AND THAT MEANS NO MORE OLD, ONLY EXALTED. EXALTED ALL THE FUCKING TIME. SO FUCKING EXALTED LYTEK WILL THINK HE FUCKED UP AND NOT CARE. Anyway, here begins my discussion on Exalted.
So yeah, I happen to be playing in a game of Exalted so I am authorized to tell you how fucking awesome it is. Sure, you can play a farmer. A SUPER FARMER EMPOWERED BY THE UNCONQUERED SUN - DID I SAY UNCONQUERED SUN? You bet your pansy ass I did, shit was so cash, he has four arms and can fuck your whole line of mothers while beating the shit out of you. AND THEN HE GIVES YOU THE POWER TO DO THE SAME THING, EXCEPT ON CREATION.
What, don't like four-armed super-powered sungods? BE A LUNAR. OH YEAH, NOW YOU'RE COOKIN' WITH GAS! WHO'S A MAN AND A HALF, YOU ARE. Turn into ANIMALS. SO MANY ANIMALS. TURN INTO A SUPER GIANT COMBAT ALLIGATOR, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. WHAT, DON'T LIKE BEING ANIMALS? Turn into PEOPLE! OTHER PEOPLE! It doesn't fucking matter because you EAT THEIR HEART TO GAIN THEIR SHAPE OH BALLS THAT IS SO METAL
Sidereals are STARFUCKER NINJAS WHO PUSH PAPER WHAT THE HELL THEY CAN TURN YOU INTO AN ARMADILLO WHA<Sealed by order of the Maiden of Secrets.>
WHAT, WANT TO PLAY THE UNDERDOG? IS ALL THIS CELESTIAL MADNESS TOO GOOD FOR YOU? WANNA BE THE AVERAGE JOE WITH A FUCKING FIREBALL FACE FUCK YES YOU CAN BE A TERRESTRIAL. Shoot FIRE! OR WATER! WHO THE FUCK CARES you can DO CRAZY CHARMS WHEN YOU HAVE SOME BUDDIES. MAKE BABIES! THOUSANDS.
Now I know what you're thinking, 'but Jean, isn't this way too awesome?' It is. This is just the beginning, that's just EXAMPLES. It's like looking at a book full of explosions as compared to EXPLOSIONS IN YOUR FACE. But we're getting there. So there's your basic Exalt types and what they do. Discuss! Or wait for EXALTED! PART TWO: WHEN LUNA DOES THAT THING WITH HER TONGUE
You forget that the Lunars are also SECRET HIDDEN SOCIOLOGISTS. So you're not fighting a guy who can go I'M A SHAARK, SUCK MY DIIICK, I'M A SHAAARK, it's a shark that can manipulate your society into whatever the fuck he wants. IT'S SHARK LENIN MOTHERFUCKER.
EXALTED IS LIKE WATCHING GRASS GROW. DOESN'T SOUND SO EXCITING? WHY YES BUT THE GRASS IS ON FIRE, GROWING, WHICH IS TOTALLY UNLOGICAL BUT ARE YOU THE ONE TALKING ABOUT REALISM IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING GAME? NO YOU ARE NOT.
PLAY EXALTED. OR GO TO YOUR SISSY BABYHAMMER-GAME AND LET YOURSELF GET CHOPP'D UP BY A CITIZEN OR GET RAPED BY DAEMONS ENTIRELY MADE OF YOUR CHILDHOOD NIGHTMARES.
It's like someone decided to throw his head through a woodchipper then someone else divined the setting and all that through the way the guys skull fragments aligned.
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