>>15765985
1000/10, best thread on /tg/

>>15765985

This is Grothar, by the way. I'll just...

I'll just leave it at that.

Obviously you use his ardor to kill him.
Step 1.) Take a level in wizard or sorcerer, learn the spell "Benign Transposition."

Step 2.) Grow a lot of body hair.

Step 3.) Find a bear's den.

Step 4.) Give him a bunch of aphrodisiacs and booze.

Step 5.) Lead him on, out to near the bear's den. Benign transposition with the sleeping bear (A willing target, as it is unconscious), and sneak off as they get down and dirty.

YOU CAN'T LOSE!

cast Sleep, Paralysis and Edwards black tentacles,

give him some of his own medicine

>>15766023
>>15766025

Guys, GUYS!

Jeeze, I'm not looking to torture the poor savage! Let alone lead him on. Pelor only knows what giving him a dose of tentacular fondling would do to his already unsettling feelings towards me.

Look. I just want to find a way to let him down easy. Simply running off with the others isn't possible, because Grothar's got the damn nose of a bloodhound and the tracking skills to match.

>>15766058

Ever consider...declining...or suggesting he take the next humanoid enemy you encounter prisoner?

>>15765985

Nice try OP, but /tg/ is too busy getting trolled in those other two threads.

>>15766084

It's not about declining. Quite frankly, I just find the cross-dressing and man-taking to be more than a little disgusting, and I'd prefer to be rid of him.

I just don't want to KILL or MAIM him in the process. Understand?

And as for why I have no problems with the elf--he's an elf.

thx op i cum on cat it full attack at penis

>>15766116
I pity your loss. Perhaps you could have a dwarf forge you a replacement. Perhaps made of brass with hydraulic engines?

>>15766058
Just say no, good fellow. Be polite about it, and have a wand of prestidigitation on hand. No. Really. If he can hunt by scent, then a temporary illusion of there being no scent, or smelling of something totally different certainly could assist you in escape.

Personally, I just keep one around at all times. You never know where you may need to freshen up- or disguise a scent from your nose.

>>15766113

Recruit the other members of your adventuring band to help you in this endevour. What are their opinions on the matter? Which one could die to save ( the rest of) you?

Become a Wizard capable of casting Wall of X substance (stone or metal, doesn't matter).

Spell out, in huge letters visible from space, "FUCK OFF".

Send it back in time, tag along (there are various ways, use google-fu.)

Levitate the poor barbarian. Awaken him so he can read, if you must.

"HAHA MIGHTY [insertnamehere]; I WOULD *CRUSH* LIKE A TWIG UNDER YOUR EMBRACE! YOU SHOULD FIND SOMEONE WITH A BIT MORE MEAT TO THEIR BONES LIKE A ROWDY LUMBERJACK(I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars!) OR A STOCKY MINER WHOM TO SPOON! HASTE, TO THE PUB, WE'LL GET YOU ALL THE HANDSOME WELL-BUILT ASS YOU CAN HANDLE!"

>>15766013
Fukken saved

>>15766137

Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt.

Besides Grothar and me, we have the aforementioned elf ranger. I actually had him pegged as a woman for the past few months we've traveled together, until this whole damn debacle that resulted in their mutual coming out to the rest of the party.

What else can I say about him? You've met one elf, you've met them all. Very self-important, hopelessly blunt, and named something so incomprehensible that I've just taken to calling him "Biff." Still rather pissed at Grothar for breaking up with him.

Then there's Hepher, the dwarf. Little bit of a nutter that one, insisting he's some sort of Paladin-on-quest instead of just an old drunk whose wife and kids tossed him out on his ass-end. Has strange dreams and calls them divine visions. Still, he's good enough with a sword that we could still handle ourselves without Grothar. Pretty sure he's too dazed to give a shit about this situation.

And then there's Harold, the Kender, and BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, he's actually not all that bad. Apparently he suffered severe brain damage as a child after getting munched on by a mindflayer, curing him of his innate kleptomania. Personally, I think he'd be glad to see Grothar gone. He's always been a bit twitchy around things with too much meat on them, though I'm betting he could bring the 'ole orc down with one of those lightning bolts of his.

>>15766159

Look, I'm not gonna go tell him whose ass-end to plug. Mostly because he could probably beat me to death with my own legs, but also because I'm hardly on the damn moral high ground here.

I just want nothing to do with that sort of...person, nor do I want our band to be associated with it! I feel that, as the unofficial leader, I should get to have some say in this.

>>15766127

While this would make for an excellent backup plan, I'd prefer to settle things without deception.

Odd, I know, ESPECIALLY for me.

The problem is, he's kind of like a dog, Grothar. Unless he knows for sure that we don't want him around, he'll just chase us around the globe like it's some game or something.

>>15766207

So we have a

>Butt hurt every-elf
>Mentally defunct and morally obtuse dwarf
>A fucking Kender that got hit (or gnawed) on the head too much as a kid

I don't think I have ever said these words with such impact before but ...

You're fucked.

>>15766159
Two homophobia threads and two "want to kick someone out because i have issues halp" threads at once. Where's that fucking janitor when you need him?

>>15766273
>>15766159

>The Point
>Your Heads

>>15766253

Well look, it's not exactly as if we're just some barrel full of incompetence!

We've taken down evil cults, placated a rampaging herd of bulettes, saved a farmer's virgin daughter from a coven of hags (I'm particularly proud of that one, though the farmer was...less than pleased with my methods), and at the moment we're busy tracking down a giant Froghemoth that's been plaguing the countryside.

And yet my greatest challenge seems to be telling our barbarian "No" and "Please go away."

Do you know what happened to the last person to tell Gothar "no"?

Neither do I. Once second he was there, the next second there was just a pile of red mush staining the floorboards.

>>15766339

SO I GUESS YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE MISTER I'M AN IMPORTANT ROGUE!

From what I can see, you need this barbarian's raw unbridled man-(woman? what-the-fuck-ever) power. If all you have for raw muscle when going up against a fucking FROGHEMOTH is a dwarf who is afraid of offending someone by being too violent, then it boils down to three things!

You tell him to leave, and you like your ass as it is, and you die.

You get him to leave through some other means, and you die by frog.

OR

You have the froghemoth kill your target.

Which do you think you can live with?

/tg/ with heterosexuell problems/relationship drama:
>partyconflict is good and opens up a lot of roleplaying opportunity. You can have normal conflicts between your characters in the game and still get along in real life normally as long as you aren't a manchild. If a character weirds your character out and you ignore it just because you don't want to offend the person, that's meta play. You should play your character in good fun. Conflict does not always have to end in unnecesary drama and lolbackstabbing.

/tg/ and homosexuell problems/relationship drama:
>lol troll second homophobe thread today piss of learn to roleplay your character should accept him durr

>>15766376

I think you misunderstood me. Hepher, while a little off his rocker, could probably hold his own against the Froghemoth so long as we assist him. Gothar, on the other hand, could probably wrestle the thing to the ground by himself. So, there's that.

Again, I'd prefer not to get him KILLED if I can help it. I find his habits repugnant, but he's still been a good enough compatriot up until the whole "dressing in ladies undergarments" thing.

Perhaps if I could trick him into setting out on his own, on another quest? The question is, how do I word it so that he isn't just going to come back with whatever I tell him to go fetch, like some overgrown Droopy reject?

>>15766441
Girdle of gender reversal. Him or you, either way it'll solve your problem.

>>15766453

Where in the hell am I going to find one of those out in the middle of Backwater Hicks-Country? We've been having trouble finding water without stomach parasites, let alone magical artifacts devised by lonely wizards!

>>15766441

Fine. Fine. Let me just look in my big ol' book of bardery (or, you guessed it, bard-zardry).

Enchanted Chalice ... No.

Dragon attacking hillside ... No.

Prince(-ess) in danger ...

I think I might have an idea so cunning, the many women who I have seduced couldn't possibly see a flaw.

You're good at lying, right? You must be, why else would you have saved that daughter from the hags? Give a long sob story from a traveler you had just 'talked' to, mention a tribe of barbarians in a far away land that has lost the cheftian to be as he was so weak, scrawny, and elven like that he was easly captured by the bugbears (monsters, whatever). They knew of whats-his/her-name's skill and prowress from their tribe, and seek their assistance.

This is a lie, sure, but its one that has the potential to become a truth, so it might just work!

>>15766487

This may be just tempting enough to work! Though maybe I'll downplay the "elven-like" and just go with "lissome", or some word that will actually register in that lump he calls a head. Apparently he broke things off with the ranger due to racial tensions, or something like that.

And if it DOES turn out to be true, then all the better! I could care less what some random band of barbarians does to get their rocks off, so long as they're doing it well away from ME.

>>15766477
Go ask him to get one. Give him a "cunning plan" or something, don't mention the curse, and a fifty fifty chance that he'll try it out of curiosity. After that, fifty fifty chance that he'll like it. Worst comes to worst you get him out of your hair for a while.

>>15766514

Whatever word works. I don't bother being smart and shit, I have women to be smart for me.

Maybe throw in a rumor of a legendary weapon of their choice nearby if you think you can get away with it.

The dwarf agreeing with you will surely seal the deal, and your blushing bride will be off and running.

>>15766514
Tell us how it plays out. You can't leave us hanging!

raised from the dead

>I can barely even concentrate on disarming traps anymore without horrible images of Grothar's well-oiled chest and lace stockings creeping into my peripheral vision.
You gay, son.

>>15766406
Yeah difference is the heterosexual threads weren't going on about how they "couldn't concentrate anymore because they're so heterosexual and wearing clothes traditionally appropriate to their gender".

>>15767817
"FEELS LIKE ME WEAR NOTHIN' AT ALL!
NOTHIN' AT ALL!
NOTHIN' AT ALL!"

"Gaaaah, stupid sexy Grothar!"