello beautiful~ Wanna see why they say once you go dark you never go back?

Hey guys, can we blood mages and necromancers get some recognition yet?

>>37005962
Was that before or after that time when you blew it up? The moon that is.

>>37005931
Of course it is. Do you think you could do me a small favor? Just a minor fetch quest.

>>37005977
We have had a necromancy department for ages, welcome onboard.

>>37005979
After, but then we blew it up a few more times.

Still, at least there's no tarrasque problem.

>>37005973
Damnit Vex!

>>37005973
Aw, you're sweet. Would you like to help me make an enchantment to turn you into dark chocolate?

>>37005977
Say, got any tips for a newbie, Magic Dan?

>>37005996
Sure, of course, how far away from here does it take me?

>>37005997
Oh boy, I can finally make my dream of creating an army of mindless mur-uh uh, cool dudes.

>>37005973
The witch might want to move out of the way, I know how the whole melting thing goes.

*upends bucket of iced water on Fjord*

- hey guys.
Something off. But no matter how hard I try, I can't get it.
>>37006008
Any suggestion?

>>37005846
16.777216 m in radius

>>37006022
Just to my office, there's a chest in the corner that's very far away from anything else that may be edible. I want you to go get my...oh right, my Staff of Persuasion, the +4 model.

>>37006010
Sounds-

>>37006033
-AHHHHHHHHHHH GODS ABOVE THAT'S COLD!

>>37006021
First, youngin, try to manipulate the temperature of blood. From that point, it just goes downhill until you can manipulate where your blood goes.

>>37006036
Oh, hey Cromina. You done drunk hating yourself?

>>37006061
Sorry old chap, just doing what's necessary.

Towel?

>>37006064
Never really thought of it that way.

>>37006048
A Staff of Persuasion you say? Sure, I'll be right back.

>>37005977
The recognition of hemomancy makes me consider leaving this guild. It goes against divine laws, dammit!

>>37006042
So, it reaches deep into the Underdark, and below the sea, but not quite as far down as the magma pumps. That's nice.

>>37006101
One more apprentice taken care of.

So, does anyone have any big plans they're setting up for?

>>37006048
You do realise you just sent one of our least reliable apprentices to fetch something from your own office right?

>>37006102
Hey man, don't let your blood boil like that. It ruins it's usefulness for me.

>>37006088
P-p-p-p-please. R-rather b-bad crosswind t-through the windows today o-or something?

>>37006106
Meters, not miles

>>37006148
Have you gone soft in the head with your recent resurrection? I sent him to fetch from my mimic.

>>37006102
Oh, by the way, how good are you with golems? I'd really like to learn how to make one that can do all the work assigned to me.

>>37006087
No jokes on that, Mort. I resigned form the position of head of Applied Magic, by the way. I mean, who am I to teach people when I can barely accomplice anything by myself?

>>37006164
Oh yes, dreadful weather outside today.

Doesn't help that moving the hall shook up the building somewhat. Would it kill to get some bloody double glazing put in?

>>37006100
You'll learn in time. Blood magic is a wonderful tool, looked down on by many, but useful nonetheless.

>>37006175
Oh my. I'll get the snack food
>>37006187
You accomplished making a good impression on my family. That's got to count for something

>>37006033
>>37006061
Agh! Doc, you splashed me. Oh no! My clothes!

They're melting! What a world–

>>37006195
Seemed nicer out when I was 78 feet in the air.

>>37006211
*looks the other way* here have my spare fire proof smock

>>37006166
Okay, so it only goes halfway down the Underdark. Aren't there Crawlers at that distance below the hall?

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>>37006211
Biscuitbarrel, you monster! You've ruined my fine outfit. I need to run home and change. BRB.

Ok, I'm back, I think I cured my hangover.
...What in gods name happened here?

Why are you naked Vex?

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>>37006197

>>37006175
Hah, good one! I doubt it will kill him considering the things he has gotten away with but I got to say that's trickery I can approve of.

>>37006204
Oh yes, about THAT, never, and I say never pull one like that on me again, I thought I was about to die from uneasiness! And how exactly did I managed to impress them, by the way?

>>37006181
They're my specialty. I do it the right way, with sacred rituals, as opposed to the shoddy imitations made by binding earth elementals to clay

>>37006211
>>37006224
For heaven's sake, I did warn you.

Also that's DOCTOR Biscuitbarrel, thank you very much.

>>37006224
And this is why I always say to bring spare robes to work.

>>37006242
Well if it doesn't I may just toss him into a fireball.

>>37006235
Yeah man, blood is cool. You need it to survive, and it's just like aeromancy, you need to breath too right? It's just a little, uh, gorier.

>>37006258
Oh, that sounds like too much work. I'll pass.

>>37006248
They thought you were a nice young woman. Unfournatley, that means that my mother ships us now. And dad was impressed by your magic gear. You would not realize it, but it took a lot of my dads self restraint to keep himself from disassembling your gear.

>>37006224
>>37006262
>Whispers to Biscuitbarrel
What she gonna do with that big fat buttock?

>Falls to the ceiling when he enters
>scuffed up the ceiling with bone and is staining it with blood

>>37006315
Heheh

*covertly high-fives Fjord*

>>37006315
*smacks across the back of the head* shush boy. Show some respect for the poor witch

>>37006322
>licks lips
Say, you gonna do anything with that blood?

>>37006307
>disassembling your gear
How indecent!- wait, I am not supposed to act like that. Kinda. Fuck, my head is so full of, of, of-
-things!
Anyway I tried to talk this out whit fryia. Bad idea, she just gave me more depression... I miss Pierre and Soros shenanigans, where are those two when you need'em? Ah, mort, mort, you're the only one I can trust.

>>37006322
*throws a mop and a bucket at him* You better clean that up! *puts on rain hat*

So, uh....I received a letter in the mail today regarding a little bender we had on Boxing Day. It seems that we not only drank dry the nearby taverns in a 5 kilometer radius, but we racked up some massive bills too...

>>37006336
Ehehe-

>>37006337
>grumbles while rubbing the back of his head

>>37006359
Thank you Cromina. You are one of the only three people I can trust
>>37006371
*gives the stink eye*

>>37006359
...you know, you remind me of someone I read about in a book once.

>>37006390
Wait, who are the others, don't tell me you trust stabby!

>>37006342
>Twitches an arm, as if to say "Nah you can have it. also buttbabies."
>>37006361
>Is struck by a mop and bucket

>>37006416
You should probably clean that up, Mortimer likes a clean surface, and he has way too much work already.

>>37006371
Oi, less of that or I'll banish you to the warp for a day.

>>37006411
Hey, did this book mention if I get to live happily after ever?

>>37006363
I will start summoning up apology letters to send out and find some ways to cover those funds without just disappearing gold from other guild members' vaults.

>>37006425
I could land a meteorite on his house.

Just a small one. Promise.

>>37006272
After he survived summoning a hoard of demons in the basement and return to tell us about it I started a betting pool on what it would take to finally finish him off. If you want in just find Conspierre if you want to make a bet, I let him do the odds.

>>37006414
No, I trust Carl, Noel, and *cough* stabby* cough*

>>37006434
No, we can't use those. Something something limited resource.

I'm putting out an ad for test subjects, must be willing to die, be ressurected and then lose some blood, mayne.

>>37006423
>Bleeds on the ceiling as if to suggest "Fuck you mate, I'll clean it up when i feel like it!"

>>37006457
DAWWWWW

>>37006457
Who's Carl anyway? And why am I not in that list?

>>37006426
No, but it did include something about slaying a dragon and wearing its bones as armor.

>>37006466
Trust me when I tell you that there's a lot of meteorites out there. Even more now that I've blown up a few more dwarf planets.

>>37006478
That's pretty much an "happily after ever" in my book.

>>37006457
Awh, you wound me Mortimer, although it's probably wise.

>>37006474
Oh well, who am I to argue with the dying.

>>37006273
the issue I have with blood magic isn't that it manipulates blood, but that it seems to require blood sacrifice, which is frowned upon by most divine law...and that Kabbalah is falsely accused to using blood sacrifice

>>37006475
Because you are already implied to be on the list, and therefore you do not require to be listed. Also Carl is a less than dutiful assistant.

>>37006510
Out of interest, what's Divine Law's stance on the destruction of worlds potentially inhabited by billions of sentients (or not, we don't usually check)?

>>37006510
Yes yes, you must give away your blood to gain the Gift, but it can easily be replenished. Why do the gods hate on simply taking advantage of our resources?

>>37006484
Yes well you aren't exactly conservative with them now. You used them to make the garden rockery remember.

>>37006516
>>37006500
Cromina and... Mortimer, that's right? Tell me please, what's happening with... you know. Tell me what is going on, please.

>>37006432

Excellent, well now that that is out of the way. I think I will partake of the buffet.

*floats over to the buffet*

>>37006444
Space time shenanigans!

>>37006550
Hey, I won awards for that rockery, I'll have you know.

The judges said that the red-hot glow really added to the ambience.

>>37006558
With your parents?

>>37006535
They're hopefully blissfully unaware and we should keep it that way unless we want cosmic threats coming in.

>>37006558
Ehr, uh- this is gonna get awkward. No chance you talking about the gravity shift, right?
>>37006578
I guess so.

>>37006566
Oh yes, its a fantastic rockery. I spend many evenings out there.

>>37006603
Oh dear. How should we handle this?

>>37006578
Exactly.
>>37006603
Afraid I am not.

>>37006510
'of using', not 'to using'
>>37006538
the issue regards the sacrifice of sapient beings specifically
>>37006535
no idea. never had a reason to check. there might be some interesting cosmic spells hidden between the lines in such laws, so I might try and get to looking for it eventually.

>>37006609
I'm glad you think so.

>>37006582
Well, I usually try to cover up most of my department's activities. Mainly because the guild treasurers get uppity about how 'responsibly' we spend our funding.

>>37006629
Back up plan, back up plan, go call Soros, go call Piere, I don't know, where the fuck are Fryia and Noel when you need them for real!
Damn!
>>37006633
Uh, ahem, eheh, I, honestly don't know, ehr, what are you talking about again?

>>37006661
It really is a lovely place, shame the apprentices think it's for parkyflour or whatever they call it.

Which reminds me, did anyone see where the shadow cult subsection of my department went with the pyromancy apprentices?

>>37006677
Let me handle this
>>37006633
Well your parents are having a lovers spat. All couple will have them. Just give it some time and everything will return to normal. I hope

>>37006657
Sure, a few beings have to have their blood removed to kickstart the Gift, but what's a few deaths done to anyone?

>>37006661
And I appreciate it, but it's still my job to fuss at you and everyone else in the guild and I get paid rather handsomely for it.

Speaking of fussing, has anyone heard from the wayward apprentice I sent off to die?

>>37006510
Blood magic also got a large amount of public hate back when the Homoglobin was at large.

He would go around and manipulate the erections of political figures, causing a great deal of chaos and confusion. He was captured by the Mage Council that one time, but he reportedly escapex into another dimension.

It was a real magical realm-y time.

*walks in, sits down, pours a large shot of something very strong and downs it in one quaff* What'd I miss?

>>37006731
Oh don't remind me of that time. It was so very long ago.

>>37006714
I thought I heard some muffled screams coming from upstairs.

Which is to say, from what is presently the floor.

>>37006705
It is like when the high priest of lolth and the blackguard can't get to see eye to eye on how to better slaughter the deep gnomes so they just keep complaining and having fights but deep inside both of them want to maim, kill and burn the same people?

>>37006749
Nothing much. Coffee?

>>37006731
Blood magic is super cool though. I'm fighting to restore it's name and thesr religious fanatics are tarnishing my name saying I "had multiple affairs with priestesses"
Please help

>>37006749
Soros! You here, thank gods, Illy started asking questions and-
>>37006759
That's a way to see it, I guess.

>>37006731
Ugh, what a mess that was.
On a tangent, how is a blood mage's sex life? I may need to look into some of this.

>>37006759
Exactly

>>37006774
I've never heard that story. Why would someone make something like that up, anyway?

>>37006781
Once a month it gets very exciting.

>>37006764
Sure. Todays been a right bitch, I'll add some alcohol to it.


>>37006780
Im sure you have it in hand, Cromina. Your handsy enough as it is.

>>37006801
Don't say that Soros!

>>37006774
Is there a man amongst us who hasn't had multiple affairs with priestesses?

I swear, the things the servants of the lunar goddesses will do to stop a man from destroying the moon...

>>37006781
Well, it's not fun when women get on their periods. It's extremely unpleasant. Otherwise, we don't get out much, mostly due to public hatred of us. Erections can come pretty easily, though.

>>37006749
>>37006801
Honorable Soros, long time no see.
>>37006785
But will they try to kill each other with venomous spiders? The high priest always did that after a while, that's why we kept changing the blackguard captain...

>>37006820
No they just have really big arguments that tend to lead to *puts on fireproof smock in case Noel is within earshot* sex

>>37006801
Remember I am the dumb one, please, what do you mean with handsy and-
>>37006812
-HEY!
>>37006820
Uh, I hope not, we have had our fair load of spiders recently.

>>37006793
Because they're jealous I can literally make them explode due to their blood.

>>37006801

Give me a lick of what you're drinking Soros. It's going to be a LONG meeting.

>>37006847
Sorry. Feel free to punch me now

>>37006846
>sex
B-but they are both girls!

>>37006870
Oh dear. You don't know about lesbians, do you?

>>37006867
- you know what, who cares, dumb Cromia always ruining things and so on.
>>37006870
And this is what happens when you force a lass to live her life in a royal palace 24/7

>>37006812
What she doesn't remember? Seriously I got into a massive fight because of it. Then worse yet a lover's quarrel over it.

>>37006820
Hello, still trying to figure out what your two mommies are doing?

>>37006847
See above, you got drunk, got sad and horny, tired to molest me and nearly killed me in doing so.

>>37006862
*passes the a replica bottle*


>>37006870
They're lesbians Illja, they can figure out a way.

>>37006870
I was under the impression that wasn't an issue down in the underdark. Either I've been deceived or things must really have changed since I last visited.

...then again, it was a long time ago.

>>37006885
>>37006910

Are they some kind of yugoloths?

>>37006905
Well thank you soros, I remember quite well and I am. STILL. Depressed. And when I got depressed I got ANGRY. Got that?

>>37006899
Cromina, stop saying hurtful things about yourself. They don't do you any good. Just try and relax for a bit. That will clear your head. Good God, I'm turning into great aunt Myrtle
>>37006922
What's that?

>>37006922
*laughs then whispers in Illyria's ear*

>>37006814
but didn't the guild destroy (and promptly replace) the moon a few months ago?

>>37006948
>blush
But that's forbidden love!
>>37006947
A demon from the abyss?

>>37006956
Why yes, why do you ask?

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Alright, I'm back. Fishnets grant the wearer water-resistance, so we shouldn't have any more problems.

Except fire, scissors, moths, and other women in a catfights, I suppose.

How is everyone? We fix that gravity problem yet?

>>37006942
Tell it to someone who didn't have to fight a shade of Asmodeus, the get his ass kicked by his girlfriend after the fight. So go ahead and get angry, I could sue target practice in the training yards. Golems just aren't chaotic enough for me.

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>Slowly wakes up from his resting place under one of the tables
Is the party over?

>>37006956
We replaced it quickly, they probably didn't notice.

They didn't notice when we accidentally turned it into a lawn chair for a few hours that one time.

>>37006986
Nope, still floating.

>>37006980
Oh. No I don't think so.
>>37006986
Nice

>>37006922

*takes a long draught, coughs heavily, then passes the bottle back to Soros*

....Good shit.

>>37006922
Heh....

>>37006980
The surface is a sort of "anything goes" kinda world.

>>37006997
How'd you end up here? Last I saw....hell, I don't recall WHERE I saw you last....Oh yeah, you're a rat-looking thing now too.

>>37007005
By my recollection we made and broke a religion; the Cult of the Lawn Moon Chair.

>>37007008
Damn... I can't quite touch the floor
Hnnng!

I can't get down. Could someone give me a hand?

>>37006947
You don' really get how depression work, eh, it is, like, when yuor problem is that you aren't able to solve your problem.
>>37006996
I don't want to hear anything about asmodeus, actually, so please don't bring it to the table.

>>37007028
I can try!

>>37006997
Say, who are you?

>>37007028
Here you go Vex.

>>37007032
It's alright Cromina, if you want you can come have some tea and talk all you need to. I just need to find my couch, I know it's here somewhere.

>>37006956
Yes we did, but there's no need to spoiler.
There are no servants of the lunar goddesses at this council. We made sure of that.

>Finally manages to push his life alert button

>>37006980
Since when was that forbidden to drow, or humans for that matter?

>>37006986
Had a lot of bad shit happen to me after I elf the party and I want to blow something up. Gravity is still busted too I think. nice outfit though.

>>37006997
Yes it is over. Hello Quin

>>37007028
*yanks her down*

>>37007032
Just saying after what you did one of his shades jumped me. It was painful, and used up a lot of spells. He said he was after me because of affection shown.

>>37007026
Ah yes, I remember the chair cultists. That was a fun Tuesday.

>>37006986
Oh good grief I'm not going to have to get more iced water for the more... imaginative members of the guild am I?

Also to prevent further meltings I could provide you with a plastic sheet of some sort.

>>37007051
>>37007053
Thank you! Such gallant, strong men we have here in this guild.

Though, both of you can manipulate your muscles, so I shouldn't be getting all hot and bothered.

Stop flexing!

>>37007010
>>37007026
...
Oh! Really?
>>37006996
>>37007032
What should I do about them, then? I don't like to see Fryia that angry, nor Noel that depressed...

>>37007051
Youngin, I need your help with some experiments.
don't tell captain religious over here

>>37007082
*readies bucket*

>>37007032
Oh. If it's depression your are battling, just rember, your important to me. And no matter what's happens, that I will always have your back.
>>37007086
Tell them you got a boyfriend,

>>37007090
What sort, Magic Dan?

>>37007082
Flexing what?

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112 KB JPG

>>37007026
I prefer the terms marshmallow cat, catbuny and variations on those two.
>>37007051
I'm Quin Bradley, Head of he Witchcraft Faculty... until I can convince Friya to take the position again, head of the Magical Girl Department, and the one who finally defeated Jheska the Traitoress.
>>37007065
Hello Soros.
>>37007082
How are you doing Vex? Everything fine as always I hope.

>>37007110
There's a horse, a dead goblin, magic, and a bowl involved.

>>37007082
Well, I can't speak for the others, but I haven't ever done that without putting everything back in place.
And it isn't often I get to walk around shirtless.. *kicks a stray rock petulantly*

>>37007086
Nothing you can do really Illyria, just stay close and spend time with them.

>>37007113
Morning Quin, coffee?

>>37007065
Oh, this is PERFECT, now I have become a beacon of misery on others! How can my life suck more? Shit, it is all so blurred, two weeks ago I would have laughed at you for that.
>>37007053
I feel like I'd need something stronger than tea right now.
>>37007103
T-thanks mort, I appreciate.

>>37007139
That's what the brandy is for.
You never make good tea without brandy.
Go on, try a sip.

>>37007086
honestly what >>37007103 Mortimer said would do it, or getting a tattoo. Basically the rebellious teenager phase. Just make sure to hammer it in to them it's their fault because they are so wrapped up in their feud and hurt, ignoring you that you did this.

>>37007113
So everything still emoting properly Quin?

>>37007139
*Hands her a bottle of alcohol*

>>37007067
Screw the chair cultists.
The one year that half the Mage Council was struck with Mad Cowgirl Disease, they take over and replace every chair in the chamber with lawn chairs.

It was impossible to discuss anything without a Council Mage falling through the slats and hurting themself.

>>37007113
Well, a certain doctor splashed me accidentally with water, and melted my classic outfit! But I've changed and I should be fine now.

Also, if anyone is interested, I run a little tailoring business on the side since my mushroom spider minions produce multicolored gossamer all the time. I can make you look rather dabber and snazzy if you'd like.

How are you, Quin? Still a little cutie, huh?

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It's only been a few decades since my last meeting, who in the Nine Hells are you new people?

>>37007139
Always happy to help. Though now we got to watch out for Stabby so sorry about that

>>37007103
How is this supposed to help?
>>37007163
Seems a bit... I don't know, are you sure about that? I don't want to make them feel even worst...
>>37007129
But how I am supposed to do so if they don't want to stay together with each other... Fryia chased Noel out of her room screaming every sort of insult, it was horrible!
>>37007113
I don't even know what I am supposed to say. What are you?

>>37007177
Can you make a robe with this on embroidered on it?

"i like my girls how i like my meat: bloody."

>>37007128
Sounds easy enough...

>>37007113
Oh, okay!

>>37007219
Tell you what, we'll hold a talent show! Then they'll have to show to watch you perform!

>>37007086

Oh, are to elaborate, my dear, we are a more accepting society then some others; hence why "forbidden love" isn't automatically vilified as it may in Menzoberranzan. Plus since we're all pretty old here we've seen so much that we really don't mind that much about everything.

>>37007113
Alright then; marshmallow cat it is.

>>37007177
I'll take you up on your offer. I'll need a new waistcoat for my sisters sisters birthday. She keeps complaining about me rocking up in my "teacher's clothes".

*looks down at his lab coat, slacks and plain shirt*

Still, it'll be a surprise.

>>37007194
You must have suffered some memory loss after that unfortunate accident; I've been here for a number of centuries; a number I'm not going to elaborate one.

*flashes a smile*

>>37007219
Trust me, guilt tripping almost always works.

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>>37007194
You don't want to go flashing those eye gems around here. Someone will be after you with a crowbar.

Here, take these.

> peniz
Why, Captcha, why?

>>37007231
Alright, first I need you to lower the horse's blood temperature. Don't be alarmed if it seems in pain.>>37007231

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>>37007163
Yes, except for when I remember eating Jheska, remembering hos delicious she was just ta- AH! As I said, that one incident gives me flashbacks, but other than that I seem fine.
>>37007177
Yes, I got to say I'm starting to enjoy it.
>>37007219
It's me, Quin, I was there for your adoption. I just messed around with magic out of my control and got suffered the consequences for it.
>>37007231
And don't you forget it.
>>37007241
That's much better, thank you.

>>37007263
Okay. If I remember right, I just sort of "tell" the blood to let out the heat through the skin...

>>37007152
>>37007163
>downs both bottles
-hic.
I don't really know, guys. It is all blurred, what is going on with this guild? Fryia and Noel, Jheska and everyone else, Stabby and Soros- hic!- it is like no one cares about anyone else anymore and why am I saying that, since I've -hic- always been the lesser friendly lass among us?

>>37007241
Not talking about you, child. I mean these other ones.
>>37007260
Then I hope they enjoy a good Finger of Death-ing.

Still, what are these contraptions? What does one do with them?

>>37007220
Sure thing! But, does that mean you don't like me?

>>37007194
I've heard of you. Mortran the Magnificent, right? The demilich that manipulated the Kingdoms of Rathsal and Melren into a bloody war, if I'm not mistaken. I didn't know you were a guild veteran – I'm honored, sir.

>>37007241
You will look über-sexy Herr Hearsch

>>37007194
>Sighs in relief as he is carted away by paramedics as if he was trying to say "I'm the liaison from the thieves guild, Noone Listless, Nice to meet you." or "Choke on a bag of +5 holy dicks"

>>37007293
They cover your eyes to protect them usually from the sun or other bright light, and in some cultures are used to rudely dismiss people's complaints.
I keep a few pairs at my desk when I can't fix something.

>>37007292
Oh dear. Time to make a report then

>>37007292
Now now, I've tried being friendly since I woke back up from my tree nap.
I'm sure everyone is friendly in their own way.

>>37007290
Yeah broham. Make the blood your servant. Command it, youngin. >>37007304
What are you implying, seductress!

>>37007293
Pray excuse my ignorance, sir. But it seems that you are rather lacking in the finger department.

In any case these glasses are a rare artifact that provides a bonus to light resistance. They also come with a minor charisma buff.

>>37007236
Now it seems like we are just down to the bottom of the "suitable solutions barrel"
>>37007282
Oh! This is why Fryia keeps muttering about how much of a failure she has been with your education?

>>37007352
Well to be honest I just kind of want to host a talent show.
Tell you what though, therapy is a part of biomancy, so if you get your parents and yourself up to my tower we can all talk about this as adults and try and get you all some help.
If it comes to it I've even got some medicines the healing department doesn't even know exist yet.

>>37007282
Well, I've trained my minions to only eat ugly critters, so you should be able to visit my grotto anytime.

>>37007341
Hic! Fool! No one cares about no one else! First law of, of the modern society, I think.

>>37007344
So what do we do with the goblin? Also, I think the horse is trying to eat its own legs off. Is that normal?

>>37007060
Hello! Did someone call life-alert?

*is hastily riding something down*

>>37007304
Oh, yes, I was one of the beings this guild was founded to fight, while I was still among the living.

Mortan the Magnificent, inventor of Mortranomancy, Lord of the Sable Spire, Master of the Dire Legion, Scourge of All Good and Holy, Amateur Chef, at your service.
>>37007316
Greetings, mortal. Why are you even here?
>>37007322
I'll take them. They look spiffy.
>>37007345
I fire it from my eyes.

>>37007219
It's what I have for you, sorry. They will either come together in setting you straight, or come apart.

>>37007282
Yeah, that's going to take a while to iron out. Sorry. I'll keep working on it.

>>37007292
Time of trouble are ahead Cromina, it's all right. Your a good girl.

>>37007405
What's up Mortimer?

>>37007406
Fascinating, you must demonstrate on an apprentice sometime.

>>37007384
Good thing I'm from an older time then, I refuse to not care about my guildmates.

>>37007406
I'm sorry Mortran, but the sable spire fell, the dire legion died, and the school of Mortranomancy fell out of style a few milennia ago, I remember it being crossed off the list.
If it make you feel better though, your puff pastries are still a strong contender for the most popular cafeteria snack.

>>37007304

Wow, they're still telling that story? it's been embellished quite a bit I see.

>>37007420
I agree; trouble seems to be brewing. Only time will tell when and if it rears its ugly head.

>>37007420
Nothing much, just writing a report for an "associate"

>>37007420
That's a lie, soros, you know what -hic!- happens to people telling liessssh-
>slowly slides under the table after the sixth bottle or so

>>37007293
As I understand it:
Since you've been gone, fewer high mages have been showing up at these meetings, so the Archwizard has opened them up to any mage, even apprentices.

>>37007487
What the... How did you get into my wine cellar?
That thing is locked with nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine seals of binding and hermeticism...
I need to call my locksmith.

>>37007487

Who let Cromina into the liquor cabinet again?

*watches as Cromina floats under the table and over to the other side*

>>37007492
We also had an Alien Dimensional Mage arriving at some point but he's gone now.

>>37007501
Make sure you don't call Ali Baba this time.

>>37007399
The goblin is for this
>resurrects goblin
Transfer that cold blood into ol Gobo here.

>>37007440
Well... I planned on going planeshifting for only a century or two, but I ended up doing it for 500 years, and everything was destroyed by adventurers.

On the bright side I invented a spell to give me a sense of taste and I have new roast unicorn recipes to die for (pun intended). All in all a good retirement.
>>37007421
*ZAP*

See?
>>37007492
I blame the elves for this.

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>>37007352
She is being to hard on herself, she did an amazing job considering how I was when she started teaching me. And besides this is not the wors- eh... Ok so maybe this is the worst I've done. But it all turned out well in the end, I've done great things since my transformation.
>>37007379
Oh good, there is nothing quite as embarrassing as almost being eaten by a giant frog.
>>37007420
Take your time, you have done plenty already. Though it would be nice if you could figure out how to let me use magic again.

>>37007487
"Their pants get set on fire?"

>>37007501
Where there's a will there's a way, Marus old boy.

>>37007514
Splendid! Could you try it again with the glasses on? I want to see if the lenses affect the casting.

Ok, reporting for duty again, I got stuck into a fight with a flying cleric. This gravity shift thing is truly going to cause problems...
>>37007420
Soros. Good to see you, can we have a little chat?
>>37007352
>>37007517

...
>greater invisibility

>>37007521
How cruel! Well, I don't wear pants, so I should be able to lie as much as I want.

>>37007513
Okay. Gonna just... come on... oh. Oh, that's how I do that.

That horse just lost a lot of blood, how is it still moving?

>>37007446
Continually over a long period of time.

>>37007453
May I ask who?

>>37007487
<Sobriety> Get a hold of yourself Cromina.


>>37007517
I'll work on it. Very swamped right now so it may take a bit.

>>37007529
What is it you need Fryja?

>>37007528
These "glasses" make me feel hot to trot! I like them.

*FREEM*

Ooh.

>>37007517
Quin!? You can't use magic anymore!?

>>37007528
Apparantly Dr. Biscuit

>>37007511
Mhhhh, more shuuuugar pleashe, caramel men-
>drifts around muttering in her sleep

>>37007550
That depends. Do you want to hate me for the rest of your lifetime?

>>37007546
Magic, kid. Magic. Now kill them both. I don't care how.

>>37007544
"Well of course you don't wear pants, you're a girl. and maybe also a prostitute?"

>>37007492
to specify, it wasn't because of you, it just happened in the time since you last attended

>>37007529
M-mother? Is that you?
Odd, I was sure she was here.

>>37007551
Interesting, very interesting.

Rolled 83 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>37007529
Well, we could try to regularize the gravity in different parts of the hall, eventually bringing it back to normal.

I'll try the closet first, since I'm not really good at this kind of magic.

>>37007544
The rest of your outfit can still be set on fire, I'm sure people would improvise.

>>37007554
She got turned into a contractor, so no she can't cast standard magic anymore. All she can do at the moment is empower magical girls.

>>37007575
Stabby isn't it?


>>37007589
*whipers in Illyria's ear* "invest in a ring of trueseeing*

>>37007604
"Nope, the rules are very clear, has to be pants."

>>37007590
I had no idea a skeleton could actually explode!

>>37007595
*THUD*

> The closet door opens, two embarrassed-looking apprentices in a severe state of underdress fall out, look around in surprise, then quickly run away.

>>37007554
Well, I can do some magic, but regular spells weren't really made for this kind of body.
>>37007529
Hello Fryia ho- ...judging by your attempts at hiding I assume you aren't ready to take back the Faculty.

>>37007612
Not Stabby. I would use his name if it was stabby

>>37007616
Am I the only one who remembers the Mortranomancy spell Summon Greater Pants? It was all the rage six thousand years ago.

>>37007612
"Why would you think he's writing to Stabby?"

>>37007612
>>37007517
>>37007632
Now wait a DAMN SECOND, we'll see about that won't we!?
QUIN! HOLD THESE ELECTRODES AND CLOSE YOUR EYES!

>>37007595
I actually tried to put-10 after dice to roll a penalty, but it added 10 instead. Any way to add a minus to rolls or is it always a plus?

>>37007625
Success! The closet is back to normal.

>>37007595

Wait - where are you getting this +10 bonus from?

>>37007625
GOD DAMN IT I HAVE TOLD YOU APPRENTICES THAT THE GUILD HALL IS NOT THE PLACE TO HAVE RELATIONS IN!

>>37007625
Ah so that's why that closet was rocking about so much.

>>37007617
Pardon me a sec, will you? I think I have a few bone splinters embedded in my hat.

>>37007584
Well, I hope this works - I've never transferred all of a living creature's blood to myself before!

Wait, why does it feel like there are worms under my skin?

>>37007651
All that'd do is fry her. Full magic transmutation.

>>37007634
Jake'ness?

>>37007550
I...feel weird about last time. I really owe you all my life, but still, I feel so much anger I can barely contain it. The only thing I can think is how much Jheska was right about this guild, but it is a nonsense, since I hate her and everything she thought was little more than mad rambling. What is happening to me, Soros?

>>37007666
Good grief, the blast knocked my wizardly nametag off!

>>37007677
Yep. He kinda has leverage over me, in the form of my little sister.

>>37007663
Indeed, if you're going to have relations, cast invisibility spells or have the gall to just do it in front of everyone!

>>37007689
Happens to the best of us.

>>37007677
They don't transmit electricity, not just electricity anyways, they work well either way.
Come on now Quin, just for a second.

>>37007669

There are worms under your skin.

>>37007689
That's been happening a lot. Since when did the faculty skimp on the nametags?

>>37007663
Tried to do 1d100-10, but it added 10 instead of taking it away. Can you do penalties in the options or is it always going to turn it into a bonus?

>>37007669
Probably you took Gobo's blood first. Necromantic blood usually has that effect on a first timer. If you combine both schools like me, you'll get used to the feeling of the worms.

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>>37007651
This sounds like some mad science that's bound to backfire in my face.

Give me those electrodes and let's do this.
>>37007677
I've yet to test how immortal this body is yet, you can't just expect me to do nothing after you throw a word like that at me can you?
>>37007708
I'm in, let's do this.

>>37007663
And from what I hear, neither are your chambers! Hey-oh!
>>37007703
If it makes you feel better, I can make you a new little sister. With blackjack, and hookers.

>>37007632
Tell me, can you see her?
>>37007678
Mother, I- look, if you don't stop being rude with the other mother I'll get myself a tattoo! And... and a boyfriend! And sing in a talent show and blame it all on you! So please don't make me do that and stop being so angry.

>>37007719
Beats me, it's especially worrying given that most members of the faculty are too senile to recognise any of us without the nametag.

>>37007735
>High fives Mortran

>>37007735
If you don't mind, I'm going to club you now

>>37007725
Huh. Learn something new every day, huh?

And here I was only knowing how to overclock my own muscles before. Say... what's your opinion on that "making a sword out of your own blood" thing? Looks pretty flashy, but is it practical?

>>37007735
I would high-five you, sir. But you lack the necessary parts, so I shall settle for spinning you on my finger like a basketball.

>>37007758
That was my face you just slapped, Noone.

>>37007678
Let me take a mind scan then *starts scanning*


>>37007703
After I make sure Fryja's mind hasn't been re-enchanted i'll help find her.

>>37007708
>>37007730
This won't end well. Lots of pain will be involved.

>>37007776
No one slapped your face? Why are you complaining then?

>>37007776
"Sorry let me try again."
>High fives Mortran

>>37007758
go home, noone, you're drunk

>>37007722

yeah I saw that; unfrotuantely I had a lag spike and my post wasn't until much later, after you posted the -10 thingie.

>>37007735
Since when have you heard anything - you've been planeswalking for 500 years!

>>37007758
>>37007772
>>37007776

*shrugs*

>>37007730
APPRENTICES! START THE WHEELS OF PROGRESS!
START THE MAGIGENERATORS!
SOMEONE GET SOME BLOOD OFF THAT SLEEPY APPRENTICE!
And I will put on this smock and gloves, now close your eyes Quin, we'll get your magic back.

AND NOW! PROGRESS!!

...Did it work?

>>37007793
I know exactly where she is. Right smack dab in the middle of Jake'ness home. Why do you think I kept trying to mount an expedition?

>>37007776
>>37007802
Just give him the death finger already.

>>37007793
Please Soros, we can't just solve anything using your filthy magic, you bastard...
Here, you see, this is what I was talking about but seriously, I'd rather talk about it than just mind scan.
>>37007738
...
what am I supposed to do with her, Soros? I am a terrible mother.

>>37007834
Was it supposed to start glowing purple?

>>37007796
Someone finally gets the joke
>>37007820
"Please, My elven constitution means that I do not get drunk."

>>37007767
I'm a demilich, you'll break your club.
>>37007772
Having hands is useful sometimes, yes.
>>37007796
>casts Summon Fire Ants in Clothing
>>37007802
Do that one more time and I will set you on fire from the inside.
>>37007822
A little succubus told me.

>>37007769
Never attempted it, seems like a terrible idea. Blood isn't usually solid...perhaps if you froze it it would be more practical,

Rolled 42 (1d100)

Alright, I'm going to try regularizing the gravity in the kitchen, then.

>>37007859
Yes, that's completely normal and will wear off in a few minutes.

>>37007865
I have some elven derivative liquor that may change your opinion on that.

>>37007878
"Don't leave me hanging!"

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>37007887
Aw, poo. Let me try again. These floating utensils are distracting.

>>37007901
Do I have to punch you in the stomach again?

>>37007901
Mage Hand, see? That's the way you can do it.
>high fives

>>37007865
I thought noone could miss it. No even you.
>>37007878
Hey! There is no reason to do this!
>>37007793
Who are you talking to, honorable soros?

>>37007837
Then say so next time. One for aid is folly, a rescue is totally different and easier to do.

>>37007857
Well for one Fryja this is a wizard's guild so magic is always going to fly like mad. Just the way things are. Illyria is lashing out because of your and Noel's fight. She wants both of you in her life and hates seeing you both hurting. If you want to be a better mom, swallow that irrational anger you have, and try talking to Noel and Illyria as a calm mature adult.

>>37007878

Well, lesson learned - never sleep with succubi, they kiss and tell.

>>37007921
Zing! Kitchen should be normal. Though I suspect the pantry's contents have jumbled a bit.

>>37007930
Yep, Noone made me do it.
>>37007942
Oh, yes, you can't shut them up.

>>37007930
Just a suspicion youngling, I'll keep it in hand. Don't worry. *ruffles her hair*

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>>37007738
Not at the moment, this body has a lot of useful abilities, but truesight doesn't seem to be one of them.
>>37007793
It will be fine, it's just-
>>37007834
Wait you are trying to give me my magic BACK? No no, that's not the problem, you see I already have to mu- OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

>>37007935
Yeah, the first one was kinda his idea. Sorry, but you know, family always comes first.

>>37007822
hey, Hearsch, you do sciencomancy, whats the law for gravity again?
Gravity = ?

>>37007927
"Why do you have to be like that Mort?"

>>37007890
Oh, okay, good.

>>37007880
I always did wonder about that...

>>37007973
Warned you *sips drink* You can still feel pain, in fact it's worse since you regenerate.

>>37007980
Well now I know I can set things in motion, thank you Mortimer.

>>37008007
Yeah, you might not be thanking me in about ten minutes.

>>37007973
Oh wait, really? Well shit.
No problem, no problem. Put the wires in your mouth instead.
...

APPRENTICES! REVERSE THE POLARITY!
ZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!

How's that?

Rolled 77 (1d100)

I'll keep working on these, I guess. Next stop, the bathroom.

>>37008003
Try it youngin, you've still got enough blood to attempt it. I'm much too weak right now.

>>37007964
How entertaining, remind me of why I am not doubling over laughing.
>>37007967
Both mothers always say you never tell everything you know the first time you are asked. Do I have to ask again?

>>37007927

Hey Morty - how's that new coffee maker working for you?

>>37007981
A lot of stuff. You'd have to be more specific.
Also, Magic and Science; they react to each other in wildly different ways. Artificial Gravity? I can explain that for ya, but Magical Gravity? That's a whole different kettle of fish.
And we haven't fully worked out the differences when it comes to Magic-Science related merging.