[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [cm / hm / y] [3 / adv / an / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / hc / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / po / pol / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / x] [rs] [status / ? / @] [Settings] [Home]
Settings   Home
/tg/ - Traditional Games

File: Tallarn on an Ice World.jpg (875 KB, 3888x2592)
875 KB
875 KB JPG
>Be me.
>Tank Lieutenant Abdul of the Tallarn 454th armored.
>Secretary be Abby crossdressing because this regiment doesn’t allow female officers.
>Stuffed socks down my pants.
>Sitting out of the hatch of my Hellhound on Candlemas eve clutching my hot chocolate ration.
>Feel the freezing air on my face and the warmth of the hot chocolate steam while my body is kept toasty.
>The administratum really fucked up this time.
>For some reason we find ourselves deployed to a frozen wasteland of ice and snow.
>This is clearly the job for the Valhallans but at least my Hellhound has a working heater.
>Apparently the Nordican 1225th had a candlemas truce with the orks here 2 years ago.
>Things went well until an insane Enginseer decided to ruin it and the fighting started again.
>Apparently a chaos ship crash landed here a week ago and we were assigned to deal with it along with any green skins we find along the way.
>Maybe their warboss will be willing to give the truce another shot?
>It worked once before, maybe the God Emperor will bless our regiment with a mir--

>The heater just broke.

File: Merry Sanguinala.png (2.13 MB, 1042x714)
2.13 MB
2.13 MB PNG
The Candlemas Truce for those who want a recap

>Be Enginseer Omicron-32
>Assigned to assist Tallarn regiment with their vehicles
>Spending my entire time fixing heaters because we've been deployed to an ice world and they turn them up to max
>Apparently we're supposed to go fight some orks and chaos ships
>Think briefly about how my old tutor, Magos Zeta, told me to get assigned to anything other than the Guard
>Think he's on an explorator ship or something now
>Another heater breaks in a nearby hellhound
>Pray to the Omnissiah for patience
>Be me.
>Lieutenant Abdul Abby
>Freezing my socks off, finished off my hot chocolate but am still clutching the warm mug.
>Convoy comes to a stop near a snow bank and enginseer Omicron-23 starts fixing my heater.
>Most of the regiment mistreats him for being an infidel, at best they anv him like now, at worse… well I’d rather not go into it.
>Always feel a bit bad when I see it.
>Not bad enough to risk blowing my cover though.
>Still, in the spirit of Candlemas I go over to the tank trailer and empty a bit of promethium into the mug.
>I then casually reenter the tank, make sure no one else is around, tap him on the shoulder and offer the warm mug of oil to the tech priest.

“Merry Candlemass Omicron.”
>Most of the regiment mistreats him for being an infidel, at best they AVOID him like now, at worse… well I’d rather not go into it.
>Be me.
>Former young desert planet native that joined the blood pack.
>Former leader of blood jihad
>Former captain of Dhuri Jahell’s wrath
>Currently stranded on an iyse world
>After the machine worshipers started slicing my ship we fled into the crazy place
>We landed on a world covered in sacred iyse
>The surviving World Eaters have already set up a blood arena in the wreckage
>The arena has several ruins carved into the floor that must be filled
>Apparently a holiday they celebrate known as “Khornemas” and they plan on doing a massive sacrifice to their god
>They’re sending out hunts to bring back the strongest creatures they can.
>My transformation hasn’t progressed since we landed
>My forehead still burns and I feel pressure in my temples with two lumps but nothing has emerged
>My sword arm also hasn’t grown any more
>I sit on a throne of brass looking down at the arena
>My back has two lumps on my back make it very uncomfortable.
>The berserker surgeons refuse to remove my mutations saying they are a blessing.
>I hope whatever ritual these warriors are planning will finish my changes
>Be Omicron-32
>Fixing heater
>Suddenly offered a warm mug of oil and the Lieutenant is wishing me a Merry Candlemas
>She's always been the nicest of the Tallarns to me
>Probably because she's hiding being a woman from the rest of them.
>She's hiding it well but they don't have optical mechadendrites
>Probably supposed to report it technically
>Not my jurisdiction, it's not like the machine spirits care anyway
"You too, Lieutenant. I shall be done with this promptly so you may be warm."
>Set down the mug near my workspace so I can finish
>Check over the Hellhound's systems as I finish up with the heater and sip oil with my intake augmetics
>Think something's on the auspex in the direction of the chaos ship but can't be sure
>Let the Lieutenant know there's a return but it's not very clear
>Move on to the next broken heater
>Bez me
>Kaptain uv da Red Orktober
>Da Red Orktober ez all rebuilt and dead killier den eva afta dat scrap with da biggun
>Even took some uv da claws frum da crab and attach em te grab de sea munstas we run inta down er
>Now wez unda da ice looken fur da mythical city of Grotlantis
>Wez gonna get all da shiniez and take da gretchens as me crew te make me sub even betta
>Be me
>Felinid Sergeant Tom
>Be sitting in the back of one of the Tallarn Chimeras
>Be huddled up with a couple other felinids and few Tallarn guardsmen
>All of us are trying to keep warm as possible
>Fething heater broker a few hours ago
>Damn cog-boy has yet to show up to fix the damn thing
>Sent my squads FNG to get the lot of us some hot recaf to help warm us up
>Damn kid nearly spills the mugs all over as awkwardly enters through the rear hatch
>Take a sip
>Its not recaf
>Tell the kid that this stuff ain't recaf
>Kid says that all the mess tent had was this "hot chocolate" stuff
>Take another sip
>Maybe this Candlemas won't be so bad
>It will sure beat last year, being stuck fighting over some fething hive
>Damn street urchins would stop yanking on my tail

Well, its been a good five or so years since i have done any 40K green texts. Hope did not do to bad of a job.
tldr but i know its shit. should've been a recreation of PLATOON (1986) for a squad of Steel Legion soldiers during the 1st Armageddon war.
File: arcticstation.png (3.75 MB, 2873x1080)
3.75 MB
3.75 MB PNG
>Be PDF Trooper Joey
>Chief Engineer of Firn Station XXXV
>The last 34 iterations were slowly buried in ice and go hundreds of feet deep
>Also the only engineer, there's only a dozen personell here
>I think we're the last of the planet's PDF at this point, and that's because we've been forgotten about
>Not many people on this planet to begin with, and most died in the last few years of war
>Have a nice roaring fire in the common room and there's a scraggly tree with tinsel and lights up around the halls
>It's actually quite cosy, even if the wind is rattling the windows of the rickety building
>Sip hot cocoa on the ratty old couch next to the fuzzy TV
>Lord Regent Guilliman should be making his Candlemas voxcast in a few hours
>An extra-strong gust of wind shakes the whole building
>Hear a crash and the TV picture seems even fuzzier than usual
>Wait, it's got no signal at all
>Bundle up in about twenty layers and go outside to the comm tower
>I strung lights all the way up the mast, I'm quite proud of that
>What's not so nice is the mangled ball of scrap metal that used to be our TV aerial
>Feth, that's going to need fixing
>Just need to lug a replacement up there and screw and wire it in
>In this weather it'll be horrible, but simple
>Say, where do we keep the spare antennas?
>Go back inside and check the storage manifest
>They're packed away in....XII?
>Surely it doesn't mean Firn Station XII?
>That's 23 stations down!
>Grumble grumble grumble
>Now where's that hatch with the ladder down?
>Be Felinid Commissar Kate.
>Got a postcard from my cousin Scarlett, apparently she’s spending this Candlemas partying it up with her friends Sergeant Yuri and Zeta-23 on some paradise world thanks to all the money she made as a mercenary this year.
>Meanwhile I’m stuck here in a freezing chimera waiting for the heater to get fixed hunting xenos and heretics.
>Still better than last year were those PDF attacked us out of nowhere.
>Hope the lord general can get a peace treaty with the orks going so we have one less thing to deal with.
>Sergeant Tom offers me something called “hot chocolate” to warm up.
>Take a sip.
>That’s good stuff, ask for a refill.
>Be me
>Lord General of the Nordican 1225th.
>Be once again in my tent on the same God Emperor forsaken ice ball from two years ago in a stalemate with the orks.
>Once again it's Candlemas Eve.
>At least we don't have to worry about a traitor high governor sending waves of PDF after us.
>Been here so long this place might as well be considered a second home world.
>Just finished assigning the Tallarn 454th armored and felinids (I think their planet is Carlos McConnell but it's easier to just call them felinids) to investigate the crashed chaos ship.
>I don't know if the warboss on the other end is the same one that put forth the idea of the truce 2 years ago but a break from the fighting would be great.
>Decide fuck it and order a runner to either bring in a vox or psyker in order to message them.
>If they won't make the first move I guess I will this year.

>Also I still have that farseer's bra, haven't had a chance to return it.
>Be Omicron-32
>Trying to find the next distressed machine
>Quietly praise the Omnissiah for my augmetic thermoregulation systems and martian robe (winter-pattern, extra fuzzy)
>Next broken heater is in a chimera
>For some reason the felinid auxiliaries are hanging out with the Tallarns here without being denounced as mutants
>Maybe it's something to do with one being a commissar
>Maybe it's something to do with the purring and some of them leaning into the Tallarn for warmth
>Seems like the Chimera crews are finding a way to keep reasonably warm
>Nod to the Commissar and start working on the heater
>Really if we could dig in properly this wouldn't be such a problem
>But you'd need an ice worlder or a battalion of Kriegers to make anything sensible out of all this ice
>Maybe we can make a windbreak somehow though
>Finish with the heater
>Vox a suggestion to the Lieutenant about using the vehicle's dozer blades to create a windbreak out of all this snow and ice
>Tell her it'll leave us with a big open area about the size of a scrumball stadium but at least it'll be behind us
>Think to myself that the tallarns probably won't want to play the chaos troops but it would be slightly less bloody than a war
>Move on to the next repair job
File: 20230804_203533.jpg (902 KB, 3028x4096)
902 KB
902 KB JPG
>Be me Lord Morvi Salha of the Night Lords 13th Company.
>Our home the Mourning of Night finally enters into the system.
>We had been tracking a chaos ship signal for a while now.
>The Iron Warriors 681st Siege Company we occasionally do like to work with want whatever is on it as payment for fixing us up with some gear.
>I never say no to more guns, armour and ammo.
>Company relatively expanded since our last excursion.
>Three new ten man claws. Two melee dedicated squads and then one that focuses on range with a heavy Bolter and autocannon.
>Picked up some cultists and traitor Guardsmen of the 98th Night Born to join our band of misfits.
>A squad of Havocs with havoc autocannons and Lascannons.
>Got our bikes all sorted out so we can finally use our six bikers all equipped with chainswords.
>Replenished our depleted possessed squads with ten new possessed marines.
>Promoted a ten man claw squad to a chosen squad.
>The Obliterators got to absorb more guns into themselves.
>Warp Talons got replenished to a ten man squad.
>Zson is having a nice nap and still has yet to turn into a helbrute. Thank Curze he hasn't yet.
>Raptors got new squad members and some fancy toys, mostly in the form of two melta guns and a power fist for Heart Seeker.
>My terminator squad stayed the same only changing out broken armour pieces with newer pieces to bolt in their place.
>Macabre, Xuul, Ignis, Heartseeker, Kharlen and Jakal are all still alive and are currently in the command deck with me as we are making our plans.
>Next to me is the mortal captain of the Mourning of Night Laskar, who I've grown quiet fond of.
>I then begin to speak
"Brothers as you are aware, we have located the planet where the target is, initial scans show Imperial and Ork forces on the world. We will engage them at some point but for now we focus on getting the ship so we can get our Iron Warriors allies what they want in a timely manner."
>My eyes look over to the map staring at the holographic of the planet
>Be Felinid Sergeant Tom
>Damn cog-boy finally
>Would ask him or her (too many metal bits tell which), what the hell took so long
>But I'm way to busy finish my hot chocolate to even bother
>Can tell that the Commissar is enjoying Her's as well
>Tell the FNG private to get more
>By the time he gets back the cog-boy finally has the damn heater fixed
>With heater fixed we start to get a little comfortable back here
>Just when I'm about to settle in for nap, the damn vox starts beeping
>Pick up the receiver
>Turns out the Lord General in all his wisdom wants us to investigate a crashed traitor ship
>What in the Emperor's glorious Imperium is so important about a wrecked traitor star ship?
>Having been in the Guard as long as I have, I learned to stop asking such questions out loud
>Break the news to the rest
>I'm not the only one annoyed that this is how we are spending our Candlemas
>Feth it
> If we are quick enough, we may get back in time for the Candlemas feast
>Order the Chimera's driver to double time it to the crash site

slight correction, i mean to type:
>Damn cog-boy finally showed up to fix our heater

No idea how I forgot to type that out
>Be Major Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>After nearly four years spend relaxing on the paradise world of Happy Ending following the Damnatum Lutum campaign, some dickbag pencilpusher finally decided to pull us off garrison duties and send us to the front lines
>We are being sent to some worthless ice ball where a small army group is supposed to be wiping out some orks, but for the past few years they have mostly been hiding in their trenches
>I secretly approve of any strategy that doesn’t involve fighting, but would rather be hiding on a beach resort than a frozen trench
>Oh well, I can’t have everything
>Besides, after years of upgrades, the Imperial trenches have some pretty good accommodations
>And once they are done assembling the pre-fab structures, our regiment’s billets will be a whole lot better than the Imperial Guard version of “pretty good” (half our regiment are richer than gods and are willing to donate some pocket change to ensure certain standards are met)
>I am currently lying in my gold gilt canopy bed, wearing my silk pajamas, cashmere sweater, and tiger-bear wool house coat, sipping a peppermint hot toddie while admiring the nymphs carved into the nalwood panels of my prefab quarters
>I get a strange feeling of deja vu and remember I once started a Candlemas under similar circumstances back when I was a humble lieutenant
>That Candlemas ended poorly
>Come to think of it, some of the troopers who had been here for a while said strange things tend to happen around Candlemass on this ice ball...
File: Tea Time 002.png (2.78 MB, 1280x1819)
2.78 MB
2.78 MB PNG
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>Cog boy finishes the heater and moves on to fix the one in the in the Felinid chimera next.
>As he leaves he suggests we use the dozer blade along the way to the infidel crashed space hulk.
>Tell him I'll take it into consideration.
>While I'm kicking back with my feet on the heater the vox goes off.
>I pull out the horn, put it up to my ear and find out the Lord General of the 1225th Nordicans wants to attempt the whole Candlemas Truce thing again this year after all.
>We're to change direction and head for the ork camp to work out some details, pick up some boyz, then head for the crash sight.
>Once the heaters are fixed we head out to the ork camp.
File: lightningclaw.jpg (93 KB, 415x457)
93 KB
>Be Lord Morvi Salha.
>After a while we locate the site whilst still in orbit.
>It's fairly far we should be able to drop in and get it though.
>However there are imperials nearby to take note of.
>Grin and begin barking orders.
>Split my forces up into claws.
>1st Claw will consist of myself and my ten terminator elite along with Contemptor Zson.
>2nd Claw will be lead by Xuul and Macabre who will be leading the possessed and Obliterators.
>3rd Claw will be lead by Heartseeker and will be made up of his ten Raptors, ten warp Talons and the six bikers joined along with by Kharlen.
>4th Claw will be led by MoE Jakal and will be made up of the chosen and one of the new melee claws.
>5th Claw will consist of the two new claws one that specialises in shooting and one that specialises in melee, the 98th Night Born and the Havocs.
>I am placing a relatively newer commander in charge of them called Kelthar.
>With the claws all set up I explain the plan.
"3rd claw is to act as skirmishers and scouts. If it gets too hectic focus on falling back but if trapped in a bind call the warp Talons in. 1st Claw and 2nd Claw will be securing the area whilst 4th and 5th claw will wait in orbit until they are called down in dreadclaws if we need to engage in prolonged battle against the enemy"
>All my brothers agree with the plan and so we begin to head to our transports.
>2nd claw loads up in a dread claw, Macabre our MoP clutching ahold of a teleport homer for 1st claw to use.
>3rd claw boards a thunderhawk but Heartseeker orders the warp Talons into the warp as they are better to use as an unseen force.
>4th and 5th hang back getting in their dreadclaws for the time to come.
>Once everything is set I order for 2nd and 3rd claws to launch.
>The thunderhawk speeds off and begins heading surface side as does 2nd claws dreadclaws which are aiming for the target
>Dreadclaw and thunderhawk fire scoring through the sky as it makes planet fall
>Be Ignis
>We're working with the Iron Warriors this time around to salvage the wreckage of a space hulk we previously raided.
>I don't mind since I was pretty good friends with an Iron Warrior back during the crusade.
pic related
>Wonder what happened to him?
>Reguardless Lord Morvi enters the strategium.
>"Brothers as you are aware, we have located the planet where the target is, initial scans show Imperial and Ork forces on the world. We will engage them at some point but for now we focus on getting the ship so we can get our Iron Warriors allies what they want in a timely manner."
>A hololith of the planet illuminates the chamber then zooms in on the space huk crash.
>As Morvi and the leader of the 4th Legion 681st siege company go over where to deploy their forces I notice two things.
>One was the convoy of loyalist guardsmen tanks suddenly changing direction and leaving the map in favor of heading towards the ork camp.
>But the second...

"Lord Morvi. Forgive my interruption. But have you noticed the giant colosseum with a Khorne symbol on the floor in the middle of the crash?"
>Be Lord Morvi.
>Waiting for Macabre to activate the beacon.
>That's when Ignis brings something to my attention on the holomap
>"Lord Morvi. Forgive my interruption. But have you noticed the giant colosseum with a Khorne symbol on the floor in the middle of the crash?"
>Double back for a minute.
>Take a good hard look at the symbol of Khorne and the fact it looks like a colosseum.
>Remember Xuul still has that Khorne Daemon blade we recovered from the Ark of Omen mission.
>Also Macabre is a Psyker.
>Xuul is chaos undivided as is Macabre, not sure what the possessed or the Obliterators are marked by however seeing as they don't talk.
>Grit my teeth under my terminator helmet.
"We'll investigate the area, if anything bad happens we contact 3rd, 4th and 5th claws to come to us immediately"
>Get a vox message from Macabre
"Lord Morvi homers ready when you are"
"Confirmed thank you Macabre. Right then 1st claw prepare for teleportation shenanigans. Zson are you with us"
>See the Contemptor rise up his twin claws hiding a devastating plasma blaster in his right hand and a flamer in his left.
"Come then Brothers let us secure the area below. Macabre activate the beacon"
>Soon enough we are sent down to the surface in bolts of lighting.
>Landing in the ruined space hulk and joining up with 2nd Claw.
>Seems the possessed are being kept under control well by Macabre.
"Brothers we need to be careful when extracting gear from these ruins. Our allies in the Iron Warriors will be deploying shortly to assist us in extracting everything out. However I think this might be former world eater property so whatever you do, try not to awaken anything angry in here"
>Kind of pointless trying to say it to the possessed and Obliterators but at least my terminators, Zson, Macabre and Xuul know.
>Be Khorne
>Those followers I flung at a random planet last year have set up a fighting pit to send me something
>Guess what they want to give me for Khornemas this year?
>That's right more fucking blood like I don't get enough of it regularly
>Maybe I should do what Slaanesh did for their holiday and tell my followers to feed me different emotions on this day
>Before I can think of how to do it Tzeentch bursts into my room and says Nurgle is trying to cook the feast again
>I rise from my throne and follow him to the kitchen to prevent a disaster
>Be Major Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Someone knocks on my door because they need me to sign off on some requisition form
>Fine whatever, open door, sign dataslate, close door
>Looks over at bed
>Trooper Catnip is now sleeping on it, curled into a tight ball
>Somehow she slipped in during the two seconds the door was open
>Stupid little drug-addled hedonistic murder-ninja, that is my bed!
>No idea how she was once a captain, and later a professional mercenary
>I try to push her off the bed and on to the floor, but she is purring loudly and makes a noise that might have been a “no”
>Stupid felinids
>Apparently there is a whole regiment of them on the far side of the base
>Catnip is still not moving
>Fine, whatever
>I pull on an overcoat, boots, and a fur hat and go explore the base
>There are several regiments in this base, but I end up mostly seeing members of my own regiment and the 454th Tallarn
>I wonder if they meant to send the 545th Valhallans, but some dyslexic clerk mixed them up
>Probably for the best, the 545th have a cursed reputation
>Unfortunately the 454th seem to be from one of those tribes where everyone is both a sexually frustrated misogynist and a shrill evangelical
>On the plus side, it looks like half of them are on the verge of dying from hypothermia, and none of them are all that big, so it shouldn’t be too hard to beat up a few to assert my dominance and scare off some of the inevitable swarms of creepy suitors
>Hmmm, I think that one is a woman in disguise, and that one, and that one...
>Not my problem
>I end up in a reserve trench where a bunch of Tallarn and felinids are huddled together next to a space heater that a tech-priest clearly just fixed
>Weird, I didn’t think Tallarn could be near abhumans without freaking out
>Or knowingly touch a female anything without freaking out
>It must be some unusual subculture I haven’t encountered yet, hopefully they don’t get in fights with the “normal” Tallarn
>Either way, not my problem (unless I get stuck in a regimental brawl)
>I suddenly remember that the form I signed earlier was to requisition all tech-priests at the base to help our regiment's tech-priests set up our regiment’s sauna. This seems to me like something that our head tech-priest should work out with the other regiment's tech-priests, but they probably needed my signature for some inter-regimental jurisdictional issue
>I guess that particular tech-priest hasn't gotten the message yet, or is behind on other tasks
>I make eye contact with the tech-priest in the fuzzy robes, passive-aggressively tap my wrist-chono, then go see if the canteen has anything good to eat

I thought the Felinids and Tallarns with a busted heater were in a Chimera? Or is this another group?
it is another group
File: 2 (3) 2.png (1.08 MB, 1372x1044)
1.08 MB
1.08 MB PNG
>Be me
>It's finally Slaaneshmas
>The one day a year were my followers spread giving and joy instead of pain, drugs, and legs
>Already I can feel my followers across the galaxy giving to charities, assisting those less fortunate, and spreading joy and happiness
>Nurgle arrives with his darling wife Isha
> Of course like every year he immediately goes to the kitchen to cook and Khorne and Tzeench move to block the door
>While they're distracted I slide up next to the eldar goddess
>Be Felinid Sergeant Tom
>Be riding in a Chimera with my squad and some Tallarn guardsmen
>After a few hours of driving through the snow the crash site comes into visual range
>Pop open the top hatch
>Take out my binoculars and take a closer look
>Its definitely a crashed chaos vessel
>The damned runes are making my eyes sore all the way over here
>Then i notice something very concerning
>See some thunderhawk drop ships parked in front of it
>They bear the mark of traitor marines
>No way in hell can we take those bastards on by our selves
>Tell the driver to take us back to camp ASAP
>Get on the vox and call the Lord General of the Nordican 1225TH
Uh... Sir. We have a serious problem. There are A LOT of heretic astartes surrounding the crash site.
>Don't care if tells us to engage or get closer, I'm returning to base
>I'd rather take my chances with Commissar Kate
Ice worlds would most likely technically be desert worlds as well since it's based on average amount of rainfall.
File: Daemonette_commisssar.jpg (104 KB, 800x800)
104 KB
104 KB JPG
>Be Cummissar Dixie Rekt of the Schlick LXIXth
>Be having a mind-breaking orgy in the ice caves of some no name backwater with the rest of my regiment
>Doing warp dust off the tits of a beastwoman while tenticles the psykers summo--
>Suddenly get a huge headache
>A switch in my head just flipped
>And not the one I was expecting given my current position
>It's slaaneshmess eve
>I thought we still had a couple weeks to prepare!
>Ok don't panic, just need to find some presents, nnnnph put first we need to put a pause to this orgy


>We get ourselves cleaned up and I explain the situation to those not directly mind linked to the Dark Prince
>We scour the cave for anything we can give as presents
>I hope the Nordicans and Tallarns like dildos
>Damn it no! THINK LESS SEXY!!!
>We would probably clean them first at least
>It's fine, it's ok, don't panic we still have time
>Maybe give them some of our food?
>Maybe that crashed space hulk or ork scrap city has something we can steal and give to the Imps?
>Thats good, that's alright we can do a stealth mission
>I take a few daemonettes, beast women, and stealthy guardsmen and cultists out of the cave to do a little shop--

>There's a convoy of Imp tanks headed right towards the entrance of the cave
>Ok ok don't panic, try and seem as unthreatening and helpful as possible

>Remember to smile
"Uhhhh Hi."
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>With all our heaters repaired we head out towards the ork camp Commissar Kate riding in my tank.
>Sergeant Tom says his scouts report that the infidel crash sight is surrounded my a bunch chaos mariens
>Looks like we need this ork alliance more than we thought.
>Along the way we bump into a seemingly lost regiment of mutants and infidels lead by a commissar with purple skin and horns.
>On the one hand I'm in a Hellhound and they are filthy infidels.
>But on the other hand we need allies and they haven't actually attacked us yet.
>I ask commissar Kate how she wants to proceed?
>Be Omicron-32
>Fixing a heater in yet another chimera
>When I stop concentrating on that it looks like we've moved
>We're not putting the windbreak into action
>We're moving towards the frontlines
>Sit down and try not to panic
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>For now we decide not to burn the infidels, according to their commander today is a special holiday for them we’re they are compelled by their dark god to help those in need and provide assistance and care.
>Worse comes to worse we can use them as meat shields against the World Eaters or orks.
>Speaking of green skins.
>We reach the Ork settlement and meet with the Warboss.
>He seams very reasonable for an Ork and is willing to ally himself with us and pick up we’re he left off with the Lord General two years ago.
>Apparently the infidels have taken some of his best fighters and he wants them back but doesn’t have enough firepower for a frontal assault.
>That’s apparently where we and the traitors come in.
>The attack is to begin first thing tomorrow morning on Candlemas day as apparently that’s the best day for a scrap to honor their own god.
>I just hope this alliance can last until tomorrow morning.
>Be Stannim Lherzon, esteemed and honest Rogue Trader of the Imperium
>Had some fairly good trading since the Lutum escapade though the smell of fish never quite came out of the lower decks
>Years later, the crew are still finding sand in servomotor bearings and rotting seaweed in wall cavities
>Never quite sure when the exact date is with Warp travel either
>I think it's close to Candlemas, so the crew has strung up decor all over the IJB
>All the bridge crew are wearing corny jumpers at their tinselled stations
>I've got lights all around the brim of my tricorne hat
>Dick and Dom have matching festive hats
>Even Tolria was bullied into wearing a novelty antler headband
>I think she's still fuming about that one but that pout was hilarious and adorable
>Most merchants refused to go near this world, so the Munitorum enlisted me
>Go down to the cargo hold to inspect what we have in all of these paper- and string-wrapped boxes
>Let's see.....hot chocolate, check. Spiked toy bricks, check. Spare heaters, check. Fur hats, check. Suncream, check. Grenades, check. Skis, check. Vials of acid, check. Mince pies, check. Mulled wi--
>There's a loud PING from the cargo door, followed by a CRACK and a CREAK
>None of which you ever want to hear from a spacecraft hull
>Uh oh
>You know that overwhelming feeling that you really should be somewhere else?
>Immediately leg it back towards the door
>A GRINDING and CRASH comes from the door along with a loud RUSHING WHOOSH and MASS CLATTERING
>Close the door to the cargo bay and look out the window
>Thousands of pieces of colourfully packaged cargo are drifting through space towards the atmosphere
>Damn you, unnoticed saltwater rust damage!
>I think this is the right planet, but I still need my delivery receipts to get paid for this
>Better go and start making sure they landed on the right heads
>Hopefully before that psychotic postman I've heard about shows up
>I think the packaging is rated for atmospheric plasma at least
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>I have been on this planet for over two years now
>The weather is alright, but the constant whining from the other regiments is getting annoying
>”Waah, it is cold here”, “Waah, I got my tongue/tits/dick frozen to a piece of metal”, “Waah, when are the other Valhallan regiments showing up?”
>Yes, we are all well aware there are many Valhallan regiments fighting in this sector
>Yes, it is unusual none of them here aside from one small recon company
>I am not consulted by the generals when they make their deployment choices
>Just shut up about it already!
>The current batch of new regiments has to be the least competent so far, including a regiment from a desert world, and two from paradise worlds
>Also, the general is slipping even further into madness
>His latest brilliant decision is to send a mechanized platoon of Tallarns and felinids to go make peace with the orks we have been fighting (sometimes) for the past few years
>The platoon’s lieutenant calls in some favors to get a few of my company’s snowmobiles assigned to the platoon as scouts
>Thanks for nothing you cross-dressing box rider, that is right, you aren’t fooling anyone
>To make matters worse, we somehow get joined by a Slaaneshi warband on the way to join up with the orks, and the lieutenant is somehow cool with this
>Then I remember tomorrow is Candlemas and it all starts making sense
>Weird things happen on this planet around Candlemas
>Really weird things
>My only hope is to try and ride it out and hope it ends in some way other than dying in battle, being executed by the Commissariat, being tortured then executed by the Inquisition, or bound to a table with my every orifice stuffed to the limit with vibrators
>Now I am parked at the edge of the Imperial formation, trying to avoid attracting attention from either the orks or the Slaaneshi
>A Slaaneshi felinid saunters over and offers to “help keep me warm” for Candlemas
>Very tempting, but then I remember some of the downsides of associating with Slaanesh and turn her down
>As she trudges away disappointed, I reflect on the fact that it is kind of surprising that there aren’t more Slaaneshi felinids, they are very vice-oriented
>Then an ork buggy shows up and the driver asks if I want to race
>I head over to the nearest Chimera to see if they have some sort of tanna-equivalent brewing
>I then hear my snowmobile’s engine being revved
>I look back, the gunner from the buggy has stolen by snowmobile!
>My bad, I should have seen that coming
>It doesn’t get very far though
>What appears to be a shipping container falls from the sky and squashes it flat
>Then the top pops open and wrapped presents start flying out
>Normally I would find this strange, but it is par for course for Candlemas on this planet so I shrug and start opening up some presents to see if there is anything good
>Squig pie, nope
>Tricorn hat, too big
>Bikini, wrong size
>Stun grenade, that may be useful
>Candlemas lights, too difficult to carry
>Large dildo, nope (no I didn’t slip it into my pocket, that is, ah, a flashlight)
>Crate of heavy bolter ammo, someone else can take that one
>Canteen...empty, already got one of those
>Flask of mulled wine, tastes a bit weak, but sure, why not
File: IMG_4262.jpg (1.09 MB, 4707x3219)
1.09 MB
1.09 MB JPG
>Be Me
>Krog, Da Boy
> Spendin’ teef at da kan, tryna get stuffed on squig beer
>Hafta listen to dat git, Krumpus runnin’ round wiff hiz holi-dayz speerit
>’E sez deres sum ‘umies what came fer to celerbate sum dum ‘umie holy-dayz, n’ deyz wantin ta skip da fightin’ again
>”Oi!” I sez, “Ain’t we had enuff of a bad time round ‘ere wiffout a good skrap ta keep us from gettin all freezy?”
>Da boss sez to shut me trap, and dat ‘ez got sumfin smart-thinkin’ fer da ‘umies little Holi-dayz
>Appearently, dat sets de ‘ol git Krumpus off more. Talkin’ bout givin presents n’ stuff to da ‘umies. Deyz likes ta gif presents on the holi-dayz
>”Oi boss! I gotz an idea! What if we gave da ‘umies dem bommas we wuz gonna drop on dem?”
>Da boss krumps me in da ‘ead and sez “shut it!”
>Den, e haz a broight idear!
> If dem ‘umies not wantin’ a skrap, ‘ez gunna haff Krumpus giff dem umies da bommas fer prezents!
>Wish I’d thought of it meself
File: Pre-Heresy_NL_Raptor.jpg (193 KB, 416x634)
193 KB
193 KB JPG
>Be Lord Morvi.
>Searching through the ruins for stuff on the Iron Warriors list.
>Apparently they want some discarded butcher's nails for their Mutilator project.
>And a couple other few things I'm forgetting about at the moment.
>Receive a vox message from Heartseeker Raptor champion of 3rd claw
>Play it
"My Lord, we have spotted some scouts on the edge of the Hulk's crash site, the Imperials know we are here. They are a mechanised unit from the looks of things"
"Acknowledged Heartseeker. Engage in skirmish combat if you can, ten raptors, 6 bikers, ten warp Talons and a lord Discordant on Helstalker should be enough to deal with enemies you engage in skirmishes with"
"Understood my lord, Heartseeker out"
>I turn my attention back to the hulk and watch as Zson uses his Contemptor strength to break open a heavy door.
>Possessed are kinda just running about under vague orders from Macabre to keep watch for enemies.

>Be Heartseeker, Raptor Champion
>Order my Claw to begin moving out flying through the air in jets of fire and sounds of engines roaring.
>Can see Headless Kharlen's Helstalker moving at significant speed thanks to it's many bladed limbs.
>Kinda want to go say hello to those scouts we saw especially seeing as they are fleeing.
>They have chimeras sure but two of my squad have melta guns, I have a power fist and so does the biker sergeant.
>Plus Kharlen's gimmick is to fuck with vehicles.
>I like my odds now.
>Order Claw to engage
File: Lets Sleigh Them.jpg (21 KB, 389x129)
21 KB
>Bez me
>Da one and only Red Gobbo
>Afta I failed te sav da humie hive wurld from Scrooge I return te me secrat base uv Grotlantis on da ice wurld
>Get lost en da crazy place an get spat out a year lata
>Fly ova in me slay and see dat da humies here have teamed up with da spikey humies and gits te take out some other spikie ladz
>By Mork I will make sur diz team up lastz as long az possible
>But first I hav a duty
>Land me slay on a roof and scurry down da chimney with me squig sack TM
>Deyz getten a squiggnen if deyz loik et ur not
>Be lord General.
>Wake up Candlemas morning with a yawn.
>Blearily sit up in my cot, get up and stretch.
>Go to retrieve the morning field report and a mug of recaf
>Put on my reading glasses and read through it as my eyes adjust.
>Not one but two new regiments have joined us at our base camp.
>One of which even being Valhallans.
>Apparently the alliance with the orks has gone better than expected!
>Lieutenant Abdul even managed to pick up a Slaanesh warband as well.
>Along with that the 8th and 4th legions have also taken up the fight against the 12th.
>Always good to have Astartes reinforcements backing up our men and women.
>Check the weather report while sipping my coffee.
>It’s raining presents again.
>Put down the paper for a bit.
>There is a squig with a bow tied around its neck sleeping under my tree.
Merry Christmas!
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>Wake up in my Hellhound and step out to check on our allies.
>The orks are in very high spirits apparently being visited by “Da Flashy Git In Da Red Trenchcoat” and many now have squigs as companions or mounts.
>We begin the siege along side the Slaaneshies, and felinids, there’s even a few Valhallans here acting as scouts.

Merry Candlemas Everyone!
>I forgot to mention presents litter the battlefield.
>For now we’re avoiding them in case they contain explosives or something.
>Be Vanessa Flambeau, Schlick LXIXth
>I was formerly a jewel thief, but while meeting with a client, the authorities arrived, and I ended up having to flee with my client through some strange glowing hallway that ended up being some sort of magic portal
>Now I am stuck on some ice ball planet with a bunch of degenerates who call themselves a regiment, but who spend most of their time looting the xenos ruins on the planet or getting into orgies
>So far I have managed to avoid the orgies and drug infused feasts by always making it look like I am doing something else, but sooner or later they will catch on
>In particular, I have been avoiding the individual known as the “Cummissar” who seems to be in charge ensuring all members of the “regiment” have a “good time” as well as follow edicts from someone named “Slaanesh” who I haven’t met yet but may be some sort of imaginary god
>Apparently this Slaanesh wants us to help Imperial forces on this planet who have been trying to hunt them down for the last few months loot some old shipwrecks
>I am not sure I see the logic of this, but I start seeing some possible escape scenarios
>Apparently there may be some fighting, which usually isn’t my thing, but maybe I can loot or steal an Imperial uniform in the confusion
>The regiment uses a bewildering array of vehicles and mounts, including old mining vehicles, salvaged Imperial Guard tanks, bizarre mutants, and long tongued xenos creatures
>I get into a garishly painted wheeled taurox variant and hope for the best
>Be Cummissar Dixie Rekt of the Schlick LXIXth.
>Wake up to a beeping noise and slam it down only to feel a bite on my hand.
>Yank it back and see a baby squig with a bow tied to it gnawing on it.
>Look around at my regiment and find ourselves in a rusted out cargo container with bits of scrap metal bolted to it.
>Memories of last night flood back to me.
>Oh right, we have to help the Imps against the blood god today.
>Shake the little biter off my hand and find a shiny piece of metal to adjust my tentacles in front of before putting on my cap.
pic related
>Wake up the rest of my hung over regiment and we move out with the Imps and xenos.
>I ride in a looted wheeled pink taurox along side Vanessa who acts as the driver.
>Along the way to the battle I notice several presents strewn across the place like jizz on the back of a femboy private.
>Maybe I can steal some later to give to the desert worlders?
>Before I can hatch that plan a Night Lords Raptor lands on my vehicle and reeeees at me.
>I hop out the hatch to stand on top of the vehicle.
>I pull out something vibrating, then toss it away and pull out my power saber.
File: Commissaricat-blu.jpg (933 KB, 829x1000)
933 KB
933 KB JPG
>Be Commissar Kate
>We begin our assault on the crash early in the morning
>Stairing through a pair of magnoiculars I see the khornates are already fighting with two other traitor warbands, now is the time.
>First sending in the ork squig riders and jump troops.
>Then the heretic guardsmen and their menagerie of mutants and freaks
>Finally our own and the Tallarn armor
>Lastly the scout Valhallans to harass, I even got a snowmobile from one to serve as my mount for this battle.
>I look to my left and see the Slaanesh commissar sword fighting a Night Lord on top of a tank.
>Not to be outdone I charge the nearest berserker chainsword revving to cut off his unhelmeted head.

>>Secretary be Abby crossdressing because this regiment doesn’t allow female officers.
Apt misspelling
I think we should keep this thread on Candlemas Day for as long as it is up, even though the IRL day is going to pass us by.

Does anyone else agree?
The general festive period still runs until New Year as far as I care, which lines up nicely with the autosage timer. I think we should.
File: Inquisitor Scrooge.jpg (540 KB, 738x1001)
540 KB
540 KB JPG
>Be Lord Inquisitor Scrooge
>Faithfully serve the imperium against all adversaries; traitorous, alien, and heretical
>Have had a long and successful career burning out heresy wherever it may place it roots, zero tolerance policy for anything out of place
>No heresy may escape the all seeing eye of the Emperor's Inquisition
>Some may question my right to consign billions of souls to oblivion, but what right do I have to let them live?
>Travelling to an ice world where reports of the xenos Red Gobbo and the most serious heresy have come to my ears
>And of all days, today is Candlemas
>Which means the Imperium forces there are probably having fun and pushing the line on what they can get away with
>Bah humbug!
>Be Vanessa Flambeau, Schlick LXIXth
>The regiment spends the night near the Imperial and ork formations because someone somewhere decided we should wait until the morning to attack
>I spend an hour or so discretely watching the Imperial camp, hoping to see a chance to sneak in and blend in, but it seems like a small, close-knit force, apparently more will arrive in the morning
>My “comrades” are already getting wasted by this point, and seem on the verge of starting another orgy, so I sneak back into the taurox, turns the heat to max, and lie down on one of the benches
>”Max heat” ends up not being very warm, and the fluffy pink jacket I have been wearing since arriving on this world isn’t really warm enough for this climate, nor are the black casual wear I arrived in
>However, despite the cold, and the risk of many possible things going wrong in the night, it is most privacy I have had since arriving on the planet, so I fall asleep almost instantly
>I wake up to find several senior members of the regiment standing over me, including the Cummissar her(?)self
>I instantly assume they are here to press gang me into one of their orgies, and I almost have a heart attack
>Then the Cummissar asks if I can drive the taurox
>Not really no, I prefer my escape vehicles to be more slender and fast, but I am not sure if saying no will led to any unfortunate consequences, so obviously I say yes
>It turns out I should have said no
>That way I could have avoided driving (poorly) one of the first vehicles in the mechanized assault on the shipwreck
>Only the orks are ahead of us, and I have no way of telling how far everyone else is behind us
>The Cummissar has her seat raised so she can see out the top hatch, but she hasn’t said anything to me for a while, so I assume heading straight towards the massive wreck is still the plan
>Suddenly several massive figures cut straight through the ork vanguard
>Some are dark blue, some are blood red, some have massive jet packs, some have giant bikes
>One lands right on top of the taurox’s engine compartment and makes a horrible screeching noise
>No idea how its sheer weight doesn’t cause the taurox to flip
>Without thinking, I slam on the breaks, which definitely would have flipped the taurox, but luckily I hit the accelerator instead
>The Cummissar disappears up top to fight the flying creature
>The accelerator now seems jammed and the engine is producing massive amounts of black smoke
>I swerve to avoid one ork truck, and the vehicle is badly jolted as I run over an ork riding one of those bizarre round creatures
File: merym5hyf6p81.png (1.69 MB, 1533x1920)
1.69 MB
1.69 MB PNG
>Be me
>Dunecrawler designation KEN-II “Kenny”
>Think of me as a fusion of the consciousness of the driver and gunner, with the machine spirit acting as the inbetween
>Be back at the Nordican base playing one with my fellow Skitarii while I wait for engineer Omicron-32 to return and install snow shoes on my legs so I may join the final assault
>Last night I saw something zip through the sky to the Lord General's tent and guard barracks
>But it moved too fast to get a lock on it with my Icarus array
>I didn't hear any screaming or gunfire, so I figured it was likely a sensor glitch
>Still I hope Omicron-32 returns soon so I may purge in the Machine God's name
"Draw 4 cards, color change to yellow"
>Be Omicron-32
>Not entirely sure what's going on but apparently we're not fighting right now and I have to go fix a dunecrawler and build a sauna
>Don't know about that last request but I'm not senior enough to argue
>Getting a lift to the nordican base in a chimera and we're passing lots of xenos and chaos
>Not sure why they're not fighting us, decide not to question it in case something changes
>Eventually get there, thank the guardsmen
>Go find the Dunecrawler and him and the skitarii are playing one
>It's nice to see traditions kept up even in a warzone
>Greet the skitarii and the Dunecrawler, then get to work
>Be Raptor Champion Heartseeker
>Was chasing after the Imperials and then landed on top of a pink taurux of some kind.
>A Slaanesh daemonette opens the hatch and looks at me so I take the opportunity to Ree at her.
>She then pulls out her power sabre so I in response pull up my power fist.
>Order on the vox for the bikes and Kharlen the Lord Discordant to harass the Imperials whilst me and my raptors deal with this weird lot.
>Push comes to shove I'll call for the Raptors.
>Be Lord Morvi
>Securing the wreckage when some Berzekers burst out from what I can only imagine was suspended animation and begin to charge us.
>The Possessed charge at the berserkers and I order all terminators to open fire.
>Suddenly start getting reports from Laskar that 4th and 5th Claws have dropped via dreadclaws down to where 3rd claw has been sighted.
>Apparently there's a Slaanesh warband, Orks and an Imperial force.
>For some reason the Imperials aren't attacking us.
>Do. Do they think we are allies?
>Just because it's Sanguinala?
>We're the Night Lords! Curze Damn it!
>We're always on the naughty list for terrorism.
File: 4.jpg (42 KB, 512x512)
42 KB
>Be Cummissar Dixie Rekt
>Dodge out of the way then jam my power sabar into his exposed armpit
"You know you really shouldn't anno--"
>Dodge out of the way of several more power fist attacks while slicing at the joints at every opportunity and opening
>Slipping around like a bar of soap in a prison shower
>Vanessa's doing an excellent job driving in such a hectic battle
>Think maybe she should be my personal chauffeur
>Until we hit an ork speed bump and I go flying up over the raptor's head
>I quickly use my tail and grab the step ladder and fling myself under the taurox and up onto the other side
>About to try and stab the raptor in the back when I look to the left and see we're about to crash into a Leman Russ covered in rapping paper.

Sounds alright with me

The hell you mean the Imperials aren't attacking? Did you even read >>91330357 and >>91332454? I think what >>91334216 means is the SKITARII haven't joined the fight yet.
You right. My mistake, doing this between family stuff.
Read it as Omicron being panicked and new to combat situations, not knowing what's happening.
>Be Raptor Champion Heartseeker
>This daemonette is fast
>Probably shouldn't have announced my power fist but hey kinda have to sometimes.
>It puts the fear of Curze in my enemies
>Her saber stabs into my arm put
>All the while the terrain is slippy due to the hectic driving.
>Thankfully I dig my raptor claws in just as my foe goes over my head due to a speed bump.
>She uses her tail to grab ahold of the taurox.
>Turn to my left and use my jumppack to get the hell off the taurox as a tank is about ready to smash into the truck.
>Also stopped me from getting back stabbed.
>The force probably from rising up probably pushed my enemy back slightly and I watch the collision.
>Let out a vox laughter as I fly off slightly to go help my raptors in picking apart some Tallarn troops they have decided to snack on.
>Then I see dreadclaws descending from the skies and crashing into the battle field.
>Watch as 4th and 5th claw burst out of the dreadclaws.
>The 5 Havocs of 5th claw open fire with their autocannons and Lascannons.
>4th claw led by Master of Executions Jakal and comprises of ten chosen and ten melee Legionaries charge for the nearest enemy whilst 5th just opens fire on the enemy.
>Fairly sure Lord Morvi didn't order them to drop yet but oh well.

Also won't lie mostly was thinking the Guard would attack both the Schlick and Night Lords because both are chaos. So was surprised to see they were leaving the night Lords mostly be.
>Be Ignis.
>Lord Morvi says we will investigate the coliseum later.
>We land in the cover of night and make our way into the hulk, he says the Iron Warriors will join us later.
>We make our ways through the familiar space hulk corridors, bringing back memories of when we fought the genestealers in here.
>I even spot a few scorch marks made by Zara when Isaac “accidentally fell” into the horde.
>We also pass a familiar charred skeleton.
>I pet Zara and say “good girl.”
>Some berserkers charge us, but we deal with them with ease.
>Hard to beat cataphractii terminator armor and clear line of sight against an enemy that always just wants to charge into melee range.
>I hear fighting has started outside and Lord Morvi puts more and more of his focus on directing his troops rather than the mission at hand.
>For some reason he’s very pissed the loyalists aren’t taking an interest in our operation and attacking us directly.
>I point out that it’s actually a good thing since we can get what we need and get out without dealing with additional enemies.
>Speaking of which I report that I hear a pack of flesh hounds making their way down the hallway behind us.
>Maybe killing them will take his mind off this.
>Be Lord Morvi.
>Continuing to rain fire upon the enemy.
>The Possessed have done a nice job in wiping out the berserkers only suffering one casualty out of their ten.
>Still pissed at 4th and 5th claws for deploying without permission.
>Ignis tells me it's probably good that the Imperials aren't attacking us yet.
>Yeah true but I still find it weird considering most have us on wanted lists.
>He then informs me of a flesh hound pack coming our way.
>Oh shit protect Macabre he's out Psyker
>See the angry dogs running straight for us.
>Order all terminators to open fire upon the dogs of Khorne
>See one of their gorehound leaders open it's Jaws and bellow fire at us.
>Fire on Terminator armour
>0 ap and 4str against T5 with a 2 up armour save.
>Needless to say doesn't do much
>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Watch the trails of plasma as the cargo streaks towards the planet
>Well, uh, that could have gone better
>We'll call it the new express delivery service
>But for now, I still need my receipts
>Head to the aft hangar where my new shuttle is
>I just finished paying this one off, if something happens to it like the last one I might just invest in a teleporter
>Has anyone seen Danarius?
>Oh, right, I forgot he got the week off to fend off his mother-in-law
>Guess I'll have to pilot this one myself
>Should really have shaved off this beard before going out
>All right, everyone in?
>No, Tolria, you don't have permission to take those off
>If you don't like it, you shouldn't have accepted and then lost that bet in space poker yesterday
>Streak off towards the planet
>Tune in on the Imperial tacnet on the cockpit radio with a probablu very illegal comms decrypter
>As always, it's chaos
>Of course it's Orks, though there seems to be less fighting than usual
>Would you look at that, it's the Happy Enders
>I'm sure I can stop by the Major for some wine later
>Cruise around searching for where the cargo fell
>One of the secondary thrusters starts malfunctioning and making a funny noise
>Sounds like JING-JING-JING-JING-JING while trailing thick white smoke
>Must remember to yell at the techpriest after this
>Oh well, keep your eyes peeled for the presents, chaps
>Radar seems to indicate they landed in the direction of the Valhallan and Tallarn detachments
>Wait, that doesn't narrow it down very much, does it?
>Be Vanessa Flambeau
>The Cummissar and the dark blue brute, which I now realize is probably some form of corrupted Space Marine (is that even a thing?) are fighting on the roof of the taurox still
>I am pretty sure the spikes on the boots of the Space Marine are actually punching through the top of the taurox as it jockeys for position but my eyes are fixated on what is in front of me and trying to see through the clouds of smoke coming out of the engine
>The accelerator still seems jammed, but at least the vehicle doesn’t seem to be able to go any faster than it is currently going
>I start turning the vehicle to the left so that we don’t end up too far ahead of friendly forces
>But the change in direction causes the smoke billowing from the engine to start flowing directly into my view port, completely blocking my view of anything
>We are probably going to hit something
>Yeah we definitely hit something
>Even with my seat belt on that hurt like a bitch
>I am pretty sure the taurox is ruined, but at least that corrupted Marine seems to be gone
>You know what? I think I am just going to stay here for a while and recover
>Be Bob the Tard Wrangler, Skull Makers Warband
>Although the rest of the former 83rd World Eaters company have mostly gone mad, a few of us still have most of our senses, perhaps even Khorne himself understands someone needs to do the drudge work that can’t be left to mortals
>Forge work, tech work, apothecary work, locking up my more aggressive comrades between missions, I have done it all, and in return, I get punched, kicked, decapitated, disemboweled, and called a “nerd” or a “weakling” on a regular basis
>Our latest mission is to celebrate Khornemas on some no name world where some past event of significance occurred
>Don’t ask me what it was, I am not that much of a nerd
>For the celebration, we carved an arena around the shipwreck that we need to fill with blood
>Luckily carving up blocks of ice with their chain weapons is one of the few tasks my excitable brethren are able to handle. They seem to think they are actually fighting enemies as they do this, no doubt Khorne’s bloody will is planting visions directly into their heads
>Also helping with the construction is a bunch of dumbass tribal and cultist mortals that we use as laborers and fodder sometimes
>Their leader shows some signs of ascending into something more powerful, but I am not sure why Khorne would bother with a whiny little bitch like that. Maybe he will turn into a spawn instead. Until then it is Khorne’s will we treat him with a certain level of respect
>All we need now is something to fight to fill the arena with blood
>Guided unknowingly by Khorne’s will no doubt, some Night Lords arrive on the wreck and start looking for things to loot
>Not a bad start, but too few in number to fill more than a single pool with blood
>I hit the button that unleashes some of my most unhinged brothers from stasis
>That will keep the Night Lords entertained for a while
>There are also a few tribals and cultists wandering the ship, and daemonic entities tend to spontaneous spawn once the fighting gets underway
>Then a warband of orks, Imperials, and those Slaaneshi whores arrives near the site
>All the World Eaters and tribals who were working on arena drop what they were doing and rush out to meet them, as do some of the newly arrived Night Lords
>No you idiots, you need to fight them IN the arena
>I think...
>Who knows, maybe this is Khorne’s will, the berserkers often seem to intuitively understand his will better than I do
>Shrug, hop on my bike, and rush out to join the fight against the Imperial/ork/Slaaneshi warband
>Be Lord Morvi
>Finished up the flesh hounds when more Khorne berserkers and their Cultists begin to charge at us.
>Macabre orders the possessed to go meet them in melee whilst we open fire.
>Xuul our daemon prince also flies along with the Possessed bringing up his Daemon blade to slice into the enemy.
>More berserkers approach from another area so I have my unit of ten terminators focus on them whilst the possessed and Xuul fight the ones they just charged into.
>Contemptor Dreadnought Zson continues to fire his plasma blaster at the enemy but I can tell the old man wants to get in with his claws at some point.
"Don't worry Old Man, we just got to hold them off for as long as possible whilst our Iron Warrior allies gather everything they need from this crashed hulk"
"Fret not Morvi, I can hold back my rage for a long while. Let's just focus on dealing with Angron's sons, I'm just happy to be awake and killing again. Might have to string some of them up as trophies though."
>Both me and Zson chuckle as we continue firing upon the enemy.
File: 8.jpg (41 KB, 512x512)
41 KB
>Be Cummissar Dixie Rekt.
>The Night Lord raptor takes off and Vanessa smashes the pink taurox into the rapped Leman Russ
>Im sent flying forward through the air over the walls of the space hulk
>Come plummeting down and land on something wet
>Shake my head and stand up rubbing by head
>No idea why I'm still in the materium, I guess Slaanesh finds my antics humorous or something.
>Look around and find myself in a khornate colosseum
>Around me are gladiators fighting
>Some human, some ork, some space marines.
>Above the chanting crowd sits a half daemon prince on a throne.

File: Hellhound.jpg (352 KB, 1100x1517)
352 KB
352 KB JPG
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>We begin the siege following behind the xenos and chaos troops.
>As we go in I lower the dozer blade at the front spilling forth a wave of snow to blind our enemies before activating the infero cannon to bun the infidels and produce steam.
>Fighting alongside infidels and xenos is all well and good, but if we "accidentally" burn a couple... well it if fog of war after all.
>Watch as the felinid commissar decapitated a berserker and the infidel commissar sword fights a traitor on a pink taurox
>Well maybe working along side mutants ain't all that bad after all.
>No idea were Omicron is, he disappeared before we began.
>The pink taurox crashes and flings the cummissar into the fortress.
>Well that's one way to get rid of her.
>Just then a new wave of berserksers bursts out of the space hulk.
>I pull out my las pistol and start shooting the ones not wearing helmets before they get in range of our cannon.

Works for me. Candlemas doesn't end till the thread dies!
Also is their a way to archive this so it keeps the snow?
>Be Trooper Zeena al-Farha, 454th Tallarn Armored
>Since I am a common trooper rather than an officer, I don’t need to hide my gender, though many do anyways
>Our tribe back home is deeply conservative, but due to excessive enlistment quotas, they have been forcing some unwanted women to enlist as well
>Me though, I wanted to sign up, there was nothing back home for me other than beating after beating for stepping out of line
>Some of the other soldiers in the regiment don’t care much for our tribe’s traditions either, and either enlisted to escape, or were forced to enlist to get rid of them
>Since arriving on this world, we have been exposed to new ways, to better ways
>First the felinids and their slothful but comforting ways, and then last night, watching the Slaaneshi camp, we saw true liberty
>There is talk among some of the soldiers of trying to defect to the Slaaneshi, but for now, I will settle for eliminating a few individuals who still make life in the regiment miserable for people like me
>Our Chimera is one of many vehicles that rush the enemies surrounding the shipwreck
>Our enemies send in plenty of vehicles to stop us, plus their version of Space Marines
>The battle turns into a quagmire of damaged or trapped vehicles and dismounted infantry fighting among them
>Loose snow blowing around, steam from melting snow, and smoke from burning vehicles has badly reduced visibility
>It reminds me of being stuck in a sandstorm back home
>In the mayhem, I suspect many forget which side they are supposed to be fighting for
>I see some of the red Chaos Space Marines fighting the blue ones overhead, some of the orks are getting excited and attacking everyone, and a few Imperials are attacking the Slaaneshi, though the Slaaneshi are only fighting back to defend themselves
>The main opposition are fanatics wrapped thickly in rags and splashed with blood
>They look kind of us actually, just one more source of confusion
>Be me.
>Former young desert planet native that joined the blood pack.
>Former leader of blood jihad
>Former captain of Dhuri Jahell’s wrath
>Currently stranded on an iyse world
>Currently sitting on a brass throne board out of my mind
>Sure the blood arena was interesting at first.
>But after you watch the 8th green skin punch the head off a cultist only to get his arm chopped off by a berserker and skull ripped out it starts to get a bit boring.
>One of my I guess subordinates informs me that the Imperials have started attacking outside
>Some even being of the same breed of iyse warriors that destroyed by home world and their mutant feline slaves.
>I get ready to rise from my throne and take to the battlefield like I did on my home world, but they inform me that everything is all under control and I need to watch the ritual.
>I still don't know how this is supposed to work or what it's supposed to do.
>Just that we need to fill up this arena with as much blood as possible.
>Also get informed that the warriors who invaded Dhuri Jahell’s Wrath back when it was a proper void vessel have returned to loot.
>At first I think this is the perfect opportunity to face them, but my subborinant again informs me that they've already begun leading them in the direction of the arena so I should just sit back and enjoy the show.
>I would but blood and skulls do get boring after a while, and my sword arm still thirsts for blood of it's own.
I wish something interesting would happen.prayer
>Just then a purpleskinned woman falls from the sky into a blood puddle and rubs her head.
>I have no idea where she came from, but her weapons and fighting style at least look unique compared to the brutal nature of all the other warriors I've seen so far.
>Lets see where this goes.
>I spot my sergeant wrestling with one of the fanatics
>He is one of the ones I hate the most
>I pull out my curved knife and approach stealthily
>Lots of accidents happening today, one more won’t make a difference
>Be Bob the Tard Wrangler, Skull Makers Warband
>It truly is a wonderful Khornemas
>The battlefield is now a maze of broken vehicles, with lots of infantry fighting at close quarters in between them
>No cowardly ranged combat, just up close and personal, just like Khorne wills it
>There are no shortages of enemies to chose from, but Slaanesh is Khorne’s preferred enemy, so I head to where the Slaaneshi are the most numerous
>But if it gets in my way, it is fair game
>Ork – decapitated
>Femboy – sliced in half horizontally
>Tallarn on Slaaneshi felinid yuri session – double decapitation
>Slaaneshi in a wolf suit – crush with foot
>An allied tribal gets excited and shoots me with an autogun – blow him in four pieces with my bolt pistol
>Six breasted mutant – cut in half vertically
>I can do this all day
>Blood for the Blood God!!!
>Be Major Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Wake up in bed next to Catnip
>We didn’t do anything or anything, I just couldn’t get her to move
>Someone has broken into my room and left a few presents on my bed
>Creepy, but okay
>It is not like I wasn’t warned that strange things often happen on this planet on Candlemas
>At least this time I didn’t get dragged through a portal and viola....
>My dataslate beeps
>It is a message from the Lord General’s Office providing an update on the combined attack by Imperial, Ork, and Slaaneshi forces
>I don’t read the rest
”Combined Attack by Imperial, Ork, and Slaaneshi forces”
>My hand tremors as I get severe PTSD flashbacks
>Of course it is Slaaneshi
>It ALWAYS is Slaaneshi
>And fuck Candlemas miracles, no one willingly allies with Slaaneshi unless they are already tainted themselves
>Clearly many of the senior officers here have already been subverted and we are only a short time away from some sort of Chaos ritual like on Happy Ending, or Damnatum Lutum, or Archipelagia, or Tiddius Majoris
>Be Lord Morvi
>My terminators continue to lay bolter fire down on the enemy
>Macabre continuing to order the possessed to full force.
>The Possessed rip apart cultist and berserker alike, maddened by the daemons within them.
>Xuul is splitting men apart left right and centre with his daemonic Khorne blade.
>He backhands a cultist with a claw sending him flying.
>Zson finally gets to charge in, his ancient Contemptor frame is impervious to the damage of chain weaponry.
>He even begins to use the flamer within his left claw to cook alive his enemy.
>Get a vox report from the Iron Warriors, they have extracted 20% of the ship's loot, tells us to keep holding on.
>Can hear bolter fire over the vox from them, seems like they also have to deal with the 12th Legion and their Khorne followers.
>Order my terminators to move up and claim this choke point further.
>Hear Macabre screaming out a psychic spell
>Arc of warp fire flows from his staff into an enemy eightbound disintegrating him.
>Be Bob the Tard Wrangler, Skull Makers Warband
>I am still chopping my way through the Slaaneshi warband
>I belatedly realize many of their costumes have a Candlemas motif
>Santa hats, santa hat cocksocks, antler headbands, jingle bells attached to piercings, candy cane gags and dildos and strapons, red ribbons and bows instead of the usual leather straps
>Creative but degenerate
>Not that it makes any difference in the slaughter
>Bullets, blades, clubs, and chain weapons bounce off my armor, and lasfire does mild cosmetic damage at best
>I shoot anyone I see with a melta or a plasma weapon, and move too fast for the hull mounted heavy bolters or the turret mounted multilasers to get a clear shot
>Admittedly there were a few foes that proved challenging
>A large, fat daemonette in a santa hat proves immune to damage until I ram a grenade down her throat
>A walking Candlemas tree with rapey branches needed to be chopped apart piece by piece
>On several occasions, a flying sledge pulled by human gimpdeer flew overhead and a fat daemonette in a santa costume threw warp bombs at me wrapped like presents, eventually it rammed into a raptor in midair and both exploded into a glittering cloud of tinsel and warp fire
>Just as I was starting to get a bit bored, the snow around me turns red as if blood is soaking up from beneath it. Within seconds the entire section of the battlefield is covered in a few inches of blood
>I have seen this trick before, for someone who claims to hate sorcery, a lot of sorcery-ish things tend to happen on any battlefield that catches Khorne’s interest
>So I am not remotely surprised when everything around me, including myself, suddenly sink into the blood pool like it is a bottomless lake, and then end up teleported through the warp and flung out into the blood arena
>Everyone is soaked in blood, which makes identifying friend from foe harder, and I know from past experience that not one gun will now work, though it will likely take many some time to accept this
>Also, everyone is filled with rage and are soon stabbing and clubbing at each other and the gladiators already in the arena
>I enjoy the view for a few seconds, then shrug and get back to chopping
>Be me
>Dunecrawler designation KEZ-II or "Kenny" to my friends
>A Sicarian Infiltrator and Skitarii Ranger have gotten into a heated debate about weather or not you can place a draw 4 on top of another draw 4 and make the next person draw 8.
>Before any punches start flying Omicron-32 returns
>I wave to him with my servo arm and he approaches then fits me with my snow shoes along with my brother and sister dunecrawlers
>With our snow shoes fitted we are ready to leave the Nordican base and join the fight at the crashed space hulk
File: General Sturnn.jpg (35 KB, 452x418)
35 KB
>Be Lord General of the Nordican 1225th.
>Manage to put on my uniform and armor and exit my tent without waking the squig.
>I should find the trooper who took care of the squig I got last year and let him take care of it.
>As far as I know that squig is still alive.
>Sip the last of my recaff and see the dunecrawlers and skitarii are finally heading out.
>Enginseer Omicron-23 has returned to base as well looking a bit tired, probably from making all those dunecrawlers ready for a winterized environment.
>I offer him my still warm empty mug and say he is welcome to refill if for his own purposes at the fuel depo.
>A rogue trader by the name of Stannim Lherzon landed his jingling arvis lighter on our landing pad kicking up snow right into my face, after the ramp slams down, a red carpet rolls out, and trumpets finish their tune, I welcome him to our little no name ice world and ask if he is here to deliver more hot coco rations?
>Instead he claims to be looking for his lost cargo.
>While talking Major Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment rushes up panicking and demanding a way to get off this planet before it's apparently too late.
File: fire.jpg (3.43 MB, 4288x2848)
3.43 MB
3.43 MB JPG
>Be PDF Trooper Joey
>I really don't want to do that again
>It's cold and dark down there and aerials are heavy
>No matter, the TV is working again
>Isn't it a bit cold in here, even with the fire?
>Place hand on the radiator
>It's ice cold
>Rats, there must be a problem with the heating
>Get a call from Sergeant Oberth in the canteen block
>She apparently cranked the thermo all the way up and now the central heating shed is apparently on fucking fire
>Rush out into the snow with a fire extinguisher and put the flames out
>The heating unit is utterly ruined, charred and half-melted
>Fantastic, I can't fix this
>Trudge to the radio room to find the shortwave
>Fiddle with the tuning knob a bit, I think this is the right frequency
>Let's see if the local Guard units have a spare industrial water heating unit to hand
>A long shot, but it beats freezing
>Pour another mug of hot chocolate
>Shit's running out now too for good measure
>Be Ignis
>Move forward down the corridors shredding the servants of the blood god like a lawn mower through a Tau firing line.
>Xuul has really taken to his khornate chainsword, I think it might even be growing from all the blood it’s getting.
>Zson plowing through cultists like a tank through an orphanage.
>I get to fry several flesh hounds jumping out of a side corridor.
>Macabre screams "WITNESS YOUR DOOM!" and lets loose warp fire.
>Lord Morvi orders us forward to another choke point.
>As we advance I hear a door seal behind us several corridors back… again.
>I open a private Vox channel to Morvi.

“Lord Morvi, I didn’t want to say anything earlier because I thought I was just being paranoid. But we keep getting drawn forward with tempting targets and every time I’ve heard a door behind us close. I think we might be headed for some kind of trap.”
>Be Lord Morvi
>Keep the assault going
>Iron warriors have extracted 40% progress has slowed due to eightbound assaults
>Tell him to hold on we'll assist.
>Receive private comm from Ignis
>“Lord Morvi, I didn’t want to say anything earlier because I thought I was just being paranoid. But we keep getting drawn forward with tempting targets and every time I’ve heard a door behind us close. I think we might be headed for some kind of trap.”
>Hmm, come to think of it he's right
>I do seem to notice that we've been straying away from our possessed and even Macabre and Xuul are no longer in sight.
>We still have Zson with us though.
>Relay back to Ignis
"Duly noted, now that you've mentioned the door, I have noticed that we've strayed away from 2nd claw a bit."
>Order all terminators and Zson to be on high alert as we take up this choke point corridor.
>Curze help me I hope Tzeentch isn't trying pull any fast ones on us.
>I am not having chaotic mutations burst forth on any of our armour or letting that bird fucker turn Zson into a helbrute.
>Be Vanessa Flambeau
>Still be recovering in the taurox
>The taurox starts shifting, then tilting forward alarmingly
>Is the ice beneath the battlefield melting? Why is the snow red?
>I try to unbuckle my seat belt, but panic
>Suddenly the taurox is submerged in blood and blood floods into the inside of the taurox from all directions
>And now I am falling
>And now I am sitting in the snow naked, drenched in blood, and holding a steering wheel
>The rest of the taurox has vanished
>I am in some sort of fighting arena made of ice and blood pools
>There are some other blood soaked people around me who likely just went through the same ordeal, some start fighting one another, others try to run, hide, plead for salvation, or have mental breakdowns
>There are also some gladiators already in the arena who aren’t quite as blood soaked, and who are equipped with nasty looking melee weapons
>Some of them start looking in my direction
>This is really really bad
>There is nowhere obvious to escape to, and even with a proper weapon, there are few people here who I could beat in a fight
>A short distance away is the Cummissar, readying her(?)self for combat
>Despite the fact that I have been avoiding her at all costs since arriving on this world, she is clearly now my only hope for short-term salvation
>I run over to her, cower near her feet, and hope for the best
>Be Ignis.
>We continue on deeper into the Space Hulk till we reach a dark square room with a high ceiling.
>Suddenly both the door I front and behind us closes.
>The floor starts to rise up sparks from the walls being the only illumination.
>The ceiling then opens up dumping tons of blood into the elevator shaft.
>When it comes to a stop we find ourselves in the middle of the blood area ankle deep in blood with snow drifting down.
>Around us are a collection of confused looking Tallarn and felinids.
>Along with a daemonette dressed as a commissar with a scared soldier clutching her legs.
>The stands are filled with cultists and marines chanting “blood for the blood god.”
>Be me.
>Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>Watch a pool of blood spread around the lead Khorne berserker.
>Soon he and his entire squad sink into the red snow like quick sand, along with the pink taurox, and several Tallarn, orks, Valhallan scouts on snow mobiles, and felinids.
>Manage to tell my driver to swerve out of the way of any blood lakes do we don’t also get sucked into wherever they’re going.
>Just then the Skitarii reinforcements arrive.
>The Icarus arrays of the dunecrawlers taking care of the raptors from both legions and the grey aircraft of the Iron Warriors.
>Skitarii replenishing our loses and staying at range.
>We need to get into that arena and stop wherever foul ritual is going on before something worse happens.
File: gnc70twpqy491.jpg (243 KB, 1131x1600)
243 KB
243 KB JPG
>Be felinid commissar Kate.
>Successfully decapitate the khorne berserker on top of my snowmobile with my chainsword sending his head flying through the air.
>His body jets way more blood than should be possible even for a space marine.
>No time to worry about the heretical implications of that though, as a fresh wave of berserker bursts from the hulk.
>I rev my chainsword turn my mount and charge at them alongside the orks, my fellow felinids, and the valhallan snowmobile scouts.
>As I get closer I watch their leader brutalize several servants of slaanesh staining the white snow with their blood.
>When I'm about to slice the nearest berserker the ground becomes as soft as Sherry's fat ass and we sink into the crimson snow.


>When I open my eyes we are falling a few feet and land in a puddle of bloody snow in an arena surrounded by heretics chanting "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"
>All around us are the bodies of orks, humans, and post humans.
>I turn to the right and see the heretic commissar with her presumed fuck slave clinging to her like a lost puppy.
>To the left the floor opens and several marines drenched in blood rise from an elevator.
>No idea what legion they are, but given the bat wings I have a few logical guesses.
>A bell rings and several doors on the sides of the arena open letting in more warriors.
>I rev my snowmobile and chainsword and prepare to slay yet more heretics in HIS name.
>Be Lord Morvi
>As it turns out we were walking straight into the colosseum of Khorne.
>Ah shit
>Cultists screaming Blood for the Blood God
>There's a weird daemonette in a commissar cosplay with a scared soldier round her legs and a cat commissar.
>A bell rings and several Khorne warriors begin to bum rush at us.
>The cat charges at them whilst on a snow mobile.
>Ready orders
"1st Claw rally together let loose your Bolter, flamer and plasma fire upon the enemy! Do not let them get close!"
>Begin to dump rounds of combi bolter fire into the khorneates
>My nine other terminator guards not named Ignis lay fire with combi weapon goodness.
>Zson blasts the enemy with his plasma blaster, his Contemptor frame looming over us to grant us a further intimidation factor.
>Only a Khorneate is stupid enough to charge eleven terminators and a Contemptor Dreadnought.
>Receive comms from 3rd, 4th and 5th claws.
>Admech forces are taking them out somewhat but with assistance from Iron Warrior air support they are holding out.
>Unfortunately the Cultists are all dead and the traitor Guardsmen are limited in numbers.
>Get a message from Xuul
>2nd claw have made it to our Iron warriors allies still extracting materials and are fending off world eater assaults.
>Five possessed left, Xuul is still raging against the enemy with his Khorne sword and Daemon prince physiology.
>Macabre got wounded at some point but is continuing to support the Daemon Claw with spells.
>Iron warriors have extracted 85% of the resources they desire.
>We just got to keep holding out and then we can get the frag off this planet.
>Relay to 3rd, 4th and 5th claws the news of Iron Warriors progress.
>Once I'm done with Comms I yell out to my brothers.
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>Hanging out on a nearby ridge overlooking the battlefield outside the shipwreck
>The Imperials, Slaaneshi, Orks, and Khornates arrived in a wide range of vehicles, which are now scattered all over the battlefield, blocking sight lines and ensuring the fight is broken up into a hundred little melees
>The dark blue heretics arrived mostly by drop-pods and shuttles, but they somewhat foolishly entered the melee rather than fortifying a position
>A vicious three way fight has been going on for the last 10 minutes or so, but it seems to be slowing down just because of the sheer number of losses on both sides
>The surviving dark blue heretics have fallen back towards the shipwreck where they can open fire en masse on anyone who leaves the shelter of the vehicle wrecks
>I have informed the officers on the ground of this, and they are now organizing for a large scale multi-pronged breakout with the remaining vehicles as cover
>They are being heavily harassed by the remaining Khornates though, plus Marines of both flavors and a few overly excited orks
>Also some gunmetal colored aircraft are doing strafing runs, and massive patches of blood are appearing and causing everything on top of them to sink below the surface, foul sorcery no doubt
>On the plus side, some skitarii have arrived to reinforce the Imperials
>It may not be enough though, and the Lord General has been strangely reluctant to commit any additional forces
>Meanwhile the clock is clearly ticking, the shipwreck is now surrounded by a cloud of blood, and glowing red lightning is occasionally shooting up into the sky
>Maybe I should go recon somewhere else...
>Be Trooper Zeena al-Farha, 454th Tallarn Armored
>The fight outside the shipwreck continues
>I have given up trying to partner with a squad and instead hunt based on speed and stealth alone
>Most of my opponents use melee weapons, so as long as I see them first I win
>The rag-wrapped tribals remain the most common opponents, but there are a few others
>Some are barbaric gladiators, wearing just a few symbolic pieces of armor and little if any clothes
>Others are similarly dressed, but wear tanks that inject drugs straight into their blood stream and wear skull-like half masks. These I know are the Jakhals, some of the most elite of the Khornate mortal forces, though still easily brought down with a single shot
>There are also some cultists in blue who fight against both us and the Khornates
>Most of them seem more skilled and disciplined than the Khornates, but not by much
>They look like either gangers or penal legionnaires, or perhaps both, and they like skull and bat motifs, much like the blue Marines they follow
>I jump out from behind a burning vehicle and find myself facing three more of the cultists in blue, but two of them wear partial carapace marked “98”, and the third is a tall woman in a stylized officer’s uniform, with pale skin, black hair, and black eyes
>All four of us fire at once, but somehow everyone is either out of ammo or jams
>Be Major Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>I throw on some warm clothes and head outside to go warn by Colonel of the threat of the Slaaneshi
>Hopefully since we just arrived, no one in our regiment has been tainted yet
>He is not in at his quarters, his aide says he went to check out the landing pad since someone important is arriving there
>That wasn’t in my morning briefing on my dataslate!
>Or maybe it was and I just missed it because of the whole, you know, I was distracted by the whole ALLYING WITH SLAANESH bit
>I run down to the landing pad, but somehow get there before the colonel
>The iconography on the Arvis Lighter looks extremely familiar, but it still takes me a second to recognize it as that of Stannim Lherzon, who I liaised with on many occasions back on Happy Ending and Damnatum Lutum
>Stannim has a way off the planet, and a reputation for not always following Imperial regulations for things like say, helping old friends desert their post
>I admittedly lose my cool a bit in my haste to be off the planet before anything bad happens and end up pushing through both sets of ceremonial guards to tell Stannim in a less than calm voice that we need to leave the planet as soon as possible
>It only belatedly occurs to me that the Lord General is also present and doesn’t look too happy
>Is he pissed off I disrupted the ceremony? That I appear to be trying to desert my post? Or (if he is one of the Slaaneshi, or perhaps even a Khornate) that I am somehow disrupting some sort of sinister plan?
“Well, um, you see, when I said “we need to get of this planet”, I wasn’t just referring to me and Stannim’s lot, I was referring to everyone. I have uh, survived a few major warp incidents, and I have, uh, uncovered evidence onw will happen, uhm, soon...”
>Talking my way out of sticky situations has never been my fortee
>If the Lord General is a traitor, then I just made myself a major inconvenience to him
>If not, well I probably just sound unhinged, and also admitted to some serious exposure to the warp, which many see as a reason to set up a firing squad, or call a commissar, one of whom is already present come to think of it
>There is a long, awkward pause where no one says anything
>Then evil looking lightning bolts start flying into the sky somewhere to the east of us, in the direction of the shipwreck
“See, I told you guys”
> I say shamelessly
>Okay, I didn’t see the Khornate ritual coming, but if it convinces people to evacuate the planet, or at least this portion of it (preferably with me being one of the first to leave), then I will take what I can get
>Who would have thought it would be possible for me to be happy to see a warp incident starting?
>Be Bob the Tard Wrangler, Skull Makers Warband
>I crush the skull of another gimpsuited femboy, then pause briefly to contemplate the unusual behavior of the ritual
>Some individuals are arriving in the arena with their equipment and weapons working fine and their mental faculties intact, others show up with nothing but their now disabled rifles and a strong desire to club something with it, and others arrive (with or without clothes or weapons) having completely lost their nerve. Perhaps the ritual affects some differently than others?
>A thick haze of blood is now covering everything and blood lightning is now shooting upwards from some of the blood pools
>The veil is becoming thinner and more than a few lesser demons start spontaneously appearing, as do some of my recently fallen brothers. Even a few mortal fighters are being reincarnated to fight again
>The tribals and cultists are becoming increasingly aggressive and more and more are jumping from the stands to join the fighting, even the females, who are usually kept out of such things. More than a few show signs of new mutation or daemonic possession
>But then something changes
>I sense another powerful being has intervened to try and disrupt the ritual
>Slaanesh no doubt, her followers suddenly seem revigorated and are redoubling their efforts
>I start prioritizing the slaughter of Slaanesh’s followers even more than I already was
>After downing a few more cultists, I spot a daemonette in an officer’s uniform with a woman at her feet
>No doubt the leader, or at least one of them
>I yell out a challenge and rush in that direction
>Be Khorne
>Slaanesh is flirting with Isha for the sextillionth time
>Me and Tzeentch are trying our best to hold Nurgle off from entering the kitchen and cooking
>Due to Tzeentch’s proximity to me, a bunch of my khornemas rituals are going extra warpy and many of my followers are mutating at this very moment might even have a psyker or two awakening
>Still it’s a small price to pay to stop Nurgle from ruining another kitchen
>I fucking hate Khornemas
I think we are at the 1 week limit and only have a few hours to wrap this up
File: 3 (5)2.png (1.2 MB, 1349x1258)
1.2 MB
1.2 MB PNG
>Be Cummissar Dixie Rekt.
>Be surrounded by blood, with people chanting about blood.
>Even for me this is an excessive amount of blood
>By the dark gods
>Before I can do anything, people start teleporting in.
>Vanessa rushes towards me and drapes herself over my legs begging for my protection.
>The gates around the arena open and several berserkers and other warriors rush in.
>I rap my tail around her waist and pull her into my bosom.
"Don't worry babe, I'll deal with all the big scary men. Then we can pop that cherry of yours."
>One berserker leader challenges my to a duel.
>I flourish my blade with my right and use my left hand to grab a hand full of Vanessa's plump ass.
>Be Slaanesh
>While the others are distracted fighting at the entrance to the kitchen, I finally manage to plant a kiss on Isha
>I think she likes it, but deep down I don’t really care whether she does or not, this is about me
>The thrill of success gives me a boast of energy and I start shunting some of that excess energy to my followers, particularly those who are trying to disrupt the plans of my fellow chaos gods
>I also start granting some wishes of random people throughout the galaxy, but in a Slaaneshi sort of way of course
>Merry Slaaneshmas Everyone!
Sergeant Yuri/ Lieutenant Abby here. Should I do another thread or can we rap up things here with the time we have?
Have this happen after everyone raps up their stuff in the arena.
>Be Lieutenant Abdule Abby
>After hours of fighting with the help of the Skitarii, Nordican 1225th, valhallan scouts, surviving felinids and orks, and my remaining regiment managed to burst through the wall of the colosseum and disrupt the ritual.
>We have no idea what in the emperor's name is going on, but burning everything around us seams to be a good start.
>We leave nothing standing and torch the place.
>Eventually after several more hours on intense combat the blood storm clears and the space hulk is left and even bigger wreck then it was before.
>With the terms of our alliance with the Schlick LXIXth and orks fulfilled we let them leave with the promise to not attack them until tomorrow morning.
>After all it is candlemas after all.
>We head back to base to receive a package from a Rogue Trader that visited while we were away.
>We open it only to find several cases of Valhallan vodka addressed to someone named "Sergeant Yuri" apparently for an outstanding year of service.

Sorry to rap things up so quickly like this but I figure a rushed ending is better than a cliffhanger. Feel free to finish your posts and ignore this if their is time. I hope theirs a way to archive this so it keeps the snow.

Merry Candlemas! See you next time.
>Be Lord Morvi
>Continue laying heavy fire into the enemy berserkers
>Lightning zaps all over the place
>Ah shit this is getting too chaotic for my liking.
>Receive vox from Iron Warriors
>Extraction completed, they are returning back to orbit and their flagship, advise we do the same.
>Get every claw on vox
>Get confirmation from the other claws
>Dreadclaws descend from the skies to pick up 3rd, 4th and 5th Claws.
>2nd claw helping the Iron Warriors and their loot get out of the wreck.
>Xuul reports that he's heading to our location
>Watch as he bursts through a wall, massive daemonic bat wings spread out and he lets out a screech.
>Deafens some enemies as he then slashes with his sword
>Watch as he smites an enemy with the sword
>Rally my terminators and Zson further.
>Begin to push up so we can link up with Xuul.
>98th Night Born Guardsmen commanders say they'll stay behind so we can get out safely.
>Just mere mortals after all
>Not to me!
>Will have to save as many as possible
>Order 3rd claw to save as many mere mortals as possible.
>They'll be able to do so quickly with their superior movement speed
File: 92kx8blhg43c1.png (1.1 MB, 840x857)
1.1 MB
1.1 MB PNG
>Be Slaanesh later on
>Notice my follower Cummissar Dixie Rekt of the Schlick LXIXth (nice) getting some with an absolutely adorable virgin on my day
pic related
>Merry Slaaneshmas to all, and to all a good night.
Still be Abdul/ Abby AKA Sergent Yuri. As always thank you to everyone that kept this going while I was at work. Sorry I didn't post much as this character but I was busy most of the time, or posting as other characters. Some may reappear in the next Valhallan thread, but I don't know when that will be. I know what planets to send them to but not when in my schedule it will work. So don't expect the next Valhallan thread for a while.

It was a lot of fun getting to be new characters here. Once again thank you to everyone that took part and see you next time whenever that is.
Morvi here I'll probably not sure when I'll post the next part of the 221st Penal Legionary's tale but it is on its way. This year's just been hectic you know. Anyway Happy New year you lot
>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Over there!
>I recognise the telltale colours of my containers sticking out of the ground
>Fortunately, there's an open landing pad near by
>After a suitably presentational entry, the Lord General himself comes out to greet us
>Well, that wasn't expected, this must be the command post
>Cocoa you say?
>I think we had some of that, it was in container...uh...
>Pull out clipboard and skim through the manifest
>There, it's in #C-5965-JML-91312886
>A fireball comes streaking through the guards onto the pad, babbling incoherently
>Wait, I recognise that hairdo
>This isn't really the most dignified manner to meet the Baroness, is it?
>Lord General, I believe this officer needs a little time and some hot cocoa to calm down
>Whisper that we'll talk about this and if you really want to be smuggled off world in a bit, alright?
>Realise I still need that damn signed shipping receipt to show the Munitorum
>Delivering that cocoa would be the perfect thing to show for it
>Lord General, if you would be so kind as to provide some assistance in locating this container?
>Gang, with me
>Baroness, wait here on board while Danarius tinkers with the errant thruster
>Raise collar against the freezing wind
>Why do I always end up in the worst of 'holes
>I'm sure we'll be out of here soon

fucking autosage man, I wanted to get at least one or two more posts up but, alas, retarded admins are retarded. Nonetheless, it was good to dust off Stannim again even if the thread wasn't that active (perils of doing this in the holiday season?) and I'll see you next time. That said, Priscillaposter if you're around, would you have preferred to get deposited back at Happy Ending or something else afterwards?
>Be Vanessa Flambeau
>I start feeling all tingly and energized
>The many scrapes and bruises I have gotten since the start of the fight start feeling warm and pleasurable, all my senses are greatly invigorated, time seems to go slower, and suddenly all the blood on my skin simply evaporates (leaving me completely exposed of course)
>I somehow sense there are two opposing forces at play here, trying to change reality in different directions
>The Cummissar seems to notice me for the first time
>She wraps her tail around my waist, lifts me off the ground, and pulls me close
>My face ends up in her bosom and the smell is overpowering
>I find myself wanting her really badly, even though I have seen enough of her follower’s lifestyle to know things will only end in madness and the worst forms of degeneracy
>She says something about wanting to pop my cherry and grabs my butt hard
>I realize I don’t care about the future anymore and spend the rest of the battle writhing and grinding against her even as she fights off multiple opponents
>I also realize that even though I am not a virgin in the traditional sense, the Cummissar probably has a very different definition of the word
>The next morning I wake up back at the cave in a pile with the Cummissar and a number of her followers, feeling equal parts fulfilled, confused, alarmed, and sore
>We did just about everything there is last night, including many things I didn’t know existed
>This is definitely not the path I saw my life taking, but now that I have entered this world am not sure that I can go back
>Maybe if I take it easy the next few weeks, I can find a good balance of pleasure without too much excess
>Then the Cummissar wakes up and announces that the regiment is going on vacation to Slaanesh’s Realm
>Everyone cheers but me
>A portal opens at the back of the cave and everyone rushes into it, I get swept in with crowd
File: Realm of Slaanesh.jpg (118 KB, 1000x626)
118 KB
118 KB JPG
>As I enter I see we are entering a courtyard full of things so degenerate it makes the cave look like a convent
>BadEndorGoodEnd?.Roll Credits
>Be Major Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Stannim tells the Lord General I need to take a break, then whispers that he will get me off-world in a bit
>The Lord General just shrugs
>Either he doesn’t want to do anything suspicious, or he has decided I am just some hysterical Rogue Trader’s tart who never should have been made an officer in the first place
>That hurts my ego a bit, I have generally been considered competent by most for the past few years, and there have been a few times in my military career where I have been genuinely heroic
>But also I don’t want another run in with a daemonette so if it gets me offworld I am willing to play whatever role
>Over the next few hours, Stannim collects several containers that fell off his ship in some sort of mishap and landed around the base (thankfully no one was hurt)
>Then we fly to a site near the shipwreck to find a few more containers
>Thankfully by that point the battle around the shipwreck had somehow been resolved in favor of our forces (and our so called allies the orks and Slaaneshi)
>Well that is one crisis adverted, but I still have a strong suspicion that something very Slaanesh-y may happen on this planet sometime in the near future
>Since Stannim is heading back to Happy Ending anyways, I convince him to take me with him
>I vox the Colonel some bullshit about doing a favor for an old friend, which he accepts
>On Happy Ending, rules don’t apply to rich people (or on most planets really), so I know he will cover for me to ensure there is no bad blood between his own noble house and Stannim’s business empire
>It is not like I was doing much anyways, I was just a ceremonial second-in-command
>A few weeks later I am back on Happy Ending with its warm beaches, perfect seas, and sunny weather
>I decide to go to a remote resort to relax for a while
>They have this awesome spa and massage therapy complex down in the basement, heated by volcanic vents
>I head down there, and get led through the maze of rooms to a massage table
>It is only after I disrobe and lie down on the table that I notice a familiar symbol carved into each corner of it
>Also the masseuse who just showed up is a daemonette
>Fuck my life
>I hate running...

it was fun posting with you guys and dredging up characters from past Candlemas threads, until next time
>Be Bob the Tard Wrangler
>I smash my way through a slow moving cultist wearing just a Candlemas sweater and confront the daemonette in the officer’s uniform
>It is so arrogant that it doesn’t even bother to stop fondling its plaything with its off hand and prehensile tail
>I am deeply enraged by being taken so lightly and swing my axe at them with my full strength
>It blocks with its power saber, demonstrating strength and speed well above that of a typical daemonette
>Several more wild swings end in the same result, and also badly damaging my prized chain axe in the process
>At this point I rush them just to force the daemonette to move its feet
>It somehow ducks and shifts sideways last second so that it and its toy pass safely between my legs
>It cuts deep into my groin and both hamstrings as I pass over it
>This hurts far more than it should
>I stumble for a few steps, drop my axe, and fall face first into the ground while holding the remains of my groin
>I hear a noise behind me and realize the daemonette has finally moved
>It rams its saber deep into my bowels
>Ugh, what a humiliating way to die
>It may be a few centuries before someone summons me back from the dead this time, if ever...
>Be Trooper Zeena al-Farha, 454th Tallarn Armored
>I pick an officer’s saber off the ground while my three opponents draw their knifes or swords
>The female officer says something into her vox-bead as she readies her rapier
>Just as I am charging into the group of them, one of the dark blue Marines with jetpacks lands in front of me, knocks me aside with a casual backhand, and then scoops up the three soldiers and flies away
>As I lie there, I realize the damage to my body is catastrophic and I will die soon
>I only wish I got the chance to experience true liberty, like the Slaaneshi
“Wish granted”
>I wake up in a cave full of Slaaneshi
>It is night time and all sorts of interesting things are happening, though the main focus is a large mattress in the middle of the cave where the leader of the Slaaneshi and some woman are making some sort of love while a bunch of others cheer them on
>Someone comes up to me and asks me if I want to do some lines of warp dust
>I am not sure what that means, but I am sure it will be amazing
>I hear someone else say that we will be going to Slaaneshi’s Realm tomorrow, where any experience is possible
>Well that is just superb!
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>The cloud of blood around the shipwreck is finally gone
>About three hours ago, we finally won the fight outside the shipwreck
>The Khornates fought to the end, while the dark blue Marines retreated back to orbit carrying their few surviving mortal troops. Around this time the blue and metal colored Marines that were in the arena and the shipwreck head back up to orbit as well
>The Imperials and allied forces then remounted into their vehicles and attacked the shipwreck and the arena at its base directly, a large column of the Nordicans finally arrives to assist as well
>To be honest, the blood cloud already seemed to be dissipating even at that point, and parts of it were turning pink and purple
>Still, you got to give credit where it is due, not many would willingly charge into such an obviously tainted area accompanied by Orks and Slaaneshi
>The next three hours consisted of brutal systematic fighting in true Imperial Guard fashion
>First the arena is over-run, which is easier said than done as many weapons stopped working, and a few soldiers became irrational and started attacking their fellows. A few tribals managed to escape in the confusion, but no doubt we will hunt them down eventually
>Then the arena was destroyed through heavy use of fire and explosives, luckily most of it was made of ice
>Then the ship wreck itself was cleared
>Surprisingly it was mostly empty by the time we reached it, though there were some signs of brutal fights between the Khornates and the blue and metal Marines before we got there
>All in all, it was a busy afternoon, the entirety of which of course I spent watching from a high ridge instead of actually fighting
>God-Emperor, sometimes I love my job
>But I am getting rather sleepy, and it is kind of cold standing out here even for a Valhallan
>I find myself wishing I was in a warm bed somewhere
“Wish granted”
>I wake up in some sort of underground love nest filled with Slaaneshi cultists and Candlemas themed stuff
>Luckily most of them are passed out and no one seems to pay any attention to me as I get up and move around
>Ugh, why does something strange have to happen on this planet every Candlemas?
>I gather my gear, slip out of the cave, get my bearings, and begin the long walk back to the base
>At least there are more presents to loot along the way
File: IMG_20231230_224221.jpg (51 KB, 320x197)
51 KB
>Be Lord Morvi
>As we fight off the Khorneates, Heartseeker hails me on the vox
"My Lord, we've gotten the 98th Night Born out. Returning to the Mourning of Night"
"Understood Heartseeker, we will join you soon"
>Hang up and continue to fire
>Meet up with Xuul and we all stand in a big circle
>Macabre calls in, teleport homer ready has me, my terminators, Zson and Xuul locked in.
>Tell him to activate it
>He does so and we all disappear from the area and head back into orbit in bolts of lightning.
>Good to be back in the darkness of our vessel
>Mourning of Night is ready to jump out of the system.
>Hail Lord Urtagen of the Iron Warriors 681st company over the vox
"Good work down there cousin, follow us back to Medrengard, we'll give your payment for a job well done"
"The pleasure was all mine Urtagen, it's always good to do work with you and your company. Happy New Year btw"
"Happy New Year to you to son of Curze"
>With that I cut the feed and order Laskar to set course for Medrengard.
>The Mourning of Night roars to life and follows after the Iron Warriors navy.
>With a classic warp jump the ships disappear from the system
>Perhaps one day they may return to this world. But then again maybe not.
>For now, I Morvi Salha take off my terminator helmet and sit upon my throne of dark metal and flensed skin.
>The cool damp air gently scraping against my pale face, my pitch black eyes turn to my company.
"Come brothers, let us be merry. The serfs should be bringing us out feast any second now"
>I watch as my brothers join me, ready to enjoy the feast.
"Happy Sanguinala brothers. Next year let's traumatise the Blood Angels"

Happy New Year folks and remember Ave Dominous Nox. We come for you
>Be Ignis
>Be facing down an oncoming horde of furries and femboys getting ready to burn them with Zara when suddenly Morvi orders a teleportation and we’re back on the Morning of Night with several new slaves.
>Morvi orders us to clean up our armor and report to the hall for a feast.
>I do so and join him even offering to help cook a few things, not with Zara but the old fashioned way.
>As we feast Morvi suggests next year we should find some Blood Angels to attack.
>I’m down and I know Zara is to, it’s been centuries since I last fought them.
>I wish him a merry Saguinala and happy new year, then bite into the freshly cooked meat.

[Advertise on 4chan]

Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.