WHATABOUTTHECOFFEEBUDGET?!

*Visibly Panicked*

File: 1363387058888.jpg (829 KB, 1217x1800)

829 KB JPG

And now for the subjects that need new teachers in the upcoming year:
Arguing with Prince Dracuul: Popular ‘Logic’ in traveling minstrel shows.
Lizardry Advanced: The Adultery Novel In and Out of Argonia.
The Deathspeak in Song and Prose.
Invented Languages: Elvish and Moonspeak.
Find your classroom: A final exam in Master Conspiromancy.
Goblin Lunguimantics.
Economics 101.
Elder God Literature.
Those Sexy Dragon, a novel analysis.
The Unliving and the Undead: an Inquiry into post-necromantic trends in afterlife culture.
The Cis Gheist and its role in society.
1944 scripts of the Paladin history.
Comparative History of Weaponised Astronomy
Ravenloft Witchcraft.
Coitus, Cloths, Drow & Slavery.
Age of the Retconned.
The Succubus effect: Understanding the origin of the Anti-Paladin
Advanced Planeswalking, Nexus: Transdimensional Feminazimancy Perspective on Xenophilia.
The Nether Vacation.
Mail Order Maidens? Understanding the Elf-Conjurers.
Tall Legs: The other side of Dwarven jealousy.
Otherkin Sex.
Bug Summoning: Family and Social Rules.
Bug Summoning: Its the end of the Multiverse as we know it (and I feel fine).
Healthcare in Phyrexia.
Inpurity and nudity in Paladinia.
Human rights of Modrons.
The Good, the Bad and the Eldritch.

File: qb.jpg (65 KB, 1280x720)

65 KB JPG

>>37082429
I'm assuming this is the reason I woke up with a prize tag on my head? Couldn't you have assigned me to a petting zoo or something like that instead where I could work for the money instead of selling me outright? I'm the head of a department dammit!

Also, isn't this an odd time for a meeting?

File: 1357569973594.jpg (259 KB, 600x600)

259 KB JPG

Also, the revisor mage just telepathed me that he shall have to take several more of our teachers souls which means that the following subjects will need stand-in teachers.

The Science Wizardry of Heroes.
The Science of the Elder Scrolls.
Joy of Manure Golems.
"Far Side" of Treefolk.
Necromantic reconstruction.
The Amazing world of Lolimancers.
DragoSex.
*inhale air*
The Strategy of Quidditch
Illusionporn and Society
Theoretical Fememancy
Learning from Shegorath.
Personal Modrons.
Human Jelly creature interaction.
The Dwarfopology of smithing.
Magic Missile training.
Knights and Knaves mechanics.
Cyvasse and Civic Engangement.
Journeyman Mass Food Conjuration and Lunchmantics.
The philosophy of the Fistmage
Philosophy of the Chaos Elementals.
Its not rape if its an Elf.
Queer Musicology Magi
Theoretical Pyromancy.
Practical Hydromancy.
Abstract Sorcery.
Fae Lawmagics.
Differentiating the Druid and the hobo.
Mating Habits of Ents and Dryads.
Dryad physiology.
Apprentice Reality bending.

File: 1357563511603.jpg (56 KB, 500x375)

56 KB JPG

Quick note, some beards will have to be sold to pay for the 'Nord ape hairloss curse' lawsuit. Does anyone want to volunteer for a shave?

>>37082449
Umm, ummm, Twitch I love you, I promise I will work something out!

>>37082504
Actually I was hoping you would act as a teacher for the 'Mater Reality Bending' class.

>>37082429
well i guess between the few hundred of us my family can pay a bit and if the warweaving teacher is gone i did take a class on it but it was only very basic so it will be very shitty i cant teach what i dont know that well

File: 1363385713732.jpg (436 KB, 900x900)

436 KB JPG

Chaos Gods help us all....

>>37082508
cont.
History of the Minor Domination enchantment on the Bardic Lyre.
The Illien.
Nuthing but a word of power.
Naming 101.
Deathspeak in Song and Prose.
Introduction to Shamanistic drumming.
Under water Pyromancy: a study of the Arsonimancers setting stuff on fire through sheer willpower.
Muppet Magic Advanced: The reincarnation of our dark overlord and master, Muppetos, the Defiler.
Dirty Tapestry.
The Horror of Divination and being right. [Class assigned to Conspierre, Esteemed Conspiromancer]
The Eldritch God-o-philia.
Fused stone roads, Construction magic practice.
The Art of Magic and the Magic of Art.
The Art of Magecraft.
PE for ME: because we were forced to include sports.
Xtreme flying carpets.
Blackwater Krakenracing.
Circus Stunts.
The Art of Walking.
The Art of Walking like a Fae
Ent Climbing.
Knitting for Noobs.
Janitor try-outs [available only for immortal elder beings]
Tempus Thales: The Stepsons ritual greetings.
How to read elder scrolls.
Linguistics 101: How to pronounce Hastur, Bloody Mary and Chandrian.
Legends of Illusion chess.
Engineeromancer 101, Mountain Throwing.
Apprentice Lawmagi: How to sue 2 pantheons at once.
Grapplemancers vs Mucsle mages.[women not allowed]
Food and Traditions in the -1:st Era.
Kitchen Alchemy.
Master Delusionism.
1000 years of Necropolis Architecture.

>>37082540

*relaxed*

How.much.do.we.need?

>>37082552
damit you sold my name verywell i will remake it

anyway i have that chain enchanted i tried for ages to come up with a cool name for it but i failed still here it is a nice glowing reinforced chain for when the fighter guy gets back

>>37082464
i can take
The Nether Vacation.
and i dont know what it is but its my area so i guess i can learn and then teach
Advanced Planeswalking, Nexus: Transdimensional Feminazimancy Perspective on Xenophilia.

File: kyubey_by_endless_summer1(...).png (659 KB, 1024x889)

659 KB PNG

>>37082540
That could work, I might not be the best at reality warping but I think I have the theory down. Also, please inform whoever put the price tag in my face that I am on good terms with the witches faculty and that I might call in some favours there to have him or her cursed for this insult.

>>37082508
well lets see i consider myself a bit of a war hero so i can take
The Science Wizardry of Heroes.
i love me some magic missiles so i guess i can teach that
i cant teach its not rape if its an elf but i really should start teaching my rebuttal
it's still rape if its an elf: evidence against an ancient theory

Wait.

Wesoldthemoralcompass?

Whydon'twejustgolootthefundsweneed?

>>37082612

Elfs.
don't.
count.

Howcouldyouthinkotherwise?

>>37082540
well i shave my beard of regularly so i suppose i can put what i shave off anyway into the pot and i would be glad to see it go but you may take my moustache if it will help

i will talk to my family about getting some of there beards

fuck i just realised after i just loosened my workload so i could spend more time with my family this happens

i i think i need to go see the counsulomancy department for some counselling magic or maybe some full on psychiatric treatment

File: Not_An_Eldritch_Abomination.jpg (121 KB, 900x675)

121 KB JPG

Good News Everyone! I managed to turn myself from that silly "Drow" Race . With The help of a Cloak Of Concealment, Maybe my sight will not incur heart attacks anymore!

>>37082554
as i said i took some warweaving classes so i can teach dirty tapestry and possibly knitting for noobs

while not exclusivly a pedophile i do have a few child wives and husbands so i guess i can teach The Eldritch God-o-philia.

>Grapplemancers vs Mucsle mages.[women not allowed]
now hold on just a minute takarados what reason is there to disalow woman from that no reason whatsoever damit

does the teacher of pe for me need to be a magic user because i have a son who could teach it

and while i cant teach it i did not know we offered circus stunts i would like to take that class

>>37082633
we only think that because we have been told so look at the facts and you will find its not true i have written numerous papers on the subject

>>37082673
im not sure what you are talking about but congratulations

Where the fuck is everybody.

>>37082697
In the Previous meeting i participated , i Had been polymorphed into a Rodent to avoid Scaring people out, Resulting me in being almost eaten By paladina, the catgirl Paladin. I hastily polymorphed into my form, but it backfired and i turned into a famle specimen of drow.

By the way, your apprentices have very bad manners . I got hit on multiple times

File: kyubey_by_nollaig-d4xtgss.png (180 KB, 900x824)

180 KB PNG

>>37082710
Possibly sleeping, or busy doing other things. It's a pretty irregular time for a meeting, I'm not surprised so few have shown up.

>>37082731
eh i used to hit on them a lot that may be my fault

eh yeah i got to that meeting late

>>37082739
fuck stop selling my name making new ones is draining

>>37082738
oh yeah my timezone is pretty out of sink with most peoples

Excuse me, I'm new, can I just sit anywhere?

*shortens distance between entrance and front seats*

>>37082772
yeah sure whatever just dont expect to get paid for any work

>>37082429
I currently have the best of the liches' lawyers looking over the sales of any property of the Necromancy Department. Once they are done legally reclaiming what is ours the Necromancy Department will leave the guild until your financial problems are over to ensure you don't try to sell our bodies or souls again. We need those bodies and souls for our work!

>>37082731
They are apprentices, personally I expect the worst out of each and every one of them.

Guys i need a favour i need somebody to tell my family about my new workload when i told them i was reducing my workload to spend more time with them they were all so excited and now all this new shit has come up and i just dont have the heart to break it to them myself.

>>37082784
I'ts ok, I don't spend much on my commute, and my mom works so it's cool.

I truly appreciate the effort, Takarados, but I find it far outside of regulations for anyone but our Arch-Mage to call an official meeting. Also, I believe we discussed at the last Summit of Magical Accountants, Revisors and Lawyers that it would be most favorable if we could keep the selling of facultys' souls behind closed doors.
I'll be expecting your written apology in quadruplicate on my desk within the hour.

>>37082818
oh snap he gonna get it

sorry i have been spending a lot of time on not both the internet plane but on the modern material planes internet

File: 1363384123334.jpg (314 KB, 2400x1350)

314 KB JPG

>>37082680
I never went to PE so I do not know what it is, something book related probably.
>>37082612
"Its not rape if its an Elf" is the sarcastic title of the bestselling ogre rights activist Feminia along with a Handmaids Story.
>>37082559
The problem is not the amount of money rather than the amount of lawsuit papers. I can't file the money to the right adress since I don't have the lawsuits at hand, the janitor threw them out whereupon the lawsuit papers formed a new plane of existance, the local wildlife is calling it Alara.

>>37082836
i think i tried to cram about 3 different sentences meaning the same thing into that 1 sentence there

>>37082854
pe is physical education its sport basicly
also i must meet this feminia woman she sounds interesting

>>37082818
Wait, this wasn't a legit meeting? Man, I took a shower for this.

Well, I'm gonna catch some Zs.

*For a second the meeting room overlaps with Brian's bedroom. It smells musty. Then, everything is back to order and Brian is gone from the meeting.*

>>37082879
jeez he is gone already thats a shame

Is there any Class that have Not "Possible insanity if you See true From" Ban ? I think i might be interested in a more permanent position here

>>37082429
Uhh, whassup, guys... what is the matter now, antruthius-
Ehi wait a minute, you are not Big A! How dare you call an unofficial meeting, bureaumancer!

>>37082892
oh many of our teachers cause possible insanity if you see there fake forms you will be fine

we have covered the impact on teaching but what about our research that is also a concern

>>37082903
I must apologize on behalf of my second in command, it seems this years budget report has stressed him out a tad.
Ignore the part about selling souls.

File: 1363383808513.jpg (119 KB, 615x768)

119 KB JPG

>>37082892
Elder God literature is supposed to have some illustrations I believe.

>>37082818
well shit

ah people are starting to show up

File: 1363388070917.png (756 KB, 1024x576)

756 KB PNG

>>37082917
Sir, it does fall within my duties to remind your magical golf game is with the All Father is within the hour.

>>37082917
Who gives two wizard hats? You woke me up for a meeting this early in the morning- it is fucking 13:37! and it is all because a bureaumancer has been slightly more paranoid than the usual? your second in command is done fer good this time.

>>37082919

Ohhh, that's it, shut up you cretin. Did anyone prepare Remove Hangover this morning? I could use one right now.

>>37082950
jeez calm the fuck down cromina

>>37082633
Don't get anywhere near my daughter, twitchy.

In that Case, I will Take The Eldritch God-o-philia. The Title is a metaphor or an inside joke

.....R-right ?

>>37082974
can i go near your daughter noel i promise i wont do anything without her consent

>>37082974
Yeah get the nine hells away from my-
- how am I supposed to call her?
>>37082982
I sincerely hope it is
>>37082970
Oh, shut up ye too, yer never up for good. And put some punctuation in yer language, I can barely understand ye!

>>37082996
Yeah well well ...fuck you!!!.

>>37082996
If you are someones godfather or godmother then I believe the term is godchild.

>>37082996
ae ae ae maet...

>>37083002
Put on yer nametag, coward.

File: 1357744972571.jpg (58 KB, 620x470)

58 KB JPG

>>37082917
Can't seem to talk properly...
Sir, you have a magical golf game with the All Father scheduled within the hour at New Genesis.
>>37082950
You, Cromina, owe the school 13 hours of work! When was the last time you checked on your students?

>>37083002
damit stop selling my name.

Im sorry i snaped its just i was so looking forward to spending time with my wives, husbands and children.

>>37082464
I can teach Healthcare in Phyrexia, I fucking helped that shit along. Other than that, I can also do Those Sexy Dragon, I can provide analysis of the biology to connect the physical to the text.

So, uh, I'm the new....treasure polisher, yeah treasure polisher!
Where is your treasure so I may polish it for you?

ae lads.... whaer aem ae lads ae ae ae... haelp plaes!

>>37082982
oh good that means i dont have to take it still if it ends up not being a metaphor (i dont think it is) tell me and i will take over.

File: Renniker is Lonely.png (248 KB, 640x470)

248 KB PNG

Gentlemen. I think I should remind you that over the course of my overtures with this realm's King, upon who our towers are built, his Coffer Consierge informed me that our income tax report is due in four months.

As Bureaucratomancer head, I want to be made aware of any undeclared expenditures and incomes.

I understand someone was trying to create a philosopher's stone again this year. What was the result of that?

>>37082948
Oh, well I'd completely forgotten about that, seems I'll have to take my leave and you do realise you're not going to fool me that easily, right?
I would tread carefully if I were you, or I might have to whip out some of my poetry.

>>37083016
Who let the commoners in? Whatever, no problem with dorfs whatsoever.
>>37083014
Thank you Res. At least someone that I am glad to see showed up. Well, you and Noel.
>>37083022
Uh about that, ehm... who told you?
>>37083038
Yae got a problem, dorf, ok. Caelm down and explaein... fuck it is contagious!

>>37083027
we have none we had to sell it all

>>37083027
It should be somewhere behind that wall of anti-rogue golems that Soros installed after having enough of Stabby.

>>37083038
I'm sorry if my dwarven is a bit rusty but. Ae haent saen ye lads.

>>37082986
No.

Gods above and below, why is there a meeting this earl-
...we're broke?

WE'RE BROKE?!?

>>37082903
Hey Cromina, and I know for a fact that gold was spilling out of the treasury not three days ago. Wanna help me put a few holes in whoever stole it all?

File: 1357804289115.jpg (110 KB, 750x600)

110 KB JPG

>>37083027
Ahh right this way Mr. Treasure polisher, here is our Vault and the 1000 keys and charms for protection. Thank you for agreeing to polish what little gold we have for free, you are such a kind spirit.

>>37083027
Get out, we got an agreement with your guild.
>>37083071
Always got time to hack and slash.

>>37083058
ae dunnÆ knae lad. toe maeny elv's maet...

Strike the earth.

>>37082429
i just had an idea cant we just raise more money

i can think of so many great fundraising ideas

>>37082508
Oh dear me, I can also do the DragoSex class, Dryad Physiology
>>37082554
The Eldritch God-o-philia and Knitting For Noobs.
Though the last one may include some more exotic materials than normal for use.

>>37083055
I thought your department already found proof that we don't pay taxes using some kind of mathomancy involving the number 0. Did the kings accountants find a way to disprove your claim?

>>37083082
Eh, uhhhm... too many elves? Angry 'bout elves?

>>37083073
You are begging for a poetry reading.

>>37083104
ae wae toe mæny elv's maet oy wanae goe hoem aem scaered!

Dark ale.

File: 1357805636964.jpg (126 KB, 640x800)

126 KB JPG

>>37083058
The voices in my head told me
>>37083027
Actually we had to sell all our golems... except Mr. Rushmore... I could never part with Mr. Rushmore

>>37083093
girls of the mages guild calender
guys of the mages guild calender
men and woman of the mages guild calender for the bisexuals

wet tshirt contest
cart wash
quiz night
auction off dates with our most eligible bachelors (i may not be a bachelor but im still eligible call me ladys and gents)

>>37083064
Really, this guy >>37083066 says it's over there.

Shame about the goloms though, allergic to the things I am, it's the truth, I swear.

>>37083079
And I've been rumbled.

Also, the guild is a shame, everyone else is an undercover paladin or cleric trying to catch rouges.

None of them have realized this and they all think that they are the only undercover paladin in the place.

*yawn* good morning, wizards...
>>37083082
... oh. Who let the dirt eaters in?
>>37082986
Come near me and you are food for giant spiders. Just so to speak.

>>37083111
ah you want to go home i can do that here take my arm and i will take you home

File: Billy the Half-Banana.png (44 KB, 221x409)

44 KB PNG

Hear me, wizards, for I bring a message from the realm of Banana!

Long have the people of Banana been treated with utter and foul disrespect for in all their wisdom they are but considered a race of sentient bananas. How foolish we were!

Yet they have shown themselves benevolent and in exchange for us introducing and supporting the school of Bananamancy and treating bananas as our equals, protected by our laws and customs, they have promised a substantial donation of 10000 golden Peels!

Surely we will accept...

>>37083055
Who are you, and what has made you think that my position as Head of Bureaumancy is vacant and up for grabs?

>>37083124
It is a rough life, aight... now get out, thief!
>>37083115
At least something I can relate to, always up for a calendar.
>>37083125
Hey lass.

>>37083115
Uh, how about I start making some extremely delicious cattle and breeding them at three times the speed? Sell the things and we have money. Or we could do the plant based equivalent.

>>37083125
fair enough

you sure you dont want a quick fuck i need to relive the stress of missing out on spending more time with my family

>>37083134
lad... ae aent laevn withoot me lads æða.

I'm never sober.

>>37083125
Illyria, please don't antagonize the Dwarf.

>>37083151
are they sexy cattle

File: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM.png (399 KB, 544x419)

399 KB PNG

>>37083124
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!

>>37083156

Ok, you are forbidden from now on to touch, talk, and otherwise make any kind of contact with me. I'm going to tell Noel if you do.
>>37083162
As you please, mother.
>>37083147
Good morning, Cromina. Still drunk?

>>37083160
oh shit i cant help you find your children right now sorry talk to the scryers they would be able to do it much faster then i can

If we are looking for Currency, I suggest We open a Portal to the Demi-Plane of Money, though Cash Elemental might not take it nicely....

>>37083168
Not all fleshwarping is for sex, or murder, or destruction. These cattle are going to be deliciously edible and easy to care for, including disease resistance. Hell, I'm even going to have it so that they skin themselves as they die.

>>37083147
I didn't want to be a thief you know.

I had dreams of being the greatest prankster in the realms, spooking everyone and being famous.

But now, I'm in a guild of rouges, and no one's there is a rouge but me, I don't even like gold, and worst of all......I have no skin.

>Pulls back hood to reveal a skull.


>>37083171
Oh sod off mate, I ain't done anything lately so you can't do nothing.

And rouges are legalized nowadays.

>>37083160
>æða.
Erhm, ye ain't leaving without your, your run? What does it mean?
>>37083179
Hangover is killing the shit out of me.

>>37083162
noel please tell lllyria i am sorry and to not bring your wrath down upon me

>>37083114
Really? Well then, how would you like to sell the rights to your corpse for a large sum of gold? As per the standard contract I would not have any rights to it until after you die of course, but I'm starting to have a feeling that won't be to long now.

>>37083192
Bow down and beg for forgiveness if you truly want to be granted it.

>>37082464
>Invented Languages: Elvish and Moonspeak
While I just got my papers to teach theoretical mathematics and the possible application to summoning from higher dimensions, I suppose I can moonlight as a teacher for moon runes. The only problem is the beard tax. Can't grow the damn thing!

>>37083192
What did you even do, anyway?

>>37083189
EHW! Gross!
>>37083114
Aw come on man, yer not fooling me again with the "voices in the head" thing.

fŒckin elv's staeled me lads ae ae ae...

[Ar] 3d6 4s2
Phase solid
Melting point 1811 K (1538 °C, 2800 °F)
Boiling point 3134 K (2862 °C, 5182 °F)
Density near r.t. 7.874 g·cm−3
liquid, at m.p. 6.98 g·cm−3
Heat of fusion 13.81 kJ·mol−1
Heat of vaporization 340 kJ·mol−1
Molar heat capacity 25.10 J·mol−1·K−1

>>37083187
sounds excelent

>>37083189
well how would you like to be a gatecrasher i have meet many fine gatecrashers in my time they travel the planes causing funny shit to happen

>>37083213
Hey, bones are natural and an expression of ones true inner self, filthy meatbag with all it's guts and gore telling me I'm gross.

File: I GOT MY EYE ON YOU.png (1.08 MB, 800x800)

1.08 MB PNG

>>37083189
ONLY THE MEMBERS OF THE ROGUE'S GUILD ARE LEGALIZED, WHERE ARE YOUR MEMBERSHIP PAPERS?

>>37083211
He tried to seduce me. In a very rude way and without the proper three years of courting.
>>37083218
Speak common, dirt eater. How are we supposed to understand what did the "elves" stole from you?

>>37083179
G'morning Illyria. Wanna help me figure out who stole all our gold?

Also, I'll need access to the treasury room in order to get a good postcog viewing. At least, I should be able to do that...I think.

>>37083206
hey i was asking your mother not you if your mother tells you to forgive me you better dam well forgive me

>>37083071
'fraid so Sam
Don't suppose you have any family you could stay over for the holidays, would you?

>>37083211
i asked her to have sex with me
>>37083156

>>37083227
Ehw. Ehw ehw ehw. Don't come near me. I am fond of my meatbag self, especially some parts of it.

>>37083228
Uh, one second.

Reaches into his ribcage and pulls out a wad of papers.

Here you are fleshy.

>>37083224
And no, I prefer to work alone, they guild just allowed me resources to do my dream.

Until I realized everyone was a FUCKING PALADIN!

I'm an undead rouge, they're my most hated foes.

File: 1357837215382.png (391 KB, 600x438)

391 KB PNG

>>37083100
The prosecutor argued that the paragraph about 'Guild of Mages' not having to pay taxes could not possibly refer to "Mages Guild". The problem are the taxdodging lawsuits not the taxes themselves, they were so many that before i could file the right bills they formed a new plane of existance. We can't pay them until we scavange that entire world for lawsuit paper. The local wildlife has taken to calling it Alara.

>>37083235
i would have given the 3 years of courting for a full relationship which you expressed no interest in and i am starting to think i would not want im not going to waste 3 years on a single sexual encounter

>>37083238
Sure, sammy. I'll gladly help you.
>>37083244
Why don't you adopt her too?
>>37083266
I am leagues above you, anyway.

>>37083227
Do you WANT me to just tear all those fucking parts of yours apart? I SPECIALIZE IN GUTS, GORE AND MEAT YOU FUCKING PRICKLESS ROGUE!

>>37083235
Elves stole my fucking kids. I demand help. ae ae

I am distrustful of magic.

>>37083256
who ever said anything about working with other people gatecrashing has nothing to do with any guild

>>37083273
HERE WE GO! Man I love this guy. How are you Carn?

>>37083252
jeez you really dont like skeletons

>>37083189
I'm sure if you apply some of your rouge you'll make that bleached skull of yours appear more lifelike

>>37083278
Were they surface scum... I men, surface elves or underdark dwellers?

>>37083289
Feeling like using Jenkins' earbones as toothpicks, I will NOT have someone be hating on the flesh without reason.

>>37083257
a demiplane you say thats my speciality

now if you want i can colapse the whole demiplane so all the papers spill out onto the astral plane if that will not solve your problems i dont think i can help though sorry

>>37083249
Tuypo you weirdo, my daughter is not some one night stand material.
>>37083271
Adoption is a very serious matter, besides I'm sure Sam has her own family that provides her.

File: KEEP MOVING SCUM.png (1.04 MB, 600x1000)

1.04 MB PNG

>>37083256
THESE PAPERS EXPIRED LAST WEEK AND THEY ARE FOR THE ROUGES GUILD NOT THE ROGUES GUILD... wait, rouge? You are a member of a cosmetics guild? Terribly sorry, I was looking for criminals, not cosmetic artists, move along.

>>37083273
Well tell her to stop calling me gross, I find you guys gross and I have to deal with it all the time.

>>37083257
My brother works in prosecuting, he's a skeleton like me which gives him an advantage because you have to be heartless to do it!

>Rattles mirthfully

>>37083311
who ever said anything about all night a quick fuck right here and now would be fine

oh god i have not had sex in months i used to perform sexual intercourse several times a night but my work is just to much for it nowdays

File: 1357570740978.jpg (278 KB, 400x358)

278 KB JPG

>>37083140
>>37083055
So which one of you is my boss? While Tedias is the one in filed as the executive punishment dealer, Verilex is the one filed as "in charge of Magic School salaries".

>>37083322
I have ways of turning you to mush and deriving nourishment from every last ounce of you, are you REALLY sure you want to piss off someone who can do that?

>>37083304
ae dunnae knoe, thae aer al thae saem tae me. thae saeyd thae'll forcae mae aeldest laed tae feck thaem in thae aerse. trær.

Pickaxes.

>>37083340
>>37083322
people please cant we just agree that flesh and bones are both great

>>37083337
Both actually, your department is a bureaucratic nightmare.

>>37083218
Hang on...those numbers seem awfully familiar. Lemme double check a few textbooks...

>>37083271
While I'm sure Noel wouldn't be terribly opposed to it, it'd be...kinda awkward for me. Plus I have a few connections to where I can slum it out for the rest of the holidays if I needed to.

>>37083257
>Alara
FUCK. No good can come from that place.

>>37083318
>Once the guard is gone

It's a good thing I can't spell, spent too long in a crypt you see.

Faked the papers, thank god he didn't notice the little skulls above the i's.

>>37083340
I have no problem with you as a person, and I am sure you are good at your profession, but what's with all this anti-bone stuff.

I may not be fond of flesh, but I realize it's purpose and that it is a vital part of life.

>>37083358
you can stay with my family if you want we have plenty of spare bedrooms

>>37083334
I...didn't need to know that Tuypo, I really didn't.
>>37083342
They're BLUE, Dwarf.
Sometimes.
Sometimes their brown for some reason, you think being underground wouldn't lead to that color.

>>37083346
I adore bones on the basis that they hold the flesh and allow it to move in glorious ways, and can be used as spines and weapons. I view Jenkins as a fucking affront to the reason bones exist.

>>37083342
It is easy to tell us apart, rockhead. We are black, the other ones are not.
>>37083358
But don't you have parents or family at all?

File: Jason Nguyen -Balance.jpg (209 KB, 707x1131)

209 KB JPG

Felicitations, everyone. What's the matter on this the final day of the solar year?

The lolimancers have a damn near neverending supply of bodies. I swear they outnumber us ten to one these days.

Should we be concerned?

File: 1390552838986.gif (886 KB, 267x199)

886 KB GIF

>>37083318
>wait, rouge? You are a member of a cosmetics guild? Terribly sorry, I was looking for criminals, not cosmetic artists, move along.
>infinite keks
Muh Knigga!

>>37083378
wait why the fuck do the lolimancers have bodys what are they doing to there conjurations

>>37083368
>>37083374
Eh, the whole "tan elves" thing always trikes me as fucking stupid. How it comes some of you are like that if there is no sun underground.
>>37083376
Trivial, that's what it is.

>>37083371
Hey, if In go buy a large amount of meat and cover myself in it would you stop being so anti-skelly?

You can even make it look realistic.

I detest flesh and will do this if you will stop being such a dick.

>>37083368
bid fior, thae waer blaek an 'ad stavs ae ae.

Slaves to Armok: God of Blood Chapter II: Dwarf Fortress.

>>37083386
trivial trivial its not fucking trivial i need gold to pay for gems to create demiplanes damit

>>37083389
Hating on flesh, ehw. Kiss my toned and smooth ass, Lord Skellington.
>>37083396
As I said trivial.

File: 1379146111599.jpg (230 KB, 1000x1000)

230 KB JPG

>>37083347
>my sides just ignited the planeswalker spark
oh god

As the head of our grand library I would like to report, that we have numerous instances of theft of books by our apprentice, we should do something about this!

>>37083407
how dare you you bitch

>>37083407
Ahem, I would appreciate if you didn't use Skellington's name as an insult, he is a valued member of this guild.

>>37083386
I am deep blue if this makes you feel any better.
>>37083412
please wait as I retrieve my sides from the Underdark

>>37083378
The bodies are physically underimposing, but if people stopped wanting to be little girls so often it would be far less of a problem! Regardless, their lolis are counted towards their student body cap so they can't make many more.
>>37083389
Now is not the place for a debate on fleshism. >>37083421
Theft is as illegal here as elsewhere. Do you have any idea who may be responsible?

>>37083407
I don't have lips and so it is impossible for me to do so.

Also, hows breathing going, be a shame if you had to do it manually.

>>37083423
Ach, sorry Res. I thought he was in the MMU however.
>>37083422
Bring it on uncultured savage.

>>37083389
No, no I will not. Not even if you used meat. Because, unlike you, I have a dick and can use it. How long has your dry spell been, Jenkins?

>>37083431
Those pesky new mages, they think that if they're studying magic all books are opened to them!
We know that most of the books stolen are about invisibility, succubi summoning and of course building plans of women bathrooms

File: 47467662.jpg (179 KB, 748x982)

179 KB JPG

>>37083374
...I'd rather not talk about it. Suffice to say compared to what you've been through I don't have any reason to bitch.

And...yeah. I'm almost positive that what >>37083218 was talking about is Mythril Silver.

...that shit's pretty expensive, think we could get enough to pay off the suit?

>>37083436
You can very well see how's my breathing going judging by my tightly squeezed big breasts going up and down under my leather armor, "bones". Of course, sexual matters are something I don't expect you to understand.

>>37083437
me uncultured at least i dont call others research trivial

>>37083386
Well, brown elves seem to be really popular among the apprentices regardless.

>>37083468
I understand... come here, Sam, have an hug. You can always stay with us if you want.
>>37083481
Lolis are too. Sexual deviancy is a matter of currency here at the guild..
>>37083472
... and here you have the proof.

>>37083441
I haven't had a sexual desire for a good century.
I have no hormones and am not bound by such such desires.

Can we just bury the hatchet already, my people are peaceful and don't like violence.

Unless it's against zombies but that's another story.

>>37083423
OH SHIT CORPSE ENSLAVER!

>>37083468
oh mining thats a great idea not as good as my fundraising ideas but every little bit counts it will augment the calenders nicely

File: 1381298185752.gif (580 KB, 480x360)

580 KB GIF

>>37083468
THE LAWSUIT IS A PLANE OF EXISTANCE ITSELF! I CAN'T READ IT UNTIL SOMEONE CONVERTS IT TO PAPER!

>>37083437
He might not come by the guild to often but like most liches he holds membership as part of the Necromancy Department.

>>37083492
I regret nothing.
>>37083496
I pity you.

>>37083496
YES, RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE NECROMANCER LIKE THE SCARED LITTLE CALCIUM CARBONATE DEPOSIT YOU ARE!

>>37083460
Well we'll need to do a full inquiry as to every visitor into and out of the library so we can find out the responsible party/parties. You have kept the arcane tracers on, right?
>>37083472
Behave yourself, honestly. Mages get a bad enough reputation for deviancy as it is.

>>37083496
You noticed me now? And here I thought you were the rogue.
>>37083513
Has this man caused any real trouble or is it just a personal dispute between the two of you?

>>37083492
i know that i have been talking about sex today but i want you to know the hug i am offering now is completely platonic a good hug can always make everything better

you can have a hug from me to

also

can i please have a hug about missing out on family time

>>37083500
oh in that case as i said before i can do that

>>37083524
He tried to get into our vault. The dispute is very personal, but I would love to see your arts at work on him.

>>37083468
It seems trouble with family is a recurring aspect with people I like. Me and being an orphan, Fryia and Jheska, Illya ad Jheska, so on.

>>37083524
He is calling me an affront to hi beliefs, I called him a meatbag.

I think he is just jealous of my polished skull.

>>37083524
its a personal thing she cant stand that he has no flesh

>>37083496
The undead without hormones, we some books that have knowledge that might change the state of undeadness of yours, if you'd like to feel again
>>37083521
Of course, but our library is soo big we do not have enough resources to place them everywhere

>>37083337
I am, have always been and will always be sole head of Bureaumancy, and I find it offensive you would even suggest that there is doubt of that. I have never heard of this so-called head of 'bureaucratomancy'.

>>37083524
The latter, it's really rather distracting this 'fleshism' debate.

>>37083527
Absolutely not. Stay away from me.
>>37083548
I'm going to tell Noel.

>>37083540
ok its done i collapsed the plane all those papers are just floating in the astral plane now for you to go pick up

File: 46309041.png (607 KB, 1200x1200)

607 KB PNG

>>37083492
...Thanks. It means a lot that you're willing to look out for me.

>>37083500
Wait. okay, let me see if I'm following this.
The ruling was we had been dodging taxes. Because of that, they filed a lot of lawsuits. So many suits that they collapsed into their own plane of existence. That about right?

In that case, since they're still pending, we shouldn't have paid out settlements yet. SO WHERE IS THE GOLD?

File: 1408698260532.png (208 KB, 338x243)

208 KB PNG

>>37083532
Lawmagus! I've missed you so much! Im sorry about the succubus! I didn't know you conjured her, please help me! Please

>>37083561
Nah, thanks for the offer but I'm happy with how I am.

>>37083521
Two weeks ago I would have said "deviancy is my second name, ahahah".
>>37083513
Carn please, I can only laugh that much before dying and you are not helping.

>>37083571
i was offering a hug to Samantha not you and i would not want a hug from you i dont like you

>>37083553
While I am capable of being a woman in form, genetics and function, I prefer being a man. Not as much hormonal shifts.
>>37083551
I perfect the flesh, you have none, thus I view you as utterly debased. You started the entire thing by belittling my chosen field of study anyway.

>>37083576
The what? What are you talking about? I've only been in this guild for a week!
>>37083573
You collapsed the entire plane of Alara?! That is entirely against transplanar law! Alara is a Class 4 Developed plane, one with sapient citizens with developed cultures! Restore it at once or I will be forced to take legal action!

>>37083585
Stay away from Sam, then. I'm going to tell Fryia. Be warned.

>>37083547
Well since the beuromancers are apparently convinced the vaults are empty I don't see the harm in that.
>>37083551
If you were the bound servant of a proper necromancer you wouldn't have to deal with that you know. Interested in signing a contract of service?
>>37083553
>>37083570
Very well then, not my problem.

>>37083574
holy shit your right what the fucks going on here

>>37083589
Actually, the lass started it by calling me gross.

So it's actually her fault.

>>37083583
I can increase your lung capacity to better allow for laughing and performance in battle. Interested?

>>37083592
Ahw come on, blast the idiot out of existence already!
Captcha Yeess
Se, my personal oracle is ok with it.
>>37083604
Uhmmm... sign me up.

>>37083589
i was talking about the debate between him and cromina which you got into and yes he should not have belittled your field that makes him just as bad as cromina is for belitiling mine

>>37083589
Carnifex, your last book on flesh weaving, bending and warping had many problems with other authors, furthermore we have some doubts that you wrote the book alone but with stolen works of other mages

>>37083598
I dunno, I came from a colony of Skeletons that escaped being enslaved as an undead army,

We got the necromancer that controlled us imprisoned after we got the law on him.

So if you offer pay I might accept the offer.

>>37083609
Yadda yadda yadda, you know, I chose to care more about people recently but something about you really gets under my skin.

>>37083608
We can do that after the meeting, it's an outpatient procedure and requires no incisions. I work miracles of the flesh with my magic alone.

>>37083592
ah shit well that could be hard it would require a deity to be able to put it back i will talk to garl about it but im sure he will want a major favour for this

besides if it was indeed inhabited the inhabitants should be scattered around the planes gets the scryers on it and i think i can round them all up

>>37083623
If you were a skeleton, nothing would get under your skin.......

Skeleton:1
Cromina:0

File: 1246513664225.jpg (83 KB, 600x800)

83 KB JPG

>>37083594
um...while I appreciate the protective shtick and all, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. It-it's not like he's threatening me, so calm down a bit, okay?

Geez, you're as bad as Fryia sometimes with her temper.

>>37083600
That's what I wanted to find out, but they won't let me into the treasury room to actually get a LOOK at what happened.

...I'm starting to think we've been duped.

>>37083635
- you got me.

>>37083618
Pay? Hmm... I would have to make a new contract for that, usually you undead servants are content being protected from paladins and help being put together again if something should happen to them. But I'll see what I can do.

>>37083635
But we're all skeletons...deep inside us

>>37083623
its the fact i defended jenkins i guess

>>37083561
Well surely you've placed them at the exits and spatially locked the place to prevent teleportation out?
>>37083608
I won't be removing his irresponsible body from existence. That would be unlawful. No, this is a matter of transplanar law. I am going to personally see to it that he faces the full penalty of his actions for wiping out millions, even billions, of sapient beings and destroying millenia's worth of artifacts and culture!
He will be taken directly to the Empyreans for an *immediate* consignment!
>>37083634
There were billions of inhabitants, and the plane itself was host to uncounted years of history and important artifacts! Fix this by sunset or I'll have you dragged off to the Council!

>>37083638
Uh, I, ok. But he is threatening you, you can never guess what he thinks. He offered me to have sex right after having seen me for the first time!

File: qb9.jpg (31 KB, 1280x720)

31 KB JPG

So how is the financial situation going, are we still bankrupt?

>>37083652
millenias worth the planes only a few days old are you telling me that place was had retardedly fast time

>>37083648
Nah, been finding your speech pattern irritating for a long time.
>>37083652
Yeah take him to your bosses, let's see if they can sort something out from his babbling.

>>37083616
Oh for fuck's sake, it was a meta-analysis of all other fleshwarping methods and the magical significance of the field. If they actually READ the damn thing, they'd understand that. I gained consent from all parties involved. I EVEN HAVE PROOF OF THIS IN WRITING, GEAS AND MULTIPLE OTHER MAGICAL CONTRACTS!

>>37083658
that was half a joke

ok a 10th a joke

would you belive .36 percent

>>37083638
Really, between me and Fryia, Illya sort of has a few too many important figures in her life having hair-trigger tempers.

>>37083683
Try not to worsen the situation you've gotten yourself in, I am so going to tell both Noel and Fryia!

>>37083646
Yeah, there's a movement going on in the undead masses.

We have to ask for pay before accepting a contract now.

>>37083647
That's the spirit!

>>37083698
honestly you need to write down the relationship between all of you its impossible to work out how you know each other

>>37083666
Alara is an ancient plane, the conflux of it happened thousands of years ago!
Are you telling me that you destroyed the wrong plane?!?
>>37083674
I've got more than half a mind!! Tuypo, you fix this at once!

>>37083665
Quite so, I'm afraid. My department is currently working on a loophole which, if executed properly, should legally make the Elemental Plane of Cash the property of a certain arch-mage and his shareholders, but it's still going through the department of Forms and Admissions, so it may take a while. In the meantime, everyone should spend some quality time with their souls. Just, you know, in case.

>>37083710
Check the 1d4chanomicon page, someone is working on it recently, it seems.
>>37083712
Go for the throat sister!

>>37083700
noel only kind of cares as long as i dont try anything with you i will be fine and trust me i have no intent to you have made the fact you have no interest in me clear im not the type to persist on somebody who does not want me

>>37083665
Your department was always bankrupt as I remember
>>37083652
With new cuts in budgets after we used our fundings on building new rooms for gaint books that are giant version of arcane tomes we can't even control all the exists, for example we portal all the portal to other planes, like plane of bureaucracy, we can't keep them all under surveillance

>>37083714
That would cause massive inflation! We can't simply bring in new money, it would devalue the currency and lead to economic collapse on such a scale!
In any case, I am only on temporary assignment at the guild so I would appreciate you not taking my soul.

>>37083710
Fryia = my wife
Illya = my adopted drow princess daughter
Sam = my apprentice
You = shithead

>>37083698
I don't mind really, to be fair.
On a more pressing matter, Soros and Cromina and the Ex-head of necromancy say you should explain to me what is a "lesbian" I for one think it is some kind of yugoloth.

>>37083712
but i thought they said it was created when the lawsuits collapsed wait a second we have worked out we cant auctualy be broke could i have been lied to again and tricked into destroying an ancient plane

no i dont belive you it colapsed far to easy for it to be that old

unless somebody weakened it beforehand and oh god i have ruined the lives of millions of people oh god

This meeting is killing my sides guys.
>>37083745
Here we go again.

>>37083736
Really? I can't see anything there, what is the page called?

>>37083742
ah that makes sense

File: Spoiler Image (138 KB, 863x702)

138 KB JPG

>>37083752
This was planned?! But who would do... wait a minute...

BOOOLAAAAAAAS!!!

>>37083752
>unless somebody weakened it beforehand and oh god i have ruined the lives of millions of people oh god
You do not sound contrite at all.

>>37083745
a lesbian is a woman who is sexualy attracted to other females but not other males

>>37083745
We have five thousands books on the theme of lesbians(actually more), I think that might help you

>>37083778
or im sad but i dont blame myself whoevers fault this is is going down though

>>37083745
Lesbiens are female meatbags that are sexually attracted to other female meatbags, despite this making them unable to reproduce.

>>37083745
Urk.
OK, ummm-
>>37083758
Cromina, you have center stage!

File: 12675218.jpg (103 KB, 650x650)

103 KB JPG

>>37083771
Aaaand suddenly everything makes sense. Fucking Nicol Bolas threw out the bait and we fell for it hook, line and sinker.

...That STILL doesn't explain where all the gold went.

>>37083771
OH NAY, not him!
>>37083779
>>37083785
>>37083788
>hits them on their heads
shut up, this is gonna be funny if noel has to explain herself I think -
>>37083790
WHAT?

Hey lawmages, can one of you come to the police station with me? I can't explain to them that I wasn't speeding, but actually just shortening the road.

Anyway, I'm back. Actually, I'm going to the cafeteria first. brb

>>37083796
im guessing he stole it to keep him off his trail for longer

where the fuck are all the scryers we need to save those people

File: qb5.jpg (96 KB, 620x349)

96 KB JPG

>>37083714
Tell me when it's done, these new classes I have to teach are boring me.
>>37083736
Actually during my time as the head of the Witchcraft Faculty I managed to ensure all my departments funding comes from there. So unless Fryia finds out and does something about that the economic situation the economic situation of my department not my problem.

>>37083736
Why did you go and waste your funding on that? Well I haven't time for theft right now, I'll send a couple inquisitorcerers down. I'm busy with total planar destruction!
>>37083796
It's simple - Bolas takes the money, the Bureacromancers declare bankruptcy, the plane of Alara becomes mysteriously listed as the plane where their papers are being kept, and so they destroy Alara and Bolas makes off with a relatively paltry amount of gold!

>>37083801
Come on come on don't be shy, lord knows modesty and shame are foreign concepts to you.

>>37083779
>>37083785
... Come again? I... >>37083801 >>37083790
What is going on here?

>>37083725
indeed they have its impresive

>>37083813
Do you want me to send the Phyrexians against Bolas? I have great contacts with them.

>>37083741
First things first: Temporary assignment =\= temporary ownership of soul. I'm afraid you'll just have to hope our plan works.
Secondly, inflation is not something the Bureaumancy department touches on. In fact, we have long since decided to ignore it altogether. Take that as you want.

>>37083813
Fucking BASTERDS! I'm SOOO gonna kill them all- well except for Bolas.
>>37083815
I hate you noel, what am I to say?
>>37083817
Uhm, ehr, eheheh, so you know, about, ehr, beefolks and flowerfolks, ehm, excpet no beefolk is actually involved. Ehm.

>>37083813
The fundings are not wasted, we had to print those books for the equality between normal people and giants
And someone said something about gold, you mean new golden covers for our most precious books ?

>>37083813
or more accurately the plane of alara becomes the plane listed as the plane that is made from the papers

>>37083771
....who?

>>37083840
What is a flower?
>>37083846
Well you helped them too, it is your fault as well.

>>37083853
a miserable little pile of polen

>>37083829
No. No, don't do that. That is a terrible idea.
>>37083840
Well we can't fight Bolas directly unless somehow all of us could planeshift. And we've seen where Mass Planeshift efforts in the past went.
>>37083831
Well don't bother, we've found out where your funds went to!

>>37083849
a big ass scary dragon. I worked for him once, it was horrible. He is a dick like no others.
>>37083853
Help me guys, help me guys, help me-

>>37083853
Here (Gives a book "course of human sexual diversity with illustrations")

File: 37156932.jpg (89 KB, 574x800)

89 KB JPG

>>37083813
That's the thing though - Bolas is a millenia-old draconic planeswalker. Why the fuck does he need gold, especially as small a take as what we'd have?

>>37083831
Are Cash Elementals flammable? Because if they are then I ought to be able to dispatch them without too much collateral damage.

>>37083705
...I'll have to look into that.

>>37083790
Now now, that's not fair to Illyria. Cromina used to be a man and as such has a completely different perspective on the whole thing than someone like you who has first hand experience. Doesn't she deserve to know from the one who knows best?

>>37083869
what i explained lesbians to her you can explain flowers its basic biology in fact shes being lazy get to the library and read a textbook

>>37083876
Thank you, honorable librarian... uh-oh...
>blush from the chin to the points of the hears
>>37083861
kek

>>37083884
that makes sense

>>37083883
They certainly are. I don't see why you would want to, though.

>>37083883
The gold is just a way to get his plan into action, but I have high doubts he'll be returning it.
>>37083849
Suffice to say, he makes Jheska look like an unprepared first-level mage.

>>37083884
Seems like it is not a problem anymore-
-i'm sorry noel please don't hurt me no more, no more.
>>37083862
Fighting Bolas! AH. great bait mate, I rate it eight on eight.
Wait for real? We are screwed.

>>37083924
this must be real ancient history from before we kept any notes on the things we did at all

>>37083924
The Phyrexians are capable of felling Bolas with poison and they have superior numbers, this is why I offered the option.

So we're broke. I suppose I should get back out in the field and recover valuable artifacts.
>>37083894
Well that's the face of someone getting the talk if I've ever seen it.

>>37083937
Everything can be found in the depth of library, of course it takes several days to find the right place were you can pick up the book from time warp conundrum were all such precious book are stacked

>>37083957
>keeps on reading
>skin turns purple

>>37083957
No, what we need to do now is stop that godsdamned dragon who stole our gold and destroyed an entire plane in the process!
>>37083952
But not like that. That can only end badly.

>>37083957
i forgot just how young she was really

my children learn about sex well before they become sexualy mature though i instill science in every last one of them so it does not bother them

>>37083967
Got to the good part already? That was quick.

>>37083952
I won't be that sure, the dragon has more aces than you could imagine in his metaphorical sleeves.
>>37083957
Pierre, pierre! They made me do horrible things, I'm so scaaaared!

>>37083974
the illustrations are magical and able move

>>37083967
Are you OK there fleshy?

You seem to be changing colours which I doubt is good for you.

>>37083981
New Phyrexia is not the only stronghold of theirs, they have MULTIPLE planes in their grasp. All they need is another Yawgmoth to rally behind.

>>37083982
>>37083974
I, I, I, I,I...
... for real?
>>37083987
So those noises...uh-oh...
>Slowly turning red

>>37083972
i guess i should not have assumed she would know what i meant by sexually mature

>>37083894
Ahem, well know that you're up to speed. Still I'm surprised you didn't know what lesbians were, isn't Drow society all about matriarchy and stuff? I'd figured they would fool around at least once in their long, long life times..

>>37083998
All we don't need is another Yawgmoth bossing around the multiverse.

>>37083970
I don't meddle between planes. More trouble than it's worth. Since my restaurant is doing particularly well, I can donate a fair amount. Everyone seems to want a romantic dinner lately. Would fifty thousand platinum bring us closer to being out of the hole?
>>37083981
I for one am disappointed. This was entirely Noel and Fryia's responsibility to explain.
>>37083982
So the whole thing's the good part?
>>37084000
Could be worse, I walked in on my parents once.

>>37084000
dont worry lllyria sex is a wonderfull thing you will soon come to understand that

>>37084010
Ah... ah. Ah-ah. Ah.
>>37084017
...uh.
>blushing intensifies

>>37084010
you would think so yes

>>37083998
Again, doing so is a terrible idea. You know who would be all to eager to become Father of Machines? A certain millenia-old Dragon.
>>37084015
This isn't just a matter of currency, an entire plane was destroyed! Now tuypo said he might be able to reconstitute it, but something must be done!
>>37084017
Tuypo you are an incredibly disturbing man, and I would prefer if you were kept away from all minors in the guild.

>>37084012
Who is worse, Yawgmoth or Bolas? Choose now. I prefer Yawgmoth, he's a man after my own heart. Bolas just doesn't want to learn the magic of life to gain his immortality and power back.

File: 46523451.png (265 KB, 800x800)

265 KB PNG

>>37083909
to kill them so we can harvest the cash from their bodies - wasn't it obvious?

>>37083919
and we don't have any kind of insurance against theft of guild funds?

It's crazy, just a few days ago we had flex-spend expense accounts and were practically giving gold away. Turns out it would have been safer had everyone done that.

...now that I think about it I probably have enough gold to survive without needing to call in any favors after all.

>>37083982
oh dear...

>>37084015
>I for one am disappointed. This was entirely Noel and Fryia's responsibility to explain.
well we assumed she knew what sex was and just did not know it did not have to be between a man and a woman it was an honest mistake

>>37084010
When I was down there a few centuries ago they were doing it openly, didn't even bother to get a room or anything, things must have changed over the years.

>>37084037
Bolas is not entirely compatible with that role, his puppet Tezzeret is however.

>>37084015
Noel dumped it on my shoulders! She KNOWS I am abashed by this kind of things!
>>37084039
Bolas i better. At least he doesn't make an unthinking machine out of you, just an unwitting pawn.

>>37084025
Could fry an egg on your face.
>>37084037
I understand that a plane was destroyed, but I can't really do much about that. I've only got a trickle of power available to use outside of a few schools of magic. I'll help with our problems on this plane, anywhere else I'm going to be out of my league.

>>37084043
... help me...

>>37084037
hey i said im not a pedophile it does not count as pedophilia if you are attracted to all people regardless of age

besides i was not coming onto her i was acting as a friend telling her all the fun she would have with other people that werent me

>>37084058
Are you forgetting that New Phyrexia has multiple leaders and massive free will in their volcanic regions?

>>37084039
The fact that you admire Yawgmoth is a little frightening, but that isn't the matter at hand.
>>37084043
Funds change quickly in this Guild, unfortunately.
>>37084074
Mirrodin is a lost cause, but its new denizens are divided and weak. There is not the place we must worry about.
The problem is not Phyrexia, it is Bolas! We shall leave the Phyrexians for another time.

>>37084074
A new Yawgmoth and the concept of free will don't mesh that well, you know?

>>37084058
Now that's just cruel. You haven't even caused her to be kidnapped before!
>>37084068
Oh, that reminds me. We need to talk about the state of your former home. I trust you've noticed the flow of assassins coming to a halt, yes?
>>37084071
Being attracted to someone below the age of consent, regardless of whomever else you are attracted to, is still pedophilia. Stay away from the younger members of the guild. Period.

>>37084090
Oh, fair enough, how about we go full URZA on Bolas with the Phyrexians. Irony is delicious, is it not?

>>37084089
>problem is bolas
EVERYONE problem is Bolas! We can't just, say pop in and stomp in into the ground, he will make his personal new bitches out of us and while I am mildly turned on by the thought it is still not in the realm of possibility to kill Bolas right now.

>>37084071
Does your character represent any real-life opinions you have?

File: qb14.jpg (21 KB, 624x352)

21 KB JPG

>>37084068
I'm sorry, but what has been seen cannot be unseen. You can however be distracted by it, so look at me, I'm an adorable distraction.

>>37084052
Wonder what happened.
>>37084015
I panicked, OK?!

Okay I'm back with book about Bolas.....AHA...wait...that's not how to defeat them...that's clearly the wrong one
(throws the book on the floor)
I'll be back soon, with the right book

>>37084100
fine i will stay away

besides im not even attracted to those who are not sexualy mature that would be creppy but i refuse to bow to the idea that sexual maturity is measured by age

how old is Illyria anyway

>>37084115
We don't need to defeat him, that would be impossible. But we need to restore Alara, and as a sidenote get back our funding.
>>37084108
As Cromina said, we aren't going to defeat Bolas. Now please, phyresis is not something we want.

>>37084119
You realize that I will never not laugh at you for this, right? I have a moral and civic duty to find this funny.
>>37084129
I believe the book we wanted was how to SLAY bolas.

>>37084100
>closes the book, breathing deeply
T-t-tell me, honorable Conspierre.
>>37084118
Thank you... will cromina be mad at me if I hug you?
>>37084132
I am 165 years old, pervert.

>>37084135
I dropped my nametag in all of this excitement.
>>37084132
Please leave.

>>37084135
Phyresis is curable, you know, just has to be a fleshwarper to give the cure.

>>37084117
well my character does not have the opinions you think he has you seem to misunderstand >>37084132

>>37084100
>>37084144
"WE HAVE THE BOOK ABOUT THAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING FOR YOU?"
(Shout from the far away)

File: qb.gif (667 KB, 499x277)

667 KB GIF

>>37084144
Cromina does by no means possess exclusive hugging rights, you may hug me if you wish.

>>37084144
ok in that case im just confused as to how you did not know what a lesbian is but fair enough

File: 461922320.png (445 KB, 600x800)

445 KB PNG

>>37084129
You don't DEFEAT Nicol Bolas. You just convince him you're not worth picking a fight with. if what Fryia was saying is accurate, then Jake'ness might be in the realm of "not worth it to pick a fight with" but that'd be about it. And even then, I'm not sure.

>>37084068
Uhh....I, I'm here. I don't really know how I can help though.

>>37084158
Do you hold the same opinions?