These are also the aristocrats. The're immortal as long as they're in their home.

don't tell anyone

the reveal will be much better after the fact

>captured by the goddamn Addams Family

You are doomed.

You don't. It's that simple, broski.

Was the halfling a woman?

I want to know exactly how much I should be masturbating, right now.

>>14628575
>We've got a Gnome Warlord, a Human Fighter (Me, Sword/Board), a Halfling Sorceror, and a Half-Orc Ranger.

Your only hope is to become Uncle Lan Nom, Cousin Slasher, Great-uncle Half-pint and Great-grandmother Helga.

>>14628606
>>14628631
Yeah, that's about what I figured... I was thinking of trying to seduce Morticia/provoke Gomez into a jealous rage, allowing him to name the weapons and me to name the location. I might just see what the rest of the party does/the DM does with it though.

We were actually hired by a local Sheriff to clear out the "haunted house", which is when we ran into (who I now I realize is) Lurch. If I can, I'm going to try to turn them into unlikely allies.

>>14628650
It's the Addams family. You should be masturbating quite furiously.

You might survive if you avoid the daughter at all costs.

>>14628575

You use their quirks to your advantage. It might require one of you to make a sacrifice, though.

Easiest way that I see is for you all to declare that you'll be as boring as possible to them unless they let all but one of you go. The remainder can amuse them/play into whatever they do, then either commit suicide or challenge them to a duel for your freedom.

You might have to cut off a finger and send it with them to get someone to cast Clone or something.

It's a sacrifice, but you'll come back.

>>14628650
The halfling was an old Halfling Ranger, a veteran of the Hobgoblin wars; he was also the only one who wasn't scared shitless at the prospect of leading us to the house.

Sadly, his bravery was rewarded by being cooked and served at dinner time.

honestly OP, there aint a whole lot you can do besides wait it out, and play coy.

but if that isnt your style, let me give you a hint, because i had a DM a few year back pull something like this.

heres my PROTIP: start grabbing and turning EVERY SINGLE CANDLE HOLDER, BOOK IN A BOOKSHELF, ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS (and i mean anything out of the ordinary even for the adams family, you may need to do alot of spot checks). once something opens up, jump in and DONT LOOK BACK! fuck it if its a trap or not, if you know anything about the adams house, there are atleast a minimum of 3 to 4 secret ways out of the house.

aside from that OP, good luck and godspeed.

>>14628575
awesomeness, and..
>>14628673
>Your only hope is to become Uncle Lan Nom, Cousin Slasher, Great-uncle Half-pint and Great-grandmother Helga.
..this!

You just need to act as if everything is perfectly fine.
The whole joke of the Addams Family is that while they may engage in activities that are strange and in opposition to the cultural norm, they are a functional, happy nuclear family.

>>14628695
>>14628674
I don't think anyone can stand much chance against Gomez in a duel, of any kind.

I'd just play along, and see what the DM has in store.

Course of action has been decided; I'm going to keep playing it relatively cool, and I'm going to avoid Wednesday as if she's got Mummy Rot (which I wouldn't put past her). If our Gnome doesn't make a pass at Morticia, I think we should be fine.

>mfw I realized Raul Julia died
>mfw Anjelica Huston is still alive
>mfw Morticia has suffered "a fate worse than death", in her own words
>mfw Gomez left Morticia a widow, and they will not happily molder and rot away in matching coffins for all eternity.

>>14628797
I think you're entirely too vested in that.

...Although, that doesn't mean I'm still not sad about Raul.

I remember the Adams family as being bumbling but evil and apparently having serious political clout to get away with the shit they pulled. I don't think you're in too much danger OP, just don't be rude.

There's only one way to escape. Get someone to become M. Bison. The paradox of having two Raul Julias in the same place will destroy the Adams Family. Just make sure everyone else is outside the house.

As heroic sacrifices go, I think that sacrificing yourself by turning into Bison is a pretty good one.

>>14628732
>The whole joke of the Addams Family is that while they may engage in activities that are strange and in opposition to the cultural norm, they are a functional, happy nuclear family.

They just fucking killed a guy

>>14628923
But in the most delectable way possible.
How can you say no?

>>14628923
1.That was a DM fuck up.
2.The guy they killed was a home invader and if I understood OP attacked their buttler.
3.Halflings are delicious.

>>14628923
What does that have to do with being a perfectly happy, functional nuclear family?

>>14628945
>>14628946
>>14628947
I warned you guys. All y'all fuckers gonna get eaten.

>>14628967
But I'm not a halfling, and I'm not stupid enough to go anywhere near the Addams.

OP, your only hope is to summon a group of individuals who's satanic powers rival that of your captors...you must summon The Munsters!

Stay long enough for one dance, trick Morticia into saying something in French. Escape during the confusion.

Oh, another detail I forgot to mention; Gomez & co. weren't actually that mad at us. From what we gathered, the old guy died of fright (at least, as far as we know) when Lurch was tying him up to take up to the manse. Rather than let good meat go to waste, they handed him over to Grandmama to cook. Of course, BEING the Addams Family, as they are, they could be seething with rage beneath a calm exterior, just to put us off our guard.

They seem like reasonable, well-adjusted people (just like the regular Addams Family). A bit more brutal/macabre, but still the same in spirit.

Also, our mouthy ranger got silenced by Thing, who leapt across his mouth and effectively gagged him when the half-orc tried to interrupt Gomez's monologue.

>>14629141
They are all lying to you. Kill them all and/or find a means of escape and/or recruit The Munsters.

>>14629172
>Trading Addams Family for the Munsters
>Implying the Addams Family are not superior.

>>14629141
calmly and rationally explain what happened that brought you there. Offer to assist them in any way you can.

>>14629229
Should at least distract them long enough to get away.

>>14629127
Cara mia!

>>14629229
>Implying The Munsters aren't just bumbling knuckleheads while The Addams family are bumbling and fucking insane murderers.

You know, the Addams Family credo always struck me as being pretty awesome.

Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc (We gladly feast on those who would subdue us). Space Marine/Chaos Marine credo, anyone?

get mortisha to say something french, make a pass at cousin it, befriend thing, help lurch to realize his dream of becoming a famous singer, give Wednesday the most dangerous weapon you have and encourage her to "show it to pugsley" try to engage Gomez and uncle guy from the basement in a business venture of some kind,

>>14629427
and remember this is not a combat scenario, just lavish them with compliments and roleplay your way out of the situation.
>>14628705
try and use this guys secret exit plan.
>>14629239
and this,

>>14629290
>Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc (We gladly feast on those who would subdue us).

Chapter Master Gomez Addam, with his trusty Bolter named Morticia and his power sword named Fester.

>Seduce Morticia

Dude that will backfire hard. Gomez will challenge you to a danceduel and during it Morticia will turn on you in some fatal way because she only pretended to fall for you because that's how she likes to get Gomez horny.

Have female party member attempt to seduce Gomez (probably by speaking Elvish or some other language), escape while Morticia flies into a cold, calculating, and extremely calm rage, wherein she tangoes with Gomez and they leave a trail of destruction throughout the mansion.

Sadly, you will not be there for the makeup sex (that is, if you have any sense). The angry, torturous, and decidedly kinky makeup sex.

>>14628673
This.

The only way to survive a house of crazies is to dive right in.

You're doomed.

Charles Addams was a weird guy. He collected medieval instruments of death, and his coffee table was a medieval surgical table. He had an affair with Greta Garbo, and he married three women who all looked like Morticia. In general, he was kind of a pimp.

>>14628575

You know, I kept mixing up Morticia Addams with Elvira. Similarly, I find the latter (both) perversely hot.

The Addams family are his most famous creation, but he did many other cartoons. All of them have this kind of macabre weirdness.

When he was twelve years old he wrote to a museum director for instructions on how to build a working suit of knight's armour. Ultimately he settled on just constructing a longbow instead.

This is what he looked like.

Although sometimes he looked like this.

would the Addams Family in WoD be Ashwood Abbey?

>>14633167
While they would gladly fuck monsters, they would never kill them.

>>14633139
the original goth.
>>14633090
well, you'd fuck morticia as well. On a medieval surgical table.

>>14633139
The prototype of the modern Goth Kid.

>>14629545
A CHAPTER WHOSE CREED CROSSES OVER THE HERESY LINE SO MUCH IT BECOMES INVERSE HERESY AND IS NOT LONGER HERESY

YES

>>14633221
>>14633229
>Later, he married his third and last wife, Marilyn Matthews Miller, best known as "Tee" (1926–2002), in a pet cemetery.
I suppose he was. The guy is one of my favourite cartoonists, he was just such a strange, classy guy who drove things in a really unforeseen direction.

One word, OP: "Greed."

>>14633262
Stop reading this thread Mat, we've had enough of your stories.

I like where this thread is going.

>>14635294
>"Roast Halfling! My favourite!"

I'm assuming your sorceror is a Storm Sorceror, so have him challenge Uncle Fester to see how many lightbulbs they can light at one time.

>>14635306
>>14635294
Made specially for you, my dear, by Grandmama. Vous voulez une piece du jambe, mon amour?

>>14635384
CARA MIA...

>>14635393
My dear... We have guests....

>>14635294
>>14635306
>>14635384
>>14635393
This could literally be from OP's game.

>>14635419
>Implying I care
>Implying their presence could change the depths of my love for you, mi amore.

>>14635430
cap for the love of throne

I was in love with Morticia.

The day Gomez graced your village was the most important day of your life. For me.... it was Tuesday.

>>14635513
>Tuesday
>Not Wednesday

>>14635493
Which one?

Okay lets get serious here.

The logical thing to do is play up on their manners. As long as you are reasonably polite, the Adamses are bound by the basic rules of etiquette. (I think. I mean they did cook your halfling but maybe he was an enemy from before.)

Did you kill the butler or just hurt him? Either way apologize, but if its the former a story about how it was a terrible mistake might be taken better than the more truthful, "Uh, just one of those things man." tale.

You want to follow three rules when dealing with this type: One, keep them entertained, two, do not give them a reason to stop playing around, and three, try to be funnier alive than dead. If all else fails, get Gomez's ire up and challange him to some aristocratic test of skill, with your lives as the wager.

And, y'know, don't lose.

>>14635551
Does it matter?

They're all gothic beauties, in their own way.

>>14635590
See >>14629141

The halfling died of fright/heart attack; they decided to cook him so he wouldn't go to waste. Goes back to their credo:

"We Gladly Feast on Those Who Would Subdue Us".

Isn't Mortica a vampire?

>>14635750
Morticia is... ambiguous. None of the Addams family is EXPRESSLY a creature.

>>14635750
Vampires aren't real, dear.

>>14635750
No, none of the Addams are defined supernatural creatures. They're just all... Addams.

>>14635590
This, only recover your weapons and stab them in the back one by one at the first opportunity.
Also, does that ranger have a bow? If so, remove the heads from those arrows and sharpen the bare wood instead. Works like a charm in WoD.

>>14635795
>Trying to kill the Addams Family
>IN THEIR OWN MANSION
>mfw

>>14635795
Why would you make your arrows less effective? Staking them won't do anything, they're not vampires. Can you even kill an Addams? They seem to kill each other all the time.

I fapped to Wednesday in that movie

>>14635808
My first reaction to anyone who just cooked and served up one of my comrades.
Besides, this is why you convince them you're harmless before you shank them.

>>14635814
There's usually an interval before they come back, yes?
Leave an apologetic note and GTFO.

>>14635832

...you have no idea what yer talking about, do you mate?

>>14635832
>shank them
>Still trying to kill the Addams family
>IN THEIR OWN MANSION
Pic related.

>>14635825
Yeah? Well I read your name as Alpaca as Fuck. Top that, brometheus.

Eh, forgive me. I haven't seen anything Addams in forever. And I'm used to games where creepy shit is genuinely nasty as opposed to amusingly violent.
I shall now shut up and let you guys get on with it.

>>14635883

Not gunna lie, broski.

Recommend you pick it up. Great show.

Let's say you had to stat the Addams' though - what would they be? In for instance, nWoD? It occurs to me Fester is actually workable as a Promethean.

>>14635948
>Fester is actually workable as a Promethean.

Actually....yeah, totally workable. Probably a Frankenstein or Tammuz, though you could probably justify Ulgan if you really want to.

DnD Addams Family:

Gomez-> Swashbuckler/Dread Necromancer
Mortica-> Vampire Druid
Fester-> Flesh Golem
Lurch-> Half Giant Awakened Zombie
Thing-> Gomez's familiar.
Puggsly-> Spell Stitched Human
Wednesday-> Half-Vampire Dread Necromancer.

>>14635979
I wonder if they would all work as Prometheans. It's not the first thing that you think of, but it explains why they only get along with other Addamses and why society is so creeped out (and why they don't understand what's not normal) - and why their house is so desolate even in a green neighbourhood.

Shit, this seems to make quite a bit of sense.

>>14635980
>fester-> promethean
>lurch-> flesh golem

FTFY

>>14635980
oh dread necromancer, you are such a wonderful class.

Though now I'm tempted to make a cousin of the Adams who is somehow a binder.

>>14636053
You mean Cousin Itt?

All that hair is just his manifestation.

>>14636053
I mean just look at the man! Adams material.

>>14636010
You'd probably end up having to make both Gomez and Morticia Galateids, Wednesday an Ulgan, Pugsley a Tammuz, and Lurch a Frankenstein. Now that I'm thinking about it, you could probably justify Fester as a Zeka pretty easily.

>>14636128
I'm not so sure about Wednesday and Pugsley, but everything else is pretty obvious. Well, maybe not Fester as a Zeka. How do you figure?

>>14635980
You forgot Mama. She's clearly a witch.

>>14636135
Looks like someone with Radiation sickness, mostly. That and his body seems to generate its own energy (though you could probably justify any Promethean with just that)

>>14636169
It might be better for Morticia and Wednesday to be Galateids and Gomez and Pugsley to be one type too.

Still, this is fune! Thanks for the suggestions.

>>14636135
Also, Pugsley I put at Tammuz because he seems to be apathetic to all of the crap Wednesday puts him through. He doesn't even really struggle or fight back, he's comfortable just to go along with it, fulfilling the Tammuz's humour.

Wednesday was a bit tougher, but I figure with her obsession with death and other macabre things that she would fit the Ulgan best, who are capable of seeing such things.

This thread must live forever, either on Suptg, 1d4chan or at least archive

>>14628575
As long as you can dance the mamushka, you'll be safe. That's how they know you're one of them.

>>14636230
Sadly mamushka has 90% fatality rate.

OP, can I just say...

Your DM is fucking awesome.

>>14636281

>>14628575

Obviously they're a little on edge. Just play like you attacking Lurch was just to say hello. Say that fucking halfling was terribly rude, but at least he won't go to waste now.

Ask them about themselves, what they've been doing. Except Wednesday. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM WEDNESDAY. If you HAVE to talk to Wednesday, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T TREAT HER LIKE A CHILD. Talk to her like you would an adult. She likes that. Observe the rules of etiquette at the table. Offer them a gift. A lot of posters said get Morticia to speak French - this is a good idea. Gomez will get all horny and then you might be able to go.
Be nice to Lurch, give him a present. He's a man of simple tastes, not a simpleton.
Pugsley is harmless for the most part, he might want to show you his corpse collection or something, treat it like a boy showing you his toy soldiers. Wednesday on the other hand - anything she has is trouble. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM WEDNESDAY.
If Fester starts to show you his inventions, and wants to "Demonstrate" them, you should under no circumstances let him demonstrate them on you - tell him you wouldn't dream of begrudging him the first demonstration. When he's... incapacitated... that's your chance to escape.
Seriously, did I mention to avoid Wednesday? Well, DON'T FUCK WITH WEDNESDAY.

>skinglo operation

Yes, Captcha, if they come out of it with just an operation to make their skin glow, they got lucky.

>>14636380
This.

>>14636380
What if I talk to Wednesday about the latest in torture methods used in my homeland, discussing how there's movements (which I am of course opposed to) to introduce quicker, less painful execution techniques in the capitol, and how my mother was the type to collect the bodies so she and I could dissect and analyze them?

Seriously. Play a sorcerer, have your mother be some creepy, possibly fae-blooded witch.

>>14636207
that depends on what character manifestations your playing to, In the tv show Wednesday though smart for her age was a normal little girl with slight interest in odd and odd history, aka the Marie Antoinette doll and the pet spider homer, other than that though she a sweet natured little girl

>>14636430
Given they just cooked and ate a Hafling, they're probably going with the more sinister interpretations.

There is one thing you absolutely have to remember. Above all else.

If you can make a friend of Gomez, he is the greatest bro you'll ever meet.

Dude will have your back no matter WHAT (though he'll expect the same), he'll always be a friendly face in troubled times, he'll help you out if you ever need it, he'll be glad to just sit and chat any time he can spare a moment.

Basically you have a golden opportunity to make the best friend you'll ever have.

I am actually immensely curious to see how OP survives this, if at all.

Also archive this shit.

>Seduce Wednesday
>Fuck her
>Marry her
>WIN

I can't swear you won't be the girl in the bed sadly.

>>14636709
>Marrying Wednesday Addams

You have a strange definition of 'win' there.

Nice knowing you. I'll send flowers. If they ever find the body.

>>14633106

I keep mixing em both up with Patricia Morrison from The Damned/Sisters of Mercy

>>14636738
>>14636709
Ya know, I think it could work.
Granted you would have to make sure you were always, always, worth more to her alive and functional then anything else, but it could work.
Bonus points if she eventually gets a soft spot for you somehow, like the stars aligning.

>>14636738
>>14636709
Fucked to death during kinky BDSM sex with a gothic loli?

I never thought it would end like this...

But I'd always hoped for it.

I was supposed to be studying for exams. Now I have to watch Addams Family because of you... I don't know if this is good or bad.

>>14636793

You lost your character but with honor and pride. (And the jalousy of your team)

Archived.

>>14636785
Yeaaaaah, I don't think there's a man on earth who could actually pull that off.

>>14636777
mmm. Pat Morrison.

*goes to a happy place*

Bought that album 23 years ago, and still listen to it today.

>>14636777
Morrigan, the triple gothess.

It's simple, you just need to call on their age old rivals. You should escape in the ensuing clash.

>>14638057

Someone beat you to it. >>14629043

>>14636907

I heard she works in a school or something now. What I would have given for my high school office lady to have been Patricia Morrison...

Wednesday is 6 years old.
You fucking pedos.

>Hot! daticumi
Captcha, u gonna get vanned

>>14638504
WROOOOOOOOONG

>captcha: wrong. antlo

>>14635750
I know she always had a light pointed at her eyes like Dracula did in the black and white movie.